huazhiqingci

I am the Driver The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn't let him aboard. "It's too crowded," they shouted. "What do you think you are?" "I'm the driver," he said. 我是司机 一辆公共汽车已经相当拥挤，还有一个人想挤进来，乘客不让他上去。 “太挤了，”他们喊道，“你以为你是谁？” “我是司机。”他回答说。I'll See to the RestA guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage."Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!""Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back."You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."其余的事由我负责一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。“快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。”“噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。“请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。”Sleeping PillsBob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.""That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"安眠药鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”

WaimanTong

A:what is your name? 你叫啥名？B:Hu胡（谐音:谁）A:you~你B:Hu~胡A:Who?谁？B:yes, I am~是，我就是A:I want to know your name我只是想知道你的名字B:Hu胡啊A:You!你！B:Yes, my name是啊，我的名字啊A:So tell me about it那就告诉我啊B:Hu!胡！A:You! What is your name!? 你！你叫啥名？！B:Hu is my name!我就叫胡A:O~哦三 Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂贵的代价 牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了 能让我们的老师回去吗？ 有一次，一位督学去视察一个只有三间教室的学校。一间教室非常吵闹，因此督学抓住其中一个正在站着说话的人，把他带进另一间教室，并让他站在墙角。五分钟以后，一个小男孩从第一间教室走进来，问道，“您什么时候能让我们的老师回去呢？” 二 Who's More Polite? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

那一缕幸福

Joke，笑话

动漫设计师

去你个头！”小明上英文课时跟老师说：MayIgotothetoilet?老师说：Goahead。小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：MayIgotothetoilet?老师说：Goahead。小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊！听懂“右转”一位在美的留学生想要考国际驾照。考试时因为过于紧张，当看到地上标线是向左转时，他不放心地问道：turnleft？监考官回答:right。于是他立刻向右转……

little1208

One night just before Valentine's Day a woman had a lovely dream about a beautiful necklace.When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it could mean?""You'll find out on Valentine's Day." he said with a knowing smile.On Valentine's Day, the man gave his delighted wife a beautifully wrapped package.Excitedly, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".情人节前一天，一个女人做了个项链的梦。当她醒来，她和她丈夫说：“我刚梦到你情人节给了我一根珍珠项链。你说那是什么含义呢？”。“到情人节那天你就会知道了。”他笑着说。情人节那天，男人给了他老婆一个礼盒。她很兴奋地打开，看到的却是一本书，书名是《梦的解析》。

阳光通宝

一句话英语笑话一：ThisismyseatIt was a woman’s first time on a plane. She boarded the plane and found herself a window seat.After she settled in, a man came over and insisted that she was in his seat. She ignored him and told him to go away."Okay," replied the man. "If that’s the way you want it, you fly the plane."一句话英语笑话二：WhatabigdealA young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I’ve come to install the phone."一句话英语笑话三：OnehundredpercentPatient: Doctor, please tell me the truth. What are my chances of recovery?Doctor: Just one hundred percent! Statistics show that only nine out of ten die of the disease. Now nine of my patients have already died of it. You are the tenth!（微信关注 逗笑库 看更多精彩笑话）

蜜儿桃子1

Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told hispatient. "You only have six months to live."The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes."I can't possibly pay you in that time.""Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months."九个月吧“克拉克先生，有个坏消息，你只有六个月可活了。”医生告诉他的病人。病人惊呆了。“六个月我不可能付清医疗费。”“好吧，”医生说，“那就九个月吧。”

米诺很努力

问题一：嘲笑的英文翻译 用mock at吧。。。laught at 被人用得太滥了。。。用mock at给人耳目一新的感觉，觉得更加地道。。。尤其是用来指用心嘲笑别人。 问题二：嘲笑你用英文怎么说？ Laugh at you 问题三：嘲笑 英文形容词和名词怎么说 嘲笑 英文形容词和名词怎么说 嘲笑 ridicule形容词; deride; jeer at; make fun of; jeer名词 问题四：嘲笑用英语怎么说？？？？？？ 1 laugh at *** 嘲笑某人 2 Ridicule 这使得他们容易成为公众嘲笑的对象。 That makes them easy targets for public ridicule. 问题五：被人嘲笑用英语怎么说？ *** .you 问题六：嘲笑用英语怎么说？ laugh at 问题七：嘲笑用英语怎么说？ 用mock at吧。。。laught at 被人用得太滥了。。。用mock at给人耳目一新的感觉，觉得更加地道。。。尤其是用来指用心嘲笑别人。

miracle11sno

1.Is it a boy or a girlA: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.B: I'm not. I'm her mother.翻译：是男孩还是女孩？A:看看那个留短发和蓝色牛仔裤的年轻人。是男孩还是女孩？B：是个女孩。她是我的女儿。A:哦，对不起，先生。我不知道你是她的父亲。B：我不是。我是她的妈妈。2.Pretty uglyMary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?Peter: I think you're pretty ugly..翻译：非常丑陋的玛丽：约翰说我很漂亮。安迪说我很丑。你觉得怎么样，彼得？彼得：我觉得你很丑。3.Silent fartA man walks into the doctor's office with a serious problem."Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go! As a matter of fact I've had three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?"The doctor replies:"The first thing we're going to do is check your hearing."翻译：沉默的屁：沉默的屁一个人走进医生的办公室，遇到了一个严重的问题。“医生，我在无声气体排放方面有问题。在家里，工作，甚至在教堂，我放出无数的无声屁，无论我走到哪里！事实上，我坐在这里和你谈过三次。我们该怎么办？”医生回答说：“我们要做的第一件事就是检查你的听力。”3.Pay tax with a smileA: I hate paying my income tax.B: You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?A: I'd like to but they insist on money!翻译：A:我讨厌付所得税。B：你应该是个好公民——你为什么不微笑着付钱呢？A:我很愿意，但是他们坚持要钱！4.Take his placeAn attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor."So, what is it?" grumbled the governor."Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."Replied the governor, "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."翻译：代替他：取代他的位置午夜过后，一位律师打电话给州长，坚持要他跟他谈一件非常紧急的事情。一个助手最终同意唤醒州长。“那么，这是什么呢？”州长抱怨道。“Garber法官刚刚去世，”律师说，“我想接替他的位置。”州长回答说：“好吧，如果殡仪馆还好的话，我就可以了。”5.I'm SickOne day Hamid felt very sick and he went to the hospital.Nurse: Hamid, the doctor is here to see you.Hamid: Tell him, I can't see him. I'm sick.翻译：我生病了一天，哈米德感到很不舒服，他去了医院。护士：哈米德，医生来见你。哈米德：告诉他，我看不见他。我病了。向姑姑道歉爸爸：“儿子，你怎么称呼你的阿姨傻？”去跟她说声对不起。”儿子：（走到姨妈跟前）“阿姨，对不起你是个笨蛋。”6.Say sorry to auntDad: "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her."Son: (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid."6.Undying loveGirl: Do you love me?Boy: Yes, dear.Girl: Would you die for me?Boy: No, mine is undying love.翻译：永恒的爱：永恒的爱女孩：你爱我吗？男孩：是的，亲爱的。女孩：你愿意为我而死吗？男孩：不，我的爱是永恒的扩展资料：look at看; 审视; 评判; 接受young person(14-17岁的)未成年人; 少年short hair短头发blue jeans蓝色斜纹布裤子，牛仔裤do you你愿意吗fart<讳>放屁; 讨厌的人; 令人厌烦的人; 蠢人walks步态( walk的名词复数 ); 人行道; 步行的路径; 走，步行，散步( walk的第三人称单数 ); 出现; 陪伴…走; 徒步旅行'vehave 的缩略形式At home在家; 在国内; 在家接待客人; 精通and even乃至

怀念橡皮筋

又短又好笑的英语笑话 总是有些时候莫名其妙的不开心，心情不佳的时候就会办什么都不在状态，你会这样么?这里我收集整理了又短又好笑的英语笑话，让你的心情速速好起来。 A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen. He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and starte. A highly timid little man, Casper Milquetoast, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, 'Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?' A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, 'It's my dog. Why?' 'Well,' squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, 'I believe my dog just killed it, sir.' 'What?' roared the big man in disbelief. 'What in the hell kind of dog do you have?' 'Sir,' answered the little man, 'It's a four week old puppy.' 'Bull!' roared the biker, 'How could your puppy kill my Doberman?' 'It appears that he choked on it, sir.' A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" Little Johnny then stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" 中文： 一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。 小约翰尼站了起来。 “你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼?”老师问。 “不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。” Smith goes to see his boss in the front office. "Boss," he says: "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage." "We're short-handed, Smith." the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!" 中文： 史密斯去找他的'老板。“老板，我们家明天有很重的工作要做，我妻子让我修阁楼和车库。” “可我们很缺人，史密斯。”老板答道，“我不可能放你的假。” “谢谢，老板。”史密斯说，“我就知道你会帮我。” A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage." The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you." Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash. Dad asked, "Where is Susie?" The little girl said, "She will be here in a minute, she ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."

shenleireg

一、我是单身汉Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked. "Yes,"Jack thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor."杰克骑车摔伤，得住院治疗。一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填。仞杰克填好递上表格"还有什么漏填的？"护士问. "有！"杰克想了想说，"我是个单身汉."二、死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all The

jajahhauqba

笑话作为广大人民群众喜闻乐见的文学样式,自诞生之日起就凭借其辛辣独到的讽刺手法,夸张变形的艺术构思以及背反逻辑的情节设想等语体特点而得到作家青睐。我精心收集了简短英语小笑话带翻译，供大家欣赏学习!简短英语小笑话带翻译篇1 财政学的一课 Smith was the manager of a construction company and was taking bids on a new project. Thefirst bidder was a Polish company, and their representative offered to do the job for $ 400,000. "That seems reasonable," said Smith. "Can you give me a breakdown on that?" 史密斯是一家建设公司的经理，他正负责一个新工程的招标案。第一位投标的是一家波兰公司，他们的代表出价四十万元接那个案子。“似乎很合理，”史密斯说。“你可不可以给我一张明细表呢?” "Sure," said the Pole, " $200, 000 for labor and $ 200,000 for materials. " “当然没问题，”波兰公司代表说道，“二十万元工资，二十万元材科费。” Next to make a bid was the Standard American Construction Company, which bid $ 800,000. 下一个出标的是美国标准建设公司，他们以八十万元竞标。 "Hmm, that seems a bit high," said Smith. "What's the breakdown?" “嗯，这个价钱似乎有些偏高，”史密斯说道。"你们有明细表吗?" " $ 400,000 0n materials, $ 400,000 0n labor. " “四十万元材料，四十万元工资。” "I'll get back to you. " “我以后再同你联系。” Finally the representative of Cohen, Goldstein and Leibowitz entered Smith's office. " $ 1,200,000 is our bid," said the agent." 最后可翰•高斯坦•雷伯威兹公司的代表走进史密斯办公室。“一百二十万元是我们竞标的价码，”代表说道。 $11 200, 0001 That' s way out of line," exclaimed Smith. "Can you give me a breakdown onthat?" “一百二十万元这个标高得太过分了，”史密斯叫道“你可以给我一张明细表吗?" "No problem," replied the rep. " $400, 000 for me,$ 400 , 000 for you and $ 400，000 for thePolacks. “没有问题，”代表回答道。“四十万元给我，四十万元给你，最后四十万元则给那家波兰佬开的公司。” 简短英语小笑话带翻译篇2 黑人英语 The black couple already had eight children, and Lula May was pregnantwith her ninth. Finallyshe convinced her husband to get a vasectomy. 一对黑人夫妇已有八个小孩，而鲁拉·梅又怀了第九个小孩,最后她说服了她先生去做男性绝育手术。 On the morning of the operation, she was surprised to see her husbandputting on a tuxedoand getting into a limousine for the short ride to thehospital. 手术的早晨，她惊讶地看见她老公穿着礼服，乘坐一辆礼车到不远的医院去。 "Say, honey, what's all this about?" asked Lula May. "亲爱的，这是怎么一回事啊?鲁拉·梅问道。" "Baby, if you gonna be important, you gotta look important. "宝贝，如果你想当名大人物的话，就要让人一看就知道你很重要!" 简短英语小笑话带翻译篇3 向你的烦恼说再见 A Jew, an Indian and a black were lined up to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. 一位犹太人、一位印第安人和一位黑人列队进入天国之门。 Said the Jew to St. Peter, 66 Frankly, I'm rather surprised to be here. All my life Christians havedespised and reviled me. " 那位犹太人对圣彼得说：“坦白讲，能到这里让我蛮惊讶的，我一辈子一直都受到__的轻视和侮辱。” "That's a great sorrow to us,"said St. Peter, "but you won't find that kind of prejudice here.Here, all are truly equal.Just spell God and you may enter." “我们实在感到非常遗憾，”圣彼得说，“但我们这里没有那样的偏见，这里每个人都完全平等，只要拼出God这个词你就能进入天堂。” the Jew truly spell out god and was swept through the gates.Next,the Indian came forward andsaid,"St.Peter,all my life I suffered from poverty and discrimination,and could only live in areservation.Will I truly be free here?" 那名犹太人正确地拼出God后，被招入门内。接着印第安人走向前说道“圣彼得，我一辈子饱受贫穷和种族歧视的打击，而且只能住在居留地内，我在这里能得到真正的自由吗?” "My son, your troubles are over.Just spell the word God you will be free as a bird. " “小兄弟，你的烦恼已经结束了，只要拼出God这个词，你就能像小鸟一样自由自在。” The Indian obliged and he, too, entered the Heavenly Kingdom. 印第安人照着做，不久也被引入天堂。 Next,the black man strode forward."St. Peter," he said, "all my life people looked down on meand treated me unfairly.That won't happen here, will it?" 接着那名黑人跨步向前，“圣彼得，”他说道，“一辈子人们都瞧不起我，不公平对待我，在这里那些事不会发生吧!” "Of course not, my boy. We don't do that kind of thing here.Just spell" onomatopoeia "and theKingdom of Heaven is yours " “当然不会，我的弟兄，我们不会做那样的事，只要拼出onomatopoeia这个词，天堂之国就是你的了!” 看了“简短英语小笑话带翻译”的人还看了： 1. 简单英语小笑话12篇 2. 英语爆笑笑话 3. 英语小笑话带翻译简短 4. 关于短小的英文小笑话带翻译 5. 英语小笑话带翻译 6. 关于英语小笑话带翻译简短

我就是小J

After the miserly ghost died吝啬鬼死后When a very miserly man nicknamed the "stingy ghost" died and went to hell, the Yama King reproached him, saying, "You stingy ghost! When you were alive, you clung hard to everything and wouldn't give to anyone. Even when you saw others in poverty and misery, you refused to offer them help. Also, you didn't take good care of your parents, relatives or friends and let them suffer and starve. For your evil karma, you'll be dumped into a pot of boiling oil. "The ghost wardens then escorted the man to the pot of boiling oil, and when they arrived, he looked at the pot and said, "Hey! Wait a minute! There's so much oil in it. What a waste! Please drain out the oil, sell it and give me the money. Then, you can simply dump me in a pot of boiling water! There's no need for oil. You're using too much oil to cook one person anyway!" 参考译文：吝啬鬼死后有一个人很吝啬，叫吝啬鬼，他死了以后下地狱，阎罗王骂他说：“你这个吝啬鬼，在尘间的时候什么东西都抓很紧不放，什么人都不给，看到贫穷、痛苦的人也不帮助，父母、亲戚、朋友也没有照顾好，让他们都挨饿受苦，你这种凶恶的孽障，应该被放入滚开的油锅里面。”鬼差带他来到滚得很热、很烫的油锅那边，吝啬鬼一看就说：“喔，等一下、慢一下！油那么多，怎么那么浪费呢？你们先把这些油倒出来，卖出去后把钱给我，然后丢我在热烫的水里就可以了！何必用油，而且还用那么多油！” Monkey and policeman 猴子与警察A policeman took a monkey to his boss. The boss asked, "What kind of monkey business are you getting up to? He said, "This monkey was wandering on the streets, not following any of the rules. I'm turning him in. The boss said, "Oh, my God! You're so dumb! If you catch a monkey, you have to take it to the zoo. Why bring it to me. Take it to the zoo! So the policeman took the monkey out. Three or four days later, he was seen again, holding the monkey's hand. He took the monkey to the police car, opened the door, put it in, and was about to drive away. The boss saw this, ran out, and asked, "Oh, my God! How come the monkey is still here? I told you to take it to the zoo. The policeman replied, "Yes, sir. I've already taken him to the zoo. Today, I'm taking him to see a movie. 参考译文：猴子与警察有一位警察大哥带了只猴子给他上司看，他上司就说他：“你搞什么猴子把戏？”警察大哥说：“这猴子在大街上到处乱跑，什么法律都不懂，我把它捉了回来，治它的罪。”上司说：“天啊天，你怎么那么笨？捉到猴子就把它带到动物园去嘛，带给我干嘛？带它到动物园去。”后来那警察大哥就带了猴子出去了。 三、四天后还看见他跟猴子手拉手打开警察车门让猴子坐进去，正准备开车，他上司跑了出来说他：“天啊，为什么到现在还把猴子留在这儿，我不是叫你把它带到动物园去的吗？为什么还在这儿？”警察大哥：“我有呀！我已经带它去了动物园，今天带它去看电影！” clerk and customer 顾客和店员This guy goes to a grocery store and asks the clerk behind the counter for two cans of dog food. “Do you have a dog?” asked the clerk. “Yes, I do”， replied the puzzled customer. “I'm sorry sir”, said the clerk, “but you're going to have to prove to me that you have a dog before I can sell you dog food.” Back home went the frustrated customer to get his dog and pulled it on it's leash all the way back to the store. “Here's my dog!” wheezed the tired customer. “Thank you sir, here is your two cans of dog food.” Two days later, the guy returns to the same store and goes up to the same clerk and says: “Two cans of cat food please.” “Do you have a cat sir?” “Of course I do”， said the exasperated customer. “I'm sorry sir but I have to see your cat before I can sell you cat food.” The guy storms out of the store, goes home, grabs his cat, drags it back to the store and holds up the cat by it's tail for the clerk to see. “Thank you sir here is your two cans of cat food.” The very next day. The guy returns to the store, approaches the clerk and places on the counter a white shoe box with a small hole on the cover. “Yes sir, asked the clerk, what can I do for you?” “Put your finger in the hole” ordered the customer. “I beg your pardon?” said the clerk “Do as I say! ”ordered the guy. Cautiously the clerk slid his finger all the way in the hole. “Pull it out and tell me what it looks like!” said the guy. “It looks like crap!” said the disgusted clerk; to which the customer replied: THAT''S RIGHT !!, Now give me two rolls of toilet paper! 参考译文：顾客和店员一个人来到一家杂货铺向柜台后面的店员买两听狗食。“您有狗吗？”店员问。“是的，我有！”迷惑的顾客回答。“对不起，先生，您必须要向我证明您有一条狗，然后我才能把狗食卖给您。”这个受挫的顾客回到家里把狗套到皮带上一路牵着回到杂货铺。“这是我的狗！”疲惫的顾客气喘吁吁地说。“谢谢您，这是您的两听狗食。”两天后这个人又回到同一家商店，走近同一个店员说，“来两听猫食。”“您有猫吗？”“当然有！”愤怒的顾客说。“对不起先生，但是我必须看到您的猫，才能卖给您猫食。”这个人狂怒着走出商店，回到家，抓住猫，拽着它回到了商店，拎着猫的尾巴让店员看。“谢谢你，这里是你的两听猫食。”就在第二天，这个人又回到了商店，走近那个店员，把一个白鞋盒子放到了柜台上，盒子盖上有一个小孔。“您要什么？”店员问。“把你的手指放进孔里，”顾客要求。“什么？”，店员问。“照我说的做，”这个人命令道。店员小心地把手指滑进孔里。“拿出来，告诉我它像什么！”“像是屎！”店员恶心地说道。顾客回答：“这就对了！！现在给我两卷卫生纸！” In the Air 在空中Matt and his wife lived in the country. Matt was very stingy and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town. "Let's go to the fair, Matt," his wife said. "We haven't been anywhere for a long time." Matt thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, "All right, but I'm not going to spend much money. We'll look at things, but we won't buy anything. "They went to the fair and looked at all the things to buy. There were many things Matt's wife wanted to buy, but he would not let her spend any money. Then, in a nearby field, they saw a small airplane. "Fun flights!" the notice said, "$ 10 for 10 minutes. Matt had never been in an airplane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However, he didn't want to have to pay for his wife, as well. "I've only got $ 10," he told the pilot. "Can my wife come with me for free?" The pilot wasn't selling many tickets, so he said, "I'll make a bargain with you. If your wife doesn't scream or shout, she can have a free flight." Matt agreed, and got into the small airplane with his wife. The pilot took off and made his airplane do all kinds of things. At one moment it was flying upside down. When the plane landed, the pilot said, "0. K. your wife didn't make a sound. She can have her ride free." "Thank you," Matt said. "It wasn't easy for her, you know, especially when she fell out."参考译文：在空中麦特和妻子住在乡下。麦特很吝啬，讨厌花钱。一天附近的镇子逢集。“我们去赶集，麦特，”妻子说。“我们很久没出去了。”麦特想了一会儿。他知道在集市上一定得花钱。最后他说：“好吧，但我不打算花太多钱。我们只看不买。”他们去集市，看看所有可买的东西。有很多东西麦特的妻子想买，但麦特不让她买。然后在附近的露天场地，他们看到一架小飞机。“有趣的飞行。”海报上写着，“10分钟10美元。”麦特从来没有乘过飞机，所以他想乘一次小飞机。然而他不想付他妻子的票钱。 “我只带了10美元，”他对飞机驾驶员说，“我妻子能免费和我一起乘飞机吗？”驾驶员没卖出多少票，所以他说：“我和你做个交易。如果你妻子不尖叫，也不叫出声来，她就能免费飞行。”麦特同意了，他和妻子一起登上了飞机。飞机起飞了，驾驶员让飞机做出各种各样的动作。有一会儿飞机倒着飞行。飞机着陆时，驾驶员说，“好吧，你妻子没发出任何声响。她就不用买飞机票了。” “谢谢，”麦特说，“你知道，这对她不容易，特别当她刚才掉下去的时候。”

哇哇叮咕

I'm Trying to Stop It"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?""No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”“20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。

天权STAR

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会思想の萝卜

下面是我整理的2人幽默英语对话，希望对大家有帮助。 2人幽默英语对话1： 男: This seat empty?(这个座位是空的吧?) 女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.(是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。)【我立马走人】 男：Haven''t I seen you some place before?(我好像以前在什么地方见过你?) 女：Yes. That''s why I don''t go there anymore.(是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。)【我不想和你有任何交集】 男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?(这个星期六你想跟我出去吗?) 女：Sorry. I''m having a headache this weekend.(抱歉。这个周末我头疼)【^_^头疼也是可以预约的】 男：Can I have your name?(我能知道你的名字吗?) 女：Why? Don''t you already have one? (为什么?你不是已经有一个了吗?) 男：I''m a photographer. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。) 女：I''m a plastic surgeon. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)【长的真丑】 男：I think I could make you very happy.(我想我能让你非常快乐。) 女：Why? Are you leaving?(是吗?你是说你要离开?)【你能离开就是对我的仁慈】 2人幽默英语对话2： 男:Hello, I’m Ben. May I ask you some questions? 女:Sure. 男:What is your father’s name? 女:Happy! 男:Then, What is your mother’s name? 女:Smile! 男:Are you joking? 女:No! That’s my sister! I am Kidding. By the way, are you a census staff? 男:Of course not. 女:Go ahead. 男:OK. Your name is Kidding. Kidding, I'm going to start a band. Will you join us? 女:Sure, Ben. I'd love to be in a band 男:OK, good. Which instrument do you play? I heard that you can play piano very well. 女:Piano? I don't play an instrument actually. 男:What are you good at? 女:I sing. I like music with great lyrics. 男: So do I. Who else do you think can join us? 女:Well, Dave is supposed to be a good one. 男:Really? What does he like? 女:He prefers quiet music. 男:Good. How about Harry? He plays the guitar, doesn’t he? 女:Yes, but Harry loves loud music such as disco . 男:That's OK. I often go to disco with my friends. 女:You mean we can play both loud music and quiet music? 男:Why not? 女:What kind of music style do you prefer, Ben? 男:Oh, I like music that I can dance to. But we have one problem with our band 女:what is it? 男:I'm not a musician and I can't sing. 女:Are you joking? 男:No, that’s your sister’s name. Just now I was kidding. 女:Well, that makes sense?! 2人幽默英语对话3： 前台小姐：“you have what thing?” 你有什么事 老外：“can you speak english?” 你能说英语吗 前台小姐：“if i not speak english, i am speaking what?”如果我没在说英语，那我在说什么? 老外：“can anybody else speak english? ”有没有其他人会说 前台小姐：“you yourself look. all people are playing,no people have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go.”你自己看看，所有的人都在玩，没有人有时间，你可以等，你等，你不等，随你。 老外：“good heavens. anybody here can speak english?”上帝，这有人会说英语吗 前台小姐：“ shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing.”叫什么叫，安静一点，你在这里有什么事 老外：“i want to speak to your head.”我想要跟你的上司讲。 前台小姐：“head not zai.you tomorrow come.”头不在，你明天来。

周小米jiang

下面是我整理的英语搞笑笑话8篇，欢迎大家阅读! 英语搞笑笑话：Imitation 模仿 A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it. Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache. That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it. 一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。来，坐下，吃点点心，妈妈说，你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。 一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。 你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，他那聪明的儿子说，里面装点东西，就会好的。 英语搞笑笑话：Fried chicken In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?" Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir." 老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生，“杰克，你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?” 杰克想了想，回答，“炸鸡，老师。” 英语搞笑笑话：I've Just Bitten My Tongue I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " 英语搞笑笑话：我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么?” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” How much English can you speak? "Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English." The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?" The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!" "法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。 而且，他只会说几个 英语单词 。" 法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文?" 被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我!" 英语搞笑笑话：He Won 他赢了 Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿? 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 英语搞笑笑话：Three pastors 三个牧师 Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away. Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away. The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since! 三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道：“你们知道吗，自从夏天来临，我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰，我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。” 另外一位说：“是啊，我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍，它们还是赶不走。” 第三个牧师说：“我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼，让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。” 英语搞笑笑话：Excited Remarks 激动的话 Our son, at age of five, had a fascination for motorcycles. The sight of one would always bring forth squeals(长声尖叫) of delight, accompanied by excited remarks of Look at that! Look at that! I'm going to have one of those someday, his dad's response always was Not as long as I'm alive. One day, while our son was talking to a little friend, a motorcycle passed by. He excitedly pointed it out to the boy and exclaimed, Look at that! Look at that! I'm getting one of those as soon as my dad dies. 我五岁的儿子对摩托车有强烈的 爱好 。只要看见一辆摩托车，他就会高兴得哇哇直叫，并激动地说：瞧这辆!瞧这辆，我总有一天也要有一辆。他爸爸的回答老是只要我活着，你就别想有这玩艺儿。 一天我们的儿子跟他的小朋友在说话，有一辆摩托车开了过去。他兴奋的指着摩托车叫道瞧这辆!瞧这辆!等我爸一死我就要有这样一辆摩托车了。 英语搞笑笑话：Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理 A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic. Here is the situation, she said. A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank? A girl raised her hand and asked, to draw out all of his savings? 小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。 他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会 游泳 ，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么? 一个女生举手答道，是不是去取他的存款?

让子弹飞888

1、英语笑话（一） 老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。” 小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet? 老师说：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？ 小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！ 2、英语笑话（二） 某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hong tao liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！ 3、英语笑话（三） 江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。 翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere." 翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see." 4、英语笑话（四） 话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I AM后羿！」 B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特！」 轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」 5、英语笑话（五） 某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry. 老外应道：I am sorry too. 某人听后又道：I am sorry three. 老外不解，问：What are you sorry for? 某人无奈，道：I am sorry five. 6、英语笑话（六） 一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOyOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！” 后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！” 日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！” 7、英语笑话（七） 传说克林顿和教皇同一天去世，上帝搞错了，把克林顿送上了天堂，而把教皇送入了 地狱。发现错误后上帝马上改了回来，路上二人相遇。 精彩继续教皇：感谢上帝，我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了（Virgin Maria）. 克林顿（坏笑中）：Sorry，it"s too late. 8、英语笑话（八） 小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站着看。 小强转头就对老外说：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see. 老外回答说:Sorry I don’t understand your English. 小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文.... 踩了一个老外的脚，为了显示咱国家是有名的礼仪之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是礼貌有加，就来个sorry too. two??the chinese puzzled.恩，咱中国人还不是得礼尚往来？！~那就I am sorry three~   这下老外蒙了，一句what are you sorry for? 晕，还有完没完啊，还FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，Iam sorry five~(who怕 who？！~） 9、英语笑话（九） 我朋友在南大看到一非洲老外：“hello，你妈是猴儿。”老外用纯正的天津话说：“你妈是大猩猩！” 10、英语笑话（十） "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.  "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"  "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " “我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”  “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

beibeidesignwang

Sometimes，it just seems to be a joke.这句话有很多说法 随便哪个都可以

诗诗2009

英语笑话大全带翻译 经典 英语笑话大全带翻译一： Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?""A kid bit me," replied Ivan."Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother."I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事?”“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” 英语笑话大全带翻译二： The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?""In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的.盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?”“在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。 英语笑话大全带翻译三： One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in hisvoice,"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear." She said, "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."Along silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy." 一个夏季的晚上，雷雨大作，母亲让小男孩上床钻进被窝。她正准备熄灯，孩子声音颤抖地问：“妈咪，你今晚可以陪我睡吗?”母亲笑着，拥抱一下小孩安慰说，“亲爱的，不可以。我得睡在爸爸的房间。”一阵长长的沉默之后，男孩小声地用颤音说：“重色轻友。”