爆笑英语

民间笑话是一种颇受人们喜爱的民间叙事类型,材料丰富,有广泛的现实基础。我精心收集了英语短笑话带翻译，供大家欣赏学习!英语短笑话带翻译篇1 Liar,Liar 骗子，骗子 A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband wasmissing. 老婆与隔壁邻居到警察局报案 说她的老公失踪了。 The policeman asked her for a description. 警察要求，她形容一下。 She said,"He is 35 years old,6 feet 4 inches,has dark eyes,dark wavy hair,an athleticbuild,weighs 185 pounds,is soft-spoken ,and is good to the children." 她说：“他三十五岁，六尺四寸，黑眼睛，波浪状的深色头发;体格健壮，体重185磅，说话很轻，而且对小孩子很好。” The next-door neighbor protested, 隔壁邻居期提出反驳说： "Your husband is 5 feet 4 inches,chubby,bald,has a big mouth,and is mean to your children." “你老公五尺四寸，胖嘟嘟 的，秃头，有一个太嘴巴，而且对你的小孩很刻薄。” The wife replied,"Yes,but who wants"THIS KIND OF STUFF"back?" 老婆回答说：“你说对了，可是谁会要 这种没用的废物 回来呀?” 英语短笑话带翻译篇2 A Henpecked Husband 怕老婆的老公 A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. 有一位怕老婆的老公接受心理治疗师的建议要坚持自己的主见。 "You don't have to let your wife bully you,"he said."Go home and show her you are the boss ." 他说：“你不必让你的老婆像恶霸一样欺侮你。回家去让她知道你才是老大。” The husband decided to take the doctor's asvice.He went home,slammed the door,shook his first in his wife's face,and growled," 这位老公决定接受医生的劝告。他回到家，用力啪答一声关上门，在他老婆的面前：挥舞着拳头，并且大声咆哮说： From now on you are talking orders from me. “从现在起，你得乖乖听我的命令。 I want my supper right now,and when you get it on the table ,go upstairs and lay out my clothes. 我现在就要吃晚餐，当你把它弄好放在餐桌上的时候，到楼上去把我的衣服摆放好。 Tonight I am going out with my friends. 今天晚上我要和我的。朋友外出， You are going to stay at home where you belong. 你给我乖乖待在家里不许乱跑。 Another thing,you know who is going to tie bow tie?" 另外还有一件事情，你知道谁要替我打蝴蝶结领结吗?” I certainlydo,"screamed the wife."The Undertaker." 老婆尖叫着说:“我当然知道。是收尸的人。” 英语短笑话带翻译篇3 向你的烦恼说再见 A Jew, an Indian and a black were lined up to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. 一位犹太人、一位印第安人和一位黑人列队进入天国之门。 Said the Jew to St. Peter, 66 Frankly, I'm rather surprised to be here. All my life Christians havedespised and reviled me. " 那位犹太人对圣彼得说：“坦白讲，能到这里让我蛮惊讶的，我一辈子一直都受到__的轻视和侮辱。” "That's a great sorrow to us,"said St. Peter, "but you won't find that kind of prejudice here.Here, all are truly equal.Just spell God and you may enter." “我们实在感到非常遗憾，”圣彼得说，“但我们这里没有那样的偏见，这里每个人都完全平等，只要拼出God这个词你就能进入天堂。” the Jew truly spell out god and was swept through the gates.Next,the Indian came forward andsaid,"St.Peter,all my life I suffered from poverty and discrimination,and could only live in areservation.Will I truly be free here?" 那名犹太人正确地拼出God后，被招入门内。接着印第安人走向前说道“圣彼得，我一辈子饱受贫穷和种族歧视的打击，而且只能住在居留地内，我在这里能得到真正的自由吗?” "My son, your troubles are over.Just spell the word God you will be free as a bird. " “小兄弟，你的烦恼已经结束了，只要拼出God这个词，你就能像小鸟一样自由自在。” The Indian obliged and he, too, entered the Heavenly Kingdom. 印第安人照着做，不久也被引入天堂。 Next,the black man strode forward."St. Peter," he said, "all my life people looked down on meand treated me unfairly.That won't happen here, will it?" 接着那名黑人跨步向前，“圣彼得，”他说道，“一辈子人们都瞧不起我，不公平对待我，在这里那些事不会发生吧!” "Of course not, my boy. We don't do that kind of thing here.Just spell" onomatopoeia "and theKingdom of Heaven is yours " “当然不会，我的弟兄，我们不会做那样的事，只要拼出onomatopoeia这个词，天堂之国就是你的了!” 看了“英语短笑话带翻译”的人还看了： 1. 英语爆笑笑话 2. 有关于英文笑话带翻译简短 3. 英文短笑话带翻译欣赏 4. 英语笑话带翻译 5. 关于超短英文笑话带翻译

在繁忙的学习工作中，适时读一些幽默笑话，放松自己，劳逸结合十分重要。下面是我整理的10个英语幽默短笑话，希望大家喜欢!

Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.

Mum:There is no electricity tonight.

Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on.

迈克：妈妈，我想看电视。

妈妈：今晚停电了。

迈克：那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。

The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安?" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

I've Just Bitten My Tongue

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.

"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"

"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

我刚咬破自己的舌头

“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。

“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么?”

“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”

It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"

上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?

-- 墓地守墓人。

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登 广告 啊!

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

—Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

-- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."

这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，

千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”

英语幽默短笑话10篇相关 文章 ：

1. 英语搞笑笑话10篇

2. 爆笑英语冷笑话10篇

3. 最搞笑的英语小笑话十则

4. 10个英语幽默短笑话

5. 英语幽默笑话短

爆笑有趣英语单词记忆法如下：

爆笑(1)：警察跑累死

police，n,警察，音“跑累死”。警察的最终结局是“跑累死”，因为小偷可以选择休息，而警察不能，警察永远跟在多个小偷的后面。

爆笑(2)：饱死老板，饿死员工

boss，n，老板，音“饱死”。 worker，n，工人，音“饿客”。工人们不要不平衡，老板会撑而“饱死”，工人是“饿客”，饿，不一定死。或者说，饱死老板，饿死员工，与老板殊途同归。

爆笑(3)：法官会“榨汁”

judge，n，法官，音“榨汁”，又音“喳吱”。社会上有种说法“吃了原告，吃被告。”有些法官会“榨汗”，榨原告被告的油汁。法官喳喳吱吱时候，是在纠问式审判，现在是听判式，法官很少“喳吱”了。

爆笑(4)：律师老爷

lawyer，n,律师，音“老爷”。有个被告叫律师老爷，忘了叫法官青天大老爷，法官非常生气。毕竞法官比律师说了算。

爆笑(5)：阿哥累了

ugly,adj，丑陋的，音“阿哥累”。阿哥累了，变得丑了，心灵美了，阿妹不离他走了。

1、爆笑英语小笑话1：Who are stupid？谁蠢？

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid stand up!”

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said “Do you think you’re stupid Johnny?”

“No ma’am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。

小约翰尼站了起来。

“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。

“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

2、爆笑英语小笑话2：A great man一名伟人

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a greatman if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？

学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

3、爆笑英语小笑话3：Two Cute dogs

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper “Does

your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says “No my dog does not bite.”

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch” he says “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”

The shopkeeper replies “That is not my dog.”

一个男人走进了一家商店，看到了一个可爱的小狗，于是他问店主：“你的狗咬人吗？”

店主说：“不，我的狗不咬人。”

这个男人就试图抚摸狗，然后狗咬了他。“哎呀”他说：“我还以为你说你的狗不咬人呢！”

店主和他说：“那不是我的狗。”

4、爆笑英语小笑话4：Four gold teeth四颗金牙

6.Policeman: Why didn’t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth they’d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？

男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

5、爆笑英语小笑话5：Barking dogs don’t bite吠狗不咬人

The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

“It’s all right” said a gentleman “don’t be afraid. Don’t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don’t bite?”

“Ah yes” answered the little girl. “I know the proverb but does the dog know the proverb too?”

一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”