简短的英语笑话

英语版笑话大全简短

当听别人说笑话的时候觉得不大好笑，还会觉得冷很冷，可是自己看的时候，却笑到不行，你有这样的经历么?以下的简短英语版笑话大全，希望能让你欢乐笑不停。

Mother asked her little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?

Nothing, Mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.

母亲问她年幼的'儿子：宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么?

儿子骄傲地说：什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。

Consider the following:

1. You never actually see Santa, only his "assistants."

2. Santa keeps his job until he decides to retire.

3. Santa doesn't really do the work; he directs a bunch of helpers to do all his work for him, but he's the one who everybody credits with the work.

4. Santa doesn't work a 40-hour week.

5. Santa travels a lot.

Santa is obviously a senior faculty member with tenure!

圣诞老人的真实职业是什么?

考虑以下几点

1. 你其实从来没见过圣诞老人，你看见的都是他得助手(他得助手真的好多，除了过圣诞节的所有父母外，还有职业“圣诞老人”)

2. 圣诞老人不想退休，就可以一直当他的圣诞老人。

3. 圣诞老人不会做实事，他都是指挥一堆帮手帮他做完所有的事情，但是事情做得好还是不好，功绩和责任都算圣诞老人的。

4. 圣诞老人实行的可不是朝九晚五双休制。

5. 圣诞老人经常旅行

圣诞老人显然是一个高级职员(please, 这世界上还有比他的工作更好的工作吗?)

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。

小约翰尼站了起来。

“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼?”老师问。

“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

When I was waitting in line at the bank , I noticed a woman holding a small child at one of the windows. The boy was eating a roll ,which he thrust at the teller. The teller smiled and shook his head.

"No, no, dear," said the boy's mom. and then , turnning to the teller , "I beg your pardon , young man. Please forgive my son . He's just been to the zoo."

他刚去过动物园

当我在银行里排队时，发现一位妇女抱着一个小孩站在一个窗口。男孩正在吃一个面包卷，并将面包卷戳向出纳员，出纳员笑着摇了摇头。

“别这样，亲爱的，” 男孩的妈妈说。然后她转向出纳员说，“对不起，小伙子。请原谅我的儿子，他刚去过动物园。”

On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.

在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。班上最小的女孩说，她希望舞蹈演员可以长得更高一点儿，那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。

简短的英语笑话（精选12篇）

英语笑话作为一种城市化的民间口头创作体裁，是一种重要的交际手段。下面是我为大家收集的简短的英语笑话（精选12篇），希望对大家有帮助！

These Are My Jeans!

After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago.

“Look，look.” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband.“I can wear my old jeans again.”

Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans.”

那是我的裤子!

一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时。她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的裤子了。”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：“亲爱的，我爱你。但那是我的裤子。”

The mean mans party.

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "Youre not coming empty-hangded, are you?"

吝啬鬼请客。

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

All I do is pay.

"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."

"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position?"

"Im the people. All I do is pay."

我要做的一切就是付钱。

布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”

“听上去挺有意思的'，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢？”

“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”

one day after school the teacher said to his students, "tomorrow morning, if any one of you can answer my first question, i will permit him or her to go home earlier."

一天，放学以后，老师对他的学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能首先回答我的问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”

the next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard daubed(涂抹) . he was very angry and asked, "who did it? please stand up!" "its me," said bob, "now, i can go home. good-bye, sir."

第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板被涂得乱七八糟，他非常生气的问：“谁涂的？请站起来！”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见！”

before the final examination, tom told his mother, "mom, i had a dream last night that id passed todays exam."

在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”

"dont trust dreams, dear. it is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." mother replied.

“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。

"then i do hope ill fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," tom said.

“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。

Saving lives.

At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"

"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor.

The mourners pain.

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I dont wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than Ive ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wifes first husband.”

Black eyes.

A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”

The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”

“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”

Why should I give you money.

A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didnt donate even a cent to a charity.

"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and its not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sisters husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."

"Im terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."

The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if Im not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guests plate.

The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。

客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？”“在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。

One day, the father lets eight-year-old son send a letter. The son took the letter. The father then remembered he didnt write address and addressees name on the envelope.

After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter into the mail box?"

"Certainly."

"You didnt notice that?the envelope does not have address and addressees name on it?"

"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

"Then why?didnt you take it back?"

"I thought that you?did not write address and addressee, because you wouldnt let me know to whom you send the letter!"

The New Teacher.

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didnt like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."