学英语的笑话爆笑

超好笑的英语笑话

有笑话，大家一起笑，这就是分享快乐，也许，快乐就是这么简単。下面我为你带来超好笑的英语笑话，希望你会喜欢。

A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, "Mom, the toast is burned."

"You talked! You talked!" Shouted his mother. "I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?"

"Well, up till now," Said the boy, "things have been okay."

一切都正常

一对年轻夫妇有个儿子，已经四岁了，还没有开品说话，他们对此深感焦虑。他们带他去找专家诊治，但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。后来有一天早上吃早餐时，那孩子突然开口了：“妈妈，面包烤焦了。”

“你说话了!你说话了!”他母亲叫了起来。“我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢?”

“哦，在这之前，”那男孩说，“一切都很正常。”

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million-dollar houses.

On the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.

The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let's go up there, apologize, and see how much this is going to cost."

They walked up and knocked on the door. A voice said, "Come on in. They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer.

A man on the couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied.

"No, actually, I want to thank you. I'm a genie who was trapped for a thousand years inside that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes -- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Okay, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem -- it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.

"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie replied.

"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looked at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care."

The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"

"Thirty-five," she replied.

"And he still believes in genies? ... That's amazing."

Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful -- she had to sleep in cold backalleys, where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way -- but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on.

The cat laid down upon the pillow and was happy.

A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth.

The earth was no better for them than it was the cat.

They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them rollerskates.

One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she was liking heaven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful.

The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow were the meals on wheels.

My two sister and I were all away at various colleges at the same time. One day, after facing one crisis too many and tired of being treated like just another undergraduate, I phoned home for some consolation1 and understanding of my unique problems.

When my dad answered, I immediately launched into my litany(连祷，冗长故事) offrustrations2 with college life. As I paused to catch my breath, he said, "O.K., honey...now, fist of all, who is this?"

我和两个妹妹同时离开家去不同的大学读书。经历了太多的危机，也厌倦了受到与其他大学生相同的对待之后，有一天我给家里打了个电话，就我独有的问题寻求安慰和理解。

爸爸接起电话后，我立刻开始历数我大学生活中的挫折。当我停下来歇口气时，爸爸说：“好啦，亲爱的...现在，首先告诉我，你是哪一个?”

1、爆笑英语小笑话1：Who are stupid？谁蠢？

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid stand up!”

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said “Do you think you’re stupid Johnny?”

“No ma’am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。

小约翰尼站了起来。

“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。

“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

2、爆笑英语小笑话2：A great man一名伟人

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a greatman if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？

学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

3、爆笑英语小笑话3：Two Cute dogs

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper “Does

your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says “No my dog does not bite.”

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch” he says “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”

The shopkeeper replies “That is not my dog.”

一个男人走进了一家商店，看到了一个可爱的小狗，于是他问店主：“你的狗咬人吗？”

店主说：“不，我的狗不咬人。”

这个男人就试图抚摸狗，然后狗咬了他。“哎呀”他说：“我还以为你说你的狗不咬人呢！”

店主和他说：“那不是我的狗。”

4、爆笑英语小笑话4：Four gold teeth四颗金牙

6.Policeman: Why didn’t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth they’d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？

男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

5、爆笑英语小笑话5：Barking dogs don’t bite吠狗不咬人

The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

“It’s all right” said a gentleman “don’t be afraid. Don’t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don’t bite?”

“Ah yes” answered the little girl. “I know the proverb but does the dog know the proverb too?”

一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”