英语笑话书

这里的英语笑话都有译文!A teacher said to her class: "Who was the first man?" “George Washington," a little boy shouted promptly. "How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?" asked the teacher, smiling indulgently. "Because, " said the little boy, "he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen." But at this point a larger boy held up his hand. "Well," said the teacher to him, "who do you think was the first man?" "I don't know what his name was," said the larger boy, "but I know it wasn't George Washington, ma'am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him." 有个老师问班上的学生： “谁是第一个男人？” “乔治·华盛顿，”一个小男孩当即叫道。 “你怎么知道乔治·华盛顿是第一个男人呢？”老师问道，宽容地微笑着。 小男孩说：“因为他是战时第一，和时第一，国人心中第一。” 这时一个大点儿的男孩举起手来。 “那么，”老师对他说，“你认为谁是第一个男人呢？” “我不知道他的名字，”大点儿的男孩说，“但我知道不是乔治·华盛顿，老师。因为历史书上说，乔治·华盛顿取了一个寡妇，所以在他前面肯定还有一个男人。”

弟弟说：太阳的胆子真小！哥哥说：何以见得呢？弟弟说：因为它要白天才敢出来呢！

精品英语笑话故事（精选6篇）

口香糖有助于他们防止耳鸣。飞机着陆后，困惑怎么才能把口香糖从耳朵里面取出来呢?以下是我为你带来精品英语笑话故事，欢迎阅读。

It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.

我己经很多年没做眼睛检查了。我妻子总是催我去挂个号。她越是督我，我越是耽搁不去。最后，她替我挂了个号。

The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,

在我去见医生的前一天，我的情绪特别好。我对妻于又是亲又是抱，还说她是我眼里最漂亮的女人.

"That does it,”she said.“I'm canceling your appointment."

她说:“这回眼睛没问题了，那我现在就去把号退了。”

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers, when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs: "I pray for a bicycle. I pray for a new toy."

两个小男孩在祖父母家过夜。睡觉的时候，两个小男孩跪在床边开始祈祷，这时小一些的孩子扯开嗓子大声喊道：“我祈求得到一辆自行车。我祈求有一个新玩具。”

His older brother leaned over, nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

他的哥哥靠过来，用肘轻碰他说：“你为什么这么大声喊叫呢？上帝又不是聋子。”

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

弟弟回答说：“是的，但是奶奶听不到呀！”

A tourist passing through South Dakota stopped at a blood bank to make a donation. Afterward，he was resting on a cot and saw another donor, who appeared to be a Native American.

有个旅行者在穿越南达科这州时，在一家肤血站献了血.献血后他坐在一张小床上休息。这时，他见到另一个人前来献血.那个人看起来好像是美国的本土人。这个旅行家于是就和他攀谈起来。“你是不是住在路那边的苏族印地安人保护区?”

The tourist struck up a conversation and asked,”Do you live on the Sioux reservation up the road?"

“没错儿。”那人回答.

"Yes，"the man replied.

“你是百分之百血统的苏族印地安人吗?”

"Are you a full-blooded Sioux?"

“噢，不能完全这么说?. "那人说:“我现在就缺少了一品脱的血.”

"Well，actually，no，"said the man. "Right now I'm a pint low. "

After my husband，John，and I moved to Michigan from Nebraska，our new friends，proud of their beautiful tree一lined roads，teased us about the Mid-west's dull，flat，treeless land. When my parents，Nebraska farmers，visited us，I asked them about their trip.

我和丈夫约翰从内布拉斯加搬到密西根后，我们新认识的朋友们总为他们美丽的`林荫大过引以为荣.他们嘲讽我们的中西部平原荒凉、贫瘩，连株枯树都没有。后来我父母从内布拉斯加的老家来看我们，我问他们对旅途的感受。

What a boring drive，"my father replied."Once you get to Michigan, there's nothing to see but trees."

我父亲抱怨着:“枯澡，乏味，一进入密西根，除了树什么都没有。”

The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a story. From time to time, she would take her eyes’ off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.

小女孩坐在祖父的膝上读故事。她时不时的从书上转移视线抬起头来碰到他褶皱的脸。随后她摸摸自己的脸颊又回去摸摸祖父的。

Finally she spoke, "Granddaddy, did God make you?"

最后她问：“爷爷，是上帝创造的你吗？”

"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

“是啊，甜心。”他回答道：“上帝很久前创造出了我。”

"Oh" she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?"

“喔。”她回答。接着又问道：“爷爷，上帝也创造了我吗？”

"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."

“是啊，当然了宝贝。”他向她保证：“上帝只是不久前创造的你。”

"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"

“喔。”她回答。又分别感受了两人的脸颊，边观察边说：“上帝的技术越来越好了，是不？”

Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning,

小强尼说：“妈妈，今天早上和爸爸在公车上时，

he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

他叫我让座给一位女士。”

"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

妈妈说：“你做得很对呀。”

"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

“但是，妈妈，我是坐在爸爸膝盖上的。”

英语笑话（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。 英语笑话（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 英语笑话（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。” 英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。 英语笑话（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?" 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。 英语笑话（七）Advice for "Kid" A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid." 忠告“年轻者” 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话， 千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。” 英语笑话（八）Which woman? One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield." My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?" 哪一位女人？ 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。” 我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？” 英语笑话（九）The doctor lives downstairs "Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs." 医生住在楼下 “医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。 “我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。” 他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。” 英语笑话（十）One Engine Left A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult." Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late." At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!" 只剩一个引擎 一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。” 回答者：lovemydream - 高级经理 七级 7-5 10:08 提问者对于答案的评价： 嘻嘻 评价已经被关闭 目前有 8 个人评价 好 50% （4） 不好 50% （4） 对最佳答案的评论 GOOD! 评论者： YABNV - 魔法学徒 一级 其他回答共 2 条 Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理 A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?" 逻辑推理 小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？” [注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。 Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife？你停止打你老婆了吗? This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses． One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations． “I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel．“There is no need for you to argue the point！” “But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness． “There are not！” snapped the lawyer． “Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：“Have you ceased beating your wife？” 这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师，他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。 有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。 “我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辩护律师怒喝道： “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。” “可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。 “不存在这样的问题！”律师厉声打断他。 “噢，”证人说：“那么请你回答这个问题：“你停止打你老婆了吗？” Two Birds Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 鱼网 "你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。 "把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。 昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打” Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？ 体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗？ Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night. 尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢！ Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it. 老师：那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。 Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.” 尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”