英文相声剧本大全

今天，我给大家说段相声！（边说边张望）怎么还不来。 乙：(慌慌张张上)我来了甲：呦，您……您这是怎么了？乙：别提了，都是那英语给闹的！甲：怎么了？都怎么了？快说来听听！乙：倒霉事全让我给碰上了！甲：你那些倒霉事情都是你亲自倒霉的？乙：废话！还有别人代替倒霉的？甲：能不能把你那些倒霉事说给大家听听乙：不愿意！甲：为什么？乙：心里难受。甲：想要大家的掌声吗？乙：当然想甲：你讲了，大家就会给你鼓掌，是不是呀？乙：那就给大伙说说？甲：好！大伙给鼓鼓掌掌！乙：说起我这些倒霉事呀，都怨我英语学得太好了。甲：怨英语学得好？乙：可不是吗。你记得我家旁边那邻居家大个子吗？甲：记得！就那个说中国话都（学一段结巴）这样的！乙：就是这个四肢发达，嘴巴结巴的二狗子打我的！。甲：他干吗打你了？乙：他不是上高一吗？甲：对！乙：高一不是也有英语吗！甲：英语那是必修课！乙：你想就他那中国话都学不好，英语肯定是一个字。甲：什么？乙：bad!甲：他英语差碍你了？乙：唉，就上个周末！他拿了一张全是英文翻译中文的卷子。甲：周末布置点作业没什么那！乙：他没什么，我有事了！甲：怎么了！乙：他像往常一样，找我来问问题了！甲：他都高一，来找一个初中生问问题？乙：谁让咱英语好呢。甲：那就教呗乙：该死就该死在这个出卷子的老师上。甲：怎么了。乙：那题目条条都是要命的！甲：怎么个要命法！乙：我一个人演不了，要咱们配合一下，我演二狗子，你演我。甲：行！乙：你正在看电视呢，我拿着卷子近来问你题目，你一边看电视一边回答！甲：行！乙：小毛驴！甲：唉，（这都什么名字，没个好听的）乙：我……我问你两……两道题目。这个“I don’t know.”是……是……是……什么意思？ 甲：“I don’t know.”我不知道 乙：你别……别看电视了，你怎……怎么会都……都不……不知道！甲：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！乙：还嘴……嘴硬！！！！(一个脑瓜嘣儿)那“I know.“是……是什么意思，你……你该……该知道吧。 甲：是“我知道“ 乙：知……知道就……就快说。 甲：就是“我知道“ 乙：找……找……茬呀你？刚才收拾……收拾的轻了是不？ 甲：就是我知道呀！ 乙：知道……知道你还不说！！不懂……不……不要装懂！ (又三个脑瓜嘣) 你……你给我小……小心点，不就英……英语学得好！跟谁……谁摆谱，再问你最……最后一个，说……说不出来我……我收拾你，“I know but I don’t want to tell you.“是什么意思？ 甲：我知道，但是我就不想告诉你！乙：我一听这题目，我敢翻译吗？我拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，我告诉他，我不会，这下你满意吧？甲：满意了不？乙：总算走了，不过一会儿就来问我了“I hear nothing ,repeat. 是what意思啊“ 甲:“我没听清,再说一次“ 乙:I hear nothing, repeat. 甲：我没听清,再说一次乙：我这是话音刚落，就连被弹了三个脑瓜嘣儿。最后问了一句：Look up in the dictionary是什么意思！甲：“查字典”乙：我刚说出口，头上又来两下。甲：那你！乙：我连忙改口：邻居是最好的朋友！甲：你怎么瞎说！乙：我敢说实话吗！再说实话我不得一命呜呼那！甲：唉，看来你是够倒霉的。

T---Tiger F---Fox R---Rabbit B---Bird Fr---Frog B----Bear ( 狐假虎威) Tiger: I’m a great tiger. I’m very strong. I’m very brave. I’m the king of the forest.But now I’m very hungry. I must find sth. to eat at once, or I’ll die immediately. Oh, there’s nothing here. And here is nothing, either. Oh, I want to have a rest. (Sleep soundly) Fox: I’m a fox. You can see, I’m pretty and lovely. I’m good at cheating 0and telling lies. Just now I cheated a crew out of a piece of meat. Mm, Mm, Mm. How delicious it is! Tiger: Ah, a fox. A good meal. Ah, a good meal. Fox: Oh, my God! What should I do? Yes, I have a good idea. Yes, a good idea. Hello! Tiger sister! How are you? Tiger: Not so good. I’m very hungry now. I want to eat you. Fox: Oh, my dear! How dare you say that! I’m the king of the forest! I’m the king of the forest! If you want to eat me, I will let you die right now. Tiger: She is the king. She is cheating me. I can’t belive her. I’m the king of the forest here. Fox: If you don’t believe me, just follow me and see who is the king of the forest. Tiger: Ok. Let’s go. Rabbit: I’m a rabbit. I like to eat a turnip. Ah, a big turnip. Oh! It’s too hard. I can’t pull it out. Bird: I’m a bird. Rabbit: Hi! Bird: Hi! What are doing here, Miss Rabbit? Can I help you? Rabbit: Yes, please. Frog: I’m a frog. Hello! What are you doing here? What can I do for you? R&B: Yes, come on! Frog : Ok! I’m coming! Bear: I’m a big brown bear. Hello, everyone! What are you doing here? R,B&F: Come on! Come on! Mr. Bear! You are so strong. Please come here. There is a big turnip. We are all puling it out. Please come and help us. Bear: Ok! I’m coming. Fox: Hello, Bear! Bear: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away) Fox: Hello, Frog! Frog: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away) Fox: Hello, Bird! Bird: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away) Fox: Hello, Rabbit! Rabbit: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away) Fox: Tiger, Now, you see. They are so frightened! They all run away! Tiger: Yes, you are right. It’s true. I’m very sorry. You are the king of the forest. That’s all right. I will run away. He is the king. He is the king. Fox: Wa! There is a big turnip. Now, the turnip belongs to me.