搞笑英语节目

“哦——!”怎么回事?为什么五(1)班教师这么热闹?原来，老师布置给了大家一个作业，让大家在周末拍一张照片，谁的最新奇，谁的就最好!同学们个个摩拳擦掌，兴奋不已。星期六，小番茄同学拿着他的相机，在大街上走着。边走边想：老师说要新奇，那么我就拍一张……一张滑稽的照片吧!可是……哪里有机会拍呢……“嘿嘿，小猴，翻跟斗!翻跟斗!……”不远处的一个院子里，有许多人在看小猴的表演，这时，小番茄眼前一亮：“耍猴不是很滑稽吗?说不定还有一些意外的收获呢!”于是，他一蹦一跳地跑了过去，正巧这时大家被小猴逗得哈哈大笑，而小猴也兴致正高，走钢丝走完了，又翻起了跟斗，这会儿又在转手帕……小番茄也跟着大家一起鼓掌。小猴也许太得意了，在骑独轮车时一不小心从车上摔了下来，上演了“猴啃泥”这出好戏。大家又一次笑了。这时，小猴急了，向主人扑去，希望得到一点“庇护”。主人不肯，打着小猴，叫小猴继续去演，小猴又不情愿，直叫唤。主人上去就是两鞭子，小猴和主人“打”了起来。小番茄立马把这“人猴大战”的场景拍了下来，兴致勃勃地回家了。星期一，在评讲课上，老师拿出了小番茄的照片，大家都笑得前仰后合，原来，小番茄一时激动，手抖了抖，只拍到了猴子的主人。不过，被老师表扬还是很开心的，他笑了。被我封为搞笑大王的小石，梳着短头发，当然是个男生，戴着一副眼镜，大大圆圆的眼睛总是全神贯注地盯着前方，眼睛比水晶葡萄还大，鼻梁高高的，额头也同样是高高的，仿佛刻满了智慧，嘴巴红得像熟透的樱桃，薄薄的两瓣。真不敢相信他那些搞笑的语言是出自他的口。那便是我的后桌——小石。有人对我的想法提出异议，他们说我们班的小智最爱搞笑，搞笑大王的王冠应该是他的。但从我的眼光看，我觉得“搞笑”对于小智并不适合，他只是淘气而已。当小石刚调到我后桌时，他遭到了很多白眼。因为他抢小玄的笔袋和口袋。所以，我们一直觉得他很坏，欺负女生。而每次他都用搞笑的语言还击我们。叮铃铃,上课了，同学们都已坐好，但是小石还在说话，后来他看别人不理他才默不作声。那节是心健课，老师讲课比矿泉水还平淡，我心里想：要是心健课像音乐课那样如雪碧一样符合我们的口味就好了。可能是因为太无聊，小石突然打了一个响响的嗝!!!我和小玄都皱着眉不约而同地看他，他却以为我们要夸奖他，于是用那种比小丑还滑稽的调子得意说了一句：“不要迷恋哥，哥只是个传说。”边说还边做了几个夸张的手势。“哦!My god!” 我把手放在额头上长吐一口气，眼睛往上一翻，舌头一伸，倒在椅子上。做了一个“标准”的休克姿态。

小剧本-----小红帽Little Red Riding Hood第一场：Little Red Riding Hood家Mum： (妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里）Little Red Riding Hood:(唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing?Mum： （一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma.Little Red Riding Hood：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok!Mum： （亲切地看着Little Red Riding Hood说） Be good. Be careful.Little Red Riding Hood： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy.Mum： Bye-bye. Darling.第二场：在路上(一阵轻快的音乐由远而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁)Little Red Riding Hood： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下篮子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers.Wolf：（随着一阵低沉的音乐，Wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf. I am hungry. (做找东西状,东张西望) Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going? (做狡猾的样子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼)Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辫子，天真地回答)To Grandma’s．Grandma is ill.Wolf：（自言自语）I' ll eat Grandma. But……（对Little Red Riding Hood说）Hey, look! 6 little baby ducks.Little Red Riding Hood：(和6只鸭子随着音乐翩翩起舞)Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大树后）Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby ducks，how are you?Six Ducks：We’ re fine．Thank you． Where are you going?Little Red Riding Hood：To Grandma’s．Oh, I must go, bye.Six Ducks：Goodbye．第三场：Grandma家Grandma： （喘着气出场，颤颤悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床边，喘了几口，打几个哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。）Wolf：（从树后出来，边走边说）I am very hungry now. (做找寻的样子)Where is Grandma’ s house? (高兴地对观众说)Aha , it’s here.(敲门)Bang, Bang, Bang．Grandma： Who is it？Wolf：（装出Little Red Riding Hood的声音，一边得意地摇动尾巴，一边说）It’s me. Little Red Riding Hood.Grandma： (边说边起床) Come in, come in.Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床边) Grandma , I’ll eat you.Grandma： （惊慌失措地抓紧衣服，瞪着眼睛，边叫迫从床上滚到地上）灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翘起大拇指）Yummy！I’ll sleep.Little Red Riding Hood：(高兴地敲门)Grandma．Grandma．Wolf：(装扮成Grandma的声音) Who is it？Little Red Riding Hood：It’s me。Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise!Wolf：Come in， Come in.Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳着进来，把篮子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回几步)Oh! What are big ears!Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice.Little Red Riding Hood：Wow! What a big eyes!Wolf：I can see you pretty face.Little Red Riding Hood：Oh! What a big hand.Wolf：I can hug you.Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，边摸边说）Look! What a big hands?Wolf：(从床上跳起来说)I can eat you!Little Red Riding Hood：(拼命地跑)Oh！No! No!Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃状，拍拍肚子说）It’s delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping.Hunter： (一边拿着枪，一边做寻找状出场)Where’s the wolf? Look! A door．(推门)The wolf is sleeping.Wolf：(发出呼呼的响声)Hunter： (端起枪想打，又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry．(从桌子上拿起剪刀，举起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut.Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma：Thank you．Hunter： Grandma ,give me some needles and thread． Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones．Grandma： (从桌子上拿来针线)Little Red Riding Hood：(搬来几个石头)One, two, three.Hunter： (把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里)Grandma： I'll thread it.Hunter： (拿起枪)Woke up!Wolf：(起床，两手托着大肚子)My stomach is so heavy.Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms!Wolf：(边跑边说) Help! Don’t shot me!Hunter： （开枪）Bang, bang!Wolf： (应声倒下)Hunter： The bad wolf is dead．Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma：Yeah! Thank you．Little Red Riding Hood、Grandma、Hunter（一起鞠躬）: Thank you英语短剧：The Fox and the Tiger（狐假虎威）T---Tiger F---Fox R---Rabbit B---Bird Fr---Frog B----BearTiger: I’m a great tiger. I’m very strong. I’m very brave. I’m the king of the forest.But now I’m very hungry. I must find sth. to eat at once, or I’ll die immediately. Oh, there’s nothing here. And here is nothing, either. Oh, I want to have a rest. (Sleep soundly)Fox: I’m a fox. You can see, I’m pretty and lovely. I’m good at cheating 0and telling lies. Just now I cheated a crew out of a piece of meat. Mm, Mm, Mm. How delicious it is!Tiger: Ah, a fox. A good meal. Ah, a good meal.Fox: Oh, my God! What should I do? Yes, I have a good idea. Yes, a good idea. Hello! Tiger sister! How are you?Tiger: Not so good. I’m very hungry now. I want to eat you.Fox: Oh, my dear! How dare you say that! I’m the king of the forest! I’m the king of the forest! If you want to eat me, I will let you die right now.Tiger: She is the king. She is cheating me. I can’t belive her. I’m the king of the forest here.Fox: If you don’t believe me, just follow me and see who is the king of the forest.Tiger: Ok. Let’s go.Rabbit: I’m a rabbit. I like to eat a turnip. Ah, a big turnip. Oh! It’s too hard. I can’t pull it out.Bird: I’m a bird.Rabbit: Hi!Bird: Hi! What are doing here, Miss Rabbit? Can I help you?Rabbit: Yes, please.Frog: I’m a frog. Hello! What are you doing here? What can I do for you?R&B: Yes, come on!Frog : Ok! I’m coming!Bear: I’m a big brown bear. Hello, everyone! What are you doing here?R,B&F: Come on! Come on! Mr. Bear! You are so strong. Please come here. There is a big turnip. We are all puling it out. Please come and help us.Bear: Ok! I’m coming.Fox: Hello, Bear!Bear: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)Fox: Hello, Frog!Frog: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)Fox: Hello, Bird!Bird: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)Fox: Hello, Rabbit!Rabbit: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)Fox: Tiger, Now, you see. They are so frightened! They all run away!Tiger: Yes, you are right. It’s true. I’m very sorry. You are the king of the forest. That’s all right. I will run away. He is the king. He is the king.Fox: Wa! There is a big turnip. Now, the turnip belongs to meApril Fool's Day愚人节(N：讲述故事者；F：愚男；Mum：妈妈；U：丑男；D1：大女儿；D2：小女儿；S：科学家；king国王)N: Many years ago, on April 1, a body had birth. His father called him "foolman", nobody like him except his mother. How time flies!许多年以前的四月一日，有个婴孩诞生了，他老爸给他取名为“愚男”，除他妈妈，没人喜欢他。时间过的真快啊！F: Mum, I'm eithteen years old, so I will leave this family.妈妈，我十八岁了，我要离开这个家了。Mum: All right, but please see me at times. This is a bottle of drink, a piece of dry bread. Remember: take good care of yourself, bye!好的，但要时不时回家看望我哈。这是一瓶酒，一块干面包。记住：要照顾好自己啊。再见了！N: He came to a forest, and met an ugly man.他走到一座森林，遇到一个丑八怪的男人。U: Hello! I'm very hungry and thirsty, could you give me something to drink and eat, please?你好！我又饿又干，请给我些喝的和吃的，怎么样？F: Ok, here.好的。给。U: Oh, thanks very much! Now, I will go. Oh, this stick is for you, it will bring luck to you. Good luck!喔，多谢了！好，我要走了。哦，这根手杖给你，会给你带来好运的。一路好运！N: The foolman reached a restaurant, the boss had two daughters, they found the stick very brightly.愚男来到一栋餐馆，老板有两个女儿，她们发现那根手杖闪闪发光。D1: Oh, how beautiful it is! I want it, it's great!!! （上前抓木棒，却被粘在上面） Oh! Dear! I can't leave it! （吃惊地）喔，好漂亮的手杖啊！我想要，真是太棒了！！！(上前抓木棒，却被粘在上面)啊，老天啊！我放不开它了！(吃惊地)D2: Sister, what are you doing there? Do you want this stick yourself? No, I will get a part of it! We are parent's daughters, I must get a part of it like you! （走向木棒）姐姐，你在那做啥啊？你自个儿想要那根手杖？不行，我要有一份！我们都是父母的女儿，我必须跟你一样要有一分！（走向木棒）D1: Don't come! Don't come! It's dangerous!别来！别来！危险！D2: You can come, so I can come, too! （也被粘在木棒上） Oh, my god! What's wrong with me?你来得，我也来得！（也被粘在木棒上）啊，老天啊！我怎么啦？D1: What a pity!真可惜！N: Foolman didn't mind at all, after the meal he took the stick leave the restaurant. Of course, two girls followed him. In the field they met an old scientist.愚男一点都不在意，吃了饭之后，他拿起那根手杖就离开了饭馆。当然，那两个女孩就跟着他。来到一块田的时候，他们遇到一位科学家。S: Oh! Terrible! You two girls follow a boy. How silly of you! I will take you back home, and take the boy to the police station. （抓stick ,也被粘住） Oh! Bad luck! Terrible!啊！太可怕了！你姐妹俩跟着一个男孩，你们怎么这么傻啊！我带你们回家，把这个男孩送到警察局去。（抓手杖 ,也被粘住）啊！糟糕！太糟糕啦！N: A few days later, they got to a strange country. The king had a daughter, but she never smiled or laughed.几天之后，他们来到一个陌生的国度。国王有个女儿，但她从来不笑。King: Who can make her smile or laugh, she'll be his wife.要是谁能让她笑，那她就是他的妻子。F: Let me try , Perhaps I can.我来看看。或许我能呢。N: Then they went to see her. She saw foolman and his friends laughed and laughed.这样他们就去看望她。她看到愚男和他的朋友就笑个不停。k: Ok, you make her laugh, now let us look at your 生辰八字. Which day is your birthday?好的，你让她笑了，现在让我们看看你的生辰八字，你哪天出生的？F: April 1.四月一日。K: Oh! What a great boy! Do you know my country's name? Let me tell you: it called "Fool World"! Very suits you, right?!哦！多么棒的孩子！你知道我们国家的名字吗？我告诉你吧，叫“愚蠢世界”。非常适合你，对不？N: The result is ——The foolman lived happily with his wife until they died. That is why we now have a holiday called : "April Fool".结果是愚男跟他妻子一起幸福的过了一辈子直到死。这就是我们有这样的一个假日的缘由：“愚人节”。

成长的烦恼、走遍美国之类的都可以

搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿旁白道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .Birds are dancing in the cold .A man is walking along the street ,step by step .Wind is coming in silence.Another mysterious man approaches .Y与X相遇．X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !Y:, Never mind baby.X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?X:Iamximenchuixue.Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!X:No, I must kill you !Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!X:Pardon!(Y拿出一袋牛奶)X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?Y:please drink it!X喝完牛奶:Thanks,Y:Do you still want to kill me ?X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?X:I’m sure I won’t!Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach !Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit （一人路过，x起身跑过去）X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!X:Thanks,byebye.Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)Y:Who are you?H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !Y:You are right !H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my king,he will give what you want.Y:Yes,It’s very good.H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!第二幕：无间道H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.K:sit down plese, yegucheng.Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?King:yes,I will.Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……Y:of course.美女出场M:hello，帅锅..K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?Y: Yes,I do.K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!X:Forgive you? Why ?Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”!Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Y又拿出一袋牛奶)X:milk?I love you.K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(X上去抓住K)K:Fuck you. I must kill you!X:How can you kill me? haha……Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑到西门吹雪身边）Y :do you want to go to wc?X:Yes,I……I…… do.Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away ! K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue.K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Xwill die.M扑倒在X的身边：X,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and tomorrow is a good beginning !K:what a moving story ! I was impressed !Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，K吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .X:go home ! ?M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.M I promise . I will never let go（X死） ,M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !—来自于网络

甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance? 甲:(作目瞪口呆状),乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.near, far, wherever you arei believe that the heart does go ononce more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)and you're here in my heart,and my heart will go on and on.甲:guard ,guard, help, drag this mad woman out.Oh, I'm dying, hope the next one will give me a surprise （丁上场）甲(做厌恶状):oh, it's really a big surprise. What an ugly woman! (Of course, I won’t let you pass.) Why do you come here?丁: Distinguished director, please give me a chance. I walked 25000km for a year just to compete in this interview. Please give me a chance, please. 甲():OK, so what’s your name?丁: my name is Gaga Su.甲(上下打量)：EN…ok ok, I’ll give you only 30s. OK?丁:OK, that’s enough. Thank you, thank you. I’ll just present a poem I love best. The Furthest Distance in The World.The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not between life and death 不是生与死 But when I stand in front of you 而是 我就站在你面前 Yet you don't know that I love you 你却不知道我爱你 The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not when I stand in front of you 不是 我就站在你面前 Sir, time is out.甲：Oh, no no no, just go on.Yet you can't see my love 你却不知道我爱你 But when undoubtedly knowing the love from both 而是 明明知道彼此相爱 Yet cannot be together 却不能在一起 The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not being apart while being in love 不是 明明知道彼此相爱 却不能在一起 But when painly cannot resist the yearning 而是 明明无法抵挡这股思念 Yet pretending you have never been in my heart 却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里 That’s all, thank you.（另外两人跑进来,乙妩媚状）乙：Honey, you like my dance, right?丙镇静状: Director, you like my singing, right?丁深情状: Princess, do you like my poem?甲(沉迷状):。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。I …I…Er.. You…you are so excellent that I decide to adopt you, Number 3.甲,乙:Oh, no. Why do you choose her? She is so shabby, and even ugly. We are far better than her. NO, it’s unjust.甲：Thank you for your performances. But I have to say I learn a lot from her. We can’t judge a person by his appearance, right? She is so talent .One’s appearance can be changed easily, but one’s intellect could not be built in a day.So, I have to say sorry to you.（乙，丙掩面而泣）(⊙o⊙)THE END!Thanks for you watching.