英语双关短笑话

1.On Sunday they pray for you and on Monday prey on you.   星期天他们为你祈祷，星期一他们却向你榨取。 2.Seven days without water makes one weak (week).  七天不喝水，虚的拉不动腿。3.Why is an empty purse always the same? Because there is never any change in it. 钱包为什么老是瘪的？ 因为它里面从来就没有零钱。4.We eat what we can and what we can’t we can. 我们能吃的就吃，不能吃的就做成罐头。5.A professor tapped on his desk and shouted: “Gentlemen ,order!” The entire class yelled “Beer!” 一位教授敲着桌子喊道：“先生们，安静！”全班同学异口同声地喊“啤酒”。6.A little boy came up to his mother. “Ma,” he said, “I have some to tell you. My teacher kissed me.” “Well, were you a good boy and did you kiss her back?” “Of course not!” he denied indignantly, “I kissed her face.” 小男孩来到身边，说：“妈，跟你说件事，老师吻了我。” “那好啊，乖孩子，你也吻她了吗？” “当然没有！”他气气冲冲地否认道，“我吻她脸了。”7.Why is a river so rich?为什么一条河流如此富有？Because it has two banks.因为它有两个岸边（银行）。8.Why do carpenters reasonably believe that there isn’t such a thing as stone?为什么木匠们总认为没有像石头一样硬的东西？Because they never saw it.因为他们从来没有见（锯）过这样的东西。9.Why can you never expect a fisherman to be generous?为什么你不应该指望渔夫慷慨？Because his business makes him sell fish.因为他的行当使他卖鱼（自私）。10.What is the strongest day of the week?每周最强大的日子是哪天？It’s Sunday, because the other days are weekdays.星期天，因为其它的日子都是工作日（弱小的日子）。

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英语幽默笑话： 一：She Didn"t Say Anything A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”。 “How do you know?” asked her father. “She didn"t say anything.” 二：I Have Turned It Over A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?” The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?” 三、40 over Li lotus heart disease arises suddenly, is escorted to the hospital first aid. The condition extremely too bad, the Li lotus felt oneself nearly all already died. In the rescue, the Li lotus has heard God's sound suddenly: "You cannot die, you also may live for 45 years 6 months 02 days, has the courage to go on living!" Certainly, the result was the Li lotus miracle is revived. After the body recovers, the Li lotus thought oneself also can live for more than 40 years, then □has anxiously is leaving the hospital, first repairs the face, then makes up the lip, then is the prosperous chest, finally is the thin abdomen, continuously has undergone 4 cosmetology surgeries altogether, then was called the specialized hair stylist to visit the service, changed has sent the color, has made the new tide hairstyle, the entire stature looked at □the young several years old. After last the reshaping surgery completes, the Li lotus then happily handled left the hospital the procedure, □thought actually the ambulance which rapidly 驶过 by 撞死 in the entrance. After the heaven, the Li lotus has been angry interrogates God: "Since you had said I also may live for 45 years, then you should not eat the word." God awkwardly 耸了耸肩, replies: "Really is sorry, at that time, the vehicle hit when you... ... I have not recognized am you." 英语笑话这里面有的，可以看看： 英语幽默 双关歇后语：）~ Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow". 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行". Do You Know My Work？ One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes． Two men stood outside and looked at the fire． “Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．” “You don't know my work，” said the other． “What is your work？” “I'm a policeman． “Oh！” cried the first man． He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work？”“No，”said the policeman． “I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．” 译文：（自己简单翻译） 你知道我是干什么的吗？ 一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来。 两个人站在外面，看着大火。 “在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。” “你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。 “你是干什么的？” “我是警察。” “噢！”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。 “我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。” Who is the laziest Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ? Jack:I don`t know ,father. Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word? Jack:Our teacher ,father. 更多的请点击参考资料链接。 谢谢！