幽默的英语小短文

笑话是民族文化及社会生活中不可缺少的一环,从古至今都拥有广大的受众,深受人们喜爱。我整理了英语搞笑小短文带翻译，欢迎阅读!

Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening.

有两名社会工作者在晚上的时候走过市区的简陋地方。

They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane.Upon investigation,

他们听到从后巷传来的求救呻吟声和很小的哭喊声。经调查，

they found a semiconscious man in a pool of blood.

他们发现有一个意识不清的人躺在血泊之中。

"Help me,I've been mugged and viciously beaten ." he pleaded.

他在恳求说：“救救我吧，我被人行凶抢劫，还遭到恶意痛打一顿。”

The two social workers turned and walked away .

这两名社会工作者转身离去。

One remarked to her colleague: " You know the person that did this really needs help."

其中一位向她的同事说：“你知道吧，做这件事的人才是真正需要协助呀。”

A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER.

有一名男子患有心脏病，被送往医院急诊室。

The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away.

医生告诉他，除非他立刻接受心脏移植，否则他就活不成。

Another doctor runs into the room and says,

另外一名，医生跑进急诊室说：

"you are in luck,two hearts just became avaible ,so you will get to choose which one you want.One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker."

“你真幸运，刚好有两个心脏可移植，所以你要选择你要哪一个心脏。一个是属于律师，另一个是属于社会工作者。”

The man quickly responds,"the attorney's ."

这名男子很快响应说：“律师的。”

The doctor says,"Wait!Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"

医生说：“等等!你不想在你做决定之前了解一下他们吗?”

The man says,"I already know enough.We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his .So I will take attorney's!"

这名男子说：“我已经知道够了。大家都知道社会工作者都是流血的(有同情心的)心脏，而律师的心脏可能从来都不曾用过他的。所以我选择律师的心脏。"

Helen was on her deathbed ,

海伦躺在她临终的病床上奄奄一息。

with her husband Jack at her side.

她的丈夫陪在她的身旁。

He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face.

他握着她冰冷的手，泪水静静地从他的脸上流下来。

Her pale lip moved. "Jack," she said,"

她苍白的嘴唇颤动着。她说：“杰克，”

Hush," he quickly interrupted, "Don't talk."

他很快就打断说：“嘘，不要说话。”

But she insisted,"Jack,"she said in her tired voice.

但是她坚持要说，她以疲惫的声音说：

"I have to talk.I must confess.”

“杰克，我一定要说。我必须向你坦白。”

"There is nothing to confess,"said the weeping Jack.

满脸泪水的杰克说：“没什么好坦白的。

"It's all right.Everything's all right."

没关系。一切都没事。”

"No,No!I must die in peace.I must confess,Jake ,that I have been unfaithful to you."

“不，不，我必须死得安心。我一定要坦白我对你不忠;红杏出墙。”

Jack stroked her hand .

杰克抚摸着她的手。

"Now ,Helen,don't be concerned.I know all about it," he sobbed.

他啜泣着说：“海伦 ，现在你不要担心了。我全部都知道了。

"Why else would I poison you ?"

不然我为什么要毒死你呀?"

若是你在 学习英语 的过程中感到很枯燥，不妨来读一些英语幽默小 故事 放松放松。英语幽默故事简短，内容诙谐幽默，情节生动有趣，相信在你在阅读的同时也可以一起学习英语哦。这次我给大家整理了英语幽默小故事，供大家阅读参考。

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英语幽默小故事1

My husband，Michael，a bus driver，was passing a deserted bus stop when one of his passengers called out that a woman wanted to get on. He pulled up to the curb and opened the doors.

我丈夫，麦克是个开大巴士的。一次当他刚要开过一个无人上下车的车站时，一位乘客喊过有位老妇人要上车。麦克把车停靠在马路边，打开了车门。

After a minute，Michael saw an elderly woman with a cane crossing the street slowly.

过了足有一分钟，麦克才见到一位老太太拄着拐杖，慢腾腾地过着马路朝车子走来。

He waited patiently as she made her way to the bus and climbed the steps.

麦克衬心地等她来到汽车旁上着台阶。While she was looking in her purse for her bus pass，he began to close the doors.”Wait a minute!”she snapped."My mother's coming.”

趁老太太打开钱包找月票的工夫，麦克欲关门，老妇人阻止道:“等一会，我妈妈还在后面呢!”

英语幽默小故事2

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."

Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie发现，不管问他老婆什么问题，Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的，甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说，“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头，小声地对Bernie说，“老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。”

英语幽默小故事3

Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?" His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."

两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。 其中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说，“你以为穿上这个就可以跑得过老虎吗?” 他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。”

英语幽默小故事4

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

一个女孩去 拜访 她的金发朋友，这个朋友最近养了两只“狗”，于是女孩问道：“它们叫什么名字呀?”

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

金发朋友说，一只叫Rolex，另一只叫Timex。

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?

女孩说：“哪有狗狗叫这个名字的。”

"HELLLOOOOOOO..." answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

“那个……”金发朋友说。“他们是监视器!”

英语幽默小故事5

Too Much Pressure

For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job，but now I found out the real reason：I’m tired because I’m overworked.The population of this country is 237 million.104 million are retired.That leaves 133 million to do the work.There are 85 million in school，which leaves 48 million to do the work.Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government，leaving 19 million to do the work.2.8 million are in the Armed Forces，which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.At any given time there are 188，000 people in hospitals，leaving 1，212，000 to do the work.Now，there are 1，211，998 people in prisons.That leaves just two people to do the work.You and me.And you’re sitting at the table reading jokes.

压力太大

多年以来我一直感到很疲惫，我曾经把原因归咎为缺乏睡眠以及来自于工作上的巨大压力。但是，我现在找到了真正的原因：我感到疲倦是因为我超负荷工作。我们这个国家有2.37亿人口。其中1.04亿已经退休了。还剩下1.33亿在工作。有8，500万人还在上学，工作的就剩下4，800万。这其中还有2，900万联邦政府雇员，真正做事的就剩1，900万人，又有280万人在服兵役，就剩下1，620万人在工作。从中再去掉各州和市政府的雇员1，480万人，还剩下140万人工作。但又有18.8万人生病住院，现在只剩下121.2万人工作。其中1，211，998人在坐牢。这样仅剩下两个人在工作，就是你和我。而你却坐在桌边看笑话。

英语幽默小故事6

Top 9 Reasons to Study Economics

Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands."

Economists can supply it on demand .

You can talk about money without ever having to make any.

You get to say "trickle down" with a straight face .

Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look how they turned out .

When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.

If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".

Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward , in economics we get taught that reward is its own virtue.

When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching the law of diminishing marginal utility.

学习经济学的九大理由

经济学家们会武功：“小心我们的无影手。”

经济学家们能够做到有求必应。

你可以不必挣钱而对金钱夸夸其谈。

你可以开始拉着脸说“涓滴”这一术语了。

米克·贾格尔和阿诺德·施瓦辛格两人都学过经济学，看看他们后来都成为了什么样的人物。

站在失业队伍里的时候，至少你会知道自己为什么失业。

假如重新安排“经济学”这个词包含的字母，你得到的是“小丑的鼻子”。

伦理学教导我们坚守德行本身即是回报，在经济学中我们得到的教导则是获得回报本身即是德行。

喝醉了的时候，你可以告诉所有人你只是在体验边际效用递减规律而已。

英语幽默小故事7

Nobel Prize in Economics

Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing.

Or Economics is the only field in which two people can share a Nobel Prize for saying opposing things. Specifically, Myrdal and Hayek shared one.

(A rumor has it that there was a similar case in neuroscience, Golgi and Cajal, maybe economists are not so different!)

诺贝尔经济学奖

两个持完全不同观点的人都能够获得诺贝尔奖，这种情况只有在经济学领域才会发生。

或者两个持完全不同观点的人能够分享诺贝尔奖，这种情况也只有在经济学领域才会发生。具体而言，缪尔达尔和哈耶克就是如此。

(有传言称在神经科学领域也有类似情形，比如戈尔吉和卡哈尔，所以经济学家也许并非那么另类。)

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