Real men don't cry. We just get something in our eye
A short walk from my house in Hampshire, on a hill overlooking the heathland, is a plaque marking the spot where Richard Pryce Jones deliberately crashed his Halifax bomber during the war. He could have parachuted to safety, but that would have meant crashing into the village. The epitaph reads: "He died that others might live."
It never fails to move me. Not to tears, you understand. That would be disrespectful. But I do usually manage a lump in the throat and that film of moisture over the eyes that men have in their emotional armoury. Gordon Brown demonstrated the non-crying cry beautifully when he made his farewell speech on the steps of Number 10. That catch in the throat. The determination not to weep in public. At that moment, if at no other, he had nobility.
Not everyone can carry it off. I don't think Paul Gascoigne ever quite got the hang of it, for example. But I like to think I have it down to an art, my technique honed from years of watching The Railway Children, Sleepless in Seattle and that scene in Dumbo when the mother elephant is locked away. "Daddy!" my sons will say, pointing the accusing finger. "You're crying!"
"Me? Over Dumbo? Ha ha ha. No, boys, what I am doing is man-crying, a sort of non-crying cry. I'll teach you it one day. Very useful."
They are too young to appreciate the nuance yet, but when they are older I will explain that open sobbing is associated with being female, and so inappropriate for men. The Charlie Chaplin analogy might be useful here. He once said that the way to act drunk is to imagine yourself a drunk man trying to act sober. The same is true when a man learns the non-crying cry. To be convincing, you must look as if you are trying to avoid tears.
In this respect, it is important for a young man to appreciate the difference between male tears and female. I remember once asking the actress Emilia Fox if she could cry at will, right there and then, over lunch. To my astonishment, she could – from a standing start. Fat tears rolling down her cheeks. When she had finished, she resumed her smiling countenance.
Those are female tears, and the reason you never hear anyone say: "It's enough to make a grown woman cry." That expression only works when it refers to "grown men" and though that may seem tautological, the "grown" is justified. Not all men are grown. The emotionally incontinent exhibitionists who cry when they are kicked off talent shows such as The X Factor are not grown men, for example. Men have to be careful what they cry at, because some subjects are more worthy of tears than others. Grief, obviously. But not self-pity. And rarely should a man cry in pain. And never at the death of a princess he didn't know. Those are the rules.
I suspect my colleague Matt Pritchett might be with me on this. One of his cartoons this past week showed a father next to a television tuned to the World Cup, explaining to his children that "at some point in the next few weeks, you are going to see me cry". And the day after the last survivor of the Great Escape died, he did a cartoon showing a gravestone with a mound of tunnelled earth trailing away from it. I seemed to have something in my eye when I saw that, and I expect he had the same something in his eye when he drew it.
If I Had My Life to Live Over/如果我能再活一次
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
生病的时候我就卧床休息,不会假装自己一天不工作,地球就会停止转动。
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
我要将雕成玫瑰花状的粉红蜡烛点上,而不让它在闲置中溶化。
I would have eaten the popcorn in the “good” living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
我要在“讲究”的客厅里吃爆玉米花。倘若有人在壁炉生火带出了炉灰,我不会操那么多闲心。
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
我决不会因为夏天头发刚刚梳理过、喷过发胶,就一定要把车窗玻璃摇起来。
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television—and more while watching life.
看电视我要少哭一点,少笑一点,看生活我要多哭一点,多笑一点。
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
我买东西不会只看它很实用,不显脏,或能保证用一辈子。
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute…look at it and really see it … live it … and never give it back.
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more money, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us. Let's think about what God has blessed us with, and what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally.
My skills, my mind, my heart, and my body will stagnate, rot, and die lest I put them to good use. I have unlimited potential. Only a small portion of my brain do I employ; only a paltry amount of my muscles do I flex. A hundredfold or more can I increase my accomplishments of yesterday and this I will do, beginning today.
Nevermore will I be satisfied with yesterday's accomplishments nor will I indulge, anymore, in self-praise for deeds which in reality are too small to even acknowledge. I can accomplish far more than I have, and I will, for why should the miracle which produced me end with my birth? Why can I not extend that miracle to my deeds of today?
And I am not on this earth by chance. I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. Henceforth will I apply all my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy.
I have been given eyes to see and a mind to think and now I know a great secret of life for I perceive, at last, that all my problems, discouragements, heartaches are, in truth, great opportunities in disguise. I will no longer be fooled by the garments they wear for mine eyes are open. I will look beyond the cloth and I will not be deceived.
英语励志人生美文摘抄人生莫待绽放 Don’t Wait for Life to Start“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept responsibility for changing them.” ~Denis Waitley人生有两大选择:要么接受现实,要么接受改变现状的责任。——丹尼斯·魏特利Many people are constantly waiting for their life to start. “When I’m older I’ll do this” and “In a few years I’ll do that.” They think the life they are experiencing is boring and meaningless.很多人都在等待自己生命的新起点,总说“等我长大一点,我会做这个”又或者“几年后,我要做那个”。他们觉得现在的生活很乏味无趣。Who has never viewed himself/herself as worthless and unattractive?谁没有试想自己是毫无价值、毫不吸引的人?In others’ eyes, you are always “the funny one” and became loud and overconfident to mask what I was actually feeling, but few people know about the way you felt.在别人的眼中,你可能是一个“很有趣的人”。你用大声喧嚣和过度的自信来掩盖自己真正的想法,以致身边的人都看不透你。All of us may suffer with depression and frustration, lose guidance and support, need aids physically, emotionally, or spiritually.我们所有人都会经历挫折和沮丧,失去指引和支持,无论物质、情感还是精神上都急切需要治愈。Just think like this way:请从这个方面思考:“This too shall pass.”这一切都会过去的。Horrible feelings I am feeling will eventually go away.所有恐惧不安的思想终有一天会烟消云散。I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself and actually want to change. I am an incredibly lucky person who have come from a family who love and support my whole life.不应再自怨自艾,而要切切实实地谋求改变。能有一个爱护和支持自己的家庭,你已经是世上非常幸运的人了。I had to be the one to make the decision to change my way of thinking.只有你可以决定自己想法的转变。All the good things and all the wonderful people in my life would pass eventually too. While I am feeling miserable, my life is still going on and I am missing out on appreciating those precious moments.跟不幸一样,在你生命中所有好的事情、身边很棒的人,同样会有离你而去的一天。当自己沉溺于痛苦之中,而生命的时间漏斗仍不停流转,那你将错过那些值得赞美的珍贵时刻。We all have horrible things happen to us that will affect each of us differently.尽管境遇相同,但其对不同的人的影响却不尽相同。The important thing to remember is that our problems aren’t what define us. What defines us is how we deal with what has happened to us; how we change the way we think about it.重要的是,你要记住,我们遇到的问题不能定义我们的本质。能定义我们的,是我们处理问题的方法,以及我们对待问题的态度转变。We can either let it become us or we can use our new found wisdom to change the little bit of world around us all.我们或许放任自流,又或许利用我们发现的新智慧改变我们周边发生的事情。There’s something much bigger than us and our problems. It is always important to remember that there is always someone who is in a position much worse than our own.比我们自身和我们所遇到的问题还重要的事情大有所在。切勿忘记永远有人比我们遭遇的更糟糕。Nevertheless, I am well on the way to becoming the person I want to be and I have goals and expectations of myself. I am now aware that my life has started.然而,我们有自己的目标和期待,并在自己选择的人生道路上很好的前进着。我们必须从现在起意识到属于自己的人生其实已经开始。It started years ago and it’s not nearly over yet. It’s happening right now. Yours is too.我的人生在好久之前已经开始了,而且还没结束。现在还是进行时。你的也一样。转自柠檬美文网