初中英语小笑话

中学生英语笑话

中学生英语笑话：Hardofhearing

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain‘t it?"

"No," the second man replied, "It‘s Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let‘s have a coke."

中学生英语笑话：Chooseapunishment

private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.

"You can take your choice, private - one month‘s restriction or twenty day‘s pay," said the officer.

"All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I‘ll take the money."

中学生英语笑话：Greatfirstparent

The First parent

by Bill Cosby

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God‘s omnipotence did not extend to his kids.

After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don‘t."

"Don‘t what?", Adam replied.

"Don‘t eat the forbidden fruit."

"Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?"

"It‘s over there," said God, wondering why He hadn‘t stopped after making the elephants.

A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and He was angry.

"Didn‘t I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First parent asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?"

"I dunno," Adam answered.

God‘s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.

Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story.

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven‘t taken it, don‘t be hard on yourself.

If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

今天我正在看碟，老妈又捧了本书进来，说道：给我讲讲这几句话什么意思 ]老妈：这个“i don’t know.“是什么意思？ 我说：“我不知道” 老妈：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！ 我说：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！ 老妈：还嘴硬！！！！（一顿爆揍) 老妈：你在给我说说这个。“i know.“是什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。 我说：是“我知道“老妈：知道就快说。 我说：就是“我知道“老妈：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？我说：就是我知道呀！ 老妈：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂(又一顿爆揍) 老妈：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我在收拾你，你给我翻译一下“i know but idon’t want to tell you.”是什么意思？ 我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之时，我问老妈：这下你满意吧 这不她老人家又来问我了:“儿啊,i`m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me.是什么意思啊~?“ 我:“我很烦,别烦我“ ;老妈:“找打,跟你妈这么说话“(于是被扁) 老妈又问;“i hear nothing,repeat.是what意思啊“ 我说:“我没听清,再说一次“ 老妈又说了一遍:i hear nothing,repeat“ “我没听清,再说一次“ 结果被扁 老妈再问:“what do you say“又怎么解释呢“我说:“你说什么“(再次被扁) 老妈再问:“look up in the dictionary“是何意啊’ 我说:“查字典“ “查字典我还问你做甚“(被扁) 老妈又问:you had better ask somebody.怎么翻呢“ 我说:“你最好问别人“ “你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打.“ “啊!god save me!“ “耍你老妈玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁) 我再问你:“use you head,then thin kit over,又是什么意思啊!“ 我说:“动动脑子,再仔细想想.“ “臭小子,还敢耍我“接着又要动手 我连忙说:“是世上只有妈妈好的意思” “嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”

笑话： Rodents had overrun a posh private school near New York City. So the headmaster, a friend of mine, asked a health inspector to deliver a slide presentation to teachers and students, showing how to remedy the situation, i.e., stow trash, no food in class, etc. The following day, a teacher had her very young children write a letter to the inspector, thanking him for the visit. One of the students wrote, "Dear Mr. Johnson, Thank you for coming to my school. Until I saw you, I didn't know what a rat looked like." 啮齿类动物在纽约市附近的一家时尚的私立学校泛滥成灾。 那家学校的校长（我的一个朋） 请来了一位健康检查员来给在校师生作一次幻灯演示，告诉他们如何处理这种情况，如，要垃圾装好，上课不能吃东西等等。第二天，一个老师让她的那些年纪还非常小的学生给那位检查员写封信，感谢他的来访。 其中一个学生这样写道，“亲爱的 Johnson先生， 感谢您来到我的学校，在看到你之前，我还不知道老鼠长的什么样子”。For several years, my job was to answer all viewer phone calls and mail concerning the daytime television soap operas our company produced. One day a woman called wanting medical advice from an actor who portrayed a doctor on one of our shows. I explained that the man wasn't a real doctor and couldn't help her. After a moment of shocked silence, the woman replied indignantly, "Well, no wonder it takes his patients months to recover!"几年来，我的工作就是接听观众打来的电话和回复他们的邮件，他们是想了解我们公司出品的白天肥皂剧的一些情况。 一天，一位女士打来电话，要求我们一位在剧中饰演医生的演员给他一些医疗上的建议。 我解释说，那人不是真的医生，帮不了她。在一阵惊愕的沉默之后，那位女士很气愤地说，“呃，怪不得他治病总要几个月才能好”。英语小文章：There are three people in my family,my father ,my mother and I.My mother is a teacher who is always strict with her studend ,and with me also.She is pretty and look like young.My father is an engineer who is kind to me than my mother.He is ordinary--looking,but very strong. though they seldom stay with me, I also love them ,for we are family!我家有三个人,我,爸爸和妈妈.我妈妈是教师,对学生很严格,对我也一样.她很漂亮,看上去很年轻.我爸爸是工程师,对我比妈妈温和,他长相一般但他身体很强壮.尽管他们不常和我呆在一起,但我仍然爱他们,因为我们是一家人! The farmer and the snake In winter, the farmer found a snake frozen, he was very poor it, put the snake on her arms. After the snake warm, regained consciousness over and restore its nature, bitten by one of its benefactor, he has been a fatal injury. Dying farmer said: "I deserve to die, I pity the wicked, we should be恶报." I would like to ask one side of you, if I said I lost this debate, I will lose many things, such as family, friendship, and love, so I must win this debate, I now would like to request one side Several ready to help others, and there is no reason to help a few friends to help me to complete my wish, I wonder if it can, no matter what the caller said, you insist, that is, non-stop to ask each other why can not help you? 在冬天，农民找到了蛇冻结，他也非常差，她的胳膊把蛇。蛇温暖后，苏醒过来，恢复了它的性质，由其恩人一咬，他一直是致命的伤害。垂死的农民说：“我该死，我怜悯恶人，我们应该恶报。” 我想请问你们之中的一方，如果我说我失去了这次辩论中，我将失去，如家庭，友谊，很多事情，和爱，所以我必须赢得这场辩论，我现在想请一边几个现成帮助别人，也没有理由帮几个朋友来帮我完成我的心愿，我不知道是否可以，不管对方说，你坚持的话，就是不停询问对方为何不能帮助你？志向不过是记忆的奴隶，生气勃勃地降生，但却很难成长。