英语情景对话搞笑

今天我正在看碟，老妈又捧了本书进来，说道：给我讲讲这几句话什么意思 老妈：这个“i don’t know.“是什么意思？ 我说：“我不知道” 老妈：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！ 我说：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！ 老妈：还嘴硬！！！！$@％!#$^&％#$％@$％@#$％!^％^!^％$^#&..(一顿爆揍) 老妈：你在给我说说这个。“i know.“是什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。 我说：是“我知道“ 老妈：知道就快说。 我说：就是“我知道“ 老妈：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？ 我说：就是我知道呀！ 老妈：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂！&*$％^@$#!％$@^％#*$^^^##$％(又一顿爆揍) 老妈：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我在收拾你，你给我翻译一下“i know but i don’t want to tell you.“是什么意思？ 我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之时，我问老妈：这下你满意吧 这不她老人家又来问我了:“儿啊,i`m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me .是什么意思啊~“ 我:“我很烦,别烦我“ 老妈:“找打,跟你妈这么说话“(于是被扁) 老妈又问;“i hear nothing,repeat. 是what意思啊“ 我说:“我没听清,再说一次“ 老妈又说了一遍:i hear nothing,repeat“ “我没听清,再说一次“ 结果被扁 老妈再问:“what do you say “又怎么解释呢“ 我说:“你说什么“(再次被扁) 老妈再问:“look up in the dictionary“是何意啊’ 我说:“查字典“ “查字典我还问你做甚“(被扁) 老妈又问:you had better ask some body.怎么翻呢“ 我说:“你最好问别人“ “你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打.“ “啊!god save me !“ “上帝救救我吧!” “耍你老妈玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁) 我再问你:“use you head,then think it over,又是什么意思啊!“ 我说:“动动脑子,再仔细想想.“ “臭小子,还敢耍我“接着又要动手 我连忙说:“是世上只有妈妈好的意思” “嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”

One day, a village idiot won the first prize in the lottery(彩票). “How did you guess the lucky number?” asked his neighbor. “Well, three times, I dream of seven; so I figure it out that three times seven are twenty-four, and I bought the ticket with number 24 then I won the first prize.” “Why, you blamed fool (你这个傻瓜！). Three times seven is twenty-one not twenty-four.” “Is that so?” said the village idiot, Well, twenty-four won, anyway.”参考资料： 经典对话一： 男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？） 女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。) 经典对话二： 男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？） 女：Why? Don’t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？） 经典对话三： 男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。） 女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。） 经典对话四： 男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？） 女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。） 经典对话五： 男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？） 女：Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。） 经典对话六： 男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？） 女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。） 经典对话七： 男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。） 女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon... Demon: Why so glum?chum? Guy:?What do you think??I'm in hell. Demon:?Hell's not so bad.?We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man? Guy:?Sure,?I love to drink.?Love the drinks. Demon:?Well you're gonna love Mondays then.?On?Mondays that's all we do is drink.?Whiskey,?tequila,?Guinness,?wine coolers,?diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! Guy:?Gee炉hat sounds great. Demon:?You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it!?Love the smoking. Demon:?Alright!?You're gonna love Tuesdays.?We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out.?If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember? Guy:?Wow...that's...awesome! Demon:?I bet you like to gamble. Guy:?Why?yes?as a matter of fact?I do.?Love the gambling. Demon:?Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want.?Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever...?If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow. Demon:牋 You into drugs? Guy:?Are you kidding??Love drugs! You don't mean... Demon:?That's right!?Thursday is drug day.?Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack.?Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want烬nd if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares!?O.D.!! Guy:?Yowza!?I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!! Demon: You gay? Guy:?Uh?no. Demon:?Ooooh?(grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.

A：Welcome to our Sunday TV show. As usual, let me introduce myself first. I am Kevin. And my favorite TV stat is Kevin. It’s me. I am only joking.。

Now, let’s begin our TV show. Today we will talk about people’s entertainment. John, what kind of movies do you like?

欢迎来到我们的周日电视节目。和往常一样，我先自我介绍一下。我是凯文。我最喜欢的电视明星是凯文。是我。我只是开玩笑。

现在，让我们开始我们的电视节目。今天我们来谈谈人们的娱乐。约翰，你喜欢什么类型的电影？

B：Well, I like comedies best. And my favorite comedy is Mr. Bean. Rowan Atkinson is my favorite movie star.

嗯，我最喜欢喜剧。我最喜欢的喜剧是憨豆先生。罗温·艾金森是我最喜欢的电影明星。

A: How about you, C?

甲:你呢，丙？

A: I like science fiction movies too. Do you like it, D?

我最喜欢科幻电影。我认为科学非常有用。我也喜欢科幻电影。你喜欢吗，D？

D: En, I prefer cartoons. They are very funny.

D:恩，我更喜欢动画片。他们很有趣。

B: Tennis. I can play it well. And Roger Federer is my favorite athlete. He is a great athlete. He has got many champion.

乙:网球。我能弹得很好。而费德勒是我最喜欢的运动员。他是一名伟大的运动员。他获得了许多冠军。

C: I am a volleyball fan. Playing volleyball is my hobby.

我是一名排球爱好者。

D: I like volleyball, too. Shall we have a march later, C?

打排球是我的爱好。

C: That’s great. I think it will be exciting.

我也喜欢排球。我们晚些时候去游行好吗，C？

A: That’s the end of our special TV show for today. Goodbye! Have a nice day!

我们今天的特别电视节目到此结束。再见！祝您愉快！

情景对话介绍：

情景会话主要考查考生对日常生活中经常运用的交流语言及其应答的掌握情况，内容包括问候、介绍、打电话，感谢、问路、祝贺、道歉、应允、赞成、谈论天气、购物等等。

在情景会话中，应注意以下几个方面：

1、切忌以汉语的思维和表达方式代替外语的习惯表达，忽视中外文化差异。

2、切忌脱离语境，不注意语境的限定，生搬硬套语法规则。

Topic: the academy life Judih: Hi,Cys,Angy, long time no see! How are you? C: Hi , Judy.How are you? Yes, It's really long time since we met last time on the " Farewell Party" of our senior high school. A: Yes, Judy, you look so different now..en..i have to say you look gorgeous! J: Ha ha! Thanks my friends. How's everything going in your univercities, by the way? C: Well! Neither too bad nor too good! You know the academy life is just like that ,from classroom to library everyday, nothing special. I am a little bit bored of it! I wish i could be out of city town to enjoy the Fresh air in the countryside. A: But my academy life is so fantastic. I have read a lot of famous works in library ,seems it's not enough to have only 24 hours per day. I love it, everyday is so rich and colorful. Hey , just to imagine what we will be after graduation makes me so excited and spunky. What about you Judy? J: Me? oh , wonderful! I joined many communities in my University, and quite lot of outdoor experiences have made me amounts of friends , it also helps me prepare myself for the fierce competition before I get into the real market. C: oh Judy , I envy you,i wish i could be with you do some out-door exercises. A: Judy , yeah! You remind me something maybe I should register some community in my University but not only with my "Shakespeare"! J: oh Come on, girls! Everyone can make the academy life special and unforgettable, the problem is in which way you choose to live your academy life! My friends, good luck and best wishes to all of your families, will see you around! A & C: you too, my dear sis! see you later! DIALOGUE 1 A： Why is it that some people are always buying beyond their means? I mean, they do not make that much and spend half of their incomes on designer clothes as such. B: My theory is that insecure people need to wear famous brand clothing to feel good. C: Yes! They want people to know that they are good enough to afford the best. A: Well, I don't agree that name brands are just for the insecure. I mean, I like my designer clothes too. I do think designer shoes are more comfortable. C: So, you buy designer shoes for comfort? How about those ridiculous designer sweaters that have holes in them and shoes that have 2.5cm heels? B: Hah~! And those funny hats! You surely aren't saying that these things are functional. A: i disagree. Most designer and brand-name items are actually not useless. What you see on the catwalks are just the extremes. What you find in the stores is more functional. B: And not much less expensive! So don't tell me that you're into designer stuff. A: Like I said, some things are worth spending the money on, like stylish but comfortable shoes. But I wouldn't get designer underwear, for example. I mean, for one pair of brand-name underwear, Ican buy 10 pairs of sturdy cotton underwear at the market and just throw them into the wash and not be heartbroken if they change color. But I'd buy a brand-name washing machine because I believe they work longer. DIALOGUE 2 A: Hey, that's a beautiful bag you've got! Is it genuine Louis Vuitton? B: No, are you kidding? I can't afford the real thing. It's a fake that I got at a street market on the cheap. C: But don't you feel bad supporting pirates? I mean pirated stuff undercuts companies which produce the real things. B: So should we all drive Ferraris? There are those who can afford to and those who can't. Those who can't buy a cheaper sports car and paint it Ferrari-red. Pirated stuff is for those too poor to afford the real thing. C: I think it is illegal. B: What? Illegal to want to look good? A: No, illegal to own, sell and above all, manufacture fakes. It's like copyright - if you author a book, you don't want someone else to print and sell it for their own profits, do you? B: I see what you mean about books, but if I write a novel, I hope it's read by as many people as possible so I price it so that it's accessible to the most. But designer luxury items are priced beyond most people's means - they are not intended for the general public but for the elite few. And that's why I don't care about supporting pirated luxury items. C: What aoubt pirated textbooks? A photocopy of the original at a tenth of the price? Would you buy that? Furthermore, what about music? I mean CDs and the like? 希望令你满意！ B: Um, I guess you're right there. It's not fair to exploit the work of other authors and producers. But I still wish they wouldn't price their products so high麻烦采纳，谢谢!

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。

他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。

“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman！" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。

他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”

“可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。

过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。

你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球， 一个老美看到就笑我说， "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性， 缩写正好是 Adidas） " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快， 联想力这么丰富时，旁边的 一个老美帮我解围， 他说， 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn， 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢，这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔！ 下次就换你去取笑老美了.。

你选选吧

经典对话一：

男：Can I buy you a drink？（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）

女：Actually I'd rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。）

经典对话二：

男：Can I have your name？（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）

女：Why? Don't you already have one？ （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）

经典对话三：

男：I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

女：I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

经典对话四：

男：Is this seat empty？（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）

经典对话五：

男：Haven't I seen you some place before？（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）

女：Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）

经典对话六：

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday？（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）

女：Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）

经典对话七：

男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）

女：Why? Are you leaving？（是吗？你是说你要离开？）

999句最实用英语口语！ 1。

I see. 我明白了。 2。

I quit！ 我不干了！ 3。 Let go！ 放手！ 4。

Me too. 我也是。 5。

My god！ 天哪！ 6。 No way！ 不行！ 7。

Come on. 来吧（赶快） 8。 Hold on. 等一等。

9。 I agree。

我同意。 10。

Not bad. 还不错。 11。

Not yet. 还没。 12。

See you. 再见。 13。

Shut up！ 闭嘴！ 14。 So long. 再见。

15。 Why not？ 好呀！ （为什么不呢？） 16。

Allow me. 让我来。 17。

Be quiet！ 安静点！ 18。 Cheer up！ 振作起来！ 19。

Good job！ 做得好！ 20。 Have fun！ 玩得开心！ 21。

How much？ 多少钱？ 22。 I'm full. 我饱了。

23。 I'm home. 我回来了。

24。 I'm lost. 我迷路了。

25。 My treat. 我请客。

26。 So do I. 我也一样。

27。 This way。

这边请。 28。

After you. 您先。 29。

Bless you！ 祝福你！ 30。 Follow me. 跟我来。

31。 Forget it！ 休想！ （算了！） 32。

Good luck！ 祝好运！ 33。 I decline！ 我拒绝！ 34。

I promise. 我保证。 35。

Of course！ 当然了！ 36。 Slow down！ 慢点！ 37。

Take care！ 保重！ 38。 They hurt. （伤口）疼。

39。 Try again. 再试试。

40。 Watch out！ 当心。

41。 What's up？ 有什么事吗？ 42。

Be careful！ 注意！ 43。 Bottoms up！ 干杯（见底）！ 44。

Don't move！ 不许动！ 45。 Guess what？ 猜猜看？ 46。

I doubt it 我怀疑。 47。

I think so. 我也这么想。 48。

I'm single. 我是单身贵族。 49。

Keep it up！ 坚持下去！ 50。 Let me see.让我想想。

51。 Never mind.不要紧。

52。 No problem！ 没问题！ 53。

That's all！ 就这样！ 54。 Time is up. 时间快到了。

55。 What's new？ 有什么新鲜事吗？ 56。

Count me on 算上我。 57。

Don't worry. 别担心。 58。

Feel better？ 好点了吗？ 59。 I love you！ 我爱你！ 60。

I'm his fan。 我是他的影迷。

想看更详尽的内容，请查看乐知网的网友课程 。

Jack:Tom,who do you think the man with a yellow straw hat on the stool in front of the palm trees? Tom:I guess he must be a fortune teller。

Jack:Are you sure? Tom:Yes,without a doubt。 You see he is looking forward to talking to someone。

Jack:Maybe you are right。 But Tom, can you read the palm? Tom:Yes, I have read a lot of books about reading the palm。

May I read your palm? Jack: Yes,I'd love to。 But I want to make fun of him。

It is very funny。