英语课堂经典段子

冷笑话是一种新兴的语言现象,伴随着网络的普及它已经渗透到了青年群体的日常生活,偶尔爆出的一两句冷笑话能使交流氛围变得轻松愉悦,也能展示交谈者的幽默和智慧。下面是我带来的经典英语课堂笑话，欢迎阅读!经典英语课堂笑话篇一 After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty." 在将母亲下葬9个月后，当地殡仪馆的一个客户终于攒够了钱去买那副他早就相中的价值不菲的棺材了。他把母亲的棺材挖了出来，将尸体转移到了那副新的钢制棺材中。“这副棺材有什么特别?”，我问葬礼的承办人。他回答说，“这种棺材终生保修。 经典英语课堂笑话篇二 Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets- sorry you didn't win. " 有一次，我收到一封 感谢信 ，是一个我曾帮助过的朋友寄来的。信封内有五张彩票，都被刮过了，露出了数字。“非常感谢您的帮助，”信上写道，“作为礼物，我给您买了些彩票----真遗憾，您没中奖。” 经典英语课堂笑话篇三 A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?" 一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅?” The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit." 获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。” 经典英语课堂笑话篇四 One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim.What happened? Did your father help you?" 一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说："蒂姆，你这次的作业全都做对了，怎么回事?你爸爸帮你做了吗?" "No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it allmyself," said Tim." 不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。" 经典英语课堂笑话篇五 Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow 经典英语课堂笑话篇六 The Preacher Buys a Parrot 传教士买鹦鹉 A preacher is buying a parrot. 一个传教士在买鹦鹉。 "Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher. “你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗?”传教士问。 "Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him. “噢，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主向他保证。 "Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm." “你看见它腿上的那些细绳了吗?当你拉动右边这根，它会背诵天主经;当你拉动左边那根，它会背诵赞美诗。” "Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?" “太棒了!”传教士说，“但是如果我同时拉动两根绳子，会发生什么呢?” "I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot. “我会从树干上掉下去，你这个笨蛋!”鹦鹉尖声说道。 经典英语课堂笑话篇七 Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid." 我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗?”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西?”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。

段子经典英语笑话

看一些英语笑话，既能让我们学到不少英语知识，也能让我们开心，一起来看看段子经典英语笑话吧!

If the boys stare at you, they have guts to suckyourteeth!

如果男生盯着你看， 他们就有胆亲你。

这是电视剧Full House里两个姐妹的对话， 这句话有三个地方很棒， 第一个是stare at you, 就是指盯着人家看的意思， have guts 就是说有胆子的.意思， (这是一个巧合， 中文英文说有胆子都是说有勇气的意思!) 而最后一个 suck your teeth 则是指接吻的意思， 很有趣， 但是像这种句子是小孩子说的， 难登大雅之堂。

接吻还有另外一个口语的用法： smooch 例如 I didn't smooch that girl last night。我昨晚没亲那个女孩。

Amidst the mists and coldest frosts, with stoutest wrists and loudest boasts, he thrusts his fist against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.

A tall eastern girl named Short long loved a big Mr. Little. But Little, thinking little of Short, loved a little lass named Long. To belittle Long. Short announced She would marry Little before long. This caused Little shortly to marry Long. To make a long story short, did tall Short love big Little less because Little loved little Long more?

A Finnish fisher named Fisher failed to fish any fish one Friday afternoon and finally he found out a big fissure in his fishing-net.

A snow-white swan swiftly to catch a slowly-swimming snake in a lake.

A writer named Wright was instructing his little son how to write Wright right. He said: "It is not right to write Wright as 'rite'---try to write Wright aright!"

The Old Cat

An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.

Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."

老猫

一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。

于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。”