英语经典笑话段子

英语笑话段子集锦

爱笑的人，运气总不会太差，那么你喜欢笑么?这里我收集整理了好些搞笑的英语笑话段子集锦，一起来看看吧!说不定能点中你的笑血哦!

英语笑话段子【1】

An Exact Number 准确数字

A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur(恐龙) bones lying about.

How old are these bones? the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide.

Exactly one hundred million and three years old.

How can you be so sure? inquired the tourist.

Well, replied the guide, a geologist(地质学家) came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.

一位游客在新墨西哥游览，他对随处可见的恐龙化石甚感惊奇。

这些化石有多长的'历史?游客问一个上了年纪的当地美国人，他是作向导的。

整整十亿零三年了。

你怎么这么肯定?游客问道。

哦，向导回答道，一个地质学家来过这儿，他告诉我说这些化石有十亿年了，再加上那是整整三年前的事了。

英语笑话段子【2】

Do You Know My Work 你知道我是干嘛的吗

One night a hotel caught fire, and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes.

Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.

Before I came out, said one, I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took them.

You don't know my work, said the other.

What is your work?

I'm a policeman.

Oh! cried the first man. He thought quickly and said, and do you know my work? No, said the policeman.

I'm a writer. I'm always telling stories about things that never happened.

一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡衣就跑了出来。

两个人站在外面，看着大火。

在我出来之前，其中一个说，我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬，所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了，没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。

你不知道我是干什么的，另一个说。

你是干什么的?

我是警察。

噢!第一个人喊了一声，他灵机一动，说：那你知道我是干什么的?不知道。警察说。

我是个作家，我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。

英语笑话段子【3】

The Nice Wedding Gift

We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher.Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon.

漂亮的结婚礼物

我们参加了一个熟人的儿子的婚礼。由于我们都不认识那个年轻人和他的新娘，所以我们决定送给他们一个实用的全家礼----一个灭火器。很明显，这对新人大批量制作了他们的感谢信，因为我们收到了一张卡片，上面写着：“非常感谢您的漂亮的结婚礼物，我们期待着不久就用到它。”

英语笑话段子【4】

Excuse for Speeding

Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over.

"Why on earth were you driving so fast?" the policeman yelled.

"Our brakes are no good, so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!"

赶紧到达那里

哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们。

“你们为什么开那么快?”警官喊道。

“我们的刹车不好，因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。”

英文笑话段子带翻译

会讲笑话的人都是有幽默感的人，有幽默感的人患上抑郁症的可能性就大为减少，接下来一起来看看英文笑话段子带翻译，看看你的幽默指数吧!

Snorer 瞌睡者

The preacher was vexed(生气的) because a certain member of his congregation(集会，圣会) always fell asleep during the sermon.

As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."

Awaking with a start(吓一跳) , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit(讲道坛) , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。

一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来!”

打瞌睡的人被这突然的`喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。

Sharing the Apples 分苹果

Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.

So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.

Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one myself.

Well, said Harry, that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about?

妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。

所以，哈里就把小个的给了妹妹，自己开始啃那个大个的。

哼，妹妹说，如果妈妈给了我，我会把大的给你，把小的留给自己的。

对呀，哈里说，你拿到的不就是小的吗?还着什么急呀?

Intelligent son 聪明的儿子

One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

"Certainly"

"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

"Then why you didn't take it back?"

"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。

儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”

“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”

“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”