哪也去不了
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1、《威尼斯商人》
威尼斯商人是由英国戏剧家莎士比亚创作的戏剧，是具有讽刺意味的喜剧。 大约在1596年至1597年间制作的。
该剧的情节通过三个线索得以展现：一个是Portia选择亲戚的方式；另一个是Portia选择亲戚的方式。 一个是杰西卡和罗兰多的爱与私奔。
2、《俄狄浦斯王》
《俄狄浦斯》是古希腊作家索福克勒斯（Sophocles）创作的剧本。 《俄狄浦斯》电视剧以希腊神话和传说为基础，关于俄狄浦斯杀死父亲并嫁给母亲的故事，展现了典型的希腊悲剧冲突，即人与命运之间的冲突。
3、《第十二夜》
第十二夜是英国剧作家莎士比亚创作的戏剧。 它的写法大约是1600年至1602年。它于1623年在图书办公室注册，并于同年被纳入第一本作品集。 以抒情风格和浪漫喜剧的形式，这首歌再次演唱了人文主义对爱情和友谊的美好理想，展现了生命之美和爱情之美。
4、《被缚的普罗米修斯》
“束缚的普罗米修斯”是古希腊悲剧埃斯库罗斯的戏剧作品。 在剧中，普罗米修斯主要塑造了热爱人类而不屈服于暴力的辉煌形象。 情节简单，结构并不复杂，但一直被人们珍视并被视为经典杰作。
5、《鸟》
“鸟”是阿里斯托芬斯（公元前414年）的杰作之一，它是唯一一部以神话和幻想为主题的喜剧。 在剧中，两个雅典人和一群鸟儿在天地之间建立了“云端国家”。 国家是理想的社会，贫富不分，没有剥削，劳动是生存的唯一条件。
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勇敢的小红帽Mum： (妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里）Little Red Riding Hood：(拿着双节棍，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing?Mum： （一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma.L：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok!M：（亲切地看着L）Be careful.and……if you are ever in trouble,don’t fight,just run , just run away.L： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy.Mum： Bye-bye. Darling.(M下, L挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁)L： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下篮子摩拳擦掌地采花）I’ll pick some flowers！Wolf：（Wolf大步地走上台）I am gray wolf. I am so hungry. (东张西望) Here is a little red riding hood!Rad wolf： I am rad wolf.（指着W）he is my huaband,a foolish wolf.（叉腰出现在身后）have you got any food?W：（一惊，转身，谄媚地弯腰笑着）darling,i……R：I don’t need any explanation! I don’t want to eat vegetables any more!You must get some meat now! now!W：（抱头）yes darling!i will!（来到舞台中央，对L）Hi! Lovely girl!Where are you going? (狡猾的和L打招呼)L：who……oh!(警觉的退后）you are that bad grey wolf!aren’t you?W(吃惊)：how do you know?L：Because you looks so ugly and your prologs are very old. My mum has told me many stories about wolves.you are silly and bad……you can’t trick me!W：（晕倒状，扶额无语）e…….L：(上下指指点点)：look at your dirty clothes and messy hair,no no no……how shameless!W：（低头看自己，一脸委屈）I don’t have money to buy new shoes or clothes or mirror……（转头看一眼R）all my monry have given my wife……R：（声音从后边传来）what did you say?——say again!W：nothing! Darling! i said nothing I sware!R：you’d bett be quick!i’m hungry!W：ok ok!（看着L，舔嘴角，恶狠狠）now,I can eat you!L：（摆出拳击手势，对W勾勾手指）you may try if you want to die ! i will let you know the meaning of ‘regret’ !W：（退后两步，犹豫）why?shi isn’t like that fool Little Red Riding Hood in story that my grandpa told me……what should I do?R：(上台，对W)where is my food?W：（指L）here shi is.R：why don’t you catch her?W：（结结巴巴）d d d darling,i……（哼哼唧唧）L：（突然想起，一拍脑袋）oh!my mum told me not to fight,I must run away immediately.（俯身偷偷看了一眼W，蹑手蹑脚地慢慢走开）R：（生气，揪住W耳朵大吼）stupid ！you are a wolf and she is only a little girl !W：（反应过来）yes! I am a strong wolf !（看到L要逃，指着她大喊）hey ! stop !(追上去)（R 挥舞平底锅加油，W追L，两人在台上跑）R：come on ! come on ! good ! catch her !（最终W捉住L）W：（得意洋洋）Aha! I catch you!（对R）darling,we will have meat to eat this evening!R：yes ! I can’t wait to have dinner! Dear, let’go home now!M：（从后台走上）Little Red Riding Hood?my dear? Where are you?L：（大喊）mum mum! I am here !M：（看见，吃了一惊）：grey wolf?oh no! let my daughter go !W：（哈哈大笑）you are day dreaming!i am a wolf !A evil wolf! I must eat her as my dinner!M：（沉重地）yes I know,you are a wolf.but listen,Mr.wolf,you’d better let her go,or you will have bad luck,you may be hurt……it’s my advise.（L从篮子里抽出双节棍，追着W一阵痛打，W抱头痛的满台跑）R：（追上W）dear! What happened ! are you ok?……dear!……（L,M,R跑下台）M：（惋惜、同情地）Mr.wolf,you see,I have told you but you didn’t follow my words……（后台W的声音遥遥传来：we will go back again!）（L蹦蹦跳跳上台）L：dear mum,the grey wolf has gone away!M：god to be thanked!L：not god helps me,I can save myself ! mum ,I am clever and strong!M：you are right , my dear!you did a good job!（《健康歌》，L和M来到中央跳舞）L：we should do exercise everyday and be stronger,at that time ,no wolf can hurt us!mum ,let’s go to see my grandma!（W,R搀扶着上台，L看见了，W,R急忙要走）L：hey! Stop!(追下台)M：dear!dear! where you go ?……drea!(亦下台)
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英语话剧剧本推荐：《威尼斯商人》、《俄狄浦斯王》、《第十二夜》、《被缚的普罗米修斯》、《鸟》。
1、《威尼斯商人》
《威尼斯商人》 是英国戏剧家莎士比亚创作的戏剧，是一部具有讽刺性的喜剧。大约作于1596~1597年。该剧的剧情是通过三条线索展开的：一条是鲍西亚选亲；一条是杰西卡与罗兰佐恋爱和私奔；还有一条是“割一磅肉”的契约纠纷。
2、《俄狄浦斯王》
《俄狄浦斯王》是古希腊作家索福克勒斯创作的剧本，约公元前431年演出。《俄狄浦斯王》戏剧，取材于希腊神话传说中关于俄狄浦斯杀父娶母的故事，展示了富有典型意义的希腊悲剧冲突——人跟命运的冲突。
3、《第十二夜》
《第十二夜》是英国剧作家莎士比亚创作的戏剧，约写于1600一1602年间，1623年在书业公所登记，同年收入第一对开本中。这部作品以抒情的笔调，浪漫喜剧的形式，再次讴歌了人文主义对爱情和友谊的美好理想，表现了生活之美、爱情之美。
4、《被缚的普罗米修斯》
《被缚的普罗米修斯》是古希腊悲剧家埃斯库罗斯的一部话剧作品，剧中主要塑造了普罗米修斯这一位爱护人类、不屈服于暴力的光辉形象。该剧情节简单，结构也不复杂，但它历来受到人们的重视，被视为古典名作。
5、《鸟》
《鸟》是阿里斯托芬（公元前414年）的杰作之一，是现存的唯一以神话幻想为题材的喜剧。剧中有两个雅典人和一群鸟一起在天和地之间建立了一个“云中鹁鸪国”。这个国家是一个理想的社会，其中没有贫富之分，没有剥削，劳动是生存的唯一条件。
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英语话剧剧本 （一）
领衔主演： M: 猪妈妈 P1: 猪哥哥 P2: 猪二哥 P3: 猪弟弟 W: 老狼
主要演员： B1:小鸟1 B2: 小鸟2 旁白
故事内容：
旁白：Long long ago, there were three little pigs with their mother. They were very happy and they were very kind to their friends. Look! They are coming!
（情景一：猪妈妈和三只小猪以及朋友们在森林里快乐的玩耍）（加快乐的音乐）（小鸟飞的'音乐）
B1: Hello! Nice to meet you!
B2: Nice to meet you, too.
B1: It is a nice morning.
B2: Yes, it is! （猪妈妈和孩子出现）
M: Come on, babies!
Pp: We’re coming!
M: Are you happy today?
Pp: Yes.
M: Do you want to dance?
Pp: Yes. Music!（音乐响，猪妈妈和小猪一起跳舞）
P1: Mom, look! We’re so strong! （伸出胳膊，亮出肌肉，三个小猪比健美）
P2: Yes, I am strong.
P3: No. I am strong!
M: Yes! Yes! My babies! I think you should have your own house!
Pp: OK! I ’d love to.
M : You can do it!
Pp: Yes! We can! Yeah! （做成功的动作）
旁白：The three little pigs make three houses. The first pig built his house with some straw. The second pig built his house with some sticks. The third pig built his house with some bricks. They all think their own house is best! But the wolf is coming! He is very hungry! （音乐）
W: Gu, gu, gu gu gu. I’m very hungry. Oh, I sniff the pig’s smell. Aha! I have a good idea ! （来到第一只小猪的门前敲们） Little pig, little pig , let me come in!
P1: No! No! Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin.
W :Then I ’ll huff and I ’ll puff ,and I ’ll blow your house down.
（吹一下，房子倒了，小猪突然发现，吓了一下，逃跑）
P1: Oh! Help! Help! My brother! Please help me! （迅速进入第二只小猪家，马上关门）
P1: Close the door! （堵着门）
P2: What’s the matter? Don’t be afraid!
P1: A wolf. A big bad wolf.
W: Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in !
P1p2: No! No! Not by the hair on our chinny chin chins.
W: Then I ’ll I ’ll huff and I ’ll puff ,and I ’ll blow your house down.
（狼鼓足气吹一下，房子有点摇晃，又吹三下，两只小猪堵着门，挣扎之后，房子倒了）
（挣扎快跑）
P1p2: Oh , my god !Let’s run away, run away ! （跑到第三个小猪家的床底下哆嗦）
P1: The wolf is very strong!
P2: He wants to eat us!
P3: My god, help me! （三只小猪都在床底下）
W: Little pigs, little pigs. Let me come in!
P1P2P3: No! Not by the hair on our chinny chin chins.
W : Open the door! I can get the house down! （吹三下，没动，鼓足又吹三下，迟疑了一下） Why ? （最后吹三下，开始喘气了，然后倒地）
P1p3p2 : Yeah ! We are safe! （歌曲幸福歌）
旁白：The wolf is very angry ! He has a good idea! He climbs the chimney! The birds tell the three little pigs!
B1B2: My friends! Look at the chimney! （狼爬上了烟囱）
P1: How to do? What shall we do?（开始转着跑）
P2: Mom!Where are you? （哭着说）
P3: Don’t worry! I know, let’s see if we can blow the big bad wolf.
P1p2p3: OK , 123…
W : Help! No!
P1p2p3: The wolf is running! We are succeed! Yeah!
M: My babies. You are good boys. How clever you are! （结尾曲。）
旁白：The big bad wolf was blown far away and he was so frightened of the three little pigs, he never came back. As for the three pigs, they lived happily ever after in their house made of bricks.
英语话剧剧本 （二）
Welcome to The land of Make Believe. Perhaps I should tell you this fine town. There are a lot of funny-looking people in the Land of Make Believe, some people have long noses, some people have short arms but once upon a time a girl named Cinderella was the funniest.
Scene 1
Cinderella: （Cinderella enters. She has enormous feet. She practices a ballet dance. She is a bad dancer.） I have such enormous feet. I look like a seaplane. I will never be a dancer. I always lose at hopscotch （she tries to hopscotch but falls down）， and I have to buy a sock for every toe （She holds up her socks）。 I hate my feet. （The 2 Stepsisters enter. They are dancing. They are good dancers）from
Stepsister 1: HA HA… It’s
Stepsister 1&2: Cinderella BIGFOOT!
Stepsister 2: Are you still trying to be a ballet dancer like us?
Stepsister 1: With those feet you look more like a clown than a dancer.
Stepsister 1: Cinderella, bring me my coat! （Cinderella brings her coat. Her feet are so big that she trips.）
Stepsister 2: Cinderella, I am thirsty bring me some water. （Cinderella brings her water; she trips and spills the water. The two stepsisters laugh!!!） You are so clumsy! （They exit）
Cinderella: （Crying） It’s not fair… Why do I have to have these terrible feet? Why can’t I be beautiful and graceful like my stupid stepsisters!
Mother: （Enters carrying an enormous shoe） Cinderella! You left you shoe in the middle of the street. I have told you many times… You cannot go around barefoot. Your shoe nearly caused a traffic accident.
Cinderella: But Mother those shoes don’t fit my feet. They hurt! I want to wear sneakers!
Mother: Nonsense. You are a young woman. And young women do not wear sneakers! These used to be your sister’s shoes.
Cinderella: But they are too small!
Mother: You should be happy that she gave them to you after I bought her a new pair.
Stepsister 1: （The two stepsisters rush in holding an invitation. They are excited） Whew! What is that smell?
Stepsister 2: It’s Cinderella again! （Both sisters hold their noses）
Stepsister 1: I almost forgot, the ball is today…
Stepsister2: （Interrupting） In the Kings Palace!
Stepsister 1: We will meet the prince! Have you ever seen his nose? It looks like a skyscraper.
Stepsister 2: Well he may not be handsome.
Stepsister 1 &2: but he is rich! （They laugh together）
Cinderella: I heard that the prince can smell a pizza from a mile away.
Mother: Let me look at that. （She grabs the invitation） Oh my goodness. It is today. We have a lot of work to do. Cinderella will help you get ready.
Cinderella: But, why can’t I go to the ball? I want to dance.
Mother: What with those feet? You have trouble enough walking. You might kill someone while you are dancing. It is not safe. Now girls please get ready. （Mother exits）
Stepsister 1: Hurry Cinderella… Where is my dress…？
Stepsister 2: And my dress? Bring me my shoes…！
Cinderella: Yes Yes… （She runs around while the stepsisters order her around… she has difficulty keeping her balance） It is not a difficult task. Your dresses are here!
Stepsister 1: Be careful Cinderella.
Stepsister 2: Your BIG feet are stepping on our dresses! （Cinderella dresses the 2 girls）
Mother: Now are you ready girls? Let’s go!
Stepsister 1: This is going to be so much fun!
Stepsister 2: We shall dance all night! （They exit）
Scene 2
Cinderella: （Looks depressed） Uhhhhh… Now what should I do. I can’t dance… I can barely even walk. I wish my feet would disappear （She places a blanket over her feet and she starts to cry. Fairy appears）
Fairy: Why are you crying dear child? Please don’t cry!
Cinderella: I cannot go to the Prince’s ball.
Fairy: But why not? You are not that ugly. Stand up.
Cinderella: No.
Fairy: Please stand up. I want to help you. （Cinderella stands. The Fairy is shocked by her feet） Oh My God!
Cinderella: （Starts to cry again）
Fairy: Oh, Don’t cry my dear. I want to help you.
Cinderella: But I don’t have an invitation.
Fairy: Well I can solve that! Zip Zap Zoo… （She waves her magic wand and Cinderella is suddenly wearing a beautiful dress）
Cinderella: It’s beautiful… （She is very happy… she looks down at her feet and becomes upset） But what about these?
Fairy: Hmmmm… I don’t think that I have any shoes that big… wait a moment… （She waves her wand and giant sneakers appear）
Cinderella: Sneakers… made of glass! （She does a quick dance… and falls down） Oops… Now, how will I get to the ball? I don’t have a carriage.
Fairy: Of course… （She waves her wand and nothing happens. She tries again and still nothing appears） Ahhh…Take the bus. （She hands Cinderella some change）
Cinderella: Thank you fairy godmother.
Fairy: One more thing. You must be home before midnight.
Cinderella: Sure, sure, bye （They exit）
Scene 3
Stepsister 1: Who is that funny looking girl?
Stepsister 2: She looks so familiar. （She approached Cinderella） Do we know each other?
Cinderella: （Becomes very nervous. She looks away and changes her voice） Ah, no I don’t think so. Please excuse me I have to go.
Stepsister 1: What a strange girl…
Prince: （Suddenly the prince, who has been standing alone picking his large nose, approaches the stepsisters） Wow… what a beautiful girl. Who is she? （The sisters shrug their shoulders. The Prince walks to Cinderella） Hello sexy… （He smells her.） You smell great! Wanna dance?
Cinderella: I would love to!
Prince: Ouch you stepped on my foot!
Cinderella: （The prince can barely walk） Maybe we better sit down for a moment. （Just then the clock strikes 12.） Oh my… I’ve got to go!
Prince: But who are you? （The prince shouts as he rubs his feet. Cinderella runs away. But she leaves behind one giant glass sneaker. He picks it up and smells it） I am going to find that girl!
Scene 4
Stepsister 1: （The two girls are doing their make-up as they look in the mirror, Cinderella is painting her toenails eavesdropping on their conversation） Have you heard the news? Remember that strange looking girl at the ball?
Stepsister 2: Yes…
Stepsister 1: Well the prince wants to marry her, but he doesn’t know who she is.
Stepsister 2: Then how can he marry her?
Stepsister 1: Well she left her shoe behind.
Stepsister 2: So the Prince will marry whatever woman the shoe fits? （Suddenly there is a knock at the door. It is the Prince. The girls bow as they meet him. Cinderella of course falls down because of her feet.）
Prince: （He walks in the room and gives a gigantic sniff.） Please ladies sit down. （He smells each of their feet before he tries to put the shoe on their foot. Cinderella watches from the corner）
Stepsister 1: It fits!
Prince: Not quite.
Stepsister 2: It’s mine!
Prince: Too big! （He puts his nose in the air and starts to smell. He sniffs all the way over to Cinderella’s feet）
Stepsister 1: But she wasn’t at the ball…
Stepsister 2: Yeah she wasn’t at the ball…
Prince: Please! （She slips it on）
Stepsister 1&2: It fits!
Prince: Will you marry me?
Cinderella: Only if you will marry me.
Prince: I will （He leans in a tries to give Cinderella a kiss, but his nose is too big. Finally he kisses her hand）
THE END
英语话剧剧本 （三）
Scene II
SETTING: old lady B is at Old lady A’s home
AT RISE: Old lady A is cooking dumplings. Old lady B is knocking at the door.
B: Anyone home?
A: （Opens the door） What are you doing here?You must run away with the other nEighbors or you will be eaten by the monster.
B: I’m too hungry to run. Can you please give me something to eat?
A: All right, all right.
B: （Eating dumplings） Why don’t you run away like everyone else?
A: I want to kill the monster because it ate my husband and children.
B: But it is too difficult.
A: I don’t care.
B: Do you have any method to deal with it?
A: Um, I don’t know.
B: In order to thank you for giving me this food, I can teach you how to kill the monster.
A: Really?How?
B: Well, I know the monster is afraid of the color red and loud noise. So we can stick some red papers on the door and make loud noise to frighten it away.
A: So what are we waiting for?Let’s do it now.
B: You are right!It’s getting darker and darker outside.
Scene III
SETTNG: Outside A’s home.
AT RISE: The monster shows up in front of A’s home.
Monster: Ha!Ha!Ha!After one year of sleeping, I’m very hungry now. It’s time for me to eat a lot of people. Ha!Ha!Ha!It’s too bad that everybody runs away. Oh, there is a light in that house, there must be people in it. （Knocking on the door.） Anybody home? I won’t hurt you, just open the door. （When it sees the red paper on the door.） Oh, my god, it’s the color red, I’m afraid of it. Stay away from me.
AB: （Opens the door, and they are wearing red clothes） You bad monster. Now it’s your turn to feel afraid. （They beat drums and strike gongs.）
Monster: Oh, my god~ I can’t take it anymore. Please forgive me.
A: You ate all my family. How can I forgive you?
Monster: I’m sorry. I will do anything you say if you only let me go.
B: I think the monster feels very sorry now.
Monster: Yes, Yes, I ‘m so sorry.
A: Well, if you go away and never come back, I will forgive you.
B: Yes, and never eat people anymore.
Monster: Ok, I promise you I will never eat people and never come here again. （They stop beating drums and striking gongs. The monster runs away and never comes back anymore.）
Scene IV
SETTING: In the village.
AT RISE: A、B、C、D、E are talking.
C: How did you do it?
A: B told me the monster is afraid of the color red and loud noises.
D: Wow!How do you know this?（To B）
B: Actually, I’m a fairy. I’m here to help you fight the monster.
E: Oh, thank you. You really did us a big favor.
B: You're welcome. Now you don’t have to be afraid of this monster anymore. （Everyone is happy and clapping thEir hands.）
THE DNE
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戏丁app 是一个做线下演出直播的平台，每天都会有线下的话剧、音乐剧、舞台剧的直播。而且还会精选出精彩的演出片段。还可以和天南地北的剧友聊天交友。
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剧本主要是由台词和舞台指示组成的，是戏剧艺术创作的文本基础，编导与演员演出的依据。以下是我精心整理的英语短剧剧本，欢迎大家分享。
角色：小兔、小狗、小猴、山羊
characters: hare、dog、monkey、goat
画外音：小兔子肚子饿了，她想找些东西吃。找呀，找了半天。忽然发现小路边的地里长着一根萝卜。
兔：啊，一个萝卜！一个大萝卜！我把它拔出来。
H:Oh,a radish!A big radish!I’ll pull it out.
哎——嗨——呦！哎——嗨——呦！
Ai-----Hay---Yo! Ai---Hay---Yo!
这萝卜太重了。我拔不出来。
The radish is too heavy. I can’t pull it out.
狗：我是小狗。我饿了。哦，兔小姐，你在干什么？
D: I’m a dog. I’m hungry. Oh, Miss hare,What are you doing.
兔：你好，狗先生。一个萝卜，一个大萝卜。它太重了。我拔不出来。
H:Hello,Mr.Dog.A radish,a big radish.It’s too heavy.I can’t pull it out.
狗：我帮你。咱们一起拔。
D:I’ll help you.Let’s pull it together.
兔：谢谢你。咱们一起拔。
H:Thank you .Let’s pull it together.
兔和狗：一、二、开始！哎----嗨----呦！哎---嗨---呦！哦，这萝卜太重了。我们拔不出来。
H&D:One,two,begin!Ai---Hay—Yo!Ai—Hay—Yo!Oh,the radish is too heavy.We can’t pull it out.
（小猴走了过来）
猴：我是小猴。我饿了。哦，你们在干什么？
M:I’m a monkey. I’m hungry.Oh, What are you doing?
兔和狗：你好，猴先生。一个萝卜，一个大箩卜。它太重了。我们拔不出来。
H&D:Hello,Mr. Monkey. A radish, a big radish. It’s too heauy. We can’t pull it out.
猴：我帮你们。咱们一起拔。
M:I’ll help you. Let’s pull it together.
兔和狗：谢谢你。咱们一起拔。
H&D:Thank you. Let’s pull it together.
兔，狗和猴：一，二，开始！哎---嗨---呦！哎---嗨---呦！哦，这萝卜太重了。我们拔不出来。
H,D&M:One,two,begin! Ai---Hay---Yo! Ai—Hay---Yo!Oh,the radish is too heavy. We can’t pull it out.
（小山羊走了过来）
羊：我是山羊。我饿了。哦，你们在干什么？
G:I’m a goat. I’m hungry.Oh, what are you doing?
狗、兔和猴：你好，山羊先生。一个萝卜，一个大萝卜。它太重了。我们拔不出来。
H,D&M:Hello, Mr.Goat.A radish. a big radish.It’s too heavy. We can’t pull it out.
羊：我帮你们。咱们一起拔。
G:I’ll help you. Let’s pull it together.
狗，兔和猴：谢谢你，咱们一起拔。
H,D&M:Thank you.Let’s pull it together.
兔，狗，猴和羊：一，二，开始。哎—嗨---呦！这萝卜真大，这萝卜真重。哎—嗨—呦！我们必须使劲干。我们一定把它拔出来。
H,D,M&G:One,two,begin.Ai—Hay—Yo!The radish is big.The radish is heavy. Ai---Hay—Yo! We must work hard. We must pull it out.
兔，狗，猴和羊：哎—嗨—呦！啊，萝卜拔出来了！一个大萝卜！一个重萝卜。我们大家一起吃！
H,D,M&G:Ai—Hay—Yo!Ah, the radish is out! A big radish!We’ll eat it together .A heavy radish!
（他们一起围着大萝卜唱歌，跳舞。
甲：Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie ? Yeah, you are right, Im the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you…Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, lets begin. At first , talent show, number one, lets welcome.
乙：（风情万种，妖娆妩媚地走进来，给观众一个飞吻）：oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, Im Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,（打个响指） come some music.（搞笑舞，自由发挥）。 （跳完，鞠躬，向观众谢幕）， thank you,（面向导演）， honey, is it a wonderful performance?
甲：（作目瞪口呆状），
乙：（在甲眼前晃手），oh, darling, are you Ok?
甲：eh…my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.
乙：oh no …sweet ,you break my heart…（掩面离去）
丙：oh it seems to be serious. God bless me（画个十字架，镇定地走到甲面前，伸出手）， nice to meet you, director.
甲：（与之握手），nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.
丙：Im Celine Dion, you know, I dont have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and（做沉思状） oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, （同学鼓掌，乙作安抚状），oh, calm down, calm down,its just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I…
甲：ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin
丙：OK!!! Ill use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.
near, far, wherever you are
i believe that the heart does go on
once more, you opened the door（甲stop stop,丙不理，继续作深情状）
and youre here in my heart,
and my heart will go on and on.
甲：guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.
Oh, Im dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise
丁：（对着乙的.背影，沉思状）to be,or not to be,its a question!（走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状），Im glad to see you,my dear princess.
甲（做娇羞状）：oh, its really a big surprise,so whats your name?
丁：My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?（甲，白痴的摇头），eh,its ok,then how about Robin Meade?（摇头），and Melissa Theuriau?（摇头），（丁，情绪激动），you know nothing, how can you sit in here.
甲（指门，气愤状），you you you……
丁：ok ok, it doesnt matter, you neednt learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah!
甲：I dont care who you are, just show me your talent.
丁：ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her "I love you"!
甲（起鸡皮疙瘩状）：oh, I cant stand, show you the door,
丁（转身离开，继续台词）：If there is a time limit, I hope, it is （回头，对甲）10 thousand years.
甲：oh, its really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, Im dying,you three, come here,
三人跑进来，乙妩媚状：honey, you like my dance,right?
丙镇静状：director,you like my singing,right?
丁深情状：princess,you like my poet,right?
三人同声：we are past,right?
甲：ehThank you for your ehWonderful performance,but,Im sorry to tell you …（接电话） What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh…god.（挂电话，低头），you three,（抬头），pass!
三人欢呼，说：we make it,we are superstar!
乙（甜蜜状）：thats very sweet of you,we love you so much（飞个吻）
甲：you know, you are not good enough now, but Im look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence?
三人齐答：yes,we do!
甲伸手，三人搭上，同声，fight,fight,fight!
说明：绝对搞笑，绝对雷人，鉴于所花精力，所以，适当地收一点点辛苦费，第一个表演舞蹈时，音乐可以选用<猪八戒背媳妇>,第二个唱 时，一定要跑调加破音，第三个一定要足够深情恶心，就这么多提醒的，希望您看得开心，下的舒心。
人物：令狐冲（linghuchong），小师妹（little sister），任盈盈（yingying），东方不败（invincible eastern），小尼姑（little nun），田伯光（tianboguang），林平之（linpingzhi） 第一幕
（令狐冲与小师妹正在舞剑，甜蜜无比）
令狐冲：little sister ,you are the most beautful girl in this world!i will love you forever .
小师妹：（害羞）oh!really?you are the most handsome boy I have ever seen!i love you too!
令狐冲：I love you too
小师妹：I love you too too
令狐冲：I love you too too too!
（小师妹的剑不小心落下令狐冲捡起）
令狐冲：oh little sister ,your sword!
小师妹：no it’s your sword!
令狐冲：your sword!（扭扭咧咧）
小师妹：your sword!
令狐冲：your sword!
小师妹：it’s madness when I say it ,but not when you say about it! 令狐冲：ok , you are right ,it’s my sword. （顺从态）
令狐冲：little sister ,there is one thing I want to tell you ,master asked me to go downhill for a few days ,so during my absence ,brother lin will be with you ,take good care of yourself ,I will be back soon.
小师妹：rearlly?oh , my life will be boring without you!（伤感）so,good-bye!（突然兴奋）
第二幕
（令狐冲在下山后遇见正在调戏小尼姑的田伯光）
小尼姑：give away!
田伯光：come here!
小尼姑：if you talk any more nonsence, I’ll hit you with my sword! 小尼姑：keep away! keep away!
田伯光：let me take good care of you!don’t be afraid of me , I’m the most handsome man in china.
令狐冲：stop that! Don’t hurt that girl!
田伯光：who is that man?run far away if you don’t want to pass away! 令狐冲：so ,let’s fighting!（音乐，用功夫里面的那首）
（两人打斗，令狐冲不敌田伯光）
田伯光：give out that little boy!you can’t stop me from enjoying my life with her!
令狐冲：no ,if that!if that ,I’d rather die!
（再上，再被打败，重伤）
（突然闪出一人，身手凌厉，田伯光被秒掉）
小尼姑：unbelievable!he’s my hero!
东方不败：what a handsome man ,it would be a pity if you die here.and that’s why I save you ,so ,don’t fall in love with me ,forever!
令狐冲：you are a man ,how can I fall in love with you!
东方不败：but what if I ware a girl?
令狐冲：if that ,I won’t believe in love for any longer
东方不败：wait for me here!i’ll be back soon!
（熄灯，东方不败换女装）
令狐冲：you you are so beautiful! I love you
东方不败：no !we can never be together ,not because of you ,nor because of me ,it’s the world to blame!goodbey honey ,we won’t meet again.
（灯灭，第三幕）
（麻将声响起，四人麻将，分别是令狐冲，小师妹，林平之，任盈盈，令狐冲面对的是林平之）
（中文对话：
林平之：八筒
小师妹：吃
林平之：九条
小师妹：碰
林平之：五条
小师妹：杠！
令狐冲：五桶
小师妹：糊了！）
令狐冲：I lose again ,little sister ,brother lin is always help you !what’s the matter with you honey?
小师妹：so I will tell you the truth ,I am in love with brother lin ,compared with you ,he is more hot, he have strong kiss with me every now and then .but you ,have not even touch my hand during the past few years!
令狐冲：I’m so sad to hear that
任盈盈：brother linhu ,don’t be sad ,when you are longly ,I will be right by your side!
令狐冲：thank you yingying ,when everbody leave me ,you are the only one stay with me .
任盈盈：when you are longly ,I can play music for you ,so ,let us be together! I wana be your girl , and you are my boy!
令狐冲：ok,you are my girl now, do what you want to do!
（任盈盈抱住令狐冲，吻了他）
（灯灭）
（旁白：two years later ,it is said that invincible eastern was killed by linhuchong , the biggest enemy died , but the world get worse , people suffer from songshanpai . linghuchong live with renyingying from that day on , but is he happy ? who is the girl really in his heart? ）
第三幕
（非诚勿扰音乐，田伯光作为主持人，四位女嘉宾在场上端坐，分别是小师妹，小尼姑，任盈盈，东方不败，令狐冲上场）
田伯光：welcome to "no honesty no bother" I’m the compere xiaotiantian .taday there are 4 girls waiting for their boy.now let’s welcome the sunny boy linghuchong!（音乐）
令狐冲：holle everybody , I am linghuchong from huashan mountain,I’m a strong man as well as a handsome boy,you will never regret if you choose me .
田伯光：so girls , it’s time to turn down your light , to turn or not to turn it is a question
（都没有熄灯）
田伯光：it’s out of my surprise!all of the lights are on!so you can choose the girl you love best.
小师妹：brother , it was all my fault before, brother lin is no longer a real man I am so longly these days, the boy I really love is you!
小尼姑：brother , you have saved me , all my body ang heart are yours! 任盈盈：brother chong ,I am the girl who accompanied you .when you feel longly ,I played music for you .when you are happy ,I played music for you .when you are sad ,I played music for you!
令狐冲：but don’t you know I don’t love music?（径直走向东方不败，牵住她的手）
令狐冲：I thought you have passed away, it is so good to see you again 东方不败：I was saved by your master fengqingyang （停顿）。You wanted to kill me ,why choose me now?
令狐冲：I did’t want you know?it was not decide by me !belive in me ,you are the girl in my heart ! whether past or present!
东方不败：I won’t belive in you any more , you have so many female friends ,any of them can be your girl friend , isn’t it?
令狐冲：the girl you love is not the one who grow up with you ,nor the one who like you ,nor the one who play music for you ! she is the one you feel right ,and that is the most important.belive that you will always be my girl!
东方不败：thank you for your love , which I can’t afford to.we can never be together, it is decide by God . I will not marry you , nor see you again .so ,it is the last time we see each other .choose the one you like best and be kind to her .
Good-bye
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