英语话剧简单

uth means a temperamental predominanc

[话剧剧本]《幸福，到六为止？》剧组名单（共19 人） 杭高话剧… 12-18 [话剧剧本]流浪日记 (又名:《依靠的归宿》) 杭高话剧… 12-18 [话剧剧本]提拉米苏的眼泪 杭高话剧… 12-18 [话剧剧本]战国无双——信长之野望 杭高话剧… 12-18 [话剧剧本][剧本]九八版《窒息》 佚名 12-07 [话剧剧本]天堂地狱大比拼（搞笑） 佚名 12-07 [话剧剧本]《我爱抬杠》 刘深 12-07 [话剧剧本]空城记 黄佑华 12-07 [话剧剧本]经典剧本《去年冬天》 编 剧 喻… 12-07 [话剧剧本]天堂隔壁是疯人院 编 剧 喻… 12-07 [话剧剧本]媒体爱滋病 韩继光 12-07 [话剧剧本]《那边》 子 抗 12-07 [话剧剧本]北京人 曹禺 12-07 [话剧剧本]堕落天使 佚名 12-07 [话剧剧本]《齐介一》 赖晓旭 12-07 [话剧剧本]《史步可》 赖晓旭 12-07 [话剧剧本]《我这一辈子》 丑子 12-07 [话剧剧本]午夜（剧本） 格子格兮 12-07 [话剧剧本]灰姑娘（男生版）——剧本 佚名 12-07 [话剧剧本][剧本]常规与例外 贝托尔特… 12-07

英语话剧剧本：搞笑英语话剧：三笑三国 （7个人表演）开场介绍： Ladies and gentlemen,let me introduct the actor. The first is zhaoyun,he is the most actor tonight.and his black brother zhangfei ,and there boss liubei .don't forgot the other side Mr cao,and his adviser JiangGan,and the most strong XiaHou Dun.At last,don't forget who behind the scenes ME----the Director. 第一幕：人物，赵云 夏侯惇 曹操 蒋干旁白：就在刚才不久，一个黑大汉从曹操军中救出刘备之子刘阿斗，现在正向这里杀过来，他就是张飞！！！（赵云出场）Not too long ago,a black general saved the son of LiuBei ,Liu A dou.now,he is coming. His name is Zhangfei. 赵云：no！本人姓赵名云，乃常山子龙也！ no! my family name is zhao my middle name is yun and my given name is zilong ~ （赵云从背后拿出一坨布，代表阿斗） 赵云：看！这就是主公的最后一点骨血！刘阿斗！我从火场之中把他救出，而我自己的脸却早已……唉……化作焦炭！（顾影自怜状）look! this is the last blood of the boss ! liu e dou . i took him out from the fire ,but my face hane already ...ai ~. （夏侯敦挺着枪呈猫腰状杀出） 夏侯敦：小贼，莫跑，要不然我就大开杀戒了（冲到） Children， stop there or i will kill you （赵云左手抱阿斗，右手与之搏斗） 赵云：可恶！居然敢偷袭我！fuck,!! you bitch dare to attack me ?? （二人装腔作势打斗数招） 赵云：看我九阴白骨爪！！stop!! wait!!! one two three... nine dark white bone fingers!! 夏侯敦：唔！（倒地） oh my gad i'm over 赵云：此地不宜久留，还是快去寻主公！（下）yeah~ bitch i will go to look for my boss , goodbye~ （曹操、蒋干二人上） 曹操：没想到我们初次出兵便杀得敌人望风而逃！真可谓出师未捷身先死。长使英雄泪满襟！ I didn't expect that we can beat the enemy with our first attack.It reminds me of a poem, "Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. Long the hero Tearful" 蒋干：丞相，您说这话，真不见得怎么吉利。 Prime minister,It does not sound good about what you have said; （曹操险些被地上的夏侯敦绊倒） 曹操：咦？这是谁扔的西瓜皮？（转身，看见倒在地上的夏侯敦）Huh? Who threw the banana rind? 曹操：是夏侯爱卿。难道他又在搞什么行为艺术？？Do not Xiahou Dun?Is he engaged in what is called performance art? （蒋干上前将夏侯敦一顿拍打，二人站起） 曹操：夏侯爱卿为何要在地上装西瓜皮？？Why do you want to install banana rind on the ground? 夏侯敦：有一人脸如黑炭 手抱孩子there is a very black people witha baby in his band 蒋干：是敌人的保姆！还带个孩子！！！it Is enemy's maid with a child in his arm. 曹操：那你呢？What did you do? 夏侯敦：i i i…… i rushed to him and fight with him i'mfightting fightting fightting我 我…… 我冲上去与之打斗 打 打 打 曹操：然后呢？What then? 蒋干：丞相，看来是夏侯将军杀退了敌人！ Prime minister, it is likely that general Xiahou has defeated the enemy 夏侯敦：唔唔！（手势如下：指指门外，右手作“九”的样子，随即作全身发冷状，然后指向自己的衣服，再指向曹操，作爪击状） 曹操：然后呢？ Then what happened? 夏侯敦：no no no I was defeated he used the nine cloud white bone finger ,it's so terrible （曹操、蒋干二人将夏侯敦拉起） 曹操：如此看来，敌人应该还没有走远。咱们乘胜追击！（慷慨状）It seems that the enemy should not go far. Let's run after them. 蒋干：有时候我真的很佩服丞相您这乐观的心理……（赞同状） Sometimes I really admires prime minister very much about your optimistic psychology ...... 夏侯敦：唔！唔唔唔~！（抡起两拳，作欲与敌人搏斗状）（三人下）第二幕:人物：刘备 张飞 诸葛亮 赵云（刘备、张飞、诸葛亮三人上）旁白：这是的刘备一行人正在军营外观看敌情~~~LiuBei and his team are looking something out of his military camp.、（诸葛亮走在前面，张飞、刘备二人紧跟其后） 诸葛亮：（转头）主公啊，按理说是您走先啦！（恭敬状）old liu ah,you should walk in front of us! Is not it?刘备：不啦，军师您身后有好大块荫凉，躲在这里避避暑也不错。No，it's very cool that I stand just behind you，I can avoid summer heat 诸葛亮：（眺望状）主公，如果我所料不错，现在马上就要下雨了！liu ah,come here! I tell you a secret! I think it is about to rain! 刘备：先生神算！人所不及！不知先生如何知道将要下雨？great prediction！No one can compare with you！just wonder how do you know it's going to rain？ 诸葛亮：首先，天气预报说今天有雨；其次，（以手指前方）看天，那边有一块黑云来了！First,the weather report told us it is going to rain today;second,look at the sky,so many dark clouds are coming! （赵云上） 张飞：哇！那就是子龙啊，想不到这一会不见子龙就换了个新桌面啊！Ha! That is person who called long ah, I could not believe that you have changd a new tabletop without a minute! （张飞迎上） 张飞：子龙！ long 赵云：翼德救我！ help!!! brother three. （张飞下） 赵云：主公！云殊死力战，方保得小主人在此！只是这许久不见啼哭，怕是已经……（悲愤状，取出布包，打开并捧着） boss, i have trid my best to protect the little boss. but it have a long time to hear nothing. i am afraid... 赵云：kao！这小没良心的，居然还能睡的着！就跟他爹一样！！ oh ~ shit.how can the son of bitch get in asleep.just like his father 刘备：咳咳！（赵云转身面向刘备） 诸葛亮：子龙，不是我说你，你嘴上就是少个把门儿的，总不能啥实话都往外说啊！？Zilong,not I tell you, although it is true,you should not say it out!（刘备怒视诸葛亮，诸葛亮恍如不知，赵云上前，将阿斗递给刘备，刘备捧着阿斗） 刘备：为了你这倒楣孩子，几乎损我一员大将啊！我还留着你赶什么啊，我摔死你吧！！because of you，I almost lose a brave general！Why do I keep you alive，let me kill you！！（阿斗摔下）（赵云上前，对准阿斗狂踹数脚，诸葛亮上前拉住，赵云始终作势欲踢，诸葛亮用身体压住赵云后，走上前去一脚将阿斗踢飞） 旁白：从今以后，阿斗的智力便出现了明显的发育迟缓……This is why liu a dou is so foolish that lost his country. 赵云：咦？怎么不见关二哥呢？ yi ~~ where is brothe two GuanYu? 刘备：二弟昨天为军师摆下一个八卦阵去，不过在冲出去撞马的时候闪着腰了，现在还在休养呢！：He layout the BaGuaZhen for military adviser yesterday, but when he rushed out , he get his waist twisted, now he stay in bed. 诸葛亮：哎，太糟糕了，看我，多健康，多健壮！告诉他，多喝三鹿奶粉！（自恋状）！Oh,It is so bad! Look at me,so healthy,so strong!tell him to drink more sanlu milk powder! 赵云：就给这孩子喝成这样儿了！！！（走上前，抚摸诸葛亮，做怜惜状） so you drink to be a foolish? 曹操（在台下）：啊~！！！（惨烈地）刘备：难道三弟又重操旧业了？咱们快去看看！Did zhangfei return to one's former career ？Go to see what happen?（三人下）第三幕： 人物 张飞 曹操 夏侯 蒋干 刘备 诸葛亮旁白：时间拨回到三分钟之前，张飞大战长坂坡……Go back to three minutes before the time set aside，zhangfei fight with caocao's army on changbanpo （张飞上，在台上转一圈后，如京剧拿柱般亮相，定格） 曹操和蒋干：嘿嘿嘿嘿！（奸笑中） 夏侯敦：唔唔唔唔……（奸笑中） （三人奸笑上台）代写剧本 张飞：哇！火腿肠你回来拉！！ Wa!You, The hot dog, come back ! 夏侯敦：我靠，又一个黑人，黑人都是很牛x的，我怕了。。。 black man come again ， Blacks are very powerful，i'm afaid 曹操：阁下是何人，何以竟有如此美妙的声音！Excuse me. May I know your name? What a wonderful voice you have! 张飞：我便是那燕（yān）人张翼德！（咬牙）I am Zhang Yide from jingdu! (clenches teeth) 曹操：阉人？？原来只是一个太监……夏侯敦，上去解决他！You are the so called coward,aren't you?xiahou,beat it! （夏侯敦低头猫腰冲出） 夏侯敦：唔！唔~唔！ （二人打在一起）（定格）蒋干：丞相，这一仗咱们必输，一会还有桥断水倒流呢！快叫夏侯将军下来吧。 Prime minister, we must have lose this Campaign , the bridge will also cut off the water soon!Let's call Xiahou general to get down quickly曹操：你怎么知道？How dou you know it? 蒋干：《真三国无双叁》，长坂的任务啊！！ "Really,it is the game's duty of Three countries Unparalleled Three"!! 曹操：干啊，我看你是太沉迷于网络游戏了。这样既浪费时间又上海身体，你还是听为丞相的一句话吧！珍爱生命，远离三俗啊！I think you are too addicted to online games. What a waste of time, and It's harmful,listen to me ,You must take good care of yourself. （张飞与夏侯敦二人继续，张飞一枪击中夏侯敦） 夏侯敦：oh my gad i am over again又被打败了 （蒋干上前将夏侯敦拖回） 曹操：唉，如今这世道变了，太监都这么厉害啦！？Why does that coward become so brave?张飞：曹贼听着！今日汝等必不能生过此桥！ cao ,stops talking! Today you all can't pass this bridge with a live one! 曹操：汝休得猖狂！今日要不是我手下典韦身死，许诸拉稀，于禁肺炎，李典麻疹，文聘肝癌，张辽痔疮，才不会输给你！shut up!If general dianwei was still alive,We would not be defeated! 张飞：你手下终究无人可用！啊，面对此景次请，我真想赋诗一首——Nobody may go to battle for you ,Facing this scenery,i really want to sing a song.er, on ......On ......（音乐起）only you ~~~~~only……you…… （夏侯敦跃起） 夏侯敦：唔唔唔……（以手捂耳，跑下） 曹操：啊！（惨厉的叫声，并以手捂耳） 蒋干：啊！（惨厉的叫声，并以手捂耳） 曹操：这难道就是传说中的门得尔松的c大调《鬼叫》协奏曲！何以如此震撼！（惊惶状）Why is this so shocking!蒋干：（一手指张飞）快看！丞相！桥断了！水也开始倒流啦！！（转过身去，以手捂耳） Look, Prime minister! The bridge broke! The water also starts to flow backwards（音效：山崩地裂之声） 曹操：aaaaaaaaaa（痛苦吐血状）（定格） （诸葛亮、刘备、赵云三人上）诸葛亮：别唱啦！再唱下去就把曹操给唱死啦！Do not sing more,ok?if you go on singing,CaoCao will die because of your song!刘备：三弟快打住！！（以手捂耳）Stop,stop！！（以手捂耳） 张飞：only you ~~~~~only……you……（余音不绝） 刘备：子龙，快把三弟扛回去。Zilong，carry zhangfei back quickly。 赵云：好的！ ok （赵云上前，以手捂住张飞的嘴，扛走，张飞依旧唱个不停） （张飞、赵云二人下）旁白：从此以后有一首歌传唱至今 经久不衰，叫做：only you~~~~ since then, a song become very very famous.The name is《Only You》.(歌声再次响起，众人谢幕~~)。

英语搞笑小话剧（彼得与狼）Peter and the Wolfall : I’ll tell you a story. It is “Peter and the Wolf” Peter: Good morning everyone. What a fine day! How beautiful the green lawn is!Bird: Good morning, Peter.Peter: Good morning, Bird.Bird: It’s a fine morning, isn’t it! All is calm. All is beautiful.Duck: I’m a duck, you see. Peter forgot to lock the door. Now I’m free. How I want to have a good bath in the pool!(Duck jumps into the pool.)Bird: Hi! Who are you? You can’t fly?Duck: Aren’t you a bird! You can’t swim? You see. I can.Bird: You are a fool.Duck: I’m clever. You are a fool.Bird: You are a fool.Duck: I’m clever. You are a fool.(At this time, a black cat is coming quietly.)Cat: Yeh. They are quarrelling. So I have no trouble catching them. Look at me, please.Peter: Take care, Bird. Be careful, Bird.(So the bird flies away.)Duck: You are a thief. Why don’t you catch that bird?Bird: You are a robber. Why don’t you rob me?Cat: Should I go to catch the bird? Should I? I’m afraid when I get there, the bird will fly away.Grandfather: Peter, you see. It is very dangerous here. The duck is running into the pool. If a wolf comes, what should you do then?Peter: I’m a young pioneer. I’m very brave. How can I dare a wolf?(A few minutes later. A very big, cruel wolf comes siletly. The black cat runs away quickly.)Cat, Bird: Oh,! Wolf!Duck: Oh! My dear. The wolf is coming. Let me run quickly.(How can a bird run so fast! Look, the wolf has caught the bird, and eaten him up.)Wolf: How I am satisfied! But I still want to catch the bird andthe black cat.(Now Peter and the grandfather see what has happened. They have a good idea now.)Peter: Bird. Please fly over the wolf’s head. You can fly around and around him. But you should be careful enough.Bird: Wolf. Wolf. Can you catch me? You are a fool! Can you catch me? Catch me!(The wolf is so angry that he jumps up and down. At this moment. Peter and his grandfather throw a rope and catches the wolf.)Cat, Bird, Grandfather: Beat him. Beat him. Don’t let him run away.(At this moment. A group of hunters get to the forest. Listen, they are shooting at the wolf.)Peter: Oh, no. Bird and I have caught the wolf. Don’t kill him. Let him alive. Please help us to send him to the zoo.Peter, Grandfather,Hunters, Cat, Bird: Oh! Oh! Let’s go to the zoo. Let’s go to the zoo.

《赖皮孙子糊涂爷爷》英语话剧P: Pirate-Grandson. M: Mother. F: Father. K: King -Grandpa. 旁白: There are 4 members in a family, Pirate, a 7-year-old naughty boy. His mummy is a beautiful white-collar worker. His dad, Andy Lau is a famous singer, and his dear grandpa, King is a kindly old man. Pirate loves his grandpa most, because King is very spoiling him. He hates his parents. Frankly speaking, he is afraid of them, Because they are very strict with him. . 正剧：(P,K出场) P: Old King, Open the TV, I want to see Tom and Jerry. I love that mouse. Quick! No time! I can’t wait another second. K: Oh dear! I nearly forget it. Don’t worry, I open it right now. (作开电视状) P: Ha Ha! It’s really funny! Tom is so good! (作高兴状) Oh no! “The End!” Where is Tom? I hate the end! (摔电视机，作极度气愤状) Old King!? (对K吼) K：Oh, what a pity dog! (作左顾右盼状) Your parents are not here ,and we can change another one ,our brave Pirate, just tell me. I’m sure your demand will be satisfied. (作充满自信状) P：Really! OK! Now, let’s watch Caribbean Pirates! K: Humm, No, it’s unfit for you…… (作犹豫状) P: I just like this film, Old King, you tell lies. You don’t keep your promise.（作气愤欲泣状） K; Oh yes, I play it for you. (作为难状) But please be quite, I’m afraid your parents wound not like us doing these. P: Don’t tell so much! I have been an adult man of 7 years old. I promise it to you. (作自豪自信状) K：OK. (作舒心，安慰状) P: Fight him, kill him. Throw these bad guys into the sea…… (高声喊) K: Xu …….. (作禁声状). Remember your promise, young adult man. P: Oh? What promise? I have forgotten it. (作天经地义状) K: Oh?! You are right（作理解状，因为Pirate一贯如此，出尔反尔） P: Old King. I give you an honorable mission. (作自豪状) Be my horse, and I will ride on your back , let’s help these people in dangerous situation, just like a brave knight.(作勇敢状) K: What! Ride on my back! Be your horse!!(作惊异状) P: Yes, your hearing is very good, any question? (作若无其事状) K: No, No, sound a good idea! Very good! You are a brave Pirate. Now come on my back. (作无奈状) P: (作高兴状，作跃上马背状) Hei! Let’s go! Kill all those bad men. Quick! Run quick! ....... (意气风发状) （M,F携手进场）: P: Oh, my god! Mummy, Daddy! (A,D作慌忙状，挡在电视机前) M: Dad, what are you doing!? Naughty Pirate, isn’t your trick!? (作气愤状) P:（作阳痿状） Mummy, it’s not my fault. Old king let me massage his back. Hei Hei (作心虚状，以掩饰内心的恐惧) M: I don’t believe it. (作严肃状) Dad, isn’t really that? (询问K) K: Yes, of course, I can’t image a child only 5 year old, can massage so good. Oh……. (释然状，因为圆了我的谎) M: Really. I don’t believe the litter pirate can massage, who taught him. (作怀疑状) Dear, isn’t you ? F: No, I haven’t, but I decide to enjoy his massage another day, Do you think so, dear? M: Yes, really a good suggestion. （P，D作惊恐状。A：发抖，D：挥汗)（P挡着电视怕被M、F发现，K也为P作掩饰） P: Mummy, Do you feel a little cold? K: Yes, I can feel it. (边挥汗边说冷) M: No, it’s summer. Really hot, do you catch cold? P: No, No, just my feeling. (更加发抖，一不小心被B看到了电视) M: Pirate, what’s behind you? (疑问状) P: Oh, nothing, nothing! (作惊恐状) M: Move away .little Pirate! (作气愤状) P: Oh no! The storm will come. (捂脸作害怕状) M: Caribbean Pirate! What’s a bad film! Little Pirate!? (气愤状) P: Mummy, I surrender. (作投降状) M: Daddy ,this film is unfit for him , it is full of killing，force and negative passion, and it will let him become bad ! K: I know that, but I meat to let him watch Tom and Jerry and he like it very much. Yes? Pirate? (想转移话题与Pirate站在同一战线) P: Yes, a very clever mouse and a stupid cat. (作博学状) M: Dad, don’t let him watch so much TV, it wastes a lot of time, and it is bad for his eyesight. He may become short-sighted. (诚恳状) K: I know the disadvantage. But TV also teaches him a lot of things which he can’t learn from books, Such as survival ability and communication skills. (中气不足状，因为理由不充分) M: Just those force, fighting and cheat? (置疑状) P: Mummy, I apologize that I have cheated you. (诚恳状) I won’t do that next time. Can you forgive me this time, Mummy. (做鬼脸,逗妈妈开心) M: Pick up trick. It doesn’t work this time. (义正言辞状) P: Mummy, not next time, ok? ( 作悲伤状，以引起妈妈的同情) (M不理P) M: Dad. I know you love little pirate very much, but I think you should choose the right way. Spoiling is not true love. It’s the poison in honey. (作严肃状) F: Yes, Dad, Pirate has a lot of things to do. We should be his guide, not to carry out everything he said. We can bring him to the library to see what books attract him most. We can help him to develop his interest, shape his personality, and improve his intelligence and so on. I think it’s the right way to love our little Pirate. Do you think so, dear? (很理智，明晰状) M: It’s just what I want to say. (赞同状 ) F: Ok, I should change my way of loving him. I should let him do his own thing and be his guide. (作彻悟状) P: Oh, so much time has passed. I eager to go to wash room, I can’t bear it. (捂小腹，作难受状) K: Ok, I go to bring the paper, don’t worry! I’ll accompany with you. (作习惯性状，因为Pirate的大小便通常都由King主管) M、F：No, let him do that himself, and be his guide. (同声提醒K) K: Oh, yes, little Pirate, it’s your job now, nobody can help. You should do it yourself. (作揶揄状) P: Xi, I have been an adult man of 7 years old. I can do it. (跨进厕所，作藐视状，有什么大不了，不就进个厕所吗) M、F、K: Brave Pirate! (作自豪状，含有夸奖意) P: Oh, my god! The washroom is so large and dark! (害怕状，因为从末一个人进厕所) M、F、K: (All 晕倒)

四人英语话剧剧本-The Rolling OrangeThe Rolling Orange讲述桔子的故事。一天早上，桔子一家醒来，发现人们开着卡车，搬着梯子，来摘桔子了，快来看看他们的命运如何吧。人物Tom: Father OrangeKlye: Mother OrangeWallis: Older Sister Orange Jessie: Little Brother OrangeCharactersFather Orange: He is a middle-aged, considerate, and thoughtful man.Mother Orange: She is a younger and more youthful woman than Father. She is also very optimistic.Older Sister Orange: She is young , energetic, and competitive .Little Brother Orange: He is the youngest and, therefore, a little spoiled.SCENE I 场景一：果园One Morning in an Orange Orchard.(Today is a sunny day . An orange family is discussing nervously about something on an orange tree in an orchard. )Father: I was awakened early this morning by the sound of trucks in the field (yawning). Mother: Well, it wasn’t the first time to be like this.Sister: A whole bunch of strange men was brought in by trucks.Brother: That really scared me. They got out and started to climb up ladders.Sister: (Afraid suddenly) Oh! My friends were grabbed and put into large bags. I could hear them yell for help.Father: Hey! We shouldn’t look at them; otherwise, they’ll notice us.Mother: But it’s useless.Sister: Oh, God! We’re discovered!Brother: Oh! We’re being grabbed and pulled from our branches. What will we do for food and water?Sister: It will be so uncomfortable going to town in that bag with a lot of strangers. Mother: Well, we’ll just have to do our best. Father: Yeah!SCENE II On a Fruit Stand.(After having been on the road in a bag for half an hour, they are placed on a fruit stand. )Sister: Gee! This place is so cold and desolate. I wish we had our friends here on this stand (looks at the opposite fruit stall).Brother: I tried to make friends with these people on our way here, but everyone looked pretty uncomfortable and scared. (Suddenly)Sister: Oh! Mother! How could they do that?Mother: What are you talking about?Brother: I know what she’s talking about (Brother turns to look). Father: What did you see?Sister: My friends were cut up and eaten. How could they do that? I’m so scared. Father: Now, children, be calm. Mother: Sh~ Someone’s coming. Father: Try to be quiet.Sister: I don’t want to be taken away. Brother: Oh! My friend’s being taken away. Sister: Your friend looks so fat.Mother: If we look sour, maybe we won’t be taken away. Brother: That’s a bright idea. But how could we look sour? Mother: Now, children, stop being scared and calm down. Father: Oh! No! I’m being looked at.Mother: I told you not to eat so much. Now you look so fat and juicy. (Father is being taken away.)Brother: Oh, no, Dad!Father: (Sadly) Good bye, children.Sister: Oh! Dad’s being put into the basket and taken away. Mother: Oh, no!Brother: Stop that. Our father can’t be taken away. Mother: Look, he’s being bagged and put into a cart.Sister: Hey! The cart’s wheels are going out of the store. Brother: A car’s pulling up.Mother: Oh, no! His bag is being picked up. Sister: But it’s breaking. And Dad’s falling out. Brother: Dad’s rolling away.All: (Jumping up and down cheering) ROLL! ROLL! He’s getting away. Sister & Brother: Yip! Yip! Hurray for Dad! Mother: Oh! Thank God.

英语四人话剧!幽默搞笑的话剧剧本《赖皮孙子糊涂爷爷》

演员: P: Pirate-Grandson. M: Mother.

F: Father. K: King -Grandpa.

旁白: There are 4 members in a family, Pirate, a 7-year-old naughty boy. His mummy is a beautiful white-collar worker. His dad, Andy Lau is a famous singer, and his dear grandpa, King is a kindly old man. Pirate loves his grandpa most, because King is very spoiling him. He hates his parents. Frankly speaking, he is afraid of them, Because they are very strict with him. .

正剧：(P,K出场)

P: Old King, Open the TV, I want to see Tom and Jerry. I love that mouse. Quick! No time! I can’t wait another second.

K: Oh dear! I nearly forget it. Don’t worry, I open it right now. (作开电视状)

P: Ha Ha! It’s really funny! Tom is so good! (作高兴状)搞笑小品

Oh no! “The End!” Where is Tom? I hate the end! (摔电视机，liuxue86.com作极度气愤状) Old King!? (对K吼)

K：Oh, what a pity dog! (作左顾右盼状) Your parents are not here ,and we can change another one ,our brave Pirate, just tell me. I’m sure your demand will be satisfied. (作充满自信状)

P：Really! OK! Now, let’s watch Caribbean Pirates!

K: Humm, No, it’s unfit for you…… (作犹豫状)

P: I just like this film, Old King, you tell lies. You don’t keep your promise.(作气愤欲泣状)

K; Oh yes, I play it for you. (作为难状) But please be quite, I’m afraid your parents wound not like us doing these.

P: Don’t tell so much! I have been an adult man of 7 years old. I promise it to you. (作自豪自信状)

K：OK. (作舒心，安慰状)

P: Fight him, kill him. Throw these bad guys into the sea…… (高声喊)

K: Xu …….. (作禁声状). Remember your promise, young adult man.

P: Oh? What promise? I have forgotten it. (作天经地义状)

K: Oh?! You are right(作理解状，因为Pirate一贯如此，出尔反尔)

P: Old King. I give you an honorable mission. (作自豪状) Be my horse, and I will ride on your back , let’s help these people in dangerous situation, just like a brave knight.(作勇敢状)

K: What! Ride on my back! Be your horse!!(作惊异状)

P: Yes, your hearing is very good, any question? (作若无其事状)

K: No, No, sound a good idea! Very good! You are a brave Pirate. Now come on my back. (作无奈状)

P: (作高兴状，作跃上马背状) Hei! Let’s go! Kill all those bad men. Quick! Run quick! ....... (意气风发状)

(M,F携手进场):搞笑小品剧本

P: Oh, my god! Mummy, Daddy! (A,D作慌忙状，挡在电视机前)

M: Dad, what are you doing!? Naughty Pirate, isn’t your trick!? (作气愤状)

P:(作阳痿状) Mummy, it’s not my fault. Old king let me massage his back. Hei Hei (作心虚状，以掩饰内心的恐惧)

M: I don’t believe it. (作严肃状) Dad, isn’t really that? (询问K)

K: Yes, of course, I can’t image a child only 5 year old, can massage so good. Oh……. (释然状，因为圆了我的谎)

M: Really. I don’t believe the litter pirate can massage, who taught him. (作怀疑状) Dear, isn’t you ?

F: No, I haven’t, but I decide to enjoy his massage another day, Do you think so, dear?

M: Yes, really a good suggestion.

(P，D作惊恐状。A：发抖，D：挥汗)

(P挡着电视怕被M、F发现，K也为P作掩饰)

P: Mummy, Do you feel a little cold?

K: Yes, I can feel it. (边挥汗边说冷)

M: No, it’s summer. Really hot, do you catch cold?

P: No, No, just my feeling. (更加发抖，一不小心被B看到了电视)

M: Pirate, what’s behind you? (疑问状)

P: Oh, nothing, nothing! (作惊恐状)

M: Move away .little Pirate! (作气愤状)

P: Oh no! The storm will come. (捂脸作害怕状)

M: Caribbean Pirate! What’s a bad film! Little Pirate!? (气愤状)

P: Mummy, I surrender. (作投降状)

M: Daddy ,this film is unfit for him , it is full of killing，force and negative passion, and it will let him become bad !

K: I know that, but I meat to let him watch Tom and Jerry and he like it very much. Yes? Pirate? (想转移话题与Pirate站在同一战线)

P: Yes, a very clever mouse and a stupid cat. (作博学状)

M: Dad, don’t let him watch so much TV, it wastes a lot of time, and it is bad for his eyesight. He may become short-sighted. (诚恳状)

小品：“不差钱”

(2009年中央电视台春节联欢晚会节目)

Got the Money Anyway(舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。)

(This short play is set in a restaurant named "Scottish Taste / Feel." Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chinese tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.)

Uncle Zhao Here we are. 赵本山：到了。

Yadar Here we are. 毛毛： 到了。

Uncle Zhao It's the most expensive restrant in Tieling:苏格兰 调情~~~

赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。这不，苏格兰调情(tiáo qíng)。 Yadar You got it wrong –苏格兰情调!!

毛毛： 爷爷，你念反了，苏格兰情调(qíng diào)。

Uncle Zhao 情调(qíng diào) All right, . We're gonna have our meal here anyway. 赵本山：啊，情调?就搁这儿吃。

Yadar But it's very expensive. 毛毛： 爷爷，这家老贵的啦。 Uncle Zhao So what? We've got the money, 30,000 yuan. Where's the bag? 赵本山：贵?咱带钱了，带三万多块，那包呢?

Yadar What bag? 毛毛： 我没拿包啊。

Uncle Zhao The yellow one with the money in it.

赵本山：装钱那包，黄包。

Yadar Oh no, I left it on the brick bed. 毛毛： 完了，让我落炕上了。

Uncle Zhao oh,what can I do? I do all this just for you ,how could you forget it! Any money left on you?

赵本山：我说，你这孩子还能办点事吗?!这给你办事，落炕上了还。兜里还有钱吗?

Yadar Let me see... (Fumbling) only 70-plus yuan.

毛毛： 兜里，多少钱哪才?才70多块钱。

Uncle Zhao Here's 400 more.

赵本山：我还有400。行，够了。

Yadar Still not enough. 毛毛： 这也不能够啊。

Uncle Zhao It’s ok. Waiter!

赵本山：哎呀，够不够就这样了。服务员!