英语脱口秀稿子

There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The king looked at all the pictures. But only two he really liked, and he had to choose between them. One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirroring for towering mountains all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace. The other picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky, from which rain fell and in which lightning played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all.But when the king looked closely, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest - - in perfect peace.Which picture do you think won the prize? The king chose the second picture. Do you know why?“Because, ” explained the king, “peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, no trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. This is the real meaning of peace.”从前有个国王，出重金奖励最能展现宁静的画家。很多画家都试过了。国王看了所有的照片。但他真正喜欢的只有两个，他不得不在他们之间做出选择。一幅画是一个平静的湖。该湖是一个完美的镜像周围群山环绕。蓝色的天空中白云飘飘。所有看过这幅画的人都认为这是一幅完美的宁静画。另一张图片也有山。但这些是崎岖不平，且光秃秃的。上面有乌云密布的天空，大雨倾盆而下，闪电交加。山的下面有一个瀑布。这看起来一点都不宁静。然而当国王仔细地看了看，他看到瀑布后面有一小丛灌木生长在岩石的缝隙中。在那里，在怒涛中，鸟妈妈坐在她的巢穴——如此宁静。你认为哪幅画能获奖？国王选择了第二幅图。你知道是为什么吗？“因为，”国王解释道，“宁静并不是指在这个地方没有噪音，没有麻烦，没有辛苦的工作的地方。宁静意味着在所有这些因素包围中，仍能保持内心的平静。这是宁静的真谛。”

I am not good at sports, but I love parallel parking...because unlike sports...whenever parallel parking, the worse you are...the more people they have rooting for you.我不擅长运动，但是我喜欢平行停车……因为和运动不一样，不管什么时候你做平行停车，都是你停的越烂，越多人给你叫好。解释：parallel parking是美国考驾照路考的一个部分，意思是平行停车，就是让你把车停到平行的车的后面。

Two farmers are smoking. A:Hey,can your cows smoke? B:Are you a idiot？of course not. A:Then your cow house is on fire.翻译：两个农民正在吸烟。 A：嘿，你家的奶牛可以吸烟吗？乙：你是白痴的原因不是吗？ A：那你的牛棚着火了。

Hi, everybody. Hi! So I don't have too much time up here, before my green card expires. See I grew up in a poor neighborhood in China. The middle school that I went to one year decided to pave the dirt roads with bricks and cement. And the students were required to bring bricks to school and ...We worked really hard for 3 weeks and finally we built a road. Years later, I heard about the term: child labor. I was like, what?! Those kids got paid?!嗨，大家好啊!嗨!那个……我能表演的时间不多，因为我绿卡马上要过期了。我是在中国的穷乡僻壤长大的。我们初中某年突然决定要修整土路，铺上砖头和水泥，让学生们带砖头到学校来……我们玩命地干了三个礼拜终于把路修好了。多年以后我听说了这个词：童工。我立马就惊讶了，啥?!那些小孩干活还有钱拿?I got a D minus. But I read that younger kids nowadays can't even read the analog watches any more. They can only read the digital ones. I was like, how are they gonna report the locations of hot chicks in the future? It's gonna be like, Hot chick, 3 o'clock. I can't stay that long.我拿到的只是D-。我看报道，如今的小孩都不会看手表了。他们只能看懂电子表。我心想，等他们长大以后该如何报告辣妹的位置啊?别人说，“辣妹在三点钟方向”。我不能待那么久的。So I came to the US for college and I was really into science, which really helped me in the romance department. Like once I asked this girl out and she said, no. I said, are you sure? And she said to me, hey Joe, NO means NO. I said, well... it also means Nitric Oxide.我来美国是读大学，我很喜欢科学，这对我的感情生活也大有裨益。有一次，我来美国是读大学，我很喜欢科学，这对我的感情生活也大有裨益。有一次，我约女孩子出去，她说不行。我问，真不行啊?她说，嘿，Joe，NO就是不行的意思。我说，NO也是一氧化氮啊。And one year, I went to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Here's something you guys should know about me. I don't approve of nudity in public. But when it happens, I want to be there.有一年，我去新奥尔良参加狂欢节。 对于我，你们要了解一点，我是不赞同公共场合赤身裸体的。不过要是真有人这么干了，那我不能错过啊。And when I first came to the United States, I took a English as a second language class. And the teacher there was too lazy to remember the students' names. So he just handed out a list of American names for us to choose from. And by the time I got the list, there were only two names left, so I just picked Joe instead of Jake. And the other day, I told that story to my son, Jake.我初到美国时，参加了英语培训课程。我们