与英语有关的笑话

笑话是实际生活中客观存在的，作为文学式样，它的特征是戏谑、讽刺，其功能是启迪、警示。它渊源流长、值得研究、探讨。下面是我带来的有关英语的笑话，欢迎阅读! 有关英语的笑话篇一 A better dishwasher 一台更好的洗碗机 Mrs Williams lived in a small street in London, and now she had a new neighbour. Her name was Mrs Briggs, and she talked a lot about her expensive furniture, her beautiful carpets and her new kitchen. "Do you know," she said to Mrs Williams one day, "I've got a new dishwasher1. It washes the plates and glasses and knives and forks beautifully." "Oh? " Mrs Williams answered." And does it dry them and put them in the cupboard, too ?" Mrs Briggs was surprised. "Well," she answered, "the things in the machine are dry after an hour, but it doesn't put them away, of course." "I've had a dishwasher for twelve and a half years," Mrs Williams said. "Oh?" Mrs Briggs answered, "And does yours put the things in the cupboard when it has washed them?" She laughed nastily2. "Yes, he does," Mrs Williams answered."He dries the dishes and puts them away." 威廉姆斯太太住在伦敦的的一条小街上，现在她有了一位新邻居。 这邻居叫布里格斯太太，她对她的高档家具，漂亮地毯和新厨房谈论很多。 “你知道吗?” 有一天她对威廉姆斯太太说道：“我有一台新洗碗机。它洗盘子、杯子和刀叉洗得非常好。” “哦?”威廉姆斯太太回答说，“它能弄干盘子、杯子和刀叉吗?还可以把它们放进碗柜吗?” 布里格斯太太很吃惊。“ 嗯，”她回答说，“洗碗机里的盘子、杯子和刀叉一小时后就干了，但当然啰，洗碗机不能把它们收起来。” 威廉姆斯太太说：“我有一台洗碗机已经12年半了。” “哦?”布里格斯太太回答说，“你的洗碗机在洗完盘子、杯子和刀叉后能把它们放进碗柜吗?”她不怀好意地大笑起来。 “是的，他可以。”威廉姆斯太太回答说，“他把碗盘刀叉弄干后就把它们收起来。” 有关英语的笑话篇二 My God 我的上帝啊 A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up："You've been on for five miles -- that'll be 50 pennies, please, and 10 pennies for your suitcase." The Scotsman responds："I haven't, I want to have a penny fare, just got on this very moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector become more and more enraged1 and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs2 the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls3 it out of the bus. It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "My God!Not only are you treat to overcharge me for the ticket—but now you're gone a drowned my boy Jenny." 一个苏格兰人提着一只大箱子，坐上了一辆开往伦敦的汽车。上车后，在汽车行驶了5英里的这段路上，他一直在试图躲开售票员。 售票员最终还是找到了他，并叫他补票:“你已经坐了5英里了，请付50便士，你的箱子还要付10便士。” 苏格兰人答道：“我是不会付那么多钱的。我只付1便士，因为我刚刚上车。”最后，他们争吵起来。售票员越吵越生气，终于在车子行驶到伦敦大桥上时，抓起苏格兰人的箱子，用力扔出了车外。 箱子掉进河里，沉了下去。苏格兰人惊呆了，怔怔地站在那里，片刻之后对售票员说：“我的上帝啊!你不仅向我多收票钱，现在还淹死了我的儿子强尼。” 有关英语的笑话篇三 Where Am I 我这是在哪儿 Nat lived in a small town in England. He always stayed in England for his holidays, but then last year he thought1, "I've never been outside this country. All my friends go to Spain3, and they like it very much, so this year I'm going4 to go there too." First he went to Madrid and stayed in a small hotel for a few5 days. On the first morning he went out for a walk. In England people drive on the left, but in Spain they drive on the right. Natforgot6 about this, and while7 he was8 crossing a busy street, a bicycle knocked9 him down. Nat lay10 on the ground11 for a few seconds and then he sat12 up and said13: "Where am I?" An old man was selling maps at the side2 of the street, and he at oncecame14 to Nat and said, "Map of the city, sir?" 兰特住在英格兰的一座小镇上。他的假日一直都是在这里度过的，可是去年，他想：“我从来都没有出过国。我的朋友们都很喜欢去日本度假，今年我也准备去那里。” 他先是去了马德里，并在一家小旅馆住了几天。来到这里的第一天，他一早起来去散步。在英国，人们都是靠左行驶，但是西班牙人都是靠右行驶。兰特忘记了这点，于是在他穿过一条繁杂的街道时，不幸被一辆自行车撞倒了。 兰特在地上躺了几秒钟，随后坐起来问道：“我这是在哪儿?”这时，路边正好有一位老人在卖地图，于是他立即走上前去，对兰特说：“先生，买地图吗? 有关英语的笑话篇四 A dogss bad habit 狗的坏习惯 As a professional animal trainer, I was disturbed when my own dog developed a bad habit. Every time I hung my wash out on the clothesline, she would yank it down. Drastic1 action was called for. I put a white kitchen towel on the line and waited. Each time she pulled it off, I scolded her. After two weeks the towel was untouched. Then I hung out a large wash and left to do someerrands2. When I came home, my clean clothes were scattered3 all over the yard. On the line was the white kitchen towel. 作为一名专业的驯兽师，我对自己的狗养成的一个坏习惯感到很苦恼。每当我把洗好的衣服搭在晾衣绳上时，它总会猛地把衣物全扯下来。对此，我必须要采取严厉的 措施 。 我在绳上搭了一条白色的厨房毛巾，每当它把毛巾扯下来时，我就会训斥它一顿。两个星期后，它再也不碰毛巾了。于是，我把许多洗干净的衣服搭在晾衣绳上后，就出去办事了。等我回到家时，洗好的衣服分散在院子的各个角落，只有那条白毛巾依然搭在绳子上。 有关英语的笑话篇五 Save Money 省钱 Henry was from the United1 States and he had come to London for a holiday. One day he was not feeling well, so he went to the clerk at the desk of his hotel and said, "I want to see doctor. Can you give me the name of a good one?" The clerk looked in a book and then said, "Dr2. Kenneth Grey, 61010." Henry said, "Thank yon very much. Is he expensive?" "Well," the clerk answered, "he always charges his patients two pounds for their first visit to him, and one pound and 50 pennies3 for later visits." Henry decided4 to save 50 pennies, so when he went to see the doctor, he said, "I've come again, doctor." For a few seconds the doctor looked at his face carefully without saying anything. Then he nodded and said, "Oh, yes." He examined him and then said, "Everything's going as it should do. Just continue with the medicine I gave you last time." 美国人亨利来到伦敦度假。 有一天，他感觉不舒服，便来到旅馆服务台向服务员咨询：“我想看病，你能帮我找一位好医生吗?” 服务员翻阅了一下本子，然后说：“肯尼思·格雷医生，61010。” 亨利说：“非常感谢，他看病收费贵吗?” “喔，”服务员回答说，“初诊患者收费2英镑，复诊收费1.5英镑。” 亨利琢磨着能省下50便士，于是，他去看病时对医生说：“我又来了，医生。” 医生一言不发地端详着他的面容，过了一会儿点点头说道：“哦，对。”医生给亨利做完检查后说：“病情得到了控制，继续吃上次我给你的药就可以了。”

英语的笑话有：

1、Tom's excuse

Teacher:Tom,why are you late for school every day?

Tom:Every time I e to the corner,a sign says,School-Go Slow.

翻译：

教师：汤姆，您为什么每一天上学迟到？

汤姆：我每次走过拐角，一个路标上头写着：学校——慢行。

2、A Useful Way

Father:Jack,why do you drink so much water?

Jack:I have just had an apple,Dad.

Father:What"s that got to do with it?

Jack:I forgot to wash the apple.

翻译：

爸爸：杰克，你干嘛喝这么多水呀？

杰克：我刚才吃了个苹果，爸爸。

爸爸：可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢？

杰克：我忘了洗苹果呀。

3、These Are My Jeans

After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago.

“Look，look.”she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband.“I can wear my old jeans again.”

Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans.”

翻译：

一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时。她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的裤子了。”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：“亲爱的，我爱你。但那是我的裤子。”

4、A Monkey and a Flea

Mum: Baby, what’s the difference between a monkey and a flea? Baby: One is big and one is small.

Mum: Anything else?

Baby: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can’t have monkeys.

翻译：

妈妈：猴子和跳蚤有什么不同呢？

儿子：它们俩一大一小。

妈妈：还有呢？

儿子：猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。

5、Headache

＂I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."

＂Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a kiss to my wife and the paindisappeared. Why don't you try it?"

＂Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."

翻译：

“我头疼的厉害，要去看看医生了。”

“胡说八道，昨天我也头疼，我冲回家吻了妻子一下，马上不疼了，要不你也试试？”

“好主意，给你妻子打个电话，说我马上就到。”