饕餮飨宴
共4条回答341浏览
-
杨杨杨远远2小时前发布-
笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言，笑话是一种艺术 方法 ，用这种方法造成以笑为艺术手段的文学艺术作品。下面是我整理的英语幽默笑话6篇，欢迎大家阅读!
英语笑话 一：Is he dying?
A man was sitting in a bar with tears streaming down his face. A friend walked in and asked why he was so unhappy. The weeping one said, The doctor has just told me I'll have to take these tablets for the rest of my life.
Cheerfully, his friend pointed out that many people have to take tablets every day of their life. Sure, came the reply, but he only gave me ten.
一个男人坐在酒吧里痛哭流泪。一个朋友走进来问他为何如此伤心。那人哭着说：刚才医生告诉我，在我的余生里都要吃这些药片。
他的朋友很轻松地指出，许多人一辈子每天都要吃药。当然，男人回答说：但是他只给了我十片。
英语笑话二：The blonde and the farmer
There was a blonde that was so sick of blonde jokes she died her hair red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she took a ride in the country one Saturday afternoon. While on this ride, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take&n......。
一个金发女郎，是那么恶心的黄色笑话她把头发染成红色。笑话停了下来，她觉得很好，她在农村的一个搭车的星期六下午。而在这旅程，她注意到一群羊，停下车来把......。
英语笑话三：太晚了 It's Too Late
A medical student was called on to state how much of a certain drug he would give to a patient. He promptly replied: "Five grains."
A minute later the student asked the professor, "May I correct my answer?" The professor looked at his watch and said: "It's too late. Your patient died thirty seconds ago."
一个医科学生被要求说明他给病人服的那种药的用量。他立即回答道：“五粒。”
一分钟后，这个学生问教授：“我可以改正我的回答吗?”教授看看手表，说：“太晚啦，你的病人已在30秒钟以前死了。”
英语笑话四：The Fish Net
Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?
“你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安?” 老师发问道。
A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.
“把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。”小女孩回答道。
英语笑话五：脑移植 A Brain Transplant
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。
“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。
病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗?”他问。
医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”
英语笑话六：最丑的孩子
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
一位女士抱着她的宝宝上公交车，司机看到后说：“额，那是我这辈子见过的最丑的小孩。”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
女士走到车厢后面坐下，感到很愤怒。她对旁边的男士说：“司机刚刚羞辱了我。”男士回应说：“你快上去斥责他。去吧，我替你抱着你的猴子。”
英语笑话七：我娶了你的姐妹
A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
一位妇人发现丈夫回家的时候总是烂醉如泥，她决定为丈夫治好这个毛病。一个 万圣节 夜里，她穿上一套魔鬼戏服，躲在树后，准备在丈夫返家时拦截他的去路。
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
当丈夫走近时，她从树后跳出来，站到他面前，头上带着红色的羊角、身后有长长的尾巴，手中握着钢叉。
"Who are you?" he asked.
“你是谁?”丈夫问到。
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"
“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫说，“我娶了你的姐妹!”
-
-
-
1、英语笑话（一）
老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！
2、英语笑话（二）
某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hong tao liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！
3、英语笑话（三）
江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。
翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."
翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."
4、英语笑话（四）
话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I AM后羿！」
B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特！」
轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」
5、英语笑话（五）
某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry.
老外应道：I am sorry too.
某人听后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?
某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.
6、英语笑话（六）
一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOyOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”
后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！”
日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”
7、英语笑话（七）
传说克林顿和教皇同一天去世，上帝搞错了，把克林顿送上了天堂，而把教皇送入了 地狱。发现错误后上帝马上改了回来，路上二人相遇。 精彩继续教皇：感谢上帝，我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了（Virgin Maria）. 克林顿（坏笑中）：Sorry，it"s too late.
8、英语笑话（八）
小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站着看。
小强转头就对老外说：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see.
老外回答说:Sorry I don’t understand your English.
小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文....
踩了一个老外的脚，为了显示咱国家是有名的礼仪之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是礼貌有加，就来个sorry too.
two??the chinese puzzled.恩，咱中国人还不是得礼尚往来？！~那就I am sorry three~ 这下老外蒙了，一句what are you sorry for?
晕，还有完没完啊，还FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，Iam sorry five~(who怕 who？！~）
9、英语笑话（九）
我朋友在南大看到一非洲老外：“hello，你妈是猴儿。”老外用纯正的天津话说：“你妈是大猩猩！”
10、英语笑话（十）
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
-
-
-
下面是我整理的一些关于经典 英语笑话 7篇，欢迎大家阅读!
经典英语笑话一：咒语
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
一个男人找到一个巫婆，要求她解开一条困扰了自己40年的咒语。
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
巫婆说："或许我可以做的到，但你必须一字不落地告诉我下咒的时候说的那句咒语。"
The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."
男人毫不犹豫的答道：“‘我现在宣布你们成为夫妇。’”
经典英语笑话二：世界各地的蹩脚英语
①If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself。
日本旅馆：如果您想调节您房间的温度，请控制您自己。
②Please don't feed the animals. If you have any food, please give it to the guard on duty。
匈牙利动物园：请不要给动物喂食。如果您有食品，请喂给值班警卫。
③Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar。
挪威酒吧：女士们不要在酒吧里生孩子。
④Fur coats made for ladies from their skins。
瑞典皮货商店：为女士们制作的皮大衣，是用她们的皮制成的。
⑤Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists 。
香港牙科诊所：由最新的卫理公会教徒给您拔牙。
⑥Drop your trousers here for best results。
泰国的干洗店：在这里脱掉您的裤子，等待最好的结果。
⑦Specialist in women and other diseases。
意大利妇科诊所：我们是women和其他疾病的专家。
⑧Welcome to the cemetery where famous Russian artists are buried daily except Thursday。
俄国公墓：欢迎访问这个公墓，许多著名的俄国艺术家每天埋在这里，但星期四不埋。
⑨We take your bags and send them in all directions。
丹麦机场：我们将拿走您的行李，送往四面八方。
⑩The manager has personally passed all water served here。
墨西哥旅馆：旅馆经理将亲自为您撒尿。
经典英语笑话三：送出去还有的东西
What can Santa give away and still keep?
Answer: a cold.
什么东西圣诞老人可以分送出去，自己却也还留着?
答案：感冒。
经典英语笑话四：圣诞老人的 爱好
What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?
Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.
圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么?
答案：锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意，ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)
铅笔
What do you do if one of Santa’s reindeer swallows your pencil?
Answer: use a pen.
若圣诞老人的驯鹿吃掉你的铅笔该怎么办?
答案：用原子笔
经典英语笑话五：1000元的脑筋急转弯
On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.
Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?
圣诞节 前夕，圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯，门还未开前，三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票，猜猜谁会将它捡起?
Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!
答案：当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么?因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。
经典英语笑话六：Cry
"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."
"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."
"But has he finished his own cake?"
"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."
“汤姆，你弟弟怎么了?” 妈妈在厨房里问。“他在哭。”
“没事儿，妈妈，”汤姆答道。“我在吃我的 蛋糕 。他哭是因为我不给他吃。”
“他已经吃完自己的了么?”
“是的。”“我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。”
经典英语笑话七：可怜的男人
A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.
Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"
The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."
Bartender: "That should make you happy."
The man: "No, the month is up today!"
一个男人坐在酒吧里，伤心至极。
酒吧招待：“你怎么了?跟老婆闹矛盾了?”
男人：“我们吵了一架，她说一个月都不跟我说话。”
酒吧招待：“那你应该高兴才是啊!”
男人：“不，今天是这个月的最后一天。”
-
-
我爱娟子12小时前发布-
1、爆笑英语小笑话1：Who are stupid？谁蠢？
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid stand up!”
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said “Do you think you’re stupid Johnny?”
“No ma’am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
2、爆笑英语小笑话2：A great man一名伟人
Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a greatman if he were still alive today?
Student: Of course. He must be a great man for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.
老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？
学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。
3、爆笑英语小笑话3：Two Cute dogs
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper “Does
your dog bite?”
The shopkeeper says “No my dog does not bite.”
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch” he says “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”
The shopkeeper replies “That is not my dog.”
一个男人走进了一家商店，看到了一个可爱的小狗，于是他问店主：“你的狗咬人吗？”
店主说：“不，我的狗不咬人。”
这个男人就试图抚摸狗，然后狗咬了他。“哎呀”他说：“我还以为你说你的狗不咬人呢！”
店主和他说：“那不是我的狗。”
4、爆笑英语小笑话4：Four gold teeth四颗金牙
6.Policeman: Why didn’t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth they’d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。
5、爆笑英语小笑话5：Barking dogs don’t bite吠狗不咬人
The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.
“It’s all right” said a gentleman “don’t be afraid. Don’t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don’t bite?”
“Ah yes” answered the little girl. “I know the proverb but does the dog know the proverb too?”
一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
-
