英语笑话5分钟

50 have personal car glass is often break, though nothing and something stolen, but the light in glass will spend a lot of money, then he will have an idea, a "car didn't anything of value" poster on glass, wish all day, but should get up, glass was broken, and he was beside the poster more words: "excuse me, just to prove it."51. Three pursuit vogue female students in class discussions with students at the time tomorrow to wear clothes. JiaSheng: "uh... I think I wear black dress well, because my hair is black." B born after listening to it, then, "then I wear white hair white dress! Dad!" C JiaSheng after birth and after birth, suddenly said, "my father is a sound here.i is bald!"52. One day off by tram xiaoming, someone accidentally stepped back to his feet, someone: sorry... Xiao Ming: it's someone: don't know how to speak Ming: that doesn't matter, the streetcar unavoidably will trample feet of someone:... At the station I stepped on the dog shit before53 have individual find hotel, decide on the car to sleep in the middle of the night, somebody knocked on his car, ask him the time, the midnight interruptions was angry, and he had a note in the window, "I lost" will have a little girl at the window. "sir, is this watch you away?" And he said, "I was changed the watch is broken." Again someone knock window "sir, watch?" . Rage branches, "I don't know the time." I do not know how long after, greet each other on his old car "boy, is now 3 a.m."54. The military conscription animals to fight and forest animals all want to medical first monkey is not to look at his army and his tail teeth to bite a malicious his broken in. Doctor said: monkey tail, is disabled, not a soldier. The second rabbit see monkeys after this act resolutely put his long ears to break in... Doctor said: rabbit ears is broken, it is disabled, not a soldier. The third to bear. "My ear so short tail with no about?" Good rabbit and the monkey to help him to.. Suddenly the monkey: I know your teeth interrupt you if handicapped! So the monkey and rabbit ruthlessly K was a black bear his teeth all interrupt. Bear pain but also very happy, although in the physical, enfolding her black soon mouth out crying... Wow... They said I was too fat without a soldier55. We want to jump a giant art terrible ballroom dancing -- should be carried high leg rapid fall, extreme difficulty movement. Results no lian days, then everyone can have a green, some body muscle... My leg is injured in the very serious, doesn't work that way! Today, the third floor, oh, my class is just the right leg straight first-order first-order send up. Most exasperating -- are walking, listen to the next two girls whispered, "muttered the school is normal or cities that were in our hometown, the polio couldn't go to school!!"56. One day, two rare steak cooked steak met four points, both why didn't say hello? Because ~ ~ ~ ~ it both don't cooked57. A group of great scientists died in paradise to play hide and Einstein to catch a person, he opened his eyes, and saw 100 all hide, Newton still standing there. Einstein walked past say: "I hold you Newton," Newton: "no, you didn't catch Newton." Einstein: "you not Newton and who are you?" Newton: "you see my feet?" Einstein's head to see Newton stand on a meter square aspect is on the floor, puzzled. Newton: "my feet, this is a square meters, standing in the square meters above is Newton /, so you catch hold of you, not Newton's PASCAL"58. A very strict rules, university of YeBuGuiSu will be fired! Three brothers came back late, ready to turn wall in, a brother carefully probe look inside the wall, see a migrant workers stood quietly asked: "this is the school security?" Migrant workers to do a very calm "ok" gestures. Three boys in such an ecstasy, crouch hole in the wall, the three school security successful captured! Take three boys back to before, "you are not drawn migrant workers told us' ok?" Migrant workers bitter way: "I not finger than, tell you have" three "!"59. Two tomato go shopping. A tomato suddenly went quickly, the second tomato ask: we want to go where?? A tomato has no answer, so two tomato asked again. 1 again the tomatoes have no answer, so two tomato again ask again. A tomato finally turned slowly say: we are not tomatoes, we will talk?? !60 day, the kangaroo drive on a country road, suddenly see small white rabbit drove in the middle of the road, ears and body on the ground seemed almost completely in listening. So stop. Kangaroo very curiously ask: "small white rabbit, excuse me you listen to?" "Half an hour before there is a big truck through..." wakao.. So god! .. How do you know? "He NN! My neck and legs is so.....61. "get rid of depression, psychological doctor ordered patients," let your everyday life full of passion, enthusiasm, and work with ground up. Anyway, enthusiastically to do every thing." A week later, the patient came back again, look more than in the past, the doctor asked his melancholy is not as directed by a physician. "That's the problem," patient replied: "I got to eat, passionate, then kissed and his wife that I work was two hours late, fired."50.有个人车子玻璃常被打破， 虽然没啥东西被偷， 但是光换玻璃就要花很多钱， 于是他就想了一个点子， 贴一张“车内没值钱的东西”的海报在玻璃上， 心想应该没事了，谁知隔天起床， 玻璃又被打破了， 而他的海报旁多了几个字：“对不起，只是想证实一下。” 51.三位追求时尚的女同学，在下课时间讨论着明天同学会上要穿的衣服。 甲生："呃...我想我穿黑色礼服好了，因为我爸头发是黑色的。" 乙生听了之后，便如法炮制， "那我就穿白色礼服啰！我爸头发白了!" 丙生听完甲生和以生说的话后，突然惨叫一声， "我爸是秃头啦!" 52.某日小明下班搭电车回家，某人不小心踩到小明的脚 某人：对不起...... 小明：没关系 某人：不知该如何说起 小明：没关系啦，电车里难免都会踩到脚的 某人：......我在车站前踩到狗大便 53.有个人找不到旅馆，决定在车里睡一夜，半夜里有人敲他车窗，问他几点了，半夜被人打扰很不爽的啊，于是他在车窗上贴了个纸条“我的表丢了”过了会有个小女孩敲他车窗“先生，这表是你掉的吗？” 也是他把纸条改了“我的表坏了”。又有人敲车窗“先生，修表吗？”。暴怒，枝条又改成“我不知道时间”。不知过了多久，一个慈眉善目的老太太敲他车窗“小伙子，现在是凌晨3点” 54.军队征召动物们从军去打仗 于是森林里的动物全都要来体检 排第一的猴子很不想从军去 他看看他的长尾巴 于是牙一咬狠下心来把他折断 进去后... 军医说：猴子尾巴断了，是残障，不用当兵啦.... 第二的兔子看到猴子这般行为后 也毅然决然的把他的长耳朵给折断了 进去后... 军医说：兔子耳朵断了，是残障，不用当兵啦... 排第三的黑熊心想.. "我耳朵那么短尾巴有跟没有差不多怎么办呢？" 好心的兔子与猴子来帮他想办法.. 忽然猴子大呼：我知道了把你的牙打断你就算残障啦！ 于是猴子与兔子狠狠地K了黑熊一顿 把他的牙全打断..... 黑熊虽然痛但也很开心地进去体检了 不久后，只见黑熊捂着嘴出来 哭着说...... 我靠....他们说我太胖不用当兵啦 55.艺术节我们要跳一个巨可怕的集体舞——需有急速摔倒、高抬腿等暴烈难度的动作。结果没练几天大家就都受不了，有的浑身是青，有的肌肉拉伤……我右腿就伤得非常严重，根本不听使唤！今天到三楼上课，天啊，我简直就是把右腿直着一阶一阶的往上提送。最可气的是——正走着，只听后面两个女孩低声嘀咕道："还是大城市的学校比较正规些，这要是在我们老家，小儿麻痹的根本不能上学！！" 56.有天，两分熟的牛排遇到四分熟的牛排，它俩为什么没有打招呼呢？因为~~~~它俩都不熟 57.一群伟大的科学家死后在天堂里玩藏猫猫，轮到爱因斯坦抓人，他数到100睁开眼睛，看到所有人都藏起来了，只有牛顿还站在那里。 爱因斯坦走过去说：“牛顿，我抓住你了” 牛顿：“不，你没有抓到牛顿。” 爱因斯坦：“你不是牛顿你是谁？” 牛顿：“你看我脚下是什么？” 爱因斯坦低头看到牛顿站在一块长宽都是一米的正方形的地板砖上，不解。 牛顿：“我脚下这是一平方米的方块，我站在上面就是牛顿/平方米，所以你抓住的不是牛顿，你抓住的是帕斯卡” 58.某大学校规极严厉，夜不归宿将开除！有三哥们回来晚了，准备翻墙进来，一兄弟很小心地探头看墙内 ，见一民工站此，小声问：“有学校保安没？”民工很镇定地做了个“ok”手势。三男生一阵狂喜，翻墙进去，被蹲坑在此的三个学校保安成功抓获！带走前，三男生回头向民工哀怨道“你不是告诉我们‘ok’吗？”民工苦涩道：“我不是用手指比了吗，告诉你们有‘三个’啊!” 59.两颗番茄去逛街。 第一颗番茄突然走的很快，第二颗番茄就问：我们要去哪里阿？？ 第一颗番茄没回答，所以第二颗番茄又问了一次。 第一颗又番茄没回答，所以第二颗番茄又再问了一次。 第一颗番茄终于慢慢转头说： 我们不是番茄吗，我们会讲话吗？！ 60.一天，袋鼠开着车在乡村小路上转悠，突然看到小白兔在路中央，耳朵及身体几乎完全趴在地上似乎在听什么... 于是.袋鼠停下车很好奇地问：“小白兔，请问一下你在听什么？” “半小时前这里有一辆大货车经过... “哇靠..这么神！..你是怎么知道的？” “他NN的！我的脖子和腿就是这么断的. .61.“摆脱忧郁”，心理医生嘱咐病人，“让热情充满你每天的生活，热情满怀地起床、上班。总之，热情地去做每件事”。 一周后，病人又回来了，看起来比过去更加忧郁，医生问他是不遵医嘱做了。“这正是问题所在”，病人答道：“我满怀热情地起床、吃饭，然后与妻子吻别，以至于我上班晚了两个小时，被解雇了。”

Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Nest and Hair My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. "What kind of bird?" my sister asked. "I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child. "Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her . "Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. " Notes: (1) inform v.告诉 (2) nest n.窝；巢 (3) description n.描述 (4) encourage v.鼓励 (5) resemble v. 相似；类似 鸟窝与头发 我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。 “是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。 “那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。 “哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。” I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! " Notes: (1) poisonous adj.有毒的 (2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。 我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?" 摔倒的女人 上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？” 英语笑话（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。 英语笑话（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 英语笑话（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。” 英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。 英语笑话（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?" 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf在一个乡村路上，一警察让这个农民靠边停车，说：“先生，你意识到你的妻子在几公里前从车上掉下去了吗？”农民回答说：“感谢上帝，我还以为我聋了呢！”Boxing and Running Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box." Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."拳击和赛跑 丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。” 朋友： “如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办？” 丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I’d know him anywhere," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问,"发生了什么事？“ ”一个男孩咬了我一口，“伊凡说。 ”再见到他时你能认出来吗?"妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里呢。” Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand? Matthew: Very Cold, sir. Teacher: Wrong. Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen! 老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样？ 马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。 老师：错了。 马修：可是，先生！从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。1.When Was Rome Built? 罗马是什么时候建成的？ Teacher: When was Rome built? Tom: At night. Teacher: Who told you that? Tom: You did. You said Rome wasn't built in a day. 老师：罗马是什么时候建成的？ 汤姆：在夜里建成的。 老师：谁告诉你的？ 汤姆：是您啊。您说过罗马不是在一个白天建成的。 2.He Knows the Answer 他知道答案 Teacher: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century? Pupil: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead. 教师：你能告诉我一些有关十八世纪的伟大科学家的事情吗？ 学生：我能，先生。他们都死了。 3.Where do babies come from? 小孩从哪里来？ I asked my father where babies come from. He says you download them from the Internet. 我问爸爸小孩是从哪里来的，他说是从网上下载的。 4.An Essential Correction 实质性的纠正 Teacher: Walter, why don’t you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning. Walter: What was it? Teacher: Eggs. Walter: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday. 老 师：沃尔特，你为什么不洗脸?我看得出你今天早饭吃了什么。 沃尔特：我吃了什么？ 老 师：鸡蛋。 沃尔特：错了，老师。那是昨天吃的。 5. I Don’t Feel Like Getting into an Argument 我不想争论 “Gerald,” asked the teacher, “what is the shape of the earth?” “It's round,” answered Gerald. “How do you know it's round?” continued the teacher. “All right, it’s square then,” he replied, “ I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!” “杰拉尔德，”老师说，“地球是什么形状的？” “是圆形的，”杰拉尔德回答。 “你怎么知道是圆的？”老师继续问。 “好，那就是方的吧，”他回答说。“我真的不想和您争论这件事！” 6.Three Reasons 三个理由 Teacher: Bob, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round. Bob: Mum says so, Dad says so, and you say so! 老师：鲍勃，说出三条理由来证实地球是圆的。 鲍勃：妈妈是这么说的，爸爸是这么说的，您也是这么说的！ 7.Who Should be Given the Present? 礼物该给谁？ A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present, “Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told?” he inquired. There was silence and then a chorus of voices: “You play with it, Daddy!” 一个有五个孩子的父亲带着一件玩具回到家里，把孩子们召集来问这件礼物应该给谁。“谁最听话，从不和妈妈顶嘴，让干什么就干什么？”他问道。 大家都不吭声。过了一会儿，孩子们异口同声地说：“爸爸，您玩儿吧。” 8.Big Head 大脑袋 “All the kids make fun of me,” The boy cried to his mother. “They say I have a big head.” “Don't listen to them,” his mother consoled. “You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes.” “Where's the shopping bag?” “I haven't got one, use your hat.” “所有的孩子都拿我取乐，”小男孩哭着跟妈妈说：“他们说我长了一个大脑袋。” “别听他们的，”他妈妈安慰说。“你的脑袋长得很漂亮。好了，别哭了, 去到店里买10磅土豆来。” “兜子在哪儿呢？” “我没有兜子——就用你的帽子吧。”

只找到这么多了肉I Wasn't Asleep When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!" "I wasn't asleep," the man answered. "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed." "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car." 我没有睡着 当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！” “我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。 “没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？” “我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”The poor husband"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.可怜的丈夫“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”Where is the father? 推荐各种图片笑话给你→ Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父亲在哪儿？ 兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。 “看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！” “是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？” 哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”Does the dog know the proverb, too? The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog. "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?" "Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?" 狗也知道这个谚语吗？ 一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。 “没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’” “啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？” 一 Can we have our teacher back？ Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back?" 能让我们的老师回去吗？ 有一次，一位督学去视察一个只有三间教室的学校。一间教室非常吵闹，因此督学抓住其中一个正在站着说话的人，把他带进另一间教室，并让他站在墙角。五分钟以后，一个小男孩从第一间教室走进来，问道，“您什么时候能让我们的老师回去呢？” 二 Who's More Polite? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down. 谁更有礼貌？ 一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。 三 Expensive Price Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth. Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂贵的代价 牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了

in the lift （在电梯里）two men, one is a Chinese (maybe), another is an Americanthe Chinese man steps on American's feet, then CM: I am sorry. AM: I am sorry, too. CM: I am sorry ,three. AM: What are you sorry for? CM: I am sorry five.

笑话第一篇（这篇若外国人看了一定会笑）Adam and Joseph were talking about their families.Adam said,"My grandfather was a very good conductor before he died""Was he a musician?" joseph asked."No,"said Adam,"he was struck by lightning."亚当和约瑟正在谈及他们的家人。亚当说：「我祖父在他死前是一个很好的conductor(conductor可作指挥，或导电体解）约瑟问：「他是不是一个音乐家？」亚当说：「不是，他是被雷电击中」第二个笑话The Bishop spoke to the congregation about the shortage of priests and nuns."Too many of you are only having one child and letting them go off into other professions. I propose that each family should have three children: one for the father, one for mother and one for the church."A few days later, the bishop was out shopping when he saw a pregnant woman from his parish. But before he could say hello, she shouted above the crowd,"This one is yours, Bishop!"有一个主教对他的会众说及，神父和修女的短缺。他说：「你们当中太多人只生一个孩子，并让他们从事其他行业。我建议每个家庭应有三个孩子，一个为著爸爸，一个为著妈妈，一个为著教会。」几天后，主教外出购物，并看到一个他教区的孕妇，在他向她问安之先，她当众大声地说：「主教，这个孩子是你的！」......................................................................1) A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible.The little girl said, *When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah*.The teacher asked, *What if Jonah went to hell?*The little girl replied, *Then you ask him!*2) A student comes to a young professor*s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.*I would do anything to pass this exam,* she says.She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. *I mean,* she whispers, *I would do anything...*He returns her gaze, *Anything?**Anything.*His voice softens, *Anything?**Anything,* she repeats again. His voice turns to a whisper. *Would you ... study?*

Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!! 拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"