英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》 Wanderseveryfivemiles 焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort) 焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort) 太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC) Prologue本文转自:小品剧本,简历封面,免费电影 (J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪) J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy wifeisWuSong. (指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou! (内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom? MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme, smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell! (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J) MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下) Act1 (序幕结束时,JM作窃听状) JM(拄拐棍上):Ican! (对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou? L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum? JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland dearestmother-in-law”. L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup? JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so lazy…… L:But…… JM:Neverinterruptme! L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken and…… JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson! L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下) Act2 (LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上) L:Mum,I’mback! LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened? L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law. LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten tome.Lookatyourself…… L:But,mum…… LM:Neverinterruptme! L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto. LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo andtellhim.(下) L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅 铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下) Act3本文转自:小品剧本,简历封面,免费电影 (J睡眼惺忪上) J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks? (走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty! (突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself. JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet? J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone! JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice girl,goandtakeherback! J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam! Act4 (J开心地走着,忽然跳出来三个强盗) A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous! Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上) B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上) C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头,但踩到了A的脚) AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney! J(搜遍了每一个口袋,掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough? (三强盗晕倒状,接着三人聚在一边商量) A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken! B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight! C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand robthewedding! A&B:Goodidea! J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible! AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple! J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet! (突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride. B:Haveyougotanyexperience? J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票,上书$1,000,000) Act5本文转自:小品剧本,简历封面,免费电影 (转眼已到了婚礼之期.MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上,J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台) (J和三强盗跃至台中) ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous! A:Theroadisbuiltbyme! B:AndIplantedonetree. C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet--- J:Giveusallyourmoney! (L听到J的声音,掀起了盖头) L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后) (MS大怒,挥拳向J打来.J矮身一躲,MS打中了J身后的L,L晕倒) J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!(挥拳向MS冲去) (J与MS混战,JM上,以拐杖击晕MS) (J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) J(扶起L,关切地问):Honey,howareyou? L(哭状):Ihurtalot! J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下) L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下) (音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)英语短剧:小兔子乖乖时间:阳光明媚的星期天早晨 地点:鸟语花香的动物王国 人物:Little Duck,Miss Cat, Miss Rabbit,Mr Dog 旁白:Little Duck要去看望外婆。一路上他又唱又跳,高兴极了。在小河边,他碰到了Miss Cat。 Duck:(很好奇)Hello,Miss Cat.Whatre you doing? Cat:(急得抓耳挠腮)Hello,Little Duck.Theres a big fish in the river.Im hungry,but I cant get it. Duck:Dont worry.Let me help you. (Little Duck跳进水里,一会儿就帮Miss Cat抓到了鱼。) Duck:Here is the fish for you,Miss Cat.Have a good meal. Cat:Thank you,Little Duck.You are so kind. Duck:Thats all right,Miss Cat.I must go now.Im going to my grandmothers home.Bye-bye! Cat:Bye-bye! (Little Duck继续赶路。忽然他看到Miss Rabbit躺在草地上,连忙跑过去。) Rabbit:(躺在草地上)Oh,Little Duck.I run too fast and my leg is broken.I cant stand up and I cant walk. Duck:Dont worry.Let me help you. (Little Duck拿出一条手帕帮Miss Rabbit包扎好伤口,然后扶着她回家。) Duck:Dontworry,Miss Rabbit.Youll getwellsoon. Rabbit:Yes,I will.Thank you,Little Duck.Its so kind of you. Duck:Not at all,Miss Rabbit.But I must go now.Im going to my grandmothers home.Good-bye! Rabbit:Good-bye! (Little Duck唱着歌又开始上路了,走着走着,他看到Mr Dog坐在家门口,看上去非常着急。) Duck:Good morning,Mr Dog.You look worried.What can I do for you? Dog:Oh,good morning,Little Duck.I got a letter from my friend,Mr Cock.ButIcantread and Idontknow what he wants me to do. Duck:Dont worry,Mr Dog.Let me help you. (Mr Dog笑呵呵地把信递给Little Duck,Little Duck很仔细地将信的内容读给Mr Dog听。) Dog:(满意地笑)Thank you,Little Duck.Its really very kind of you. Duck:Youre welcome,Mr Dog.(抬头看看挂在半空中的太阳)But I must go now.Im going to see my grandmother. Dog:(摸摸Little Duck的头)Dont worry,Little Duck.Let me send you to your grandmothers home. Duck:Thank you,Mr Dog. (Mr Dog驮着Little Duck一路欢歌笑语向外婆家跑去……)