简短英语笑话对话

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。

他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。

“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman！" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。

他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”

“可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。

过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。

你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球， 一个老美看到就笑我说， "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性， 缩写正好是 Adidas） " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快， 联想力这么丰富时，旁边的 一个老美帮我解围， 他说， 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn， 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢，这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔！ 下次就换你去取笑老美了.。

你选选吧

经典对话一：

男：Can I buy you a drink？（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）

女：Actually I'd rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。）

经典对话二：

男：Can I have your name？（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）

女：Why? Don't you already have one？ （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）

经典对话三：

男：I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

女：I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

经典对话四：

男：Is this seat empty？（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）

经典对话五：

男：Haven't I seen you some place before？（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）

女：Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）

经典对话六：

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday？（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）

女：Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）

经典对话七：

男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）

女：Why? Are you leaving？（是吗？你是说你要离开？）

999句最实用英语口语！ 1。

I see. 我明白了。 2。

I quit！ 我不干了！ 3。 Let go！ 放手！ 4。

Me too. 我也是。 5。

My god！ 天哪！ 6。 No way！ 不行！ 7。

Come on. 来吧（赶快） 8。 Hold on. 等一等。

9。 I agree。

我同意。 10。

Not bad. 还不错。 11。

Not yet. 还没。 12。

See you. 再见。 13。

Shut up！ 闭嘴！ 14。 So long. 再见。

15。 Why not？ 好呀！ （为什么不呢？） 16。

Allow me. 让我来。 17。

Be quiet！ 安静点！ 18。 Cheer up！ 振作起来！ 19。

Good job！ 做得好！ 20。 Have fun！ 玩得开心！ 21。

How much？ 多少钱？ 22。 I'm full. 我饱了。

23。 I'm home. 我回来了。

24。 I'm lost. 我迷路了。

25。 My treat. 我请客。

26。 So do I. 我也一样。

27。 This way。

这边请。 28。

After you. 您先。 29。

Bless you！ 祝福你！ 30。 Follow me. 跟我来。

31。 Forget it！ 休想！ （算了！） 32。

Good luck！ 祝好运！ 33。 I decline！ 我拒绝！ 34。

I promise. 我保证。 35。

Of course！ 当然了！ 36。 Slow down！ 慢点！ 37。

Take care！ 保重！ 38。 They hurt. （伤口）疼。

39。 Try again. 再试试。

40。 Watch out！ 当心。

41。 What's up？ 有什么事吗？ 42。

Be careful！ 注意！ 43。 Bottoms up！ 干杯（见底）！ 44。

Don't move！ 不许动！ 45。 Guess what？ 猜猜看？ 46。

I doubt it 我怀疑。 47。

I think so. 我也这么想。 48。

I'm single. 我是单身贵族。 49。

Keep it up！ 坚持下去！ 50。 Let me see.让我想想。

51。 Never mind.不要紧。

52。 No problem！ 没问题！ 53。

That's all！ 就这样！ 54。 Time is up. 时间快到了。

55。 What's new？ 有什么新鲜事吗？ 56。

Count me on 算上我。 57。

Don't worry. 别担心。 58。

Feel better？ 好点了吗？ 59。 I love you！ 我爱你！ 60。

I'm his fan。 我是他的影迷。

想看更详尽的内容，请查看乐知网的网友课程 。

Jack:Tom,who do you think the man with a yellow straw hat on the stool in front of the palm trees? Tom:I guess he must be a fortune teller。

Jack:Are you sure? Tom:Yes,without a doubt。 You see he is looking forward to talking to someone。

Jack:Maybe you are right。 But Tom, can you read the palm? Tom:Yes, I have read a lot of books about reading the palm。

May I read your palm? Jack: Yes,I'd love to。 But I want to make fun of him。

It is very funny。

有一天，俺商店里来了个外国人买西餐料。他选好一样东西，俺就在计算器上摁出价钱给他看。当然俺有点不好意思了，而且俺还会句英语。于是 ，俺就对他说： “I am sorry”。 “I am sorry， too” 外国人回答。 “I am sorry three” 我道。 “What are you sorry for?” 外国人问。 “I am sorry five” 我说……男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？） 女：Actually I''d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。）经典对话二：this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？） 女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）经典对话五： 男：Haven''t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？） 女：Yes. That''s why I don''t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）经典对话六： 男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？） 女：Sorry. I''m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？） 女：Why? Don''t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）经典对话三： 男：I''m a photographer. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。） 女：I''m a plastic surgeon. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）经典对话四：经典对话七： 男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。） 女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）1. TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. GEORGE: Here it is! TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS: George! 2. TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I". ELLEN: I is... TEACHER: No, Ellen. We always say, "I am."ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."3. TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? CLASS: Big hands! 4. TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave? STUDENT: Yes, Sir. TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't? STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours. 5. TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-feet snake. SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.1．Do You Know My Work？One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes．Two men stood outside and looked at the fire．“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．”“You don't know my work，” said the other．“What is your work？”“I'm a policeman．“Oh！” cried the first man． He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work？”“No，”said the policeman．“I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．”译文：（自己简单翻译）你知道我是干什么的吗？一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来。两个人站在外面，看着大火。“在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。”“你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。“你是干什么的？”“我是警察。”“噢！”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。“我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”

1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。" DID YOUR DAD... 2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!" 吉姆说:"你妈妈能!" 附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点. 3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!" 吉姆说:"你妈妈能!" 附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点. 4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." 5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?” “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.” 一盒小火柴 妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？” “是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。” 6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn. Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing! 开车 父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。 苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。 7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?” “I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered. “You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.” 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” 8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?” “A kid bit me,”replied Ivan. “Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother. “I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.” 他的耳朵在我的衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。” 9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

I am the Driver The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn't let him aboard. "It's too crowded," they shouted. "What do you think you are?" "I'm the driver," he said. 我是司机 一辆公共汽车已经相当拥挤，还有一个人想挤进来，乘客不让他上去。 “太挤了，”他们喊道，“你以为你是谁？” “我是司机。”他回答说。I'll See to the RestA guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage."Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!""Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back."You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."其余的事由我负责一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。“快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。”“噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。“请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。”Sleeping PillsBob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.""That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"安眠药鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”