英语短剧小剧本

逃课Scene I(Anita, Kevin, Ken, Jason, Steven, and Rita are all Tunghai University students. They are good friends. One day, Ken and Jason meet on the way to the classroom.)Ken: Why are you late? And, you just missed the last class. The teacher gave us the main topics for the mid-term examination.Jason: Oh, shoot! I just missed it. Would you lend me your notes so I can make a copy?Ken: Sure if you give me a good reason why you missed the class. You promised me that you would be in class on time today.Jason: Believe me, I would like to keep my word. The problem is that I have the “Business Management” test today and I was up studying for it till three o’clock this morning. Then I fell asleep and woke up at ten o’clock this morning.Ken: You studied until three o’clock this morning? Why? What did you do yesterday afternoon? I know you were free from four o’clock on yesterday.Jason: Well, I met one of my very old friends on line and we just talked too long…Ken: For God’s sake! Don’t you care about next week’s mid-term examination?——————————————————————————–Scene II(Anita, Steven and Kevin are talking to one another in front of a classroom. And, Anita is trying to prevent Steven and Kevin from cutting the next class.)Anita: Hey, we’ll have the “Business Management” class in a few minutes. Where are you going? Don’t tell me that you are going to argue with Jason.Steven: I will do anything for my good friend. Of course I am going to argue with the guy who gave my good friend a hard time.Anita: You always like to get involved in someone else’s business. You’ll get yourself in trouble. Don’t you know it? …Kevin: Anita, don’t be upset with him. He will not listen to you. Just leave him alone. By the way, I am still waiting for your decision. Are you coming with me to the concert tomorrow?Anita: Oh, I am sorry that I almost forgot it. What time tomorrow?Kevin: Two o’clock. I cannot wait to see my adorable superstar – Jolin. Oh, how wonderful!Anita: wait a minute. We have Calculus class tomorrow afternoon. Are you out of your mind?Kevin: Well, I’m not. Yet I think we can just copy the notes from someone else.Anita: No, this is a very important class. And you would never understand it without listening to the lecture.Kevin: To me it makes no difference. Even if I were in the class I would never understand what the teacher is talking about. Besides, who likes to look at the old baldhead?——————————————————————————–Scene III(After Calculus class, Anita is on the way to the ST building. At the same time, Rita is walking to the ST building from the dorm. They meet in front of the laboratory.)Rita: Here I am. Look, I did what I promised. I am a good girl, not skipping classes.Anita: What are you talking about? This is the 5th class. You skipped the first four classes this morning. Yesterday you promised that you would not skip any class.Rita: Did I? We don’t have any class in the morning but we’re packed in the afternoon on Wednesdays.Anita: I beg your pardon? Today is Thursday and we have classes the whole day. Besides, didn’t you meet us this morning while we were going out to class?Rita: I thought you were going to the library.Anita: You are loopy now because you’ve skipped too, too many classes.Rita: Why did you say so? I know that we will have the Computer Program test tomorrow.Anita: You are incurable. The test was this morning!——————————————————————————–Scene IV(Ken and Rita are talking to each other. They are talking about how to skip a class. )Ken: I wonder why your Calculus professor never takes attendance. Yet, every time I skipped class, my professor always knew I was absent. I think I am really unlucky.Rita: well, you’ll appreciate what I’m going to tell you now, my three very good suggestions.Ken: What are they?Rita: Now lend me your ears – First of all, whether you skip the class or not, you’ll never pass the course.Ken: How do you know that I will not pass?Rita: Calculus is extremely difficult. I don’t believe you can pass it.Ken: Maybe you are right. What else?Rita: Before you skip the class you should treat everyone nicely. And after that, you should try to flatter your professor.Ken: Why?Rita: Well if you treat the classmates nicely, they will help you sign your name on the attendance sheet. And if you flatter your professor properly, you may ask the professor to pass you. Lastly – To skip the classes successfully you cannot skip too many classes or too few.Ken: What do you mean? Not too many and not too few?Rita: You need good weather for skipping classes so you can go out to fool around. And then you need good timing so you can go to the newly opened internet café that is on discount. Finally you need good relationships with the classmates so they can cover it up for you.Ken: You are a genius.Rita: I am just very professional.Ken:   I see now. I will try sometimes. Hah, Hah, Hah!!!——————————————————————————–Scene V(Ken meets Kevin at the parking lot.)Kevin: It’s time for the English class. Why are you here?Ken: I don’t want to go to English class. I want to cut the class.Kevin: Why?Ken: Because someone told me cutting classes can be fun.Kevin: That’s right. I will show you how much fun it is to cut classes.Ken: Ok. Let’s go.(Kevin and Ken cut the class and go out to have fun with girls. And both of them will fail the English class. Therefore next semester they will see Jean, their English teacher, again.)——————————————————————————–Tags: 6人剧本, 大学生活, 趣味剧本

小剧本-----小红帽Little Red Riding Hood第一场：Little Red Riding Hood家Mum： (妈妈拿着一个篮子，把桌子上的水果放在篮子里）Little Red Riding Hood:(唱着歌，欢快地跑进来）Hi,mummy, what are you doing?Mum： （一边把水果放在篮子里，心事重重地说）Grandma is ill. Here are some apples and bananas for Grandma. Take them to Grandma.Little Red Riding Hood：（边提起篮子，边点头说）Ok!Mum： （亲切地看着Little Red Riding Hood说） Be good. Be careful.Little Red Riding Hood： Yes ,mummy．Goodbye, mummy.Mum： Bye-bye. Darling.第二场：在路上(一阵轻快的音乐由远而近，Little Red Riding Hood挎着篮子蹦跳跳地跳到花草旁)Little Red Riding Hood： Wow！Flowers, how beautiful! （放下篮子采花）One flower ,two flowers, three flowers.Wolf：（随着一阵低沉的音乐，Wolf大步地走上台）I am wolf. I am hungry. (做找东西状,东张西望) Here is a little red riding hood. Hi! Little Red Riding Hood. Where are you going? (做狡猾的样子和Little Red Riding Hood打招呼)Little Red Riding Hood：(手摸辫子，天真地回答)To Grandma’s．Grandma is ill.Wolf：（自言自语）I' ll eat Grandma. But……（对Little Red Riding Hood说）Hey, look! 6 little baby ducks.Little Red Riding Hood：(和6只鸭子随着音乐翩翩起舞)Wolf：（悄悄地藏到大树后）Little Red Riding Hood：（停止跳舞）Hello! Baby ducks，how are you?Six Ducks：We’ re fine．Thank you． Where are you going?Little Red Riding Hood：To Grandma’s．Oh, I must go, bye.Six Ducks：Goodbye．第三场：Grandma家Grandma： （喘着气出场，颤颤悠悠地走到床前，吃力地坐到床边，喘了几口，打几个哈欠，慢吞吞地躺倒在床上。）Wolf：（从树后出来，边走边说）I am very hungry now. (做找寻的样子)Where is Grandma’ s house? (高兴地对观众说)Aha , it’s here.(敲门)Bang, Bang, Bang．Grandma： Who is it？Wolf：（装出Little Red Riding Hood的声音，一边得意地摇动尾巴，一边说）It’s me. Little Red Riding Hood.Grandma： (边说边起床) Come in, come in.Wolf：(得意洋洋地走到床边) Grandma , I’ll eat you.Grandma： （惊慌失措地抓紧衣服，瞪着眼睛，边叫迫从床上滚到地上）灰狼把外婆吞到了肚子里。Wolf：（得意地拍拍肚子，翘起大拇指）Yummy！I’ll sleep.Little Red Riding Hood：(高兴地敲门)Grandma．Grandma．Wolf：(装扮成Grandma的声音) Who is it？Little Red Riding Hood：It’s me。Little Red Riding Hood. What a strange noise!Wolf：Come in， Come in.Little Red Riding Hood：(蹦跳着进来，把篮子放在桌子上，走到床前一看，跳回几步)Oh! What are big ears!Wolf：I can listen to your sweet voice.Little Red Riding Hood：Wow! What a big eyes!Wolf：I can see you pretty face.Little Red Riding Hood：Oh! What a big hand.Wolf：I can hug you.Little Red Riding Hood：（跪在床前，拉起Wolf的手，边摸边说）Look! What a big hands?Wolf：(从床上跳起来说)I can eat you!Little Red Riding Hood：(拼命地跑)Oh！No! No!Wolf：（追到Little Red Riding Hood，做吃状，拍拍肚子说）It’s delicious. I still sleep. I like sleeping.Hunter： (一边拿着枪，一边做寻找状出场)Where’s the wolf? Look! A door．(推门)The wolf is sleeping.Wolf：(发出呼呼的响声)Hunter： (端起枪想打，又放下)What a big stomach! (摸摸Wolf的肚子)Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood are inside .I must be hurry．(从桌子上拿起剪刀，举起) Look! Scissors. (做剪Wolf的肚子)Cut, cut, cut.Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma：Thank you．Hunter： Grandma ,give me some needles and thread． Little Riding Hood ,Give me some stones．Grandma： (从桌子上拿来针线)Little Red Riding Hood：(搬来几个石头)One, two, three.Hunter： (把小石头装进Wolf的衣服里)Grandma： I'll thread it.Hunter： (拿起枪)Woke up!Wolf：(起床，两手托着大肚子)My stomach is so heavy.Hunter： You big bad wolf, raise your arms!Wolf：(边跑边说) Help! Don’t shot me!Hunter： （开枪）Bang, bang!Wolf： (应声倒下)Hunter： The bad wolf is dead．Little Red Riding Hood和Grandma：Yeah! Thank you．Little Red Riding Hood、Grandma、Hunter（一起鞠躬）: Thank you英语短剧：The Fox and the Tiger（狐假虎威）T---Tiger F---Fox R---Rabbit B---Bird Fr---Frog B----BearTiger: I’m a great tiger. I’m very strong. I’m very brave. I’m the king of the forest.But now I’m very hungry. I must find sth. to eat at once, or I’ll die immediately. Oh, there’s nothing here. And here is nothing, either. Oh, I want to have a rest. (Sleep soundly)Fox: I’m a fox. You can see, I’m pretty and lovely. I’m good at cheating 0and telling lies. Just now I cheated a crew out of a piece of meat. Mm, Mm, Mm. How delicious it is!Tiger: Ah, a fox. A good meal. Ah, a good meal.Fox: Oh, my God! What should I do? Yes, I have a good idea. Yes, a good idea. Hello! Tiger sister! How are you?Tiger: Not so good. I’m very hungry now. I want to eat you.Fox: Oh, my dear! How dare you say that! I’m the king of the forest! I’m the king of the forest! If you want to eat me, I will let you die right now.Tiger: She is the king. She is cheating me. I can’t belive her. I’m the king of the forest here.Fox: If you don’t believe me, just follow me and see who is the king of the forest.Tiger: Ok. Let’s go.Rabbit: I’m a rabbit. I like to eat a turnip. Ah, a big turnip. Oh! It’s too hard. I can’t pull it out.Bird: I’m a bird.Rabbit: Hi!Bird: Hi! What are doing here, Miss Rabbit? Can I help you?Rabbit: Yes, please.Frog: I’m a frog. Hello! What are you doing here? What can I do for you?R&B: Yes, come on!Frog : Ok! I’m coming!Bear: I’m a big brown bear. Hello, everyone! What are you doing here?R,B&F: Come on! Come on! Mr. Bear! You are so strong. Please come here. There is a big turnip. We are all puling it out. Please come and help us.Bear: Ok! I’m coming.Fox: Hello, Bear!Bear: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)Fox: Hello, Frog!Frog: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)Fox: Hello, Bird!Bird: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)Fox: Hello, Rabbit!Rabbit: Hi, Fox. Oh, a tiger! (run away)Fox: Tiger, Now, you see. They are so frightened! They all run away!Tiger: Yes, you are right. It’s true. I’m very sorry. You are the king of the forest. That’s all right. I will run away. He is the king. He is the king.Fox: Wa! There is a big turnip. Now, the turnip belongs to meApril Fool's Day愚人节(N：讲述故事者；F：愚男；Mum：妈妈；U：丑男；D1：大女儿；D2：小女儿；S：科学家；king国王)N: Many years ago, on April 1, a body had birth. His father called him "foolman", nobody like him except his mother. How time flies!许多年以前的四月一日，有个婴孩诞生了，他老爸给他取名为“愚男”，除他妈妈，没人喜欢他。时间过的真快啊！F: Mum, I'm eithteen years old, so I will leave this family.妈妈，我十八岁了，我要离开这个家了。Mum: All right, but please see me at times. This is a bottle of drink, a piece of dry bread. Remember: take good care of yourself, bye!好的，但要时不时回家看望我哈。这是一瓶酒，一块干面包。记住：要照顾好自己啊。再见了！N: He came to a forest, and met an ugly man.他走到一座森林，遇到一个丑八怪的男人。U: Hello! I'm very hungry and thirsty, could you give me something to drink and eat, please?你好！我又饿又干，请给我些喝的和吃的，怎么样？F: Ok, here.好的。给。U: Oh, thanks very much! Now, I will go. Oh, this stick is for you, it will bring luck to you. Good luck!喔，多谢了！好，我要走了。哦，这根手杖给你，会给你带来好运的。一路好运！N: The foolman reached a restaurant, the boss had two daughters, they found the stick very brightly.愚男来到一栋餐馆，老板有两个女儿，她们发现那根手杖闪闪发光。D1: Oh, how beautiful it is! I want it, it's great!!! （上前抓木棒，却被粘在上面） Oh! Dear! I can't leave it! （吃惊地）喔，好漂亮的手杖啊！我想要，真是太棒了！！！(上前抓木棒，却被粘在上面)啊，老天啊！我放不开它了！(吃惊地)D2: Sister, what are you doing there? Do you want this stick yourself? No, I will get a part of it! We are parent's daughters, I must get a part of it like you! （走向木棒）姐姐，你在那做啥啊？你自个儿想要那根手杖？不行，我要有一份！我们都是父母的女儿，我必须跟你一样要有一分！（走向木棒）D1: Don't come! Don't come! It's dangerous!别来！别来！危险！D2: You can come, so I can come, too! （也被粘在木棒上） Oh, my god! What's wrong with me?你来得，我也来得！（也被粘在木棒上）啊，老天啊！我怎么啦？D1: What a pity!真可惜！N: Foolman didn't mind at all, after the meal he took the stick leave the restaurant. Of course, two girls followed him. In the field they met an old scientist.愚男一点都不在意，吃了饭之后，他拿起那根手杖就离开了饭馆。当然，那两个女孩就跟着他。来到一块田的时候，他们遇到一位科学家。S: Oh! Terrible! You two girls follow a boy. How silly of you! I will take you back home, and take the boy to the police station. （抓stick ,也被粘住） Oh! Bad luck! Terrible!啊！太可怕了！你姐妹俩跟着一个男孩，你们怎么这么傻啊！我带你们回家，把这个男孩送到警察局去。（抓手杖 ,也被粘住）啊！糟糕！太糟糕啦！N: A few days later, they got to a strange country. The king had a daughter, but she never smiled or laughed.几天之后，他们来到一个陌生的国度。国王有个女儿，但她从来不笑。King: Who can make her smile or laugh, she'll be his wife.要是谁能让她笑，那她就是他的妻子。F: Let me try , Perhaps I can.我来看看。或许我能呢。N: Then they went to see her. She saw foolman and his friends laughed and laughed.这样他们就去看望她。她看到愚男和他的朋友就笑个不停。k: Ok, you make her laugh, now let us look at your 生辰八字. Which day is your birthday?好的，你让她笑了，现在让我们看看你的生辰八字，你哪天出生的？F: April 1.四月一日。K: Oh! What a great boy! Do you know my country's name? Let me tell you: it called "Fool World"! Very suits you, right?!哦！多么棒的孩子！你知道我们国家的名字吗？我告诉你吧，叫“愚蠢世界”。非常适合你，对不？N: The result is ——The foolman lived happily with his wife until they died. That is why we now have a holiday called : "April Fool".结果是愚男跟他妻子一起幸福的过了一辈子直到死。这就是我们有这样的一个假日的缘由：“愚人节”。

Daniel: Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Eaties’ Grouphead office! I’m Daniel (Corporate Communication Department Manager).(greeting)Joyce: This is Joyce (Human Resources Manager).Arthur: Oh, regular weekly meeting again! I’m Arthur (CorporateConsultant). Nice to meet you all.Emily: Good day. This is Emily (Coffee Specialist). I seldom attendmeetings…I’m more technical in a sense. But they just need me present today…(drink coffee)William: I am William, I’m managing the Eaties’ Café chain. UsuallyI don’t need to be here. (worried) But this time I think I’m in trouble…Oh, itseems that the meeting is about to start, wish me good luck!

英语话剧剧本推荐：《威尼斯商人》、《俄狄浦斯王》、《第十二夜》、《被缚的普罗米修斯》、《鸟》。

1、《威尼斯商人》

《威尼斯商人》 是英国戏剧家莎士比亚创作的戏剧，是一部具有讽刺性的喜剧。大约作于1596~1597年。该剧的剧情是通过三条线索展开的：一条是鲍西亚选亲；一条是杰西卡与罗兰佐恋爱和私奔；还有一条是“割一磅肉”的契约纠纷。

2、《俄狄浦斯王》

《俄狄浦斯王》是古希腊作家索福克勒斯创作的剧本，约公元前431年演出。《俄狄浦斯王》戏剧，取材于希腊神话传说中关于俄狄浦斯杀父娶母的故事，展示了富有典型意义的希腊悲剧冲突——人跟命运的冲突。

3、《第十二夜》

《第十二夜》是英国剧作家莎士比亚创作的戏剧，约写于1600一1602年间，1623年在书业公所登记，同年收入第一对开本中。这部作品以抒情的笔调，浪漫喜剧的形式，再次讴歌了人文主义对爱情和友谊的美好理想，表现了生活之美、爱情之美。

4、《被缚的普罗米修斯》

《被缚的普罗米修斯》是古希腊悲剧家埃斯库罗斯的一部话剧作品，剧中主要塑造了普罗米修斯这一位爱护人类、不屈服于暴力的光辉形象。该剧情节简单，结构也不复杂，但它历来受到人们的重视，被视为古典名作。

5、《鸟》

《鸟》是阿里斯托芬（公元前414年）的杰作之一，是现存的唯一以神话幻想为题材的喜剧。剧中有两个雅典人和一群鸟一起在天和地之间建立了一个“云中鹁鸪国”。这个国家是一个理想的社会，其中没有贫富之分，没有剥削，劳动是生存的唯一条件。

Scene 1(In the restaurant, a man and a woman are having coffees)Siu Ming: Well, sweetie, you know, I am really thankful that I haveyou beside me for so many years…I love you.Rose: (Smile) Honey, I love you too.Siu Ming: I know you do. Listen, I’ve been thinking about this formonths seriously…sweetie, will you marry me?Rose: Oh! What a surprise! How sweet! But dear, I need to thinktwice about it…you know, I’m pretty serious about marriage.Siu Ming: Yeah, yeah, certainly. So…Rose: (Drinking the coffee) Oh my god! This is so disgusting!Siu Ming: Oh dear, are you OK?Rose: No!! I’m not OK! (Angry) OK…I’m sorry but I don’t haveconfidence in our future because you can’t even find a decent restaurant forthis important moment. I’m sorry. Bye-bye. (run away)Siu Ming: Sweetie…how can this be…? It must be the coffee! (lookingaround) Where is the manager? (turn to William) You are in trouble!

Scene 2(Greeting)Daniel: Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Eaties’ Grouphead office! I’m Daniel (Corporate Communication Department Manager).(greeting)Joyce: This is Joyce (Human Resources Manager).Arthur: Oh, regular weekly meeting again! I’m Arthur (CorporateConsultant). Nice to meet you all.Emily: Good day. This is Emily (Coffee Specialist). I seldom attendmeetings…I’m more technical in a sense. But they just need me present today…(drink coffee)William: I am William, I’m managing the Eaties’ Café chain. UsuallyI don’t need to be here. (worried) But this time I think I’m in trouble…Oh, itseems that the meeting is about to start, wish me good luck!

剧本主要是由台词和舞台指示组成的，是戏剧艺术创作的文本基础，编导与演员演出的依据。以下是我精心整理的英语短剧剧本，欢迎大家分享。

角色：小兔、小狗、小猴、山羊

characters: hare、dog、monkey、goat

画外音：小兔子肚子饿了，她想找些东西吃。找呀，找了半天。忽然发现小路边的地里长着一根萝卜。

兔：啊，一个萝卜！一个大萝卜！我把它拔出来。

H:Oh,a radish!A big radish!I’ll pull it out.

哎——嗨——呦！哎——嗨——呦！

Ai-----Hay---Yo! Ai---Hay---Yo!

这萝卜太重了。我拔不出来。

The radish is too heavy. I can’t pull it out.

狗：我是小狗。我饿了。哦，兔小姐，你在干什么？

D: I’m a dog. I’m hungry. Oh, Miss hare,What are you doing.

兔：你好，狗先生。一个萝卜，一个大萝卜。它太重了。我拔不出来。

H:Hello,Mr.Dog.A radish,a big radish.It’s too heavy.I can’t pull it out.

狗：我帮你。咱们一起拔。

D:I’ll help you.Let’s pull it together.

兔：谢谢你。咱们一起拔。

H:Thank you .Let’s pull it together.

兔和狗：一、二、开始！哎----嗨----呦！哎---嗨---呦！哦，这萝卜太重了。我们拔不出来。

H&D:One,two,begin!Ai---Hay—Yo!Ai—Hay—Yo!Oh,the radish is too heavy.We can’t pull it out.

（小猴走了过来）

猴：我是小猴。我饿了。哦，你们在干什么？

M:I’m a monkey. I’m hungry.Oh, What are you doing?

兔和狗：你好，猴先生。一个萝卜，一个大箩卜。它太重了。我们拔不出来。

H&D:Hello,Mr. Monkey. A radish, a big radish. It’s too heauy. We can’t pull it out.

猴：我帮你们。咱们一起拔。

M:I’ll help you. Let’s pull it together.

兔和狗：谢谢你。咱们一起拔。

H&D:Thank you. Let’s pull it together.

兔，狗和猴：一，二，开始！哎---嗨---呦！哎---嗨---呦！哦，这萝卜太重了。我们拔不出来。

H,D&M:One,two,begin! Ai---Hay---Yo! Ai—Hay---Yo!Oh,the radish is too heavy. We can’t pull it out.

（小山羊走了过来）

羊：我是山羊。我饿了。哦，你们在干什么？

G:I’m a goat. I’m hungry.Oh, what are you doing?

狗、兔和猴：你好，山羊先生。一个萝卜，一个大萝卜。它太重了。我们拔不出来。

H,D&M:Hello, Mr.Goat.A radish. a big radish.It’s too heavy. We can’t pull it out.

羊：我帮你们。咱们一起拔。

G:I’ll help you. Let’s pull it together.

狗，兔和猴：谢谢你，咱们一起拔。

H,D&M:Thank you.Let’s pull it together.

兔，狗，猴和羊：一，二，开始。哎—嗨---呦！这萝卜真大，这萝卜真重。哎—嗨—呦！我们必须使劲干。我们一定把它拔出来。

H,D,M&G:One,two,begin.Ai—Hay—Yo!The radish is big.The radish is heavy. Ai---Hay—Yo! We must work hard. We must pull it out.

兔，狗，猴和羊：哎—嗨—呦！啊，萝卜拔出来了！一个大萝卜！一个重萝卜。我们大家一起吃！

H,D,M&G:Ai—Hay—Yo!Ah, the radish is out! A big radish!We’ll eat it together .A heavy radish!

（他们一起围着大萝卜唱歌，跳舞。

甲：Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie ? Yeah, you are right, Im the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you…Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, lets begin. At first , talent show, number one, lets welcome.

乙：（风情万种，妖娆妩媚地走进来，给观众一个飞吻）：oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, Im Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,（打个响指） come some music.（搞笑舞，自由发挥）。 （跳完，鞠躬，向观众谢幕）， thank you,（面向导演）， honey, is it a wonderful performance?

甲：（作目瞪口呆状），

乙：（在甲眼前晃手），oh, darling, are you Ok?

甲：eh…my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.

乙：oh no …sweet ,you break my heart…（掩面离去）

丙：oh it seems to be serious. God bless me（画个十字架，镇定地走到甲面前，伸出手）， nice to meet you, director.

甲：（与之握手），nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.

丙：Im Celine Dion, you know, I dont have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and（做沉思状） oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, （同学鼓掌，乙作安抚状），oh, calm down, calm down,its just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I…

甲：ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin

丙：OK!!! Ill use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.

near, far, wherever you are

i believe that the heart does go on

once more, you opened the door（甲stop stop,丙不理，继续作深情状）

and youre here in my heart,

and my heart will go on and on.

甲：guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.

Oh, Im dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise

丁：（对着乙的.背影，沉思状）to be,or not to be,its a question!（走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状），Im glad to see you,my dear princess.

甲（做娇羞状）：oh, its really a big surprise,so whats your name?

丁：My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?（甲，白痴的摇头），eh,its ok,then how about Robin Meade?（摇头），and Melissa Theuriau?（摇头），（丁，情绪激动），you know nothing, how can you sit in here.

甲（指门，气愤状），you you you……

丁：ok ok, it doesnt matter, you neednt learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah!

甲：I dont care who you are, just show me your talent.

丁：ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her "I love you"!

甲（起鸡皮疙瘩状）：oh, I cant stand, show you the door,

丁（转身离开，继续台词）：If there is a time limit, I hope, it is （回头，对甲）10 thousand years.

甲：oh, its really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, Im dying,you three, come here,

三人跑进来，乙妩媚状：honey, you like my dance,right?

丙镇静状：director,you like my singing,right?

丁深情状：princess,you like my poet,right?

三人同声：we are past,right?

甲：ehThank you for your ehWonderful performance,but,Im sorry to tell you …（接电话） What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh…god.（挂电话，低头），you three,（抬头），pass!

三人欢呼，说：we make it,we are superstar!

乙（甜蜜状）：thats very sweet of you,we love you so much（飞个吻）

甲：you know, you are not good enough now, but Im look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence?

三人齐答：yes,we do!

甲伸手，三人搭上，同声，fight,fight,fight!

说明：绝对搞笑，绝对雷人，鉴于所花精力，所以，适当地收一点点辛苦费，第一个表演舞蹈时，音乐可以选用<猪八戒背媳妇>,第二个唱 时，一定要跑调加破音，第三个一定要足够深情恶心，就这么多提醒的，希望您看得开心，下的舒心。

人物：令狐冲（linghuchong），小师妹（little sister），任盈盈（yingying），东方不败（invincible eastern），小尼姑（little nun），田伯光（tianboguang），林平之（linpingzhi） 第一幕

（令狐冲与小师妹正在舞剑，甜蜜无比）

令狐冲：little sister ,you are the most beautful girl in this world!i will love you forever .

小师妹：（害羞）oh!really?you are the most handsome boy I have ever seen!i love you too!

令狐冲：I love you too

小师妹：I love you too too

令狐冲：I love you too too too!

（小师妹的剑不小心落下令狐冲捡起）

令狐冲：oh little sister ,your sword!

小师妹：no it’s your sword!

令狐冲：your sword!（扭扭咧咧）

小师妹：your sword!

令狐冲：your sword!

小师妹：it’s madness when I say it ,but not when you say about it! 令狐冲：ok , you are right ,it’s my sword. （顺从态）

令狐冲：little sister ,there is one thing I want to tell you ,master asked me to go downhill for a few days ,so during my absence ,brother lin will be with you ,take good care of yourself ,I will be back soon.

小师妹：rearlly?oh , my life will be boring without you!（伤感）so,good-bye!（突然兴奋）

第二幕

（令狐冲在下山后遇见正在调戏小尼姑的田伯光）

小尼姑：give away!

田伯光：come here!

小尼姑：if you talk any more nonsence, I’ll hit you with my sword! 小尼姑：keep away! keep away!

田伯光：let me take good care of you!don’t be afraid of me , I’m the most handsome man in china.

令狐冲：stop that! Don’t hurt that girl!

田伯光：who is that man?run far away if you don’t want to pass away! 令狐冲：so ,let’s fighting!（音乐，用功夫里面的那首）

（两人打斗，令狐冲不敌田伯光）

田伯光：give out that little boy!you can’t stop me from enjoying my life with her!

令狐冲：no ,if that!if that ,I’d rather die!

（再上，再被打败，重伤）

（突然闪出一人，身手凌厉，田伯光被秒掉）

小尼姑：unbelievable!he’s my hero!

东方不败：what a handsome man ,it would be a pity if you die here.and that’s why I save you ,so ,don’t fall in love with me ,forever!

令狐冲：you are a man ,how can I fall in love with you!

东方不败：but what if I ware a girl?

令狐冲：if that ,I won’t believe in love for any longer

东方不败：wait for me here!i’ll be back soon!

（熄灯，东方不败换女装）

令狐冲：you you are so beautiful! I love you

东方不败：no !we can never be together ,not because of you ,nor because of me ,it’s the world to blame!goodbey honey ,we won’t meet again.

（灯灭，第三幕）

（麻将声响起，四人麻将，分别是令狐冲，小师妹，林平之，任盈盈，令狐冲面对的是林平之）

（中文对话：

林平之：八筒

小师妹：吃

林平之：九条

小师妹：碰

林平之：五条

小师妹：杠！

令狐冲：五桶

小师妹：糊了！）

令狐冲：I lose again ,little sister ,brother lin is always help you !what’s the matter with you honey?

小师妹：so I will tell you the truth ,I am in love with brother lin ,compared with you ,he is more hot, he have strong kiss with me every now and then .but you ,have not even touch my hand during the past few years!

令狐冲：I’m so sad to hear that

任盈盈：brother linhu ,don’t be sad ,when you are longly ,I will be right by your side!

令狐冲：thank you yingying ,when everbody leave me ,you are the only one stay with me .

任盈盈：when you are longly ,I can play music for you ,so ,let us be together! I wana be your girl , and you are my boy!

令狐冲：ok,you are my girl now, do what you want to do!

（任盈盈抱住令狐冲，吻了他）

（灯灭）

（旁白：two years later ,it is said that invincible eastern was killed by linhuchong , the biggest enemy died , but the world get worse , people suffer from songshanpai . linghuchong live with renyingying from that day on , but is he happy ? who is the girl really in his heart? ）

第三幕

（非诚勿扰音乐，田伯光作为主持人，四位女嘉宾在场上端坐，分别是小师妹，小尼姑，任盈盈，东方不败，令狐冲上场）

田伯光：welcome to "no honesty no bother" I’m the compere xiaotiantian .taday there are 4 girls waiting for their boy.now let’s welcome the sunny boy linghuchong!（音乐）

令狐冲：holle everybody , I am linghuchong from huashan mountain,I’m a strong man as well as a handsome boy,you will never regret if you choose me .

田伯光：so girls , it’s time to turn down your light , to turn or not to turn it is a question

（都没有熄灯）

田伯光：it’s out of my surprise!all of the lights are on!so you can choose the girl you love best.

小师妹：brother , it was all my fault before, brother lin is no longer a real man I am so longly these days, the boy I really love is you!

小尼姑：brother , you have saved me , all my body ang heart are yours! 任盈盈：brother chong ,I am the girl who accompanied you .when you feel longly ,I played music for you .when you are happy ,I played music for you .when you are sad ,I played music for you!

令狐冲：but don’t you know I don’t love music?（径直走向东方不败，牵住她的手）

令狐冲：I thought you have passed away, it is so good to see you again 东方不败：I was saved by your master fengqingyang （停顿）。You wanted to kill me ,why choose me now?

令狐冲：I did’t want you know?it was not decide by me !belive in me ,you are the girl in my heart ! whether past or present!

东方不败：I won’t belive in you any more , you have so many female friends ,any of them can be your girl friend , isn’t it?

令狐冲：the girl you love is not the one who grow up with you ,nor the one who like you ,nor the one who play music for you ! she is the one you feel right ,and that is the most important.belive that you will always be my girl!

东方不败：thank you for your love , which I can’t afford to.we can never be together, it is decide by God . I will not marry you , nor see you again .so ,it is the last time we see each other .choose the one you like best and be kind to her .

Good-bye