英语2人幽默短剧

Characters:Mr. Shi, Xiaofu, DabaoMr. Shi: Tax is the major source of the fiscal revenue. There is an evident change about the relationship between the tax collector and taxpayer in the past 20 years. Now, the tax collector, Xiaofu, and the tax payer Dabao, a vendor selling Yangrouchuan will show you the very change. The first Act happened in 1980s.Act (in Bazaar of Beijing, sanlihe, 1980s)Dabao: Yangrouchuan , yangrouchuan, eaten one ,want nine, eaten one, want nine. Hi, Take my yangrouchuan.(slipped, take it up, )Xiaofu: Tax! Pay the tax!Dabao: (change faces)Taxi? Where is the taxi? Here’s no taxi.Xiaofu: Tax! T---A ---X!Dabao: What’s the tax? I just know taxi! Do you want me to call a taxi for you?6JJTaxi----! Taxi----!Xiaofu: Enough! Are you the vendor?Dabao: No , No, No, no! I ’m just have a look. The vendor has gone to the toilet.Xiaofu: Not the vendor ? Impossible! you ’ve been here for 2 hours.6JJDabao: Really ? (Xiaofu: Yes, of course.) How do you know it?Xiaofu: The window of my office is open to here and I ’ve been looking at you for two hours.Dabao: It’ｓ a big bug!Xiaofu: Oh. Don’t waste my time! Please pay the tax---- 10 Yuan!Dabao: 10 yuan?! My god. I had just earned 20 Yuan one day! 5 Yuan, ok?Xiaofu: Don’t cheat me, you’ve sold more than 2 hundred ones. Dabao: 6yuan, my dear sisiter. 7Yuan, my lovely beauty.Dabao: Not for you ,not for me, let’s split the difference. 8 yuan ,ok ?Xiaofu: (looking around) All right ,a deal. But no receipt.(Dabao payed 8 yuan and Xiaofu left)Dabao: What a smart woman! Bad luck! I’m bankrupt. I have to change my place. Hope I would not meet her any more! Let’s go!Act 人物：史先生，小福，大宝。史先生：税收是国家财政收入的主要来源。在过去的20年中，税收部门和纳税人的关系有了明显改变。现在，税收部门——小福和纳税人——卖羊肉串的大宝将会上演这个改变。好生在1980年的一幕。（1980年北京三里河的一个市场）大宝：羊肉串，羊肉串了啊，吃一串，想九串，吃一串，想九串啊！您好，来点羊肉串吧。（羊肉串掉了 又捡了起来）小福：交税，交税！大宝：（换了脸色）出租车？哪有出租车？这没有出租车。小福：交税！交——税！大宝：什么是交税？我就知道有出租车！你想让我帮你叫出租车吗？出租车——！出租车——！小福：够了！你是老板吗？大宝：不，不，不，不是！我就是随便看看。老板去厕所了。小福：你——不是老板？不可能！你已经在这呆2小时了。大宝：是吗？（小福：当然。）你怎么知道的？小福：我办公室的窗户就冲这开！我已经注意你2 个小时了。大宝：好大的虫子啊！小福：别浪费我的时间！请纳税——10元！大宝：10元？我的天啊。我一天才挣20元！5元行吗？小福：别骗我了，你已经挣过200元了。大宝：6元，亲爱的姐姐？7元，美女。大宝：不是你刚才说的，也不是我刚才说的，让我们再重新定一个。8元，怎么样？小福：（四处看了下）好吧，就这样，但是没有发票。（大宝付了8元，小福离开了）大宝：多精明的女人啊！倒霉！我破产了！我得换个地儿。希望不会再遇到她。走！

The Gifts （礼物）－英语剧本Mon.：Tomorrow will be Christmas. But Della feels very sad. Because she has no money to buy a present for her husband , Jim . She has only one dollar and eighty-seven cents . They have only 20 dollars a week, it doesn’t leave much for saving.In fact, Della and Jim have two possessions in which they both take very great pride. One is Jim’s gold watch, which has been his father’s and his grandfather’s. The other is Della’s long beautiful hair.D: Life is so hard for me. Though I saved the money for many months , I still have only one dollar and eighty seven cents.D: I---- I---- I have to have my hair cut and sold it . In that way I can get some money and I can buy a beautiful present for Jim.(At the shop—“Madame Sofronie. We Buy Hair Goods of All Kinds”)D: Will you buy my hair?M: Yes, I buy all kinds of hair. Sit down, please. Take your hat off and let me have a look. Oh, very beautiful. Very good! Twenty dollars , OK?D: All right. But please give it to me quickly.M: Here you are. Twenty dollars.D: Thank you. Bye.M: Bye.Mon.：Della spent two hours in the streets. Then she stopped at a Gold Shop and bought a gold watch chain. Now ,Della is at home.D: Oh, what a beautiful gold watch chain. I think it must match Jim's watch. When he sees it he must be very happy .(Suddenly the door opened and in came Jim . )J: You-----?D: Jim. Don’t look at me that way. I had my hair cut off and sold it because I couldn’t have lived through Christmas without giving you a present. Jim, it will grow quickly. You don’t mind, do you ? I just had to do it. My hair grows very fast, you know. Say “Merry Christmas!” Jim, and let’s be happy.J: You’ve cut off your hair?D: I’ve cut it off and sold it. It’s sold. I tell you -sold and gone, too. It’s Christmas Eve , Jim. Be good to me, for it went for you.J: Well , Della. Don’t make any mistake about me. I don’t think there’s anything about a hair cut that could make me love you any less. I know, it went for me. Look at this package .D: What ?J: Look at it yourself. You 'll see.D:Ah! The combs. They were in the shop windows for many months!J:Yes, the beautiful combs, pure tortoiseshell, with jewelry rims--just the color to wear in your beautiful, hair.D: But , Jim. They are expensive combs. I know, my heart had longed for them without the least hope of possession. Now they are mine. Thank you Jim.J; Now, you will see why I was upset at first.D: Jim, you don’t know what a nice –what a beautiful , nice gift I’ve got for you. Can you guess?J: I'm sorry. I won't guess.D: Look. A gold watch chain. Isn’t it lovely ,Jim? I hunted all over the town to find it. You’ll have to look at the time a hundred times a day now. Give me your watch. I want to see how it looks on it .J: Della, Let’s put our Christmas gifts away and keep them a while. They’re too nice to use just at present. I sold the watch to get the money. And I bought the combs. Now, Let’s have our supper.翻译如下：礼 物旁白：明天是圣诞节，但是德拉觉得很难过，因为她无钱为她丈夫吉姆买一圣诞礼物，她只有1.87美元，他们一个月只有20美元的收入，那很难再从中省钱了。事实上，德拉和吉姆有两件让他们引以为豪的宝贝，一件是吉姆的金表，那是从他祖父和父亲那里留传下来的，还有一件是德拉那一头棕发，又长又美丽。德拉：生活对我来说很困难，虽然我很多个月以前就开始存钱了，我仍然只有1.87美元。德拉：我……我……我不得不剪了头发去卖掉，那样我就能得到一些钱去买礼物给吉姆了。（在店门口，写着“夫人：我们买各种各样的头发”）德拉：你买我的头发吗？夫人：是的，我们买各式的头发，把你的帽子脱下来，让我看一下你的头发。哦，很美的头发，很好的发质，20美元，行不行？德拉：好的，但是请你快点把钱给我。夫人：给你，20美元。德拉：谢谢你，再见。夫人：再见。旁白：德拉在街上逛了2个小时，然后她在一家金店止步，进去买了一条金表链。现在德拉正在家里。德拉：哦，多么漂亮的金链子，我想那一定跟吉姆的手表很配，当他看到它的时候，一定会很高兴的。（突然门打开了，吉姆走了进来）吉姆：你……？德拉：吉姆，不要那样看着我，我剪了我的头发并卖了，因为我无法度过一个我不送你圣诞节礼物的圣诞节，吉姆，它会长得很快的，你不会介意的，是不是？我必须这么做，我的头发长得很快的，这你是知道的，说：“圣诞快乐！”，吉姆，让我们高兴起来。吉姆：你剪了你的头发？德拉：我剪了头发并卖了，它被卖掉了，我跟你说它被卖掉了，没有了！现在是圣诞节前夜，对我好一点，吉姆，那都是为了你。吉姆：哦，德拉，别误会我，我想我不会因为你剪了头发而对你的爱就减少了，我知道，那是为了我，看看这个包裹。德拉：什么？吉姆：你自己看吧！你会明白的。德拉：啊，是梳子！它们就是几个月前陈列在橱窗里的那套。吉姆：是的，那套漂亮的梳子，镶珠宝的，那颜色正好配你的发色。德拉：但是，吉姆，那些都是很贵的，我知道，我一直渴望但却没有丝毫的奢望拥有它。现在，它们是我的了，谢谢你，吉姆。吉姆：现在，你知道我为什么一开始就那么悲伤了吧。德拉：吉姆，我给你买了一件又美丽又好的礼物，你能猜出来吗？吉姆：对不起，我不想猜。德拉：看，一条金表链，吉姆，它是不是很可爱？我找遍了整个城才找的，你从现在起可得一天要看一百次时间了。把你的表给我，我想看一下表链装在表上的样子。吉姆：德拉，让我们把圣诞礼物收起来珍藏一段时间，它们太好了，但我们现在用不着，我把表卖了。得到了钱才买了这梳子。现在让我们吃晚饭吧！祝你好运！希望对你有帮助！

搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》 旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me?荆轲Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?太子丹晕倒荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三：Hero，we need your help.荆柯：I am busy now! （本文来自天空剧本网）太子丹：You can get a lot of money.荆柯：I am very busy now!阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?荆柯：I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三：What? What’s the TCM?荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!Action Ш （《大话西游》主题曲响起）荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends太子丹：I will miss you, baby.（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》） 荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.妻子:"I promise."荆轲:"Never let go. “ 妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，荆珂上船，渐渐远去妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三：Okay okay!旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng. 结束！希望以上信息可以帮到您，欢迎您登陆我们的网站，查询全国各大城市最新、热门演出信息具体请点击： ^_^