短英语笑话

在繁忙的学习工作中，适时读一些幽默笑话，放松自己，劳逸结合十分重要。下面是我整理的10个英语幽默短笑话，希望大家喜欢!

Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.

Mum:There is no electricity tonight.

Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on.

迈克：妈妈，我想看电视。

妈妈：今晚停电了。

迈克：那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。

The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安?" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

我刚咬破自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么?”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?

-- 墓地守墓人。

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登 广告 啊!

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

—Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

-- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，

千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”

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简单简短的英语笑话

导语：也许你看过很多笑话，但应该很少看英语的笑话。下面我给大家收集整理了简单简短的英语笑话，希望大家喜欢。

The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George,how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn't like her,Mother,because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too."

新老师

9月1日,乔治放学回到家里.

"乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗?" 妈妈问.

"妈妈,我不喜欢,因为她说3加3得6,可后来又说2加4也得6."

Excuse for Speeding

Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road.A police car pulled them over.

〃Why on earth were you driving so fast?〃 the policeman yelled.

〃Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!〃

超速的理由

哈里与劳埃德超速行驶,一辆警车拦住了他们.

“你们为什么开那么快?”警官喊道.

“我们的刹车不好,因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地.”

Two birls

Teacher:Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?

Student:I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher:Please tell us.

Student:The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师：这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀.谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?

学生：我指不出,但我知道答案.

老师：请说说看.

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子.

Bring me the winner

-- Waiter,this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry,sir.It must have been in a fight.

-- Well,bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员,

这个龙虾只有一只爪.

-- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了.

-- 哦,那给我那个打赢的`吧.

my little dog can't read

Mrs.Brown:Oh,my dear,I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs.Smith:But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs.Brown:It's no use,my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦,

亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!

布朗夫人：没有用的,我的小狗不认识字.”

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody.What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一个大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人.

-- 他真是一个大人物.干什么的?

-- 墓地守墓人.