英语幽默笑话短

又短又好笑的英语笑话

总是有些时候莫名其妙的不开心，心情不佳的时候就会办什么都不在状态，你会这样么?这里我收集整理了又短又好笑的英语笑话，让你的心情速速好起来。

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.

He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and starte.

A highly timid little man, Casper Milquetoast, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, 'Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?'

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, 'It's my dog. Why?'

'Well,' squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, 'I believe my dog just killed it, sir.'

'What?' roared the big man in disbelief. 'What in the hell kind of dog do you have?'

'Sir,' answered the little man, 'It's a four week old puppy.'

'Bull!' roared the biker, 'How could your puppy kill my Doberman?'

'It appears that he choked on it, sir.'

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

中文：

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。

小约翰尼站了起来。

“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼?”老师问。

“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

Smith goes to see his boss in the front office. "Boss," he says: "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage."

"We're short-handed, Smith." the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

中文：

史密斯去找他的'老板。“老板，我们家明天有很重的工作要做，我妻子让我修阁楼和车库。”

“可我们很缺人，史密斯。”老板答道，“我不可能放你的假。”

“谢谢，老板。”史密斯说，“我就知道你会帮我。”

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you."

Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash.

Dad asked, "Where is Susie?"

The little girl said, "She will be here in a minute, she ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."

民间笑话是一种颇受人们喜爱的民间叙事类型,材料丰富,有广泛的现实基础。但是它却一直被学界视为不登大雅之堂的小众,研究工作相对薄弱。我整理了较短的幽默 英语笑话 ，欢迎阅读!较短的幽默英语笑话：Rope or Ox? 绳子还是公牛? The man in the prison asked a new comer why he was sent there. The new comer answered: "I am out of luck, I think. A few days ago I was walking in the street when I saw a piece of dirty rope. I thought nobody wanted it and so I picked it up and took it home." "But it is not against the law to pick up a piece of rope and take home!" "I told you I had bad luck, didn't I?" the man sighed, "The trouble is that I didn't notice there was an ox at the other end of that rope." 在监狱里，一个人问新来的犯人为什么被关进来。新来的犯人回答说：“我想我真是倒霉。几天前我在街上走的时候，看到一根脏绳子，以为没人要了，便捡起来带了回家。” “但是，捡一根绳子带回家并不犯法啊!” “我告诉过你我倒霉了吧?”那个人叹了口气，“麻烦的就是我没有注意到绳子的那一头还有一头公牛。” 较短的幽默英语笑话：Senior Class 年长者阶层 During the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that Mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in return. When he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "Can you imagine, " she said. "Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too!" 年长者阶层 医生按期来探视我的老母。我告诉他母亲不几天就要庆祝她98岁的生日了。医生听了也很高兴，为此，他弯下腰来亲了她一下。然后他说不几天他也要庆祝自己的生日，并要求她还他一个吻。 医生走后，我母亲厌恶地摇摇头。“你能想象吗，”她说，“付了他70元，我还得亲他!” 较短的幽默英语笑话：Letter of Recommendation 推荐信 When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation." The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter the next day. The following morning, Peters found a letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for 11 years.When he left us, we were very satisfied." 彼得斯听说自己被解雇了，便去见人力资源部的头头。“既然我在公司干了这么久，”他说，“我想至少该给我一封推荐信。” 人力资源部主任同意了，并说他第二天就可拿到该信。第二天早上，彼得斯在他的桌子上看一封信，上面写道：“乔纳森·彼得斯在我们公司干了11年。当他离去的时候，我们很满意。” 较短的幽默英语笑话： Excel lent Skills 绝妙的技巧 After friends of mine landed at busy Newwark Airport, they were unable to attract the attention of any porters to help with their luggage. In desperation, the husband took out a five-dollar bill and waved it above the crowd. In an instant, a skycap was at his side. Sir, observed the porter, you certainly have excellent communication skills. 绝妙的技巧 我的朋友们在繁忙的纽瓦克机场着陆后，他们却不能招呼到脚夫来帮他们搬行李。无奈，丈夫拿出一张五美元的钞票在人群上面摇晃。 一个带宽边帽的人马上来到他身边。“先生，”脚夫说道，“很明显你有绝妙的交际技巧。” 较短的幽默英语笑话：I'd rather buy a gift 我宁愿买一件礼物 While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad's birthday. "That's okay," he said, "The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey." Mom pondered that idea and then replied "I'd rather buy you a gift." 我宁愿买一件礼物 旅途中，妈妈想起她忘记给爸爸买一件生日礼物。“没关系”，他说，“我最想要的东西是你的爱、忠贞和温顺”。妈妈沉思片刻后回答说，“我宁愿给你买一件礼物”。