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壁虎荡秋千2小时前发布-
下面是我整理的经典幽默 英语笑话 ，欢迎大家阅读!
经典幽默英语笑话：The New Baby
Mr.and Mrs.Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat.Now Mrs.Taylor was expecting another child.
Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.
One evening Mr.and Mrs.Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival.This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，said Mr.Taylor.
Pat came into the room just then and said，What are you talking about?We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，his mother answered.
It's no use，said Pat hopelessly. He'll follow us there.
新生儿
泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩，名叫帕特。现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。
帕特在别人家看见过婴儿，他不太喜欢他们，所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。
一天晚上，泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。泰勒先生说：有了婴儿，我们的房子就太小，不够住了。
帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋，他问：你们在说什么?他的母亲回答说：我们在说我们现在得搬家，因为婴儿就要诞生了。
那没用，帕特绝望地说。他会跟我们到那儿去的。
经典幽默英语笑话：What Are The Two Words?
A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.My dear， said the old lady，I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that?
Why，sure，Granny，said the girl.What are the two words?
是哪两个词?
一个非常高贵的老夫人有几句话要对她的孙女说。我亲爱的，老夫人说：我希望你能帮我一个忙。我要你答应永远不要用两个词。一个是‘讨厌的’，另一个是‘极好的’。你能答应我吗?
噢，当然，奶奶。女孩说：是哪两个词?
经典幽默英语笑话：What's your name?
A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together
Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name.Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,He said,and don't forget to call me 'sir'.
Each soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?
The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied.My name is Stonebreaker,sirhe said nervously.
你叫什么名字?
有一位很严厉的军官在对一群交由他训练的新兵训话。他以前从没见过这群新兵，于是他开始 自我介绍 ：我的名字叫Stone(石头)，事实上，我甚至比石头更强硬。这就是我为什么要告诉你们我名字的原因。不要试图对我玩什么花招，这样我们就能很好相处了。
接着他开始走到每个士兵前面问他们的名字。说大声点，让每个人都能听清楚。另外，不要忘记称呼我为长官。他说。
每个士兵都对他说了自已的名字。他走到最后一位士兵面前时，这个士兵保持着沉默。于是Stone队长对他喊叫，当我问你问题的时候，要回答!我再问一遍，你的名字，士兵?
那个新兵很不高兴，但最后他回答了。我的名字是Stonebreaker(碎石机)，长官。他紧张的说。
经典幽默英语笑话：No Problem
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. How can I help you? asked the stylist. I went for a hair transplant, the guy explained, but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000.
No problem, said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head.
没问题
一个秃头的男人坐在理发店里。发型师问：有什么可以帮你吗?那个人解释说：我本来去做头发移植，但实在太痛了。如果你能够让我的头发看起来像你的一样，而且没有任何痛苦，我将付给你5000美元。
没问题，发型师说，然后他很快帮自己剃了个光头。
经典幽默英语笑话：
The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced，a hitch arose over the fee，and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was com pleted， the patron was asked to come and inspect it.As a matter of fact，the picture was just one daub of brilliant red.
What's this? exclaimed the purchaser.I asked for theRed Sea， on the occasion of the celebrated passage.
That's it，replied Hogarth.
But，where are the Israelites?
They are all gone over.
Where are the Egyptians?
They're all drowned.
一天，有人请这位伟大的画家画一幅法老王渡红海图。这幅画刚开始不久，酬金就出现了问题。霍迪斯发现，完成这幅画后，他只能得到他想要的大约一半的钱。当作品完成之后，那位主顾被请来看画。其实，这幅画不过是胡乱涂抹的一片鲜红。
这是什么?那位买主喊了起来。我要的是红海，是那次著名的航海。
这就是，霍迦斯回答说。
可是以色列人在哪儿?
他们都已经渡过去了。
埃及人在哪儿?
他们全都淹死了。
经典幽默英语笑话：人们什么时候说话最少?
Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?
老师: 汤姆，“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么?
Tom: Men.
汤姆:男人们。
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
老师: 答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢?
Tom : Twins.
汤姆: 双胞胎。
经典幽默英语笑话：我丈夫刚进来
The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.
在饭馆里坐着一对夫妇，他们看上去非常高兴。但是当那女子向旁边瞥了一眼时，服务员马上跑了过来。
“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”
“夫人，您瞧,” 他说,“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。”
“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”
“不，他没有,” 她回答,“我丈夫刚从门外进来。”
经典幽默英语笑话：有两条裤子
A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”
丈夫下班回到家里，发现自己的新娘心绪烦乱。“我心里太难受了，”她说。“我在给你熨西装时把裤子的臀部烧了个大洞。”
“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“没事儿，”丈夫安慰她说。“你忘了我这套衣服有两条裤子。”
“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”
“是的，”妻子高兴地说，“幸亏你还有一条，我后来就用它来补了这个洞了。”
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下面我为大家带来搞笑英语句子精选，欢迎大家阅读!
搞笑英语句子精选1
1、放自己的屁，让别人闻去吧!
put your fart， let others go to smell!
2、我太纯洁了，我纯洁的都有些无耻了!
i'm too pure， i pure are shameless!
3、有奶不一定是娘，但有钱一定是爷!
milk is not necessarily a mother， but money must be ye!
4、中华人民共和国小卖部副部长!
a store， vice minister of the people's republic of china!
5、我来到这世界上，就从没打算活着回去过。
i came to this world， never to return alive。
6、师太，你等着，老衲去让佛祖赐婚!
teacher， you wait， na to the buddha give marriage!
7、大学是女生乳房发育的最佳时期。
university is the best time for girls breast development。
8、一时的冲动，子孙的危机!
at that time the impulse， the crisis of children!
9、此地禁止大小便，违者没收工具。
urine is prohibited here， offenders confiscated tools。
10、管不住的是儿子，看不住的是女儿。
control is son， see daughter is not。
11、有钱的时候喷香水，没钱的时候抹花露水。
rich of time， delicious water wipe toilet water have no money。
12、当裤子失去皮带，才懂得什麽叫做依赖。
when the pants belt lost， just know what is called a dependency。
13、我这人一般上楼从不会走，因为有电梯。
generally， i this person never go upstairs， because the elevator。
14、为了建立和谐社会，老婆，我们再来一次吧。
in order to build a harmonious society， the wife， let's try again。
15、我只流过一次鼻血，还是误把卫生巾当口罩了!
i only through a nosebleed， or sanitary napkin when masks by mistake!
16、如果照镜子要上税，恐怕有些女人会破产。
i'm afraid if you look in the mirror to tax， some women will go bankrupt。
17、人生就是从小白兔到大灰狼，再到老狐狸的过程。
life is the small white rabbit to the wolf， and the process of the old fox。
18、烧香的不一定是和尚，还可能是熊猫!
burn incense and may not necessarily be a monk， but also may be a panda!
19、有人说生了孩子就不会痛经了，那就生一个吧!
some people say that gave birth to the child won't be a pain， then have a!
20、出门在外，请记住：一定要把牛b还给牛!
go out in the outside， please remember： be sure to return the cattle b to cattle!
21、最近心情不是很好，打算明天去天堂散散心。
the recent mood is not very good， is going to go to heaven tomorrow for fun。
22、青春就像卫生纸。看着挺多的，用着用着就不够了。
youth is like toilet paper。 looking at a lot of， use with the is not enough。
23、小时候你娘就给你挂了块骨头，至少还有条狗跟你玩!
when your mother gave you hung up the bone， there is at least a dog to play with you!
24、当我看见美女的时候，首先摸摸兜里，看看有没有钱!
when i see the beauty， the first touch in my pocket， see if there are any money!
25、男人希望锁住女人钱包的拉链，女人希望锁住男人裤子上的拉链。
men want to lock up women wallet zipper， women want to lock your pants zipper。
26、睡觉睡到自然醒，可是我身上只有五块钱可以数。
sleep sleep to nature to wake， but i only have five dollars you can count with me。
27、唐僧肉吃了能长生不老，唐僧屎不知道有没有同样的功效?
tang's monk eat meat can live forever， tang's monk shit do not know to have the same effect?
28、算完工资的涨幅后再算算猪肉的，就会发现自己连猪都不如!
after calculate the wage rise again calculate pork， will find that even pig all not!
29、上街就撒别人一身油，对他说：别担心，有奥妙全自动!
they and others take to the streets in oil， said to him： don't worry， there are secret automatic!
30、谢谢你，谢你大爷，谢你全家，谢你祖宗十八代!
thank you， thank you big ye， thank you and your family， thank your ancestors eighteen generations!
搞笑英语句子精选2
1、别人的钱财乃我的身外之物!
other people's money is my life a thing apart!
2、要在江湖混，最好是光棍!
in the river's lake， preferably bachelor!
3、不怕被人利用，就怕你没用!
is afraid of being used but you don't!
4、不是变化快，而是你太菜。
not change quickly， but you are too。
5、长得真有创意，活得真有勇气!
long is really creative， live really have the courage!
6、废话是人际关系的第一句!
nonsense is the interpersonal relations the first sentence!
7、不要和我比懒，我懒得和你比。
don't than lazy with me， i'm too lazy to than with you。
8、英雄不问出路，流氓不看岁数。
heroes do not ask a way out， the rogue don't look at age。
9、人生自古谁无死，哪个拉屎不用纸!
everyone must die， which shit is not paper!
10、老娘法眼一开就知道你是个妖孽了。
the old niang eyes opened， you will know a uber。
11、我又不是人民币，怎么能让人人都喜欢我?
i'm not rmb， how can let everyone like me?
12、别跟我谈感情，谈感情伤钱。
don't talk to me about feelings， talk about feelings hurt money。
13、婚姻的杀手有时不是外遇，而是时间。
sometimes the killer of marriage is not an affair， but time。
14、只要锄头舞的好，那有墙角挖不倒?
as long as the hoe dance well， there's the corner dug to fail?
15、没有钱，没有权，再不对你好点，你能跟我?
no money， no power， don't point to you， can you tell me?
16、真的猛士，敢于直面自己未化妆的脸。
really brave warrior， dare to face her face without makeup。
17、他们说我是bt，让我去做ct，结果我是et。
they say i'm a bt， let me to do ct， the result i am et。
18、没有不透风的墙，没有不能上吊的梁。
no windtight wall， no can't commit suicide by hanging of beam。
19、令人不能自拔的，除了牙齿还有爱情。
a cannot extricate oneself， in addition to the teeth with love。
20、我那么喜欢你，你喜欢我一下会死埃。
i like you， so you like me will die。
21、人如果靠吃饭活着，那饭不叫饭，叫饲料。
if they eat to live， that rice not call rice， called the feed。
22、帅有个屁用!到头来还不是被卒吃掉!
handsome have a fart to use! in the end is not eaten by single!
23、作为一个怪兽，我的愿望是至少消灭一个奥特曼。
as a monster， my wish is to eliminate at least one ultraman。
24、天赐你一双翅膀，就应该被红烧…
gift you a pair of wings， you should be to braise in soy sauce……
25、英雄难过美人关，我不是英雄，美人让我过了关。
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