搞笑英语小品剧本

有两个，第二个可能有点长。一：羊肉串和纳税人（英文小品）Characters: Mr. Shi, Xiaofu, Dabao Mr. Shi: Tax is the major source of the fiscal revenue. There is an evident change about the relationship between the tax collector and taxpayer in the past 20 years. Now, the tax collector, Xiaofu, and the tax payer Dabao, a vendor selling Yangrouchuan will show you the very change. The first Act happened in 1980s. Act I (in Bazaar of Beijing, sanlihe, 1980s) Dabao: Yangrouchuan , yangrouchuan, eaten one ,want nine, eaten one, want nine. Hi, Take my yangrouchuan.(slipped, take it up, ) Xiaofu: Tax! Pay the tax! Dabao: (change faces) Taxi? Where is the taxi? Here’s no taxi. Xiaofu: Tax! T---A ---X! Dabao: What’s the tax? I just know taxi! Do you want me to call a taxi for you? Taxi----! Taxi----! Xiaofu: Enough! Are you the vendor? Dabao: No , No, No, no! I 'm just have a look. The vendor has gone to the toilet. Xiaofu: Not the vendor ? Impossible! you 've been here for 2 hours. Dabao: Really ? (Xiaofu: Yes, of course.) How do you know it? Xiaofu: The window of my office is open to here and I 've been looking at you for two hours. Dabao: It’s a big bug! Xiaofu: Oh. Don’t waste my time! Please pay the tax---- 10 Yuan! Dabao: 10 yuan?! My god. I had just earned 20 Yuan one day! 5 Yuan, ok? Xiaofu: Don't cheat me, you've sold more than 2 hundred ones. Dabao: 6yuan, my dear sisiter. 7Yuan, my lovely beauty. Dabao: Not for you ,not for me, let's split the difference. 8 yuan ,ok ? Xiaofu: (looking around) All right ,a deal. But no receipt. (Dabao payed 8 yuan and Xiaofu left) Dabao: What a smart woman! Bad luck! I’m bankrupt. I have to change my place. Hope I would not meet her any more! Let’s go! Act II Mr. Shi: The next scene happened in new century. China had been marching in the way of the market economy for twenty years more, in the new era of building the well-off society in an all-round way, how do the vendor regard tax as and how is the tax collected? The scene will tell you. Let’s enjoy it! (In the market; Dabao in white clothes ,a board with "NO SARS") Dabao:: Yangrouchuan, yangrouchuan. Eaten one, want nine. Eaten one, want nine. Xiaofu: Hi, Dabao: Hi. Two: What a familiar face. Two: It’s you! Dabao: 10 years past, you are a still a tax collector. Xiaofu: 10 years past, you still sell Yangrouchuan. How is your business? Dabao: Everything is OK! 10 years past, you are still beautiful lady in Sanlihe of Beijing. Xiaofu: 10 years past, you and your Yangrouchuan look more clean than 20 years before. Dabao: Thank you. No SARS, no dirtiness; Serve people, serve me. Xiaofu: Great! Have you…… Dabao: Married? I ‘m not married; I’m still single. Xiaofu: Have you claimed your tax this month? Dabao: What? Taxi? Oh, tax! Of course. I should pay the tax of 50 Yuan this month and I have claimed at the begin of this month. Xioafu: Your receipt, please. Dabao: (shows the receipt ) Here you are, I have paid my tax in the tax service center by computer. Xiaofu: Great! What a good taxpayer you are. Dabao: Thank you. It is my duty. I’m proud of myself to pay the tax for our country. Xiaofu: Yeah! The tax you paid is a share of our country’s economy, and you do a lot for Olympics of Beijing! Dabao: Let’s do it together! . It’s said that, Don't ask what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country. Just like me, sell Yangrouchuan, and pay the Tax for ten years more. Xiaofu: You 're the loveliest people in new century! Dabao: Thank you! And you 're the loveliest tax collector in new era! X: Excuse me, and I have to go now. Bye-bye. D: A moment, are you free tomorrow evening? Could I have a dinner with you? Xiaofu: Well, may I have the company of my husband? Dabao: No, no, no problem. 6 o’clock in the evening, Beichuanyuan, ok? Xiaofu: just a kidding. I have to go home now.(leaves) Dabao, See you tomorrow. Dabao: Hope to see you everyday. 二： People: small people living with HIV, Xiao Wu, Xiao ling, the teacher: classrooms: Xiao Ling sleep lying on the table. Xiaoai next to lost books, went out. Xiao Wu Jin, sat on the location of small people living with HIV. Xiaoai (come in): well, young man, is puzzling, isn't it funny, can't you see, that I have! Xiao Wu: be conscientious and meticulous, maoshimao, actually I older than you! Xiaoai: I early in the morning came, at first glance didn't see you? Xiao Wu: I saw last night. Xiaoai: last row is my patent! To it, I got out of bed early every day, Rob broken head, blood of DC, this position cannot be lost! Xiao Wu: the last row is my pride, treasured place here is very. As I drove from the (xiaoai:--keep trying? ) Advised the sooner you leave it at that! Xiao Ling woke up: noisy noisy noisy? Early morning so Holy quarrel in the classroom, a waste of life! Do you know you've made some errors? Ah? Xiaoai: Yes. Xiao Wu: we are not noisy. Xiao Ling: you most unforgivable--woke me up! Xiaoai sitting in front of Ling. Xiaoai: last, also is developing style. Dude, examination according to my point! Xiao Wu: Ah? Test today? Xiao Ling: not? My hands are numb! Xiaoai: Oh? Xiao Wu: sleeps, right? Ling: no! Little tired! Xiaoai: Hey, think I have a night light to toss wet rendering most of the night! Xiao Wu: uh, strenuous learning? Xiao Ling: you hit the grass? Xiaoai: Yeah, I'm thinking about examination policy! Xiao Wu, Xiao Ling get past: think of what? Small AI laughing: tell you that this trick must have! Xiao Wu, Siu-ling: come on! Xiaoai: according to the book copy--(pick up) Xiao Ling: die! Xiao Wu: it's a good idea! I did not expect it? Xiao Ling: come on. You also known as silver bullets? Well, in order to ease the tense atmosphere, debut humorous puzzles that I gave you. Xiaoai, Xiao Wu secretarial 114 copyright all to ignore her. Xiao Ling: say, exam answers a few steps? Xiaoai, Xiao Wu get past: a few steps? Xiao Ling: a three-step! The first step: write their names. (Two nods) the second step: go over the topic! (Two nods) step three:--hand rolls!The little moxa: draw oh!Small five: who ah?Linda: I'll give you a problem; say, today's exam, who is not here?The little moxa: exam today who can not come? Xiaoling?Xiao Ling: I'm not in it!Elwin: have a look around, small five?Small five: here!The little moxa: ah! I know -- i!Wu: you are white! Come with no is not a result!Xiaoling: answer, the teacher! Hasn't come in yet!The teacher came in.Three people jump: is it? How to say not to come? Oh dear. (loud)Teacher: what? The toad came in?Three people laugh.Teacher: hard! This exam! A little occupation ethics are not! What is most important in this year? -- fraction! Points, your life! (GRIN) exam, our magic!The little moxa: copy copy, our unique skill!Teacher: quick roll! The exam will not come early, it all the time! Exam began half an hour! Where did you go?Hair volume.Teacher: the examination time for two hours! Not more than a hour forbid you! Want to answer please pick up the pen, do not want to answer please rest. Want to go to the toilet classmates -- please constraint yourself!G: I have a good teacher ratio,He is looking for the cat -- mouse when the escort unreasonable demands!Xiaoling! He is the legendary rapper, or mouth can mutter said not finished?Teacher: quiet! You are quiet than tree! Don't know how you made a serious mistake? Weight than the sea!Three people open the copy.Teacher: (a little) the students please don't copy!Xiao Wu, Xiao Ling: I didn't copy!The teacher walked into the little moxa: classmate, don't copy!The little moxa: how do you know? I put on the desk copy!Teacher: your table in front of the plate away, I saw!The little moxa: (looking) oh! Tough luck!The teacher confiscated the little moxa roll, Ai Gang want to stand up and walk.Teacher: sit down! No less than an hour out!The teacher walked to the next small Wu, small Wu roll of paper to table to copy.Teacher: Okay, don't pretend!Most despise you take these books of cheating, a are not technical content.Did you copy? Like this? Like this?Small five: low and then low!Teacher: (to confiscate the small roll) you will sit self-reflection, why take a Book cheat?Wu: don't want to take the book! Who let I didn't like her (Ling) as a good grass!The small Ling stared at wu.Teacher: that's right, next time remember to grass! I love this hard-working child.Teacher: a point! Hand in.> good roll.Teacher: good. Remember the afternoon to consider the high number of! (next)The little moxa: ah! Also in the afternoon high?Xiaoling: ah!! In the afternoon the high number of! (pick up grass) just what?Small five: high...... Number?! What is that tree?Three people: a study of how to play under the grass!The teacher came in (the teacher plays the one dress).The little moxa: LanguageThe teacher!Teacher: what, how do you write a composition! (rolls to the little moxa)G: what?Teacher: you read.The little moxa: "my teacher", my teacher has an oval face......Teacher: wait, (took out a big sign, write claw) is this your face melon? You write is my teacher has a paw face!Elwin: teacher, paws face and face, can't do it?Teacher: you read.The little moxa: my teacher looks really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful, really beautiful......Teacher: stop! You write so many really beautiful? It has come to the end!Elwin: teacher, writing is not a requirement of not less than 500 words?Teacher: you only Portrait beautiful?The little moxa: not required to write one's real feelings? This is all my emotions!Teacher: hum, tell you, you are only 496 words!The little moxa: oh! Then added: really beautiful ah!Teacher: you have a look your translations, touch the Huai died you how to translate?The little moxa: find old locust tree hanged herself!Teacher: why is the old tree? You see you explain words, explain the death, you should write to die!G: Oh, I wanted to write!Teacher: (face) you, you hang up again!The little moxa: give me a chance! I have repaired five times!Teacher: OK, I'll give you a chance. Heard of blister Ding cattle, do a job with skill and ease? You do a job with skill and ease to make a sentence, I will give you the!Elwin: -- -- -- fish swim blade?! Fish...... The fish, the fish swim in the water, the fish swims......Teacher: (laughing) congratulations, get --The little moxa: too?Teacher: (cold) rebuilt sixth times opportunity. (next)Xiao Ling, Xiao Wu: Oh, come on high grass.The teacher came in.Small five: Philosophy teacher!Teacher: Xiao wu!Small five!Teacher: you have a look of rolls of paper!My question is: that is the question, please answer.How do you answer?Small five: This is the answer, please give points...... No.?Teacher: you call this problem?Teacher: you -- well, the next,Questions: what is courage, why didn't you answer?Wu: my answer!Teacher: write five words!Small five: (reading) this is the courage! You 're right. And then I didn't answer the following question paper, I put it the courage to explain!Teacher: you -- you hanging!Small five: the teacher! Give me a chance! I hung up the fifteen!Teacher: let me ask you two questions. See you good luck......Small five: two -- too much!Teacher: Well, the first question to answer! Second questions you don't answer I will let you live, how much hair do you have?Small five: if I were a good.Teacher: ah!Small five: 123456789!Teacher: how do you know?Small five: the teacher, second questions I can't answer!Teacher: good! Very nice. Nicely done. Take (handed a piece of paper)Small five: This is --Teacher: restoration of single! (next)Xiaoling, Elwin: come on high --The teacher came in.Xiaoling: English teacher! (to run)Teacher: Xiao Ling, run what? Did not eat breakfast!Xiaoling: don't eat --Teacher: I saw your morning meal!Xiaoling: -- tomorrow's breakfast!Teacher: Xiao Ling, have a look the rolls of paper, you that reading comprehension is no one to! You is it right? Don't read directly see the problem?Xiaoling: not!Teacher: also dare excuses!Xiao Ling: I did not see even the subject, direct look at the answer selected!Teacher: and your composition! How familiar?Xiaoling: can't look familiar? Reading the first sentence of each paragraph the words together......Teacher: Xiao Ling, you should know! You this --Xiaoling: ah! The teacher, I have five, fifteen, no, fifty times! Don't hang up!Teacher: it's not that I don't give you...... This...... For example, you can translate the eveningdre is what mean?(to the audience) is the evening dress!Xiao Ling looking at g, wu.The little moxa: evening is the night, the most suitable for the big game!Small five: dre is mm total clamoring to buy clothes!Xiaoling: oh! Teacher, I know! It is nocturnal clothing!The teacher shook his head. (next)Xiaoling: No, I have to find a teacher to! The two of you study it slowly! (next)G: Well, the grass play may not be useful, I also go.Small five: how do? Hand in a blank examination paper?Elwin: of course not draw back, I went to one of the most difficult question now, then write in the volume of paper, themselves out your answer! (next)Small five: personality. (just wanna go)The teacher came in.Small five: the teacher in charge!Teacher: Xiao Wu, I talk to you.Small five: ah!Teacher: test last time this question asked: this response is what principle? What's your answer?Small five: -- physical principle.Teacher: so the answer?Small five: don't...... Is the chemical principle?Teacher: Xiao Wu! You're so it can do? Why don't love learning?Small five: -- don't like my major!Teacher: ring? You know that ring is stem what?Small five: sanitation workers.Teacher: environmental engineering!Wu: Oh? Then I graduated to do?Teacher. Environmental sanitation worker.Small five: heard that the sewage treatment.Teacher: (excited) who said that the sewage treatment? -- also air pollution!Small five: how to control the atmosphere?Teacher: I don't understand this! I teach water pollution treatment!Small five: or wastewater treatment.Teacher: your mother see your summer results?Small five: see. Secretarial copyright 114Teacher: really? You send?Small five: of course I send!Teacher: what your mother told you?Small five: my mom said to send what idle school transcript?Teacher. You go.Small five: can't go.Teacher: why?Wu: no curtain call!Four with the curtain call.（谢幕）

英语搞笑短剧剧本5—6人 三打白骨精 ThreeTimes’BeatingMonster 人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空E：猪八戒J：沙僧 B：白骨精B1：B变成的村姑B2：B变成的太婆 B3：B变化成的老头N：哪吒 T:Emitofo,doyouknowwherewearenow? S:Bajie,map! E:(摸出，递给S) S:Look,master(凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E） T:Bajie!HowManytimesIhavetoldyou,noftobringthesepicturesofbeautifulgirlswithyou! E:Oh,master!Forgiveme(伸手拿回) T:(缩手)I’llkeepitforyouuntilwereachthewest E:But…… T:Emitofo,nothingislust,lustisnothing!Map? E:(递)Here.Em……wehavearrivedinWhiteTigerMountain!AhIcan’twalkonanymore!(坐)Mystomachdoesn’tallowSo. S:FatPig! E:Monkey,ifyoudaretosaythesetwowordsonceagain,Iwill,Iwill………. S:Youwillwhat(凶相)? E:(软禁)Iwillhelpyoucatchfleas(跳蚤). S:Hm! T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,IamabithungryCouldyougotogetmesomefood? E:Yousee,masterishungry,too! T:Baijie!Don’tforgetwhoatemylastmeal! J:Butmaster,ifamonstercomeswhilebrothermonkeyisaway….. T:Em…….Itisaproblem.Wukong,doyouhaveanyidea? S:Noproblem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看） E:Thisis…..? S:Electricnet!Ihavelearnttheenergyofelectricityfrommaster’sbooks.SoImadethis.Nomonstercanapproachyouifyoustayinit! T:Em……Wukong,youarebecomingmoreandmorescientific!Emitofo,knowledgeispower! S:Bye!(走) T:Let’splaycards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》 B:Hm!Hm!Electricnet?Youaretoochildish.(变成B1) B1:(接近三人，望着)CanIjoinyou? T:I’msorry,lady.WeareplayingFightingAgainstLandlordandthreepeopleareenough. B1:(在一旁观看)Oh,Chance!Bomb! T:Bomb?(打出) B1:DoubleKing! T:Oh….Iwin!Em……,Lady,youareamaster-hand.Comeinandteachme!(准备开电网门) S:(回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打) B1:（倒)Ah…… T:(气愤)Wukong!Lookwhathavedone!Sheismyteacher! S:Sheisamonster! T:Nonsense!(深呼吸) S:Oh,pleasedon’t…… T:It’stoolate!(唱)Oncemore……youopenthedoor…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱) S:Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头) T:(呛住，咳)Wukong,I’mdisappointedwithyou! B:(真身出现)Hm!SunWukong,I’llteachyoualesson!(变成太婆) B2:Hello,haveyouseenmydaughter? T:Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡) S:（咬牙切齿）Youmonster,I’llbeatyouintohell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2) E&J:AreyouOk,master?(扶T) J:Look,(伸食指)howmany? T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)SunWukong,gameover!(变成B3) B3:(看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,mydaughter,mywife!Whodidit?!!(哭喊) S:I’llkillyou,monster!(打) T:（想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住)Youhavekilledthreelives! S:No,theyarenothumanbeings!Theyarecreatedbymonster! T:Monster?Youarearealmonster!Neverletmeseeyou,go!! S:(悲，离去)（音乐，营造“假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》 E:Master,brotherMonkeyis....... T:Scratch!Don'tmentionthatguyanymore! B:(出现)Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走) T:（惊）Youare...... B:Howfoolishyouare,MrTang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退) B:(抓住T)I'llenjoyyourmeatandblood,ha,ha...... S:(悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)Athousandyearslater. T:Wukong? E:Oh,BrotherMonkey! J:Ourheroisback! T:I,Ican'tunderstand......Whathappened? S:Master,yourIQneedsincreasing!Thismonsterchangeditsappearanceintothreeshapesinordertocheatyou! T:How,howdidyoufindout? S:(沉默).......Monkey'sintuition(直觉) N:Excuseme,whereisthecniminal? S;Ah......youaretoolate,Nezha!(对T)I'vecalledthepolice. N:(摇醒B)Youareunderarrest.(出示证件)YouhavetherighttoremainsilentIfyougiveuptheright,anythingyouwillsaycanandwillbeagainstyouinacourtoflaw!(带走B) T:Wukong(S不理T)Iadmitmymistakethistime(S仍不理)I'msorry(小声) S:What? T:I'msorry. S:Em?Louder,please? T:I......am......sorry.....(S捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏） T:Let'sgoguys!(歌) S:Youarecarryingtheluggage,Iamleadingthehorse. E:Saygoodbyetothesun,Welcomeeveningglow. J:Sleepingontheground,againwesetoutsetout,againwesetout. T.S.E.J:Ah......Ah......Sleepingonthegroundagainwesetout. T:Oneaftertheothertheseasonsgoby,andoheaftertheother,theyeargoon.Youwonderwheretheroadis.Theroadisunderyourfeet. T.S.E.J:Youuonderwheretheroadis,theroadisunderyourfeet...... (谢幕) 这里有上百个英文小品剧本 你可以根据你的实际情况挑选 呵呵 英语小品剧本

英语小品剧本 -- 孙悟空vs猪八戒 An English play---- Pig Guy has been defeated by Monkey King 悟空：师傅,是不是太累了?休息一下再走吧. Master, are you tired? Let’s have a rest. 唐僧：没关系,前面不远就有人家了,到了那里再休息吧. I am fine. Let’s have a rest later. Look! There is a house over there. 悟空仔细地搀扶唐僧继续行走,同时另一边老头、老妈、小媳妇出场. 小媳妇（做哭状）：爹、妈,我…… Daddy, mommy, I, I … 老头：女儿,快走吧,不然那猪精来了,就走不了了. Honey, hurry up. The spirit is coming soon. 小媳妇走几步又回头跑回老妈的怀里,抱头痛哭.老头在一边叹息,擦泪. 唐僧、悟空走到他们面前. 悟空：师傅,到了. Master, here we are. 唐僧（走到老头面前行礼,悟空看见了正在哭的母女俩,觉得奇怪,上下打量）：老施主,我是从 东土大唐前往西天取经的和尚,想借贵地休息一晚,不知方便否? Excuse me, sir. I am the monk from the east. Can we stay over here tonight? 老头（做哽咽状）：哦,是东土大唐来的高僧啊,可以可以.（别过脸去继续哭泣） Oh, you are the monk from the east. Sure. Sure, come in, please …… 唐僧正在奇怪,老妈闻声抬起头,仔细打量唐僧,突然扑到唐僧面前. 老妈：高僧啊,你可要救救我的女儿,救救我们一家啊. Master, please save my daughter, save my family… 唐僧：老施主休要伤心,有什么事慢慢说. Don’t be sad, madam. Take it easy. What happened? 老头：高僧有所不知,我们这里有一只猪精,今天要来跟我女儿成亲,大家都斗不过它,现在正 准备把女儿送出去逃避 Master, there is a spirit here. He wants to marry my daughter, tonight. We are all afraid of him. 唐僧：施主莫怕,我这徒弟本领高强,也许他能帮上你们. Calm down, sir. My apprentice has great capability. Maybe, he can help you. 老头：唉,高僧啊,以前也来过自称本领高强的师傅,结果都被这猪精打跑了.今天你们就躲着 别出来了吧. Alas! , master, there have been many people who boast to be very capable. But every time, they were defeated by the spirit. You’d better keep away tonight. 悟空：噢,有这么厉害的妖怪?我倒要会他一会.待会你们只管躲起来,外面发生什么事,都不 用管. What? Is the spirit really so strong? I’d like to see how great he is. All of you just stay inside. Don’t come out no matter what happens. 这时起了风声（音乐）,老头一家吓得站起来混身发抖.小媳妇吓得直往老妈怀里钻.悟空镇定 地举手示意,让师傅及老头一家人躲到房间里面去.自己也手搭凉篷看了看,便不慌不忙地也躲 在了门后,露出一段红袖子. 猪八戒大笑着耀武扬威地走上场来,嘴里大喊：小娘子,我来了. Darling, here I am. 站在台上停一下,见没有动静,觉得奇怪,往房屋里看去,见露出一段红袖子,高兴地一拍手掌. 八戒：小娘子还害羞呢,不敢出来见老猪吗?来,来,来,我们就要是夫妻了,还害什么羞呀!. Darling, don’t be so shy! Please come to me. Come on, we will be a couple. 猪八戒跑上去轻轻拉住红袖子,把小娘子拖了出来,小娘子作出害羞的样子,有时又做出猴子的 模样. 八戒：小娘子,不用怕,我虽然长得丑,但本领高强,一定会让你过上好日子的. Darling, don’t be afraid. Although I am ugly, I am so powerful. I am sure that I can make you happy. 小娘子笑着点头,抓耳挠腮. 八戒：小娘子,你高兴的时候干嘛要像猴子一样? Darling, why do you look like a monkey ? 小娘子：我一高兴就觉得痒,所以就抓一抓. When I am happy, I always tickle. 八戒：高兴就好,高兴就好.我们快入洞房吧. Fine, let’s go to the bedroom. 八戒拉住小娘子就往房子里面钻.小娘子作出动脑筋的样子,又把八戒拉回来. 八戒：哇,小娘子,你好大的力气啊,干嘛把我拉出来啊? Darling. Why are you so powerful? 小娘子：夫君,你这模样进去会吓着我的父母的,还是去你家里吧. Honey, your appearance will frighten my parents. We’d better go to your home. 八戒：去我家?那太好了,我们这就走吧. Go to my house?OK. that’s a great idea. Let’s go. 两人走了几步,小女子做出腿疼摔了一下的样子,八戒忙扶起她,作出痛惜的样子. 小女子：我一个弱女子,哪里能走这么远?夫君背我吧. I cannot walk any further. Can you carry me on your back? 八戒：背你?好,好,好.谁让你是我的媳妇呢? Carry you on my back? All right. Youre my wife after all. Come on. 八戒把小女子背上：娘子,我们这就出发了. Darling, Lets go. 小女子（在八戒头上一点）：走吧,呆子. Okay. Let’s go. 音乐响起(直到八戒摔倒).八戒在台上走一圈,做出越走越慢,越走越累的样子.小女子在他背 上抓耳挠腮,非常高兴. 八戒：小娘子,你怎么这么重啊? Darling, why are you so heavy? 小女子：不是我重,只怕是你不想背我吧? Do you think so? Dont you want to carry me?) 八戒：不,不,不,我背,我背. Yes, I do. I do. 继续艰难地走.小女子得意地在背上笑.八戒体力不支,一跤摔倒,小女子倒地之后, 灵活地越上台上的假山,先做出猴子笑看八戒的样子,再做出摔疼了的样子在那里呻吟. 八戒听到女子的呻吟,忙东张西望找小媳妇. 八戒：娘子,摔着了没有?娘子,摔着了没有?娘子,你摔到哪去了?怎么看不见你了? Darling, are you OK? Darling, where are you? Why cant I see you? 小女子（偷偷地笑,再装作痛苦的样子）：夫君,我在这里呢. Honey, I am here. 八戒：哇,娘子, 你怎么摔到高的地方去了? Darling. Why did you go up there? 小女子：还不是你这呆子害的. Thats your fault. 八戒：对不起,娘子.对不起,娘子. Sorry, darling. I’m very sorry. 小女子：看你这么辛苦,我也摔疼了,那就休息休息吧. You look so tired, and I feel sore. Let’s have a rest. 八戒：太好了. 我们就休息一下吧! Have a rest? That’s a good idea. Let’s have a rest. 八戒听了高兴地坐在下面休息,小女子仔细地打量他. 小女子（撒娇地）：夫君,你是哪里的神仙,我都还不知道,怎么能嫁给你呢?你可要告诉我. Honey, how can I marry you? I don’t even know where you come from. You must tell me the truth first. 八戒：唉,别提了,想当年我本是天上的天篷元帅,上天入地,八面威风.只因冒犯了嫦娥, 被玉帝贬下凡尘,错投了猪胎,长成这般模样. Alas! Don’t mention it. I was Tianpeng marshal, I could fly between heaven and the world. Only because I made a big mistake, I was punished by Yudi. So I became a pig. That’s why I am so ugly. 小女子：亏你长得这么丑,还敢出来见人. You look too ugly to meet people. 八戒：本来我也不想出来,只是南海观音点化我,叫我在这里等候前往西天的取经人.等了这么久, 也不见,便出来逛逛,能碰到娘子你,是我一生的造化,还管它什么西天取经呢?（八戒高兴地过 去想拉小女子的手） I didn’t want to come here. Nanhai Guanyin asked me to wait for Tangseng. Ive been waiting for a long time, but nobody has come. It’s lucky to meet you here. 小女子（把手甩开）：你说自己是天上的神仙,怎么连我都背不动,真让人难以相信. You said that you were an immortal in the heaven . Why can’t you carry me? It’s impossible! 八戒：我真的是天上的神仙,你干嘛不信呢你. I am really the immortal. Why don’t you believe me? 小女子：那你拿出点本事来瞧瞧. Show me some gongfu then. 八戒：好,让我露两手来给你看看. OK, let me show you my gongfu. 从石头后拿出钉钯,舞了起来.小女子暗暗点头.当八戒的钉色舞到小女子面前时,被小女子一把 抓住,往石山后面一拖,八戒被拖了过去. 八戒：娘子,你怎么这么大的力气? Darling. Why are you so strong? 小女子：有本事你把我拖出去呀. Pull me out if you can . 八戒做出用力拖的样子,没有发现拖出来的却是悟空.悟空一松手,八戒摔倒在地. 八戒：娘子,你怎么这么狠心把我摔倒了? 不要开玩笑了. How could you let me fall down? Don’t kid any longer. 悟空大笑：呆子,看看我是谁! You Silly! Look at me. Who am I? 八戒一看,吓得跳起来：齐天大圣,我的妈呀. My god! You are Mahatma! 八戒转身想跑,被悟空拦住,两人打了起来,八戒不是对手,被悟空压住,不能动弹. 悟空：呆子,你可还敢在这里害人不成? You silly! Dare you harm others any more? 八戒：不敢了,不敢了. No, I dare not! 悟空： 你可还敢在这里娶媳妇? Dare you wive yet? 八戒：不敢了.大圣爷爷饶我. No,no. Please forgive me, Mahatma. 悟空：量你也不敢. I bet you dare not. 悟空放开,八戒转身想跑,被悟空一把抓住耳朵,疼得直叫. 悟空：呆子,想往哪里去? You silly, where are you going? 八戒：我已答应你,不再闹事了,干嘛还不放我走? Ill never make trouble any more. Why dont you let me go? 悟空：呆子,我带你去见取经人. You silly, Im taking you to meet the sutra-seeker. 八戒：什么?取经人来了? What? Has Tangseng come? 悟空：走吧. Yes. Lets go! 两人在台上走半圈,来到房前. 悟空：师傅,出来吧,这妖怪已经被我降服了. Master, please come out! The spirit has been defeated ! 唐僧等人走了出来,老头一家还有些战战兢兢. 悟空：呆子,还不跪下,见过师傅. You silly, kneel down to meet your master. 八戒忙对着唐僧下跪,口喊师傅.唐僧非常吃惊. Master, nice to meet you here. 唐僧：徒儿,这是怎么回事? My prentice, whats up? 悟空：师傅,这是观世音菩萨特意让他在此等候陪您上西天取经的. Master, he will accompany you to the west at Guanyins behest. 唐僧：哦,多谢观世音菩萨,既然这样我就收你为徒,赐你法名为 八戒. I see! Thank Guanyin! Since then, I will take you as my prentice and name you Bajie. 八戒：谢谢师傅（站了起来）. Thank you, my master! 老头：恭喜高僧又收神徒. Congratulations! 唐僧：徒儿们,我们上路吧.（八戒还依依不舍地看着小女子） Lets go ahead, my prentices. 悟空：八戒,还看什么呢?走了. Bajie, there is nothing to attach to. Lets go!