文明英语搞笑视频

甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance? 甲:(作目瞪口呆状),乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.near, far, wherever you arei believe that the heart does go ononce more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)and you're here in my heart,and my heart will go on and on.甲:guard ,guard, help, drag this mad woman out.Oh, I'm dying, hope the next one will give me a surprise （丁上场）甲(做厌恶状):oh, it's really a big surprise. What an ugly woman! (Of course, I won’t let you pass.) Why do you come here?丁: Distinguished director, please give me a chance. I walked 25000km for a year just to compete in this interview. Please give me a chance, please. 甲():OK, so what’s your name?丁: my name is Gaga Su.甲(上下打量)：EN…ok ok, I’ll give you only 30s. OK?丁:OK, that’s enough. Thank you, thank you. I’ll just present a poem I love best. The Furthest Distance in The World.The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not between life and death 不是生与死 But when I stand in front of you 而是 我就站在你面前 Yet you don't know that I love you 你却不知道我爱你 The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not when I stand in front of you 不是 我就站在你面前 Sir, time is out.甲：Oh, no no no, just go on.Yet you can't see my love 你却不知道我爱你 But when undoubtedly knowing the love from both 而是 明明知道彼此相爱 Yet cannot be together 却不能在一起 The furthest distance in the world 世界上最遥远的距离 Is not being apart while being in love 不是 明明知道彼此相爱 却不能在一起 But when painly cannot resist the yearning 而是 明明无法抵挡这股思念 Yet pretending you have never been in my heart 却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里 That’s all, thank you.（另外两人跑进来,乙妩媚状）乙：Honey, you like my dance, right?丙镇静状: Director, you like my singing, right?丁深情状: Princess, do you like my poem?甲(沉迷状):。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。I …I…Er.. You…you are so excellent that I decide to adopt you, Number 3.甲,乙:Oh, no. Why do you choose her? She is so shabby, and even ugly. We are far better than her. NO, it’s unjust.甲：Thank you for your performances. But I have to say I learn a lot from her. We can’t judge a person by his appearance, right? She is so talent .One’s appearance can be changed easily, but one’s intellect could not be built in a day.So, I have to say sorry to you.（乙，丙掩面而泣）(⊙o⊙)THE END!Thanks for you watching.

搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿旁白道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .Birds are dancing in the cold .A man is walking along the street ,step by step .Wind is coming in silence.Another mysterious man approaches .Y与X相遇．X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !Y:, Never mind baby.X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?X:Iamximenchuixue.Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!X:No, I must kill you !Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!X:Pardon!(Y拿出一袋牛奶)X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?Y:please drink it!X喝完牛奶:Thanks,Y:Do you still want to kill me ?X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?X:I’m sure I won’t!Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach !Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit （一人路过，x起身跑过去）X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!X:Thanks,byebye.Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)Y:Who are you?H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !Y:You are right !H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my king,he will give what you want.Y:Yes,It’s very good.H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!第二幕：无间道H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.K:sit down plese, yegucheng.Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?King:yes,I will.Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……Y:of course.美女出场M:hello，帅锅..K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?Y: Yes,I do.K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!X:Forgive you? Why ?Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”!Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Y又拿出一袋牛奶)X:milk?I love you.K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(X上去抓住K)K:Fuck you. I must kill you!X:How can you kill me? haha……Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑到西门吹雪身边）Y :do you want to go to wc?X:Yes,I……I…… do.Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away ! K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue.K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Xwill die.M扑倒在X的身边：X,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and tomorrow is a good beginning !K:what a moving story ! I was impressed !Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，K吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .X:go home ! ?M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.M I promise . I will never let go（X死） ,M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !—来自于网络

我们班刚演过 ，获得了系里一等奖(孔雀东南飞 英语搞笑剧本) 虽然人物多了一个，可以有群众演员嘛焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)强盗burglars(abandc)prologue 序幕(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while mywife is wusong.译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。(指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!译：我才不怕你呢！(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)my god! who can help me?(下)译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？act1 第一幕(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)jm(拄拐棍上):i can!(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,solazy……l:but……jm:never interrupt me!l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard alldaylong,cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chickenand……jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)act2(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)l:mum, i’m back!lm:you are back?why?what happened?l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted onmarrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listento me. look at yourself……l:but,mum……lm:never interrupt me!l:mum,i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? andi’ll marry whomever you want me to.lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughterhaven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll goand tell him.(下)l(惊愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的锅铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)act3(j睡眼惺忪上)j(边走边道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! nowshe has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet?j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an icegirl,go and take her back!j(立正敬礼):yes madam!act4(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)a:hey you!stop and listen to us!the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)ab&c:give us all your money!j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulanzhi next month.we can go androb the wedding!a&b:good idea!j(惊讶):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!j:but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll gowith you. you take the money and i take the bride.b:have you got any experience?j:no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)act5(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)(j和三强盗跃至台中)abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!a:the road is built by me!b:and i planted one tree.c:if you want to go by this street---j:give us all your money!(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you?l(哭状):i hurt a lot!j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)

funny读法英 [ˈfʌni]  美 [ˈfʌni]

adj.滑稽的，有趣的；古怪的，难以解释的；微恙的，稍有不适的；生气的，不友好的；疯疯癫癫的

词汇搭配：

Funny but funny 好好玩；歹差玩

FUNNY FACES 滑稽小丑；鬼脸少年俱乐部

Funny Games趣味游戏

funny shit 有趣的东西；有趣的工具

funny的基本含义是“滑稽的，有趣的”。在口语中还可表示“古怪的，耍花招的，搞鬼的”，主要强调引人发笑的效果。

funny在句中可作定语、表语或宾语补足语。funny前可用very修饰。funny的比较级为funnier,最高级为funniest。

示例：

Children get some very funny ideas sometimes!.

孩子们有时候有一些非常奇怪的想法。