英文幽默笑话段子

英文笑话段子带翻译

会讲笑话的人都是有幽默感的人，有幽默感的人患上抑郁症的可能性就大为减少，接下来一起来看看英文笑话段子带翻译，看看你的幽默指数吧!

Snorer 瞌睡者

The preacher was vexed(生气的) because a certain member of his congregation(集会，圣会) always fell asleep during the sermon.

As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."

Awaking with a start(吓一跳) , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit(讲道坛) , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。

一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来!”

打瞌睡的人被这突然的`喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。

Sharing the Apples 分苹果

Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.

So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.

Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one myself.

Well, said Harry, that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about?

妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。

所以，哈里就把小个的给了妹妹，自己开始啃那个大个的。

哼，妹妹说，如果妈妈给了我，我会把大的给你，把小的留给自己的。

对呀，哈里说，你拿到的不就是小的吗?还着什么急呀?

Intelligent son 聪明的儿子

One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

"Certainly"

"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

"Then why you didn't take it back?"

"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。

儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”

“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”

“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”

幽默英文笑话短文带翻译

有笑话，大家一起笑，这就是分享快乐，也许，快乐就是这么简単。下面我为你带来幽默英文笑话短文带翻译，希望你会喜欢。

思不断!

After spending all day watching football，Harry fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the night in the chair. In the morning，his wife woke him up."Get up, dear," she said. A It's twenty to seven. "

看了一整天的橄榄球赛，亨利倒头睡在了电视机旁的椅子上。第二天早上，他的妻子来叫他起床:“起来吧，亲爱的，差二十分七点了。”

He woke with a start. "In whose favor?"

他被惊醒了，爬起来问:“哪方领先?”

分享

As the mother of three small children born two years apart, I'm often very tired in the evening. Their father and I have set strict rules that after stories，prayers, one drink and the bathroom scene，they must go to bed and stay there.

作为一个每隔两年生一个小孩，现已是三个小孩的母亲，我到晚止时常感列精疲力尽。他们的父亲和我给孩子们订下严格的规定:讲完故事、祈祷、喝水、上厕所之后，他们必须马上上床睡觉。不许再干别的事。

One night，after a particularly trying day，all three were finally tucked in and I headed to the kitchen for some cookies，milk and solitude. I had just started to relax when I was surrounded by three little people，standing there watching me eat. Turning to their father I asked，"Do we relent or stick with the rules?"

一天晚上，经过了一番努力，三个孩子终于钻进了被窝。我来到了厨房想吃点饼干，喝点牛奶，独自呆一会儿。我刚想放松一下，就被二个孩子团团围住。他们站在那儿盯着我吃东西.我转向他们的父亲问:“我们还要不要遵守规定了?”

Our three-year-old piped up，”Stick with the rules,Mom. "

我们三岁的'小孩说:“妈妈，还是坚持按规定做吧!”

Knowing she didn't really want to be sent back to bed,I asked，"And what are the rules，Mellisa?"

我知道她不想去睡觉，就问:“玛丽莎，那么规定是怎么说的呢?”

"Share with one another,"she replied.

“有福同享。”她回答说。

幸运?

Walking to work one day, my husband was hit by a car. It was a minor accident and the driver apologized，adding; "You certainly are lucky. We're right next to a doctor's office."

有一天我丈夫走路去上班，被汽车给撞了。我丈夫伤势不太重。司机向他道了歉，随后又说:“你太幸运了，我们就在医务室附近。”

"I don't know how lucky that is ,"my husband replied."I' m the doctor. "

我丈夫回答说:“我并不感到有多幸运，我就是那儿的医生。”

只能一辆!

After retirement，our friends Jim and Evelyn began traveling around the United States in a motor home，towing their compact sedan behind. While driving through a shopping mall parking lot in New York，they were pleased when a motorist stopped his vehicle and signaled them through.

我的朋友吉姆和依娃林退休后，开始用他们的家庭式旅行车进行环美旅行。他们在旅行车后面还施着一辆小桥车备用。在经过纽约一家商店的停车场时，一个骑摩托的小伙子很礼貌地停下来示意让他们先过。这令他们很高兴。

Seconds later，they were jolted to a stop by a loud crash behind them. To their amazement，the polite motorist had demolished their car.

几秒钟后，就听后边咔的一声巨响，他们停了车一看，那个小伙于把他们的小桥车给撞了。

His explanation:"I didn't mind letting you nice folks by，but I didn't want that compact car to sneak through too."

他的解释是这样的:“我不介意让你们这对好人通过，但我不想让那辆小轿车也跟着溜过去。”