英语幽默短剧3人

In the restaurant.W:What can I do for you,sir?C:Beijing Roast Duck,Tomato and Egg Soup.That's all.W:A moment.W:Yours,sir.C:Thank you.C:Waiter.W:Yes?Sir.C:How can I have the soup?W:I'm sorry.Sir.I'll change it for you.W:Here your soup.Sir.C:Thank you.C:waiter!W:Sir.C:How can I have the soup?W:Er.I'm terribly sorry.I change it in a second.C:Sir.I'm sorry for the soup.Now is the soup.W:OK.C:Waiter!!W:Sir?C:Call your manager,please.M:I'm sorry,sir,but what's wrong with the soup?C:How can I have the soup without a SPOON?

Three visits to the cottage 主要人物：诸葛亮、诸葛家仆人（朱不亮）、刘备、关羽、张飞、旁白（同时操作电脑） 旁白： Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐） is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom. Now，let’s go into the story. 第一幕 屋子中，诸葛亮在屋里走着， 诸葛亮：Buliang，this classroom is so dirty，猪不亮扫地，送水（营养快线） 三兄弟上场，关羽（头巾），刘备（墨镜），张飞（不停打嗝） 刘：饭后一支烟，赛过活神仙 A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，张飞点烟，刘深吸一口，长舒一口气） 刘：嗯？没点着 En? It dosen’t burn on. 张飞：凑合着吧，老师不让抽烟 Sorry，we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the classroom! 关羽：此番前来，定要邀请的卧龙先生 We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang! 张飞：必须的，老曹太欺负人了 Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much. 三人来到门前，石头剪子布 刘备：According to our custom？ 关羽：OK. 张飞：No problem. 刘备三人进行石头剪子布，刘备输了，其余两人把刘备推到前面。 刘备作出一幅英勇就义的姿态，（上海滩响起） 刘备作按门铃状，（门铃声响起）。 诸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door. 仆人：Heng!(哼) 仆人板着个脸到了门口，做了一个甩头的动作，并呼啦呼啦头发，然后深呼吸，放平稳，保持微笑。然后打开门，举了个躬。 仆人：안녕하세요(发音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好) 刘备：Can you speak English? 关羽：（紧接着刘备）Can you speak Chinese? 张飞：（紧接着）Can you speak Japanese? 历史老照片不能说的秘密慈禧军阀明末清初文革晚清刘备：（紧接着）Spanish? 关羽：（紧接着）Congolese? 张飞：（紧接着）Egyptian? 仆人：（紧接着）Shut up! Who are you people? 刘备：(摆个pose)I’m Liubei. 关羽：(也摆个pose)I’m Guanyu. 张飞：(同样摆个pose，把关羽碰倒了)I’m Sorry. 刘备三人赶紧把仆人扶起来。 猪不亮：你们怎么来的啊 What do you three take to come here? 张飞：骑马来的啊，做骑马状 Riding a horse ,of course. 猪不亮：那你们怎么骑马来的啊？ So,How do you riding a horse? 三人面面相觑，猪不亮关门 刘备突然明白了，“money！！” 张飞关羽耸肩都没带钱，下台 第二幕 三兄弟上台，张飞关羽手提礼品 关羽猥琐的说:这次应该可以了吧，上次也怨我们 I think we’ll manage it this time. 张飞：啥啊，如果你不是拉着我，老子一嗓子吼死他（做咆哮状，老虎声音） What? If you don’t pull me,I will easily kill him with my strong throat! 刘备：行了，行了，我们来干啥来了 稍息。。。立正。。。（张飞关羽照做） Stop,stop,What are we doing here? At ease!—Attention! 刘备：都给我机灵点（张飞关羽点头答应） You three! Be clever this time! 屋子中„„ （英文歌，诸葛亮和猪不亮正喝酒，猪不亮哼着英语歌，他两个喝醉了） 诸葛亮：MY GOD！！上天你为什么这么惩罚我 My God!! Why do you punish me?! 猪不亮：老大别难过，班长杨超不也没过吗 Don’t be sad,my boss. As I know,our monitor does’t pass the examination. 诸葛亮：我的四级考试啊，开始哭．．． What？our monitor does’t pass the examination？But，My English cet band 4 also losed··· （换背景音乐，猪不亮跟着哭，门铃响，猪不亮醉醺醺的摇摇晃晃去开门） 猪不亮：谁啊 Who’s this? 张飞：收水费的 I come here to charge the bill of electricity （开门，三人一脸嬉笑） 刘备：我们又来了，麻烦小弟通报一下 We are here again,bother to notice your boss. （猪不亮四下环顾，把礼品接过来了） （屋子里传来悲伤的气息，张飞和关羽抹眼泪） 张飞：怎么突然一阵感伤涌上心头（自言自语） I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart.. 关羽：请问卧龙先生在家吗，我们想见一下（SEE） Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a talk with him ,please. 猪不亮：吟诗，见与不见。。。 （你见，或者不见我 It’s doesn’t matter if you see me or not 我就在那里 I am standing right there 不悲不喜 With no emotion 你念，或者不念我 It’s doesn’t matter if you miss me or not 情就在那里 The feeling is right there 不来不去 And it isn’t going anywhere 你爱或者不爱我 It’s doesn’t matter） （猪不亮转身关门，站不稳） 刘：What?！！ 张飞：是不是家里死人了，下次再来吧 I’m afraid some-one important of him died here. Let’s go. Maybe we should come next time. 关羽：希望死的不是诸葛亮 Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die„ （关羽，刘备打张飞，下台。。） 第三幕 （诸葛亮和猪不亮玩三国杀，背景音乐，术语） （诸葛亮又赢了） 猪不亮：老大你真NB You are the man ! 诸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算过了年就去找刘备，找份工作 Hum！That’s a piece of cake. And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s corporation to find a job after Spring Festival. 猪不亮：你想去刘备那里？？ What? You said you wanna to go to Liu Bei’s company? 诸葛亮：嗯，那里用不着英语 En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English. 猪不亮：前几天他来过了，让我赶跑了 But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago. 门铃响。。 猪不亮：说来就来了 Speak of the devil and he doth appear. （三兄弟，大跨步的走进来，诸葛亮一见到很激动） 诸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（拥抱）你带我走吧 Boss! I ached for you so much, please help me! 刘备：镇定镇定，既然兄弟这么看得起我，那咱们就一起大干一场吧 Be calm. Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it! （出发。。） 诸葛亮：大哥等等，那。。那，一月多少钱啊 Wait,wait...My boss, uh, how much will.. I get.. from you then. 张飞：（恐吓状）兄弟之间不谈钱，谈钱多伤感情，（拎着诸葛亮就走） It hurts feelings when it comes to money! （猪不亮在后面拿着包袱，大喊） 猪不亮：带上我吧，（走路（小沈阳状）） Oh, Please take me away. 闭幕。。。。

Today’s Yang bailao and Huang Shiren———编剧：方彦龙Character:：杨白劳Y, 喜儿X，王大春（喜儿男朋友）D，王大婶（王大春的母亲）W, 穆仁智（黄的管家）M，黄世仁HPart 1:In 杨白劳’home旁白：(“喜洋洋”背景音乐起)---New Year's Eve,Xi’er is talking with her boyfriend on the phone, suddenly ,doorbell sounded.（叮咚！叮咚……） 喜: Oh! ok! Someone is knock at the door! So I have to hung up!Bye!（开门）杨: 喜儿! 喜儿! What’s this?喜: Oh! computer!(高兴地看笔记本)That’s a Laptop! 杨: Ha ha! Today I’m able to buy a computer! Next year, I will plan to buy a car!喜: Really? Buys a car?Great!杨: Ok, now we will go out ,are you ready ? 喜: Ha ha,I’m ready ok and waiting for you to come back!（门铃再次响起）Oh,I think there must be Aunt Wang and Dacun coming.(开门,)王婶, 大春, 杨, 喜(四人齐声贺道)Happy New Year!hah(喜儿和大春去一边嘻嘻哈哈，窃窃私语不知所言)王婶:（走到杨白劳跟前）Mr Yang,I heard Dachun said, going to jump the disco dancing after dinner.Right?杨:Right,What do you think?王婶:I’m gald to,oh,are you prepared to go out?杨: Sure!.王婶: Ok,go?(问杨白劳)杨: Let’s go,(朝喜儿他俩那边喊)Xi’er,Dachun,go!(四人出门 下)Part 2: In Huang Shiren’ home黄: (黄世仁上台，气势汹汹地说)Hello,everyone!Do you know Huang Shiren?Tt’s me! Ha ha……But today is not yestady!You see Mu Renzhi coming!穆:（穆仁智走上来）Mr Huang , give me a litte,ok?黄: Not! I wouldn’t give you,because I haven’t money!(不耐烦的样子)穆: New Year coming,My wages, a year--?（哀求着）黄: Really does not have!穆:（拉着黄的手说）You are so kind in my eyes,can you give me litte money,ok?黄: No way,what’s moreYang Bailao has not return the money to me, what can I dofor you?(无奈的样子) 穆: You might ask for him! 黄:Asking him?I think he couldn’t give me! 穆:Why? He has contracted the farm, and made many money! 黄:I know! But,he—— 穆:(打断黄的话)Tries!Ok? 黄: (想了想)Ok! You go together with me! 穆: Let’s go! (两人出门 下) Part 3: In enlightens the hall 旁白: Yang Bailao, Xi’er, Dachun and Aunt Wang finished eating dinner and tojump the disco dancing.(迪斯科音乐起，四人在舞台上狂欢着) （一会儿，杨的电话响了,他走到前台接电话） 杨:This is Yang Bailao, please speaking! ... oh... oh!-- 王婶:（王大婶看见，向杨走过来）Who’s that? 杨:Huang Shiren, he said he coming here immediately. 喜：(停止跳舞，朝这边问)Huang Shiren? Is all right?（杨白老点头示对） 大春: Nothing! We would take them away if they appeared! 杨, 喜, D, W: Ha ha (四人继续跳舞) （黄世仁和穆仁智一前一后的东张西望地从下面走上台前） 黄: Oh! Everyone，Happy New Year! （大家看了看，没人理睬） 杨:（杨朝黄走了过去）The same to you!(音乐停，其他人也走了过来) 黄: (和杨握手)Recently alright? 杨: Fina, but if you ask the money that’s wrong!（自己先坐下，示意让黄世仁坐，这时大春用脚把凳子往后一勾了下，黄坐到地上了，尴尬的看看大家） 大春:Oh, I resemble see to have the dirty thing, but not,sits down! 黄: (朝杨白老问)Who is this?（穆仁智扶黄起来） 杨:He is Wang Dachun,Xi’er’s boyfriend. 黄:(打量大春说)Are you Xi’er’s boyfriend? 大春:Yes! (喊道)Is not my that is you? 黄:No,no!you!(胆怯的坐下) 杨:What’s the mater? 黄:I’m sorry, but, today is the last of the year!en—Debt is--- 杨:(打断黄的话) Does not have! 黄: I know you are good man, give a litte,ok?(乞求的样子) 杨: No matter what you said to,nothing! 黄（抱住杨白老的腿哀求到）Mr Yang ,a litte,just a litte…… 杨: No money,only a life have! 黄: just a litte…… 杨:(很无情地说) No money,only a life have! 黄: （无助地向四处环顾）En---- 大春: (不耐烦地说)You have not heard? Does not have! 黄:（朝喜儿望去）Miss, you help us!help us !ok?(哀求着) 王婶:（和喜儿站一块的王大婶说）What you want to do? 大春:Boils!Go out!（语气非常强烈） ( 杨白劳推开黄,喜儿，王大春，王大婶赶黄世仁和穆仁智走) 穆:（拉着杨白老的手求到）Do not expel me go, I want to leave,from now, I do for you ,I cound drive--- 杨: (排了排穆仁智)Ha ha, nice!ok! (穆仁智和所有的人都赶黄世仁出门) 黄:（冲穆仁智喊道)Mu Renzhi! Mu Renzhi!Do you know you is my housekeep? 穆:No!Go out!(全部下)

A:How many days are there iin a week?B:There are seven.A:What are they?B:They are sunday,monday,tuesday,wedseday,thursday,friday and saturday.A:Which is your favourite day?B:Sunday.A:Why?B:Because I have no classes on sunday.