愚人节英文笑话

愚人节英语笑话短文

短文指报纸或期刊上的一段短的新闻报道或特写或篇幅短的文章。以下是我为大家整理的愚人节英语笑话短文，希望对你有所帮助！

精神病医生

Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"

杰瑞去看精神病医生。“医生，我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候，我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了!”“给我一年时间，”医生说，“每周来三次，我会治好你。”“费用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我会认真考虑的。”杰瑞答道。六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“为什么你再也没来呢?”医生问。“一次一百块钱吗?有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他让我把床腿锯掉。现在那没人了!”

死后重生

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

“你相信人能死后重生吗?”老板问他的一个员工。 “我相信，先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。 “哦，那还好”。老板接着说。 “你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后，她老人家到这儿看你来了。”

他什么都没听到

Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗?”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西?”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。

有效

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

汤姆早上老起不来，所以上班总是迟到。他的老板非常生气，警告他如果他不能有所改善的话就炒他的鱿鱼。于是，汤姆去看医生，医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗药。汤姆照医生的话做了，睡得非常之好，事实上，他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。汤姆从容不迫地吃完早餐，然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。 “老板”，汤姆说，“那药真管用，我的`睡眠好极了!” “是够管用的，”老板说，“问题是，昨天你人哪去了”?

两个笨贼

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

两个盗贼在一家旅馆偷东西。第一个说：“我听到警报响了，快跳吧!” 第二个说：“但是我们现在在第13层啊!” 第一个尖叫着回敬他：“都什么时候了，还这么迷信!”

一场特殊的足球比赛

Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, "Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream."

"Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher.

"Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time." replied Mike.

麦克上学迟到了。他对布莱克老师说：“对不起，老师，今天早上我迟到了。因为我在梦里观看了一场球赛。”

“为什么它会让你迟到呢?”老师问道。

“因为这两个队都没有能力获胜，所以就持续的时间长了。”麦克回答说。

《Two Birds》 两只鸟

Teacher: ”Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?“

Student: ”I cannot point out but I know the answer.“

Teacher: ”Please tell us.“

Student: ”The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.“

老师：”这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?“

学生：”我指不出，但我知道答案。“

老师：”请说说看。“

学生：”燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。“

生难词：swallow n.燕子 sparrow n.麻雀

I Don't Like an Argument 我不想争论

”Gerald,“asked the teacher,”what is the shape of the earth?“

”It's round,“answered Gerald.

”How do you know it's round?“continued the teacher.

”All right,it's square then,he replied,I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!

”杰拉尔德，“老师问：”地球是什么形状?“

”是圆形的，“杰拉尔德回答道。

”你怎么知道是圆的?“老师又问。

”好吧，那它是方的，“学生回答说：”我可不想与你争论这件事情。“

生难词：square adj.平方的，方形的

愚人节笑话英语

笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。以下是我整理的愚人节笑话英语，仅供参考，大家一起来看看吧。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket愚人节笑话英语笑话版送给爱笑的你。

年少无知

Jimmy is three years old.

吉米3岁了。

One day, he was gazing out of the window when the night fell. He suddenly shouted, "Mum, mum, come close the window!"

一天，他正在窗口观望，夜幕降临。他突然喊道：“妈妈，妈妈，快来关窗!”

"Why? It's not cold, sonny."

“为什么?天不冷呀，宝贝。”

"Yes, mum, but the night will come inside."

“是的，妈妈，可黑夜会进来。”

快速靠岸

A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"

在休伦湖钓完鱼后，我的一个朋友开车拖着他的船回家。路上车坏了。 他没带手机，不过，他想，也许他可以通过海事无线广播来请求公路援助。 于是，他爬到他的船里面，启动了无线装置，喊道，“求救，求救”。一名海岸护卫队警官作出了回应，“报告你的位置”。“I-75号公路，Standish的南面两英里”。沉默了好一会之后，警官问我的朋友，“你的船靠岸时开得有多快?”

冰箱里的'小兔子

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked.

一位女士打开冰箱门，发现一只兔子坐在其中的一层隔板上，就问它：“你在那里做什么?”

The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"

兔子回答：“这是Westinghouse对不对?”(Westinghouse，西屋电气公司)

The lady confirmed, "Yes."

女士确认道：“没错。”

"Well," the rabbit said,"I'm westing."

兔子说：“那就对了，我就是要往西边去。”

Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?

兔子：你确信这瓶特制胡萝卜汁能治好我的病?

Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another.

医生：当然咯，凡是喝过的兔子没有一只来要第二瓶的。

Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from?

兔宝宝：妈咪，我是从哪儿来的呢?

Mother Rabbit: I'll tell you when you're older.

兔妈妈：等你长大点再告诉你。

Baby Rabbit: Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now.

兔宝宝：噢妈咪，现在就告诉我吧，求您了。

Mother Rabbit: If you must know, you were pulled from a magician's hat.

兔妈妈：如果你一定要知道，那我告诉你你是从魔术师的帽子里被拽出来的。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事?”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

钱不用找了

Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.

在教堂的义卖市上卖旧书时，我与一名准备买东西的顾客发生了一场争论。他对购买袖珍奥金.纳什集颇感兴趣，但是说它要三十五美分开价过高。其它的平装书每本才卖十或十五美分。

I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.

我指出这本书保存状况颇好，纳什是个有趣的诗人，这个要价是合理的。他说这是个原则问题。最终，我同意以十五美分的价格将这本书卖给他。他得意洋洋，拿出一张十美元的票子付帐。“零钱不用找了。”他说。

1、-What the day is it today?

-Today is April fools'day.

-Oh!you are wrong today is March the 31th.If you don't believe me please pick up the calendar.

-Oh!it is really April fools'day.

-Haha!you were cheated!

-今天是星期几？

-今天是四月愚人节。

-哦！你错了，今天是三月三十一日。如果你不相信我，请拿起日历。

-哦！这真的是四月愚人节。

-哈哈！你被骗了！

2、Best wishes and I believe your English will be better and better!

最好的祝愿，我相信你的英语会越来越好！

3、A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok,mommy." and goes to sleep. the next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn''t come true!". The mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

一个双目失明的小男孩正被妈妈抱上床。妈妈说：“现在，比利，今晚和明天都要好好祈祷，你的愿望会实现的！”比利说：“好的，妈妈，”然后去睡觉。第二天早上，比利醒来尖叫着：“妈咪！”！我还是瞎了眼，我的愿望没有实现！妈妈回答说：“我知道——四月傻瓜！”

4、Wife talking to her husband (who reads newspaper all day): I wish I were a newspaper so I'll be in your hands all day.

Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily.

妻子对丈夫（整天看报纸）说：我希望我是一份报纸，所以我整天都在你手里。

丈夫：我也希望如此，这样我就可以每天换你了。

5、A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!

一个小男孩问他的父亲：爸爸，结婚要花多少钱？父亲回答说：我不知道儿子。我还在付钱！

6、At midnight father saw that his married son leaving home... He asks him: what are you doing?

The son replied: Dad I am fed up with my life! My newly marriage is not going well, my wife and my mom keep fighting with each other! I have to pay bills for my in-laws, and I hate this life!!! I want to go far from here, I want to taste every joy of life, and I want to have every fun of life！

Father said: Wait！I am coming with you.

半夜，父亲看到他已婚的儿子离家出走了…他问他：你在干什么？

儿子回答：爸爸，我受够了我的生活！我的新婚生活不太顺利，我妻子和我妈妈一直在打架！我得为我的亲家付账，我讨厌这种生活！我想远离这里，我想品味生活中的每一种乐趣，我想享受生活的乐趣！

父亲说：等等！我和你一起去。

7、A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answered: Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?

The husband laughed and said: An English girl!!!

The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picked her up in the airport and asked: So honey, how was the trip?

The wife: Very good, thank you.

The husband: And, what happened to my present?

The wife: Which present?

The husband: What I asked for: the English girl?

The wife: Oh, that! Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait a few months to see if it’s a girl！

一个女人去英国参加一个为期两周的公司培训会议。她丈夫开车送她去机场，祝她旅途愉快。

妻子回答：谢谢你，亲爱的，你要我给你拿什么？

丈夫笑着说：一个英国女孩！！！

那女人默不作声地离开了。两个星期后，他在机场接她，问道：亲爱的，旅途怎么样？

妻子：很好，谢谢。

丈夫：我的礼物怎么了？

妻子：哪一件礼物？

丈夫：我要的是那个英国女孩？

妻子：哦，那！好吧，我尽力了，现在我们得等几个月看看是不是女孩！

1、Why are people tired on April Fool's Day?

(愚人节人们为什么疲倦？)

答：Because they have just had a long March.

( 因为他们刚过了长长的三月。March 三月、行军)

2、What weather do mice and rats fear?

(老鼠害怕什么天气？)

答：When it's raining cats and dogs.

(下大雨。rain cats and dogs 下大雨 )

3、When do dogs refuse to follow their masters?

(狗什么时候不愿跟随主人？)

答：When their masters go to the flea market.

(主人去跳蚤市场时。Flea 跳蚤 flea market 旧货市场 )

4、What question can never be answered by “yes”?

(哪个问题永远不能回答“是的”？)

答：Are you asleep?

(你睡着了吗？)

5、What tree is always very sad?

(哪种树总是很伤心？)

答：Weeping willow.

( 垂柳。weep哭泣 willow柳树)

6、When can you get water with a net?

(什么时候可以用网兜装水？)

答：When water is turned into ice.

(当水结成冰时。)

7、Why is the pig always eating?

（猪为什么没完没了地吃？）

答：He's making a hog of himself.

（它想成为一只肉猪。）

8、What's the longest word in the world?

（世界上最长的单词是什么？）

答：Smiles. Because there's a mile between the letter 's'.

（微笑。因为两个字母S中间隔了一里。）

9、What question is that to which you must always answer "yes"?

（什么问题你只能回答“yes”？）

答："What does y-e-s spell?"

（ (当别人问你)“yes”怎么拼？）

10、Where were you when the power was cut off?

（当停电的时候你在哪？）

答：In the darkness.

（在黑暗中。）

1. why are people tired on april fool's day? (愚人节人们为什么疲倦?)

答：because they have just had a long march. ( 因为他们刚过了长长的三月。march 三月;行军)

2.what weather do mice and rats fear? (老鼠害怕什么天气?)

答：when it's raining cats and dogs.(下大雨。rain cats and dogs 下大雨 )

3.when do dogs refuse to follow their masters? (狗什么时候不愿跟随主人?)

答：when their masters go to the flea market.(主人去跳蚤市场时。flea 跳蚤 flea market 旧货市场 )

4.what question can never be answered by “yes”? (哪个问题永远不能回答“是的”?)

答：are you asleep? (你睡着了吗)

5.what tree is always very sad? (那种树总是很伤心?)

答：weeping willow. ( 垂柳 weep哭泣 willow柳树)

6.when can you get water with a net? (什么时候可以用网兜装水?) 答：when water is turned into ice. (当水结成冰时)

7.why is the pig always eating?猪为什么没完没了地吃?

答：he's making a hog of himself.它想成为一只肉猪。

8.what's the longest word in the world?世界上最长的单词是什么? 答：smiles. because there's a mile between the letter 's'.微笑。因为两个字母s中间隔了一里。

9.what question is that to which you must always answer "yes"? 什么问题你只能回答“yes”?

答："what does y-e-s spell?" (当别人问你)“yes”怎么拼?

10.where were you when the power was cut off? 当停电的时候你在哪? 答：in the darkness. 在黑暗中