英语梗的笑话

英语笑话是指以一句英文短语或一个英文故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑,或是产生幽默感,笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言,笑话是一种艺术方法。下面是我整理的英语爆笑笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

英语笑话一：

我要做的一切就是付钱!All I do is pay

"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My

wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,

and my daughter is foreign secretary."

"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your

position?"

"I’m the people. All I do is pay."

布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子

是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”

“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢?”

“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”

英语笑话二：

喂狗 For the Dog

The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.

"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"

"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"

一家人在饭馆里吃过晚饭，父亲把服务生叫了过来。

”先生，什么事?“服务生问。

”我儿子的盘子里剩下许多肉，“父亲说，”能给我们一个袋子吗?我把剩下的东西带回去喂狗。“

”啊呀，爸爸!“儿子激动地叫喊着。”咱家养狗了吗?“

英语笑话三：

脑移植 A Brain Transplant

The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.

"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."

The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.

The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."

一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。

“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。

病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗?”他问。

医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”

英语笑话四：

不是我的错

It's not my fault

Mother (reprimanding训斥，谴责 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.

Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.

不是我的错

妈妈(正教训她的女儿)：你不该拽猫的尾巴。

女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。

英语笑话五：

Coins in American Currency 美国的硬币

There are 100 cents in a dollar. Coins come in the following denominations: $.01 or 1 cent (a penny,a cent, one cent), $.05 or 5 cents (a nickel, five cents),$.1 or 10 cents (a dime, ten cents), $.25 or 25 cents(a quarter, two bits, twenty-five cents), and $.50 or50 cents (a fifty-cent piece).

Coins are called "change", "small change", or"silver" though they aren’t made of silver anymore.

Coins are generally recognized by their size, butsomebody "goofed" on the dime, which is smaller than either a nickel or a penny. All the others are in size order.

One more word for you: don’t hold out your hand with either bills or coins and expect someone to take the correct change from you. That cannot be done in any Western country.一美元中有一百美分。硬币是按下列币值铸造的：一美分，五美分，十美分，二十五美分，五十美分。

硬币也叫"零钱"，"小钱"，或"银币"，虽然它们不再是用银子铸成的。总的说来，硬币是通过大小来识别的，但总有人把十美分搞错，它比五美分和一美分都要小。其他的都按币值的大小顺序排列。

还有一点要说明：你不能伸出手，托出一把纸币和硬币而希望别人从你那里拿走数目正确的零钱。这在任何西方国家都是不好的。

英语笑话六：

Now We Run 现在我们跑吧

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"

一个牧师正沿着街走路，这时他看到街对面有个小男孩正试图按一所房子的门铃。但这个小孩太小了，门铃又高，他够不着。看到那个小男孩费了很多劲，牧师走近了他。牧师优雅地穿过马路，走到小家伙的背后，轻轻地把手放在小男孩肩头，按响了门铃。他弯下身子，微笑着问道：“接下来怎么办，孩子?”小男孩回答说：“接下来我们跑。”

#英语小笑话#英语和中文一样，都有各自的特色，笑话也是大有不同，接下来我们就来看看一些英语中的笑话吧~ 1. Why is the doctor so angry?为什么医生那么生气？ A: Because he has no patience. 因为他没有耐心呀。 笑点：耐心=patience，病人=patient 一语双关2. What do you call an alligator in a vest?鳄鱼穿了背心会变成什么？ A: An Investigator. 调查员 笑点：这个点在读音，investigator = in + vest + alligator3. Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?你为什么不能给Elsa（《冰雪奇缘》女主角）气球？ A: Because she will Let it go. 因为她会让气球跑掉。 笑点：《冰雪奇缘》的主题曲就是“Let it go”。小朋友一定能知道这个梗。4. What do you call a computer that sings?会唱歌的电脑叫什么？ A: A-Dell Adele 笑点：A Dell（一台戴尔电脑）和著名歌手Adele也是谐音。 5. What do you get from a pampered cow?一头被宠坏的奶牛会给你些什么？ A: Spoiled milk. 坏掉的牛奶。 笑点：Spoil做动词是“宠溺”，spoiled做形容词也有变质的意思。一语双关。6. What do you call a bee that lives in America?住在美国的蜜蜂叫啥？ A: USB 笑点：美国是U.S. U.S.+ bee = USB7.Your brain has two parts: left &right. Your left brain has nothing right, Your right brain has nothing left.你的大脑有两个部分：左脑和右脑，你的左脑里没有右脑的东西，你的右脑里没有左脑的东西。笑点解析：right同上；left作形容词时意为左边的，作leave的过去分词使用时意为剩下的。所以后面两句还可以理解为“你的左脑里没有一点正确的东西，你的右脑里什么也不剩。”（我才不会直接说你笨呢）。今日的小笑话先讲到这儿，你还知道哪些呢？ 今日词汇: not so much as …甚至于…都没有set sb to do 使某人做 be determined upon … 对…意志坚定 a strip of 呈条带状的一片 divide sth into 把...分成 at the end of 在...尽头；在...结束时 a great deal of 大量 look back upon 回忆；回顾

下面是我整理的一些关于经典 英语笑话 7篇，欢迎大家阅读!

经典英语笑话一：咒语

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

一个男人找到一个巫婆，要求她解开一条困扰了自己40年的咒语。

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

巫婆说："或许我可以做的到，但你必须一字不落地告诉我下咒的时候说的那句咒语。"

The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."

男人毫不犹豫的答道：“‘我现在宣布你们成为夫妇。’”

经典英语笑话二：世界各地的蹩脚英语

①If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself。

日本旅馆：如果您想调节您房间的温度，请控制您自己。

②Please don't feed the animals. If you have any food, please give it to the guard on duty。

匈牙利动物园：请不要给动物喂食。如果您有食品，请喂给值班警卫。

③Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar。

挪威酒吧：女士们不要在酒吧里生孩子。

④Fur coats made for ladies from their skins。

瑞典皮货商店：为女士们制作的皮大衣，是用她们的皮制成的。

⑤Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists 。

香港牙科诊所：由最新的卫理公会教徒给您拔牙。

⑥Drop your trousers here for best results。

泰国的干洗店：在这里脱掉您的裤子，等待最好的结果。

⑦Specialist in women and other diseases。

意大利妇科诊所：我们是women和其他疾病的专家。

⑧Welcome to the cemetery where famous Russian artists are buried daily except Thursday。

俄国公墓：欢迎访问这个公墓，许多著名的俄国艺术家每天埋在这里，但星期四不埋。

⑨We take your bags and send them in all directions。

丹麦机场：我们将拿走您的行李，送往四面八方。

⑩The manager has personally passed all water served here。

墨西哥旅馆：旅馆经理将亲自为您撒尿。

经典英语笑话三：送出去还有的东西

What can Santa give away and still keep?

Answer: a cold.

什么东西圣诞老人可以分送出去，自己却也还留着?

答案：感冒。

经典英语笑话四：圣诞老人的 爱好

What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?

Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么?

答案：锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意，ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)

铅笔

What do you do if one of Santa’s reindeer swallows your pencil?

Answer: use a pen.

若圣诞老人的驯鹿吃掉你的铅笔该怎么办?

答案：用原子笔

经典英语笑话五：1000元的脑筋急转弯

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.

Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?

圣诞节 前夕，圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯，门还未开前，三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票，猜猜谁会将它捡起?

Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!

答案：当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么?因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。

经典英语笑话六：Cry

"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

"But has he finished his own cake?"

"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

“汤姆，你弟弟怎么了?” 妈妈在厨房里问。“他在哭。”

“没事儿，妈妈，”汤姆答道。“我在吃我的 蛋糕 。他哭是因为我不给他吃。”

“他已经吃完自己的了么?”

“是的。”“我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。”

经典英语笑话七：可怜的男人

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

Bartender: "That should make you happy."

The man: "No, the month is up today!"

一个男人坐在酒吧里，伤心至极。

酒吧招待：“你怎么了?跟老婆闹矛盾了?”

男人：“我们吵了一架，她说一个月都不跟我说话。”

酒吧招待：“那你应该高兴才是啊!”

男人：“不，今天是这个月的最后一天。”