趣味英语笑话大全

笑话,顾名思义,是一种通过幽默的文字或图示来达到令人会心一笑或捧腹大笑效果的文学形式。我整理了英语笑话，欢迎阅读!

An Unwelcome Hornor

A doctor came into the hospital ward and said to Mr. Johnson, "I have some good news and some bad news for you."

Then Mr. Johnson said, "Please, give me the good news first."

So the doctor said, "The doctors here are going to name an incurable disease after you."

【中文译文】

宁可不要的荣誉

一位医生走进医院的病房，告诉强森先生：“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息要告诉你。” 强森先生说：“请先告诉我好消息吧!” 医生说：“本院的医师决定用你的名字，来为一种不治之症命名。”

If I Am A Manager

One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition--If I Am a Manager.All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason. “Iam waiting for my secretary.”was the boy’s answer.

【中文译文】

如果我是一个经理

一天课上，老师要同学们以如果我是一个经理为题写一篇作文。 所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。 我在等我的秘书。那孩子答道。

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribedsome extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awakebefore he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to hisboss, “I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.”

“That's fine,” roared the boss, “but where were you Monday and Tuesday?”

【中文译文】

强效安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床特别顺利。”“好啊!” 老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?”

冷笑话不同于一般的笑话，以其独特的制笑机制，能瞬间制造出一种特殊氛围。我精心收集了英语短笑话，供大家欣赏学习!

Little boy: Daddy, I want to get married.

小男孩：爸爸，我想结婚。

Father jokingly said: Oh! Who did you have in mind?

爸爸打趣地问道：噢!谁是你心中合适的人选?

Little boy: Grandma.

小男孩：奶奶。

Father: Wait a minute, you did not think I'd let you marry my mother, did you?

爸爸：等一下，你认为我会让你娶我的妈妈?

Little boy: Why not? You married mine.

小男孩：为什么不?你娶了我的妈妈。

As a band instructor at an elementary school, I require my students to turn in practice sheets signed by their parents so I can be sure they are putting in enough time.

作为一个小学的乐队指挥，为了确保学生投入足够的时间练习，我要求他们上交由他们父母签字的练习单。

I had to laugh, however, when one parent wrote on her child's sheet, "Practiced 17 minutes, but it seemed like hours.

可是有一次，一位家长的签字把我逗乐了。练习单上写着：“练习了17分钟，但犹如几个时辰。”

A dog owner claimed that his pet, when given money, would go to the news stall to buy a paper. his friend insisted on a demonstration and handed the dog some money - the dog trotted off, but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper.

一位养狗人宣称：要是给了爱犬钱，它便会到卖报亭买份报纸来。他的朋友坚持要来个演示，并给了狗一些钱。狗一溜小跑着去了。但一个小时过去了，仍不见它带报纸回来。

"how much did you give him?" asked the owner.

一位养狗人宣称：要是给了爱犬钱，它便会到卖报亭买份报纸来。他的朋友坚持要来个演示，并给了狗一些钱。狗一溜小跑着去了。但一个小时过去了，仍不见它带报纸回来。

"five dollars.

“五元。”

"well, that explains it. when you give him five dollars, he goes to a movie.

"这就是了。你给它五元钱时，它就去看电影。

Gravely ill, a man went to the doctor with his wife. After the examination the physician motioned for the wife to meet him in the hallway.

一个人得了重病，妻子伴随他去看医生。检查过后，医生示意病人的妻子到走廊见他。

"Your husband is very sick, " the doctor said, "but there are three things you can do to ensure his survival. First, fix him three healthful, delicious meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment , and don't complain about anything. Finally, make passionate love to him every day.“

你丈夫病得很重，”医生说，“但有三件事可保住他的性命。第一，一日三餐，要营养美味。第二，给他一个轻松的环境，不要抱怨。第三，每天都对他倾注炽热的爱。”

On the drive home the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"

在驱车回家的路上，丈夫问道：“医生说了什么?”

"I'm sorry, " she said, "but you're not going to make it.“

很遗憾，“你活不成了。”