用英语写一段笑话

英语简短笑话带翻译

会讲笑话的人都是有好人缘的人，所以我们要多亲近一些笑话大王们。现在我也来当笑话大王啦!我给大家收集整理了英语简短笑话带翻译，一起来笑笑，收集好人缘吧!

你在哪里遇到你太太呢

And Where Did You Meet Your Wife ?

你在哪里遇到你太太呢?

Two acquaintances were in the barber shop getting shaves at the same time.

两个熟识的朋友刚好同时在理发店内刮胡子。

After the barbers had finished,

理发师刮完他们的.胡子后，

each man was asked if he would like some after-shave applied to his skin.

两人都被问到要不要在脸上抹上一些刮胡子后所使用的香水。

"No, no," answered the first man.

“不，不，”第一个先生说。

"My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse. "

“我太太会以为我去过妓院。”

"Go ahead," said the other.

“我没关系，”另一个先生说道。

"My wife has never been in a whorehouse ! "

“我太太从没在妓院待过!”

别急慢慢来

Let's Not Be Hasty

别急慢慢来

Said the wife to the husband.

一位妻子对她先生说道：

"Dear, we just have to get a new family doctor.

“亲爱的，我们必须另外再找一名家庭医师，

This is the third time old Dr. Davis gave me the wrong prescription and nearly killed me."

这已经是戴维斯医生第三次开错药方，差点就要我的命!…

"Oh, come on. sweetheart, let' s give him another chance. "

“喔，别这样吗!亲爱的，再给他一次机会试试看。”

Getting into His Work

专注于工作

The priest was so concerned with the welfare of his pretty young parishioner that he invited her to his private quarters to discuss her confession.

一位神父非常关切教区内一位年轻美丽的教友幸福，因此便邀她到他私人住处讨论她的忏悔。

"Now, let me get this straight," said the priest. "This young man you went out with did he put his arm around your shoulder like this?"

“现在让我把事情搞清楚，”神父说道，“这个年轻人跟你出去他是不是像这样把他的手臂绕在你的肩膀?”

"Yes, Father, and worse. "

“是的，神父，还有更糟的事情呢。”

"And did he put his hand on your thigh like this?"

“他也像这样把手放在你的大腿上吗?"

"Yes, Father, and worse. "

“是的，神父，还有更坏的呢。”

By now the clergyman was thoroughly aroused. He hiked the girl's skirt and gave her a vigorous humping. "And did he do this?" he inquired.

此时神父已被刺激得兴奋莫名，他撩起女孩的裙子，元气充沛地和她做起爱来，“他也这样做吗?"神父问道。

"Yes, Father, and worse, "

“是的，神父，还有更糟的呢!”

“ But what could be worse than what Ijust did?"

“有什么还比我刚刚所做的更糟呢?"

"I'm afraid, Father, that he gave me the clap."

“恐怕，神父，他把淋病传染给我了。”

迟到的原因The Reason of Being Late

Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?

Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.

老师：约翰尼，为什么你每天早晨都迟到?

约翰尼：每当我经过学校附近的拐角处，就见路牌上写着‘学校-缓行’。

又短又好笑的英语笑话

总是有些时候莫名其妙的不开心，心情不佳的时候就会办什么都不在状态，你会这样么?这里我收集整理了又短又好笑的英语笑话，让你的心情速速好起来。

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.

He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and starte.

A highly timid little man, Casper Milquetoast, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, 'Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?'

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, 'It's my dog. Why?'

'Well,' squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, 'I believe my dog just killed it, sir.'

'What?' roared the big man in disbelief. 'What in the hell kind of dog do you have?'

'Sir,' answered the little man, 'It's a four week old puppy.'

'Bull!' roared the biker, 'How could your puppy kill my Doberman?'

'It appears that he choked on it, sir.'

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

中文：

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。

小约翰尼站了起来。

“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼?”老师问。

“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

Smith goes to see his boss in the front office. "Boss," he says: "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage."

"We're short-handed, Smith." the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

中文：

史密斯去找他的'老板。“老板，我们家明天有很重的工作要做，我妻子让我修阁楼和车库。”

“可我们很缺人，史密斯。”老板答道，“我不可能放你的假。”

“谢谢，老板。”史密斯说，“我就知道你会帮我。”

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."

The little girl went to the garage and asked "Dad, may I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said that Susie was in heat, and to come talk to you."

Dad said, " Bring Susie over here" He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear-end with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash.

Dad asked, "Where is Susie?"

The little girl said, "She will be here in a minute, she ran out of gas about halfway down the block and another dog is pushing her home."