小品:上学Sketch: School刘:上课了,上课了。Liu: class, class.贾:上课了,上课了,快点快点上课了。Jia: Class A, class, hurry up to class.刘:班长好。Liu: monitor.贾:你好,听说咱们班又来了一个新班主任,还是个女的。Jia: Hello, I've heard that our class to a new teacher, or a woman.刘:管它是男还是女的,来了照样把她撵走。Liu: it is male or female, to still get rid of her.贾:嗯。Jia: well.姐:嗨,你们俩好。Sister: Hey, you guys.贾刘:早上好!Jia Liu good morning!姐:这么早就来了,诶,有没听说咱们班又换班主任了。Sister: have come so early, ah, have not heard that our class for class.贾刘:知道了知道了,早就知道了。Jia Liu: I know, know.姐:诶,而且还是个女的。Sister: ah, but a woman.贾刘:也知道了,也知道了。Jia Liu: I know, know.姐:要不我们呆会整整她。给她起个外号。Sister: or we will stay for her. Give her a nickname.刘:不错不错,这个主意不错。那起什么外号。Liu: Yes, that's a good idea. That what nickname.姐:叫喇叭花。Sister: called morning glory.刘:喇叭花,太俗了太俗了太俗了。Liu: morning glory, too too too.贾:那这样好不好?咱们帮她起个外号叫老母鸡。Jia: that is so good? Let's help her up a nickname called old hen.姐:啊,老母鸡。Sister: ah, the old hen.贾:嗯。Jia: well.刘:现在禽流感特严重。还,还敢叫老母鸡。Liu: now very serious flu. Also, also dare to call the old hen.姐:那才应该叫呢!Sister: it should be called!贾:那就 这么地吧Jia: it is so刘&姐:好好好Liu & sister: good good刘:这个好,这个好,这个好。Liu: the good, the good, the good.贾:这个主意不错哦。那待会你来叫好啦?(指向C)Jia: This is a good idea. That will be your good? (to C)姐:我不叫。Sister: I didn't call.贾:那你来叫(指向A)Jia: you call (to A)刘:我也不叫。Liu: I don't call.贾:那你也不叫,她也不叫,谁叫啊?Jia: you do not call, she didn't call, who called?姐:诶,有啦,呆会老纪来了,让她叫。她在咱班最皮了。Sister: ah, there you will stay, old age comes, let her call. She is in our class's skin.贾:诶,好主意,好主意。Jia: ah, good idea, good idea.刘:这个主意不错。Liu: that's a good idea.贾:老纪,上课啦,上课啦,上课啦。Jia: old age, class, class, class.纪:来啦。(唱歌出场)~~笑什么笑啊?没见过美女啊??Ji: yes. (singing appearances) ~ ~ what's so funny? Haven't seen beauty ah??贾:诶,诶,老纪。Jia: Aye, aye, old age.纪:嗯。Ji: well.贾:我们班又来了一个新班主任。我们给她起了个外号叫老母鸡。一会她来了你叫哦。Jia: our class to a new teacher. We gave her the nickname old hen. For a moment she came to call you oh.纪:我不叫。Ji: I didn't call.贾:为什么?Jia: why?纪:你们老骗我,每次我一张嘴,你们把嘴都闭上了。Ji: you old fool me, every time I open my mouth, your mouth shut.贾:不是,这次不骗你。Jia: No, this is not cheating you.刘&姐:对。Liu & sister.贾:我们大家伙一起叫。Jia: our big guy called.贾&姐:嗯。Jia & sister: well.纪:这次不骗我Ji: This is not fool me贾刘&姐:恩这次不骗你。一起叫。Jia Liu & sister: well this time not to lie to you. Call together.纪好,一起叫。Well, call together.静:家好,我就是新来的班主任。听说这个班的学生特别难得教,但是,我非常有爱心,我会将我的爱心,来感化他们。同学们好!Static: good, I was new to the teacher. I heard the students in this class are particularly rare, however, I am very caring, I will put my love, to influence them. Good students!刘纪贾&姐:老。Liu Jijia: the old lady.纪:母鸡呀。Ji: hen.静:哪位小同学喊老师是老母鸡,请往前一步。(ABC一起退后)小同学,请你站起来。Static: a small classmate shout teacher is old hen, please step forward. (ABC back) small students, please stand up.纪:恩。Ji: en.静:同学,你可站稳咯。Static: students, you can stand.纪:老师,地不平。Ji: the teacher, the ground.静:小同学,你为啥叫我老母鸡。Static: small students, why did you call me old hen.纪:不告诉你Ji: don't tell you静:我有信心,我有耐心。小同学,请你跟老师到办公室去一下。Static: I have confidence, I have the patience. Small students, please go to the office together with the teacher.纪:干什么?Ji: stem what?静:老师请你吃巧克力。Static: please you eat chocolate teacher.纪:真的?Ji: really?静:真的,来。Static: really, to.纪:耶,吃巧克力去咯。Ji: Yeah, go eat chocolate.贾:诶,这叫老母鸡还吃巧克力?Jia: Hey, this is called the old hen also eat chocolate?姐:就是,早知道我们也叫哪。Sister: that is, early know we also call which.刘:就是啊。Liu: yes.静:我请你吃巧克力,德芙的,金帝的,吃啊吃,你吃饱啊。(走出来)我从来不体罚我的学生。小同学你可以出来了。Static: I ask you to eat chocolate, Dove, Kinde, eat eat, you eat ah. (out) I never spanking my students. Small students, you can come out.纪:来了(唱歌)Ji: (to Chang Ge)贾:诶,你怎么啦?老纪。Jia: Hey, how do you? The old record.姐:老纪,你没事吧?Sister: old age, are you all right?纪:老师打人。Ji: the teacher.贾刘姐:我们看看,看看。Sister Jia Liu: we have a look, have a look.刘:唉哟,伤得不轻啊?Liu: Well, hurt not light ah?贾:打得不轻啊?Jia: hit not light ah?静:接下来,老师给你们上第1课,来,小同学,请起立。Static: next, I'll give you first lesson, to, small students, please stand up.纪:怎么又是我?Ji: Why me?静:跟你们出个上联,哪位同学可以回答请举手回答。请听清楚,上联是:南通州北通州,南北通州能南北。哪个小同学可以回答?好,就你这个女同学回答?Static: tell you a couplet, which students can answer please raise their hands to answer. Please listen carefully, the alliance: South Tongzhou North Tongzhou, South Tongzhou south. Some students can answer? Good, you this female students to answer?刘:东当铺西当铺,东西当铺当东西。Liu: East West pawnshop pawn, pawn shop when things.静:诶,答得不错,还有哪位同学可以举手回答?小同学,你举手了可以回答。来来,请站起来回答。Static: ah, well reasoned, who also can raise their hands to answer? Small classmate, you raised your hand can answer. Come on, please stand up and answer.纪:答什么?Ji: a what?静:答对联。Static: a poetic couplet.纪:什么对联?Ji: what poetic couplet?静:上联是:南通州北通州,南北通州能南北。Static: the alliance: South Tongzhou, North Tongzhou, South Tongzhou south.纪:男同学女同学,男女同学学男女。Ji: male student female students, male and female students in men and women.静:挻押韵的,答得不错。来老师再问你一个?香花不红,红花不香,玫瑰花又红又香。Static: y rhyme, a well. To the teacher to ask you one? Fragrant flowers are not red, red is not sweet, rose red andsweet.纪:响屁不臭,臭屁不响,连环屁又臭又响。Ji: ring is not smelly fart, fart not ring series fart, smelly and ring.静:班长,不许打屁。Static: monitor, no warm.纪:好人咧,谢谢啊。Ji: good, thank you.静:啥子学生啊?E:班长,你看校庆就要到来了,我们班准备了什么节目?Static: what students ah? E: monitor, you see the anniversary is coming, our class to prepare what programs?贾:我们为老师准备的是朗诵。Jia: we prepared for the teacher is reading.静:那首先我们来朗诵一个。Static: the first we read a.贾:好,首先我们为老师朗诵的是春晓。春眠不觉晓。Jia: Well, first of all we as teachers reading is the chunxiao. I awake light-hearted this morning of spring,刘:处处闻啼鸟。Liu: hear birds singing everywhere.姐:夜来风雨声。Sister: night rain sound.纪:房盖掀霏了。Ji: housing lid Fei.静:(打D)变啦,看你还变?Static: (D) changed, you have to change?静:哪个教你的?Static: who taught you?纪:班长教我的。Ji: monitor taught me.纪:你干嘛老打我?Ji: why you always make me?静:一到你这里就出错?Static: one to you here?贾刘姐:老师你别打了,校长来了。Sister Jia Liu: the teacher you don't fight, to the principal.静:校长来了。Static: the principal to.贾刘姐:老纪快跑。(完)Jia Liujie: the old Ji run. (end)
人物:A(衣衫褴褛) B(衣着光鲜) C小花 D小草 E椅子 F新闻记者剧本:B坐在E上吃东西,A一乞丐上前A:先生,先生,请给我些面包,谢谢,我饿得不行了。B:(厌恶)让开,让开。(然后便起身离开,这时他的钱包掉到E上头了)A:先生,先生(A看见后,立即拾起,追上了走远的B)B:让开,让开啊,我没吃的了,也没钱了(看也不看A,仍自顾自地走了)C:他真愚蠢啊D:是啊是啊(D点头附和)A:可……先生……您听我说……(仍拉着B衣服的后摆)B:哇,你这人怎么这么讨厌!(还是没有回头看A一眼)C:椅子啊,你会不会觉得刚刚坐在你身上的人特愚蠢?E:唉,人总是这么愚蠢啊~~~~D:是啊是啊 与此同时A与B还在纠缠,这时E终于隐忍不住爆发了。E:先生!你的钱包丢了!你怎么这么傻啊。 A与B同时回头,看见了那会说话的椅子E,吓昏过去了。这一幕恰巧被经过的F看见了。于是F就报道了这一事件。F:大家好,我是新闻记者F,今天我看见了一个奇异的现象,一个椅子说话了,两个人被吓昏了,下面我将采访一下被吓昏的两个人。B:哦,上帝,哦,妈妈。F:这个人傻了,我们不鸟他了,下面我采访一下另一个人吧,请问你为什么不告诉他,他的钱包丢了?A:对不起,我不知道“钱包”这个单词怎么讲……F:通过这一事件,我们可以认识到,掌握一门外语的重要性,以及金钱给人类带来的影响。是吗,椅子?E:是啊,是啊(E傻傻地拼命点头)C:唉,人可真愚蠢,椅子也被他们弄傻了。D:谁让这是一个童话呢……A:sir,sir,please give me a piece of bread.thank you,sir.I'm hungry to die.B:get away,get away,dirty man.A:sir,sir!!B:run away,please run away.I have no food,and I don't have money,either.C:hey,xiao D,he is so foolish,isn't he?D:yes,yes.A:but....sir....please listen to me.....B:wa,why are you so disgusting!!C:hey,chair,do you feel the man sat on you a moment ago is very stupid.E:ai,pretty flower,do you know,men are always very silly.D:yes,yes!!E:sir!you lost your wallet!can't you be more clever?F:good morning,everybody.I'm a jonrnist F. Today I saw a very weird thing--a chair open her mouth,and two men are frightened to faint.now,I will intenview the two nozzy man.B:wo,my god,wo,my,mum.F:I'm sorry to tell you this man has been mad.we needn't take notice of him.let me interview the other man,hello,man,can you tell men why didn't you tell him he lost his wallet?A:I'm sorry,I don't know how to speak "钱包" in english......F:dear audience,through this thing we can learn that how improtant it is to mastery a foreign language,and how lagre the money affect us.is that all right,chair?E:yes,yes.C:ai,men is so silly.D:don't believe us,it is just a fairly tale.
Berserk commando characters: Zhou Yu, Zhu Geliang, Gao crazy crazy crazy, short, fat. One day, Zhou Yu was at home, suddenly, a lunatic broke in: "stand up!" Zhou Yu: "why?" High: "I want to order you crazy!!" Zhou Yu: "hum, is a madman!" (kick out high crazy) high crazy left, a dwarf: "give you!" (threw pen) Zhou Yu: "why?" Dwarf Crazy: "I am your father!" Zhou Yu: "it is crazy!" (kick out) then, a fat man: "I want to kill you!!" Zhou Yu and his fighting up. Fight for a long time, Zhou Yu: "you might as well go to the split Zhu Geliang bar!" "Good!!!!!!" Fat crazy said. Zhou Yu and the mad short crazy also confessed it again. Zhou Yu called them "berserk commando". A month later, he received the invitation letter to Zhu Geliang: "come to my house!" Zhou Yu: "he should be berserk commandos killed!" Zhou Yu came to Zhu Geliang home. Zhu Geliang please high Crazy: "this is a musician, he wants to control others, I let him control instrument." Then please short Crazy: "he likes things to people, I let him send steamed buns." Finally to is chopping fat Crazy: "he wanted to split things, I let him chopping wood, wood split what good. But let him keep chopping, or he will split the other things!" Zhou Yu froze. Zhu Geliang said: "the madman is not the blink of an eye." He told Zhou Yu: "the number of the eyelids, 2 1, 3, 4, 5......"暴疯突击队 人物:周瑜,诸葛亮,高疯,矮疯,胖疯。 某一天,周瑜在家里,突然,一个高疯子闯了进来:“站起来!” 周瑜:“为什么?” 高疯:“我想命令你!!” 周瑜:“哼,是个疯子!”(一脚踹出高疯) 高疯刚走,来了个矮子:“给你!”(扔过来支笔) 周瑜:“为什么?” 矮疯:“我是你爸爸!” 周瑜:“又是疯子!”(踹出去) 接着,来了个胖子:“我要劈了你!!” 周瑜就和他格斗起来了。 斗了半天,周瑜:“你不如去劈诸葛亮吧!” “好!!!!!!”胖疯说。 周瑜和高疯矮疯也交待了一遍。周瑜叫他们“暴疯突击队”。 一个月后,他收到诸葛亮的邀请信:“来我家里做客吧!” 周瑜:“他应该被暴疯突击队折磨死了阿!” 周瑜来到诸葛亮家。 诸葛亮请出高疯:“这是音乐家,他想控制别人,我就让他控制乐器。” 接着请出矮疯:“他喜欢发东西给人,我就让他发馒头。” 最后带到正在劈柴的胖疯:“他要劈东西,我就让他劈柴,什么柴都劈的好。不过要让他不停的劈,不然他要劈其他的东西啦!” 周瑜愣住了。诸葛亮说:“疯子是不眨眼的。” 他对周瑜的眼皮数:“1、2、3、4、5……”