200个经典英语笑话

英语笑话是指以一句英文短语或一个英文故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑,或是产生幽默感,笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言,笑话是一种艺术方法。下面是我整理的英语爆笑笑话，欢迎大家阅读!

英语笑话一：

我要做的一切就是付钱!All I do is pay

"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My

wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,

and my daughter is foreign secretary."

"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your

position?"

"I’m the people. All I do is pay."

布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子

是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”

“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢?”

“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”

英语笑话二：

喂狗 For the Dog

The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.

"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"

"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"

一家人在饭馆里吃过晚饭，父亲把服务生叫了过来。

”先生，什么事?“服务生问。

”我儿子的盘子里剩下许多肉，“父亲说，”能给我们一个袋子吗?我把剩下的东西带回去喂狗。“

”啊呀，爸爸!“儿子激动地叫喊着。”咱家养狗了吗?“

英语笑话三：

脑移植 A Brain Transplant

The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.

"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."

The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.

The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."

一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。

“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。

病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗?”他问。

医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”

英语笑话四：

不是我的错

It's not my fault

Mother (reprimanding训斥，谴责 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.

Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.

不是我的错

妈妈(正教训她的女儿)：你不该拽猫的尾巴。

女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。

英语笑话五：

Coins in American Currency 美国的硬币

There are 100 cents in a dollar. Coins come in the following denominations: $.01 or 1 cent (a penny,a cent, one cent), $.05 or 5 cents (a nickel, five cents),$.1 or 10 cents (a dime, ten cents), $.25 or 25 cents(a quarter, two bits, twenty-five cents), and $.50 or50 cents (a fifty-cent piece).

Coins are called "change", "small change", or"silver" though they aren’t made of silver anymore.

Coins are generally recognized by their size, butsomebody "goofed" on the dime, which is smaller than either a nickel or a penny. All the others are in size order.

One more word for you: don’t hold out your hand with either bills or coins and expect someone to take the correct change from you. That cannot be done in any Western country.一美元中有一百美分。硬币是按下列币值铸造的：一美分，五美分，十美分，二十五美分，五十美分。

硬币也叫"零钱"，"小钱"，或"银币"，虽然它们不再是用银子铸成的。总的说来，硬币是通过大小来识别的，但总有人把十美分搞错，它比五美分和一美分都要小。其他的都按币值的大小顺序排列。

还有一点要说明：你不能伸出手，托出一把纸币和硬币而希望别人从你那里拿走数目正确的零钱。这在任何西方国家都是不好的。

英语笑话六：

Now We Run 现在我们跑吧

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"

一个牧师正沿着街走路，这时他看到街对面有个小男孩正试图按一所房子的门铃。但这个小孩太小了，门铃又高，他够不着。看到那个小男孩费了很多劲，牧师走近了他。牧师优雅地穿过马路，走到小家伙的背后，轻轻地把手放在小男孩肩头，按响了门铃。他弯下身子，微笑着问道：“接下来怎么办，孩子?”小男孩回答说：“接下来我们跑。”

关于英语的笑话集锦

导语：爱笑的人运气总不会太差，，这里我收集整理了一些英语笑话，说不定能点中你的笑穴哦。

1.Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".

2.One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?" After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up. "Well, good morning. So, you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked. The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

3. One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition——If I am a manager.

All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.

“I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.

4. Doctor: Your cough sounds much better today.

Patient: It should. I've been practicing all night.

5.Looking very unhappy, a poor man entered a doctor's consulting-room.

"Doctor," he said, "you must help me. I swallowed a penny about a month ago."

"Good heavens, man!" said the doctor. "Why have you waited so long? Why don't you come to me on the day you swallowed it?"

"To tell you the truth, Doctor," the poor man replied, "I didn't need the money so badly then."

6.one day, a father and his little son were going home. at this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. now, he asked, "what's the meaning of the word 'drunk', dad?" "well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. if i regard the two policemen as four then i am drunk."

"but, dad," the boy said, " there's only one policeman!"

翻译

1.老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到?汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"

2.一天，一位大学心理学教授向他的新生们问候。他站在学生们的面前说：“如果哪位同学认为自己傻，就请站起来。” 大约过了一分钟，一位年轻人站了起来。教授说：“嗨，你好。你真的认为自己是个低能儿么?” 这个孩子回答道：“不是的，先生，我只是不忍心看着只有你自己站在这里。”

3.一天课上，老师要同学们以“如果我是一个经理”为题写一篇作文。

所有的'学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。

“我在等我的秘书”。那孩子答道。

4.医生：听上去你咳嗽今天好多了。

病人：应该如此。我昨晚练习了一整夜

5.一个看起来很难受的穷人走进大夫的诊室。

"大夫!"他说，"帮帮我!一个月前我吞了一分硬币!"

"天哪，"大夫说，"早干嘛去了?你当时怎么不来看?"

"实话告诉您吧，大夫，"穷人说，"我当时还不缺钱!"

6.一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”

“可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀!”