有趣的冷笑话英文

1.冷幽默：Cold humor

冷幽默，带有一点黑色幽默的成分，但又区别于黑色幽默。可以理解为意图不明显的幽默。当事人在讲一个冷幽默的时候，并没有刻意地要达到幽默的效果，是一种很随意的幽默，笑不笑由你。

2.冷笑话：Cold jokes

冷笑话，是指笑话本身因为无聊、谐音字、翻译、或省去主语、不同逻辑、断语或特殊内容等问题，或由于表演者语气或表情等原因，导致一个笑话不能达到好笑的目的，较难引人发笑而成冷场。

扩展资料

由于冷幽默后半部分总会出乎人的意料，所以对冷幽默怀有积极看法的人听得冷幽默越多，冷幽默就会越冷。原因是冷幽默的后半部分总是出乎听者意料之外的。

听者内心总暗示自己，“冷幽默的后半部分内容是猜不到的”，但是人的好奇心却让听者继续猜。最终导致的结果就是“注意力集中和思维地投入”这个思维过程的加长或加深。

冷笑话是一种新兴的语言现象,伴随着网络的普及它已经渗透到了青年群体的日常生活,偶尔爆出的一两句冷笑话能使交流氛围变得轻松愉悦,也能展示交谈者的幽默和智慧。

参考资料来源：百度百科-冷幽默

参考资料来源：百度百科-冷笑话

English joke Wife talking to her husband (who reads newspaper all day): I wish I were a newspaper so I'll be in your hands all day. Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily JOKE 2 A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!! JOKE 3 At midnight father saw that his married son leaving home... He asks him: what are you doing? The son replied: Dad I am fed up with my life! My newly marriage is not going well, my wife and my mom keep fighting with each other! I have to pay bills for my in-laws, and I hate this life!!! I want to go far from here, I want to taste every joy of life, and I want to have every fun of life!!! Father said: Wait!!!!!!!! I am coming with you JOKE 4 A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answered: Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you? The husband laughed and said: An English girl!!! The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picked her up in the airport and asked: So honey, how was the trip? The wife: Very good, thank you. The husband: And, what happened to my present? The wife: Which present? The husband: What I asked for: the English girl? The wife: Oh, that! Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait a few months to see if it’s a girl!!! JOKE 5 A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn 't like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking. The wife asks, "What are you waiting for? " The husband replies, "autumn. " JOKE 6 A man is sitting reading his newspaper when the wife sneaks up behind him and whacks(打) him on the head with a frying pan. "What the hell was that for? " he asks. "That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pockets with the name Mary Ellen written on it, " she replies. Don 't be silly, " he says. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races(赛马), Mary Ellen was the name of one of the horses I bet on. " She seems satisfied at this, and she apologizes. Three days later he 's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails(打，俚语) him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes around, he asks again, "What the hell was that for? " "Your fucking horse just phoned. " JOKE 7 Wife to husband: you were so drunk last night that you insulted your boss. Husband: piss on him! Wife: you did and he fired you! Husband: fuck him! Wife: I did and you can go back to work tomorrow. JOKE 8 A couple drove several miles down a country road with intense silence. Not a word was said to each other. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede his position. As they passed a barnyard of mules(骡子) and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours? " "Yep, " the husband replied, "in-laws ".An old man died and left his son a lot of money.But the son was a foolish young man, and he quickly spent all the money, so that soon he had nothing left. Of course,when that happened,all his friends left him. When he was quite poor and alone, he went to see Nasreddin, who was a kind, clever old man and often helped people when they had troubles. 'My money has finished and my friends have gone,' said the young man. 'What will happen to me now?' 'Don't worry, young man,' answered Nasreddn. 'Everything will soon be all right again. Wait, and you will soon feel much happier.' The young man was very glad. 'Am I going to get rich again then?' he asked Nasreddin. 'No, I didn't mean that,' said the old man. 'I meant that you would soon get used to being poor and to having no friends

Cold humor(冷幽默） Cold joke（冷笑话）

1. 英语小故事带翻译短的

Mom: "you want to which a banana, victor?" Victor: "I want that one of the greatest." Mom: "victor, you should be polite, to have that little." Victor: "mom, don't polite must lie?" 妈妈：“你要哪一只香蕉，维克多？”维克多：“我要那只最大的。”妈妈：“维克多，你应该懂礼貌，要那只小的。”维克多：“妈妈，难道懂礼貌就必须说谎吗？” 10条冷笑话，就几句话， 1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer." 跟你的米酥（一种零食）讲话，然后突然！表现出你被冒犯的样子，把装米酥的碗摔在地上、并一脚踹上去。跟你的室友说你不会打扫，并解释：“我就是要看他们被折磨的样子！”2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?" 每次你室友回来的时候都大声欢呼：“哇！你回来啦！！”然后围着他跳舞跳上五分钟，接着就一直看表，问他：“你是不是该出去一趟啊？”3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry. 做个三明治，不要吃、把它丢在地板上。然后就无视那块三明治、直到你室友受不了把它给扔了。这时候你就可以大声喊饿，问：“我那该死的三明治哪儿去了！？”4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan. 趁你室友外出的时候，把你的鞋子沾在天花板上，等他回来的一瞬间坐在地板上，摸着头大叫痛。5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks. 对你室友说：“我有个重要的消息要告诉你！”然后装晕倒。接着等你醒过来的时候就跟他说你忘记是什么消息了。等一会，又说“哦！我记起来了！”然后继续装晕倒。这样持续玩上个几星期。6) Collect hundreds of pens andpile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil. 买一大堆笔回来，在房间的一边排列好。然后只把其中一支放在房间的另一边，对着它大笑。7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...." 买一些刀回来，每天晚上磨，边磨边看着你的室友小声嘟哝：“快了、就快了……”8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "The hair, it's growing. Growing!" 在你的鼻子上画一条细线，每天加粗一点，然后对着你的室友喊：“看！它在生长！在生长！”9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern. 把房间里所有东西都移到墙边，一边很认真地盯着地板看，一边问你室友：你觉得一头大象能有多重呢？10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong." 收集一堆土豆、给它们分别画上脸、取名字。然后把那个以你室友命名的和其他土豆分开。几天后把它烤来吃了，跟你的室友解释说：“它就是跟大家合不来嘛……”

2. 谁知道短一些的英文小故事（有中文翻译的）

一、 Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard. 顾客：来个热狗。 侍者：很高兴。 顾客：不要，加上芥末。 (注：英语专中with pleasure是“属很高兴”的意思。这位顾客把pleasure当成调料了。怪不得他说不要pleasure,要芥末呢。) 二、 Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you all to answer at once. How much is 6 plus 4? Student: At once! 老师：全班同学听着，不管我问什么，你们都要马上回答。6+4等于几？ 学生：马上。

3. 关于英语的小故事.【越短越好!.】 谢谢 ， 带翻译

Animals Need Protecting Animals are natural resources that people have wasted all through our history. Animals have been killed for their fur and feathers, for food, for sport, and simply because they were in the way. Thousands of kinds of animals have disappeared from the earth forever. Hundreds more are on the danger list today. About 170 kinds in the United States aloneare considered in danger. Why should people care? Because we need animals, and because once they are gone, there will never be any more.Animals are more than just beautiful or interesting. They are more than just a source of food. Every animal has its place in the balance of nature. Destroying one kind of animal can create many problems. For example, when farmers killed large numbers of hawks, the farmers' stores of corn and grain were destroyed by rats and mice. Why? Because hawks eat rats and mice, with no hawks to keep down their numbers, the rats and mice multiplied quickly. Luckily, some people are working to help save the animals. Some groups raise money to let people know about the problem. And they try to get the governments to pass laws protecting animals in danger. Quite a few countries have passed laws. These laws forbid the killing of any animal or planton the danger list. Slowly, the number of some animals in danger is growing. 中文: 动物需要保护 动物是自然资源，在整个历史过程中，人类一直在糟蹋着这种资源。人们杀死动物，获得它们的皮毛，把它们当作食物或运动方式，或者只是因为它们碍事。成千上万种动物已经从这个地球上永远地消失了。现在另外上百种动物也上了濒危动物名单。仅荚国大概就有170种被认为处于危险当中。 为什么人们应该感到担忧呢?因为我们需要动物，因为它们一旦消失，就永远不会再出现。动物不仅仅是漂亮或有趣。它们不仅仅是人类的食物来源。在维持自然平衡中，每种动物都有其作用。毁灭某种动物会导致许多问题。比如，农民们如果杀死为数众多的鹰，他们谷物和粮食的仓库就会受到老鼠和田鼠的破坏。 为什么?因为鹰吃鼠类，没有鹰控制它们的数量，鼠类就会迅速繁殖。 幸运的是，有些人正在努力帮助拯救这些动物。有些组织筹钱以便人们了解这一问题。他们也努力使 *** 通过保护濒危动物的法律。很多国家已经通过了法律。这些法律禁止杀害濒危名单上的动植物。某些濒危动物的数目正在慢慢地不断上升。

4. 英语小故事 较短 带翻译

The Old Cat An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it. Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young." 【译文】 老猫 一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。 于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。” A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the st. He went on and came to a river. The river had bee very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river." He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the st and eat them. Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time. 【译文】 一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好吃的东西。”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里去。 他继续走，来到河边，河涨水了，因此，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了，因为我不能渡过河。” 他开始回家，那天他没有吃东西。他就开始去找吃的，他找到苹果，很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。 不要把好东西扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。 The City Mouse and the Country Mouse Once there were o mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, "Do e and see me at my house in the country." So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, "This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should e and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must e and see me at my house in the city." The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, " Run! Run! The cat is ing!" They ran away quickly and hid. After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, "I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid." 【译文】 城里老鼠和乡下老鼠 从前，有两只老鼠，它们是好朋友。一只老鼠居住在乡村，另一只住在城里。很多年以后，乡下老鼠碰到城里老鼠，它说：“你一定要来我乡下的家看看。”于是，城里老鼠就去了。乡下老鼠领着它到了一块田地上它自己的家里。它把所有最精美食物都找出来给城里老鼠。城里老鼠说：“这东西不好吃，你的家也不好，你为什么住在田野的地洞里呢？你应该搬到城里去住，你能住上用石头造的漂亮房子，还会吃上美味佳肴，你应该到我城里的家看看。” 乡下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。房子十分漂亮，好吃的东西也为他们摆好了。可是正当他们要开始吃的时候，听见很大的一阵响声，城里的老鼠叫喊起来：“快跑！快跑！猫来了！”他们飞快地跑开躲藏起来。 过了一会儿，他们出来了。当他们出来时，乡下老鼠说：“我不喜欢住在城里，我喜欢住在田野我的洞里。因为这样虽然贫穷但是快乐自在，比起虽然富有却要过着提心吊胆的生活来说，要好些。” Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I e to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow". 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着"学校----慢行". A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing o policemen. If I regard the o policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” A little bird fly to south for the winter. It was very cold, almost frozen bird. Hence, fly to a large space, after a cow there, in a pile of cow ng upon the bird, frozen bird lying on the nghill, feel very warm, graally recovered, it is warm and fortable lying, and soon began to sing songs, a passing wildcat hear voices, see, follow the voice, wildcats quickly found lying on the nghill, bird, pull it out. The way of existence: not everyone to lead the ng upon your people are your enemy. Each of you is not from the nghill lire people are your friends, and, when you lying on the nghill, had better keep your mouth shut. 粪堆里的小鸟 一只小鸟飞到南方去过冬。天很冷，小鸟几乎冻僵了。于是，飞到一大块空地上，一头牛经过那儿，拉了一堆牛粪在小鸟的身上，冻僵的小鸟躺在粪堆里，觉得很温暖，渐渐苏醒过来，它温暖而舒服的躺着，不久唱起歌来，一只路过的野猫听到声音，走过去看个究竟，循着声音，野猫很快发现了躺在粪堆里的小鸟，把它拽出来吃掉了。 生存之道：不是每个往你身上拉大粪的人都是你的敌人。也不是每个把你从粪堆里拉出来的人都是你的朋友，还有，当你躺在粪堆里时，最好把你的嘴闭上。 One day, there was a blind man sitting on the steps of a building with a sign by his feet, that read: "I am blind, please help." A creative publicist was walking by the blind man and stopped to observe that the man only had a few coins in his hat. He put a few of his own coins in the hat, and without stopping to ask for permission, took the sign, turned it around, and wrote a new message. He then placed the sign by the feet of the blind man, and left. Later that afternoon the creative publicist returned by the blind man and noticed that his hat was almost pletely full of bills and coins. The blind man recognized his footsteps and asked if it was him who had changed his sign? He also wanted to know what the man wrote on it? 一天，有个瞎子坐在一栋大楼的台阶上，脚下的标牌上写着：“我是个瞎子，请帮帮我。” 一位有创意的广告员从瞎子身旁经过时停了下来，看到瞎子的帽子里只有一些硬币。他也在帽子里放了几个硬币，未经允许，就拿过标牌，翻过来在上面重新写了一句标语，然后把标牌放回瞎子的脚下，离开了。 那天下午晚些时候，这位广告员回到了这个身旁，他发现帽子里几乎装满了纸钞和硬币。瞎子听出了他的脚步声，问他是否是那个改标牌的人？他也想知道这位男士在上面写了什么。 广告员回答说：“我只是改了你的标语使人们能够看明白。”他向这个瞎子表达了祝福，说了再见，继续走自己的路。 瞎子并不知道，他的新标语是这样的： 现在是春天，但我却看不到。

5. 英语小故事带翻译 要短一点的

Plugging One’s Ears While Stealing a Bell “掩耳盗铃” Once upon a time, there was a man who wanted to steal his neighbor’s doorbell. However, he knew clearly that the bell would ring and catch the other people’s attention as long as he touched the bell. So he thought hard and suddenly hit on a clever “idea”. He plugged his ears with something, thinking that everything would go well when he stole the bell. Unfortunately to his disappointment, the bell still rang loudly and he was caught on the spot as a thief. 从前，有一个人想偷邻居门上的铃，但是他知道一碰到铃，铃就会响起来，被人发现。他想啊想，终于他想出一个“妙极”，他把自己的耳朵用东西塞起来，就听不见 *** 了。但是当他去偷铃时， *** 仍旧响起来，他被别人当场抓住

white man：are you Black?black man：no,i'm White。白人：你是布莱克吗？（BLACK是姓叶有黑人的意思）黑人：不，我是怀特（WHITE是姓也有白人的意思）希望你能满意

one car come,one car come .two car pengpeng ,one car die...

hey Are Directly from America Not long after an old Chinese women came back to china from her visit to her daughter in the Sates, she went to a city bank to deposit the U.S. dollars her daughter give her . At the bank counter ,the money was real.It mady out of patience.At last she couid not hold any more, uttering :“trust me, Sir, and trustthe money .They are real U.S. dollars. They.are directly from America. ” 汉译： 真美钞 一位中国老妇人到美国去看望女儿回来不久，到一家银行取存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真仔细的检查了每一张钞票看，是否有假。这种做法使老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，是从美国直接带来的。” He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？ 约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan. "Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。 英语小笑话 上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的 一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是 A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了. A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." 1,Two birls Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 2. The Fish Net "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 鱼网 "你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。 "把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。 3. The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. "George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother. "I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....." 新老师 9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。 "乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。 "妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。" 4. A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears. 一次物理考试 在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。 这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？ 尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。 Jim’s History Examination Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination? Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born. 吉姆的历史考试 舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？ 母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个 可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。

简短的英语冷笑话带翻译

导语：笑话话是一种新兴的语言现象,伴随着网络的普及它已经渗透到了青年群体的日常生活,偶尔爆出的一两句冷笑话能使交流氛围变得轻松愉悦,也能展示交谈者的幽默和智慧。我整理了短一些英语笑话带翻译，欢迎阅读!

before the final examination, tom told his mother, "mom, i had a dream last night that i'd passed today's exam."

在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”

"don't trust dreams, dear. it is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." mother replied.

“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。

"then i do hope i'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," tom said.

“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。

mother asked her little boy, darling, what did the teacher teach you today?

母亲问她年幼的儿子：宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么?

nothing, mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and i told her three.

儿子骄傲地说：什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。

reggie: we have got a new dog. would you like to come around and play with him?

里基：我们又得到了一条新狗，你愿意过来和他玩一会吗?

ron: well, i don't know---does he bite?

罗恩：嗯，我不知道----它咬人吗?

reggie: that's what i want to find out.

里基：这正是我想要查明的。

one day after school the teacher said to his students, "tomorrow morning, if any one of you can answer my first question, i will permit him or her to go home earlier."

一天，放学以后，老师对他的.学生们说：“明天上午，如果你们当中的任何一个同学能首先回答我的问题，我就准许他或她最先回家。”

the next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard daubed(涂抹) . he was very angry and asked, "who did it? please stand up!" "it's me," said bob, "now, i can go home. good-bye, sir."

第二天，老师走进教室时发现黑板被涂得乱七八糟，他非常生气的问：“谁涂的?请站起来!”鲍勃说：“先生，是我，现在我可以回家了，再见!”