英语幽默搞笑对话

一哥们去网吧上网，突然着急上厕所。厕所有人，这哥们就在门外等着，5分钟过去了，10分钟过去了，15分钟过去了……实在忍不住了，敲门:里面的哥们你能不能快点啊!里面的来了句：我擦，终于有人来了，哥们有没有纸?

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。

他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。

“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。

“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman！" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。

他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”

“可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。

过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。

你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球， 一个老美看到就笑我说， "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性， 缩写正好是 Adidas） " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快， 联想力这么丰富时，旁边的 一个老美帮我解围， 他说， 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn， 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢，这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔！ 下次就换你去取笑老美了.。

你选选吧

经典对话一：

男：Can I buy you a drink？（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）

女：Actually I'd rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。）

经典对话二：

男：Can I have your name？（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）

女：Why? Don't you already have one？ （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）

经典对话三：

男：I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

女：I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

经典对话四：

男：Is this seat empty？（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）

经典对话五：

男：Haven't I seen you some place before？（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）

女：Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）

经典对话六：

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday？（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）

女：Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）

经典对话七：

男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）

女：Why? Are you leaving？（是吗？你是说你要离开？）

999句最实用英语口语！ 1。

I see. 我明白了。 2。

I quit！ 我不干了！ 3。 Let go！ 放手！ 4。

Me too. 我也是。 5。

My god！ 天哪！ 6。 No way！ 不行！ 7。

Come on. 来吧（赶快） 8。 Hold on. 等一等。

9。 I agree。

我同意。 10。

Not bad. 还不错。 11。

Not yet. 还没。 12。

See you. 再见。 13。

Shut up！ 闭嘴！ 14。 So long. 再见。

15。 Why not？ 好呀！ （为什么不呢？） 16。

Allow me. 让我来。 17。

Be quiet！ 安静点！ 18。 Cheer up！ 振作起来！ 19。

Good job！ 做得好！ 20。 Have fun！ 玩得开心！ 21。

How much？ 多少钱？ 22。 I'm full. 我饱了。

23。 I'm home. 我回来了。

24。 I'm lost. 我迷路了。

25。 My treat. 我请客。

26。 So do I. 我也一样。

27。 This way。

这边请。 28。

After you. 您先。 29。

Bless you！ 祝福你！ 30。 Follow me. 跟我来。

31。 Forget it！ 休想！ （算了！） 32。

Good luck！ 祝好运！ 33。 I decline！ 我拒绝！ 34。

I promise. 我保证。 35。

Of course！ 当然了！ 36。 Slow down！ 慢点！ 37。

Take care！ 保重！ 38。 They hurt. （伤口）疼。

39。 Try again. 再试试。

40。 Watch out！ 当心。

41。 What's up？ 有什么事吗？ 42。

Be careful！ 注意！ 43。 Bottoms up！ 干杯（见底）！ 44。

Don't move！ 不许动！ 45。 Guess what？ 猜猜看？ 46。

I doubt it 我怀疑。 47。

I think so. 我也这么想。 48。

I'm single. 我是单身贵族。 49。

Keep it up！ 坚持下去！ 50。 Let me see.让我想想。

51。 Never mind.不要紧。

52。 No problem！ 没问题！ 53。

That's all！ 就这样！ 54。 Time is up. 时间快到了。

55。 What's new？ 有什么新鲜事吗？ 56。

Count me on 算上我。 57。

Don't worry. 别担心。 58。

Feel better？ 好点了吗？ 59。 I love you！ 我爱你！ 60。

I'm his fan。 我是他的影迷。

想看更详尽的内容，请查看乐知网的网友课程 。

Jack:Tom,who do you think the man with a yellow straw hat on the stool in front of the palm trees? Tom:I guess he must be a fortune teller。

Jack:Are you sure? Tom:Yes,without a doubt。 You see he is looking forward to talking to someone。

Jack:Maybe you are right。 But Tom, can you read the palm? Tom:Yes, I have read a lot of books about reading the palm。

May I read your palm? Jack: Yes,I'd love to。 But I want to make fun of him。

It is very funny。

One day, a village idiot won the first prize in the lottery(彩票). “How did you guess the lucky number?” asked his neighbor. “Well, three times, I dream of seven; so I figure it out that three times seven are twenty-four, and I bought the ticket with number 24 then I won the first prize.” “Why, you blamed fool (你这个傻瓜！). Three times seven is twenty-one not twenty-four.” “Is that so?” said the village idiot, Well, twenty-four won, anyway.”参考资料： 经典对话一： 男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？） 女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。) 经典对话二： 男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？） 女：Why? Don’t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？） 经典对话三： 男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。） 女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。） 经典对话四： 男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？） 女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。） 经典对话五： 男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？） 女：Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。） 经典对话六： 男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？） 女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。） 经典对话七： 男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。） 女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon... Demon: Why so glum?chum? Guy:?What do you think??I'm in hell. Demon:?Hell's not so bad.?We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man? Guy:?Sure,?I love to drink.?Love the drinks. Demon:?Well you're gonna love Mondays then.?On?Mondays that's all we do is drink.?Whiskey,?tequila,?Guinness,?wine coolers,?diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! Guy:?Gee炉hat sounds great. Demon:?You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it!?Love the smoking. Demon:?Alright!?You're gonna love Tuesdays.?We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out.?If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember? Guy:?Wow...that's...awesome! Demon:?I bet you like to gamble. Guy:?Why?yes?as a matter of fact?I do.?Love the gambling. Demon:?Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want.?Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever...?If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow. Demon:牋 You into drugs? Guy:?Are you kidding??Love drugs! You don't mean... Demon:?That's right!?Thursday is drug day.?Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack.?Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want烬nd if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares!?O.D.!! Guy:?Yowza!?I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!! Demon: You gay? Guy:?Uh?no. Demon:?Ooooh?(grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.