英文搞笑故事200词

Midway TacticsThree competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".中间战术三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。Very Pleased to Meet YouDuring World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys.""Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said."Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister.""I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”Two SoldiersTwo soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped."What do you want now?" Bill said to him.George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。“你还要什么?”比尔问。乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”Five Months OlderThe Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised."How old are you?" he said."Eighteen, sir," said John."But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?""Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."大五个月第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。“你多大了?”军医问。“十八，长官。”约翰说。“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”West PointMy father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”(6)Present for GirlfriendAt a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."送给女友的礼物在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不--在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”Be Careful What You Wish ForA couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.慎重许愿一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”，他变成了90岁。Wood FireOne woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened.""Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"森林之火一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会燃烧起来。”“那是不是意味着，”另一个问道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬?”

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobil phone but discovered that she was out of credit ;she instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to daddy who is at the construction site. After her son had called ,he got back to mummy to infrom her that it was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile . Women! She watied impatiently for her husband to return from the construction site .The moment she sighted him,she gave him a very hot slap.While the man was trying to ask why ,she repeated the slap.People from neighborhood rushed around to know the cause of his . The man asked his son to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called,he said,"The number you are trying to call is not reachable at the moment.Please try again later". 一个妇女想打丈夫的手机找他，但是发现她的手机余额不足，于是她吩咐儿子用他自己的手机给正在建筑工地上的爸爸打电话传递紧急信息。 儿子打完后，回到妈妈的身边说，他打了爸爸的手机三次，一位女士接了三次。女人！她心急火燎地等丈夫从建筑工地回来。她一看见丈夫就给了他热辣辣的一巴掌。男人正要问个究竟，她又扇了他一巴掌。街坊邻居都跑过来想弄清楚事情的原因。 男人让儿子告诉大家，他打电话时那个女人说了什么。他回答说；“你所拨打的电话暂时无法接通。请稍后再拨。”

1. Midway TacticsThree competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".中间战术三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。2. Very Pleased to Meet YouDuring World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I“m going abroad tomorrow, but I“d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.Joan went there and said to the matron, "I“ve come to visit Captain Humphreys.""Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said."Oh, that“s all right," answered Joan. "I“m his sister.""I“m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I“m his mother!"在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，"我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。"琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。琼到了医院，她对护士长说，"我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。""这里只有亲属可以探望病人。"护士长说。"噢，是的，"琼说，"我是他的妹妹。""很高兴认识你，"护士长说，"我是他的母亲。"希望能帮助到您，望采纳！

搞笑英语故事带翻译

搞笑英语故事带翻译一：

To Borrow an OxOnce upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words. One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man. After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly.

借公牛一用 从前，有个人很富有，但他不识字。 一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一头公牛，便写了个条，让仆人送到富人那里。 仆人把条子给了富人。富人便假装看了一会儿，然后说道：好啦，我知道了。回去告诉你的主人，我马上自己过去。

搞笑英语故事带翻译二：

HogarthThe great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced, a hitch arose over the fee, and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was com pleted, the patron was asked to come and inspect it. As a matter of fact, the picture was just one daub of brilliant red. What's this? exclaimed the purchaser. I asked for the Red Sea, on the occasion of the celebrated passage. That's it, replied Hogarth. But, where are the Israelites? They are all gone over.Where are the Egyptians?They're all drowned.

霍迦斯一天，有人请这位伟大的画家画一幅法老王渡红海图。这幅画刚开始不久，酬金就出现了问题。霍迪斯发现，完成这幅画后，他只能得到他想要的大约一半的'钱。当作品完成之后，那位主顾被请来看画。其实，这幅画不过是胡乱涂抹的一片鲜红。 这是什么?那位买主喊了起来。我要的是红海，是那次著名的航海。 这就是，霍迦斯回答说。 可是以色列人在哪儿? 他们都已经渡过去了。 埃及人在哪儿? 他们全都淹死了。

搞笑英语故事带翻译三：

What was it she wanted?A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer. No, ma’am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon. Horrified, the manager came runningover to the customer and said, Of course, we'll have somesoon, We placed an order last week. Then the manager drewthe clerk aside: Never, never, never say we are out of anythingsay we've got it on order and it's coming. Now whatwas it she wanted?Rain, said the clerk.

她要买什么?一个商店经理听见一个店员对顾客说：不，夫人，这会儿没有，一时半会儿看来也不会有。经理惊恐万分地跑到顾客跟前说：当然，马上就会有的，我们上周订了货。然后经理把店员拉到一边：千万，千万，千万不要说我们没有什么，说我们已经订了货，货马上就到。现在你说她要买什么?雨，店员说。

一听英语课基本就是强撑，就是那种魂魄已经散去，但是眼睛还得睁着，有一次英语课分在第一排，离老师最近。一开始是听力考试，老师就在那看着我，我就装着很认真的写，一边听一边填ABCD，我觉得表演的已经很好了，用余光看见老师还在关注我，就装着思考，装着装着卷子都快写完了。突然听到一句：试音结束，现在听力考试正式开始。