用英语说的笑话

下面是我整理的一些关于经典 英语笑话 7篇，欢迎大家阅读!

经典英语笑话一：咒语

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

一个男人找到一个巫婆，要求她解开一条困扰了自己40年的咒语。

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

巫婆说："或许我可以做的到，但你必须一字不落地告诉我下咒的时候说的那句咒语。"

The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."

男人毫不犹豫的答道：“‘我现在宣布你们成为夫妇。’”

经典英语笑话二：世界各地的蹩脚英语

①If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself。

日本旅馆：如果您想调节您房间的温度，请控制您自己。

②Please don't feed the animals. If you have any food, please give it to the guard on duty。

匈牙利动物园：请不要给动物喂食。如果您有食品，请喂给值班警卫。

③Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar。

挪威酒吧：女士们不要在酒吧里生孩子。

④Fur coats made for ladies from their skins。

瑞典皮货商店：为女士们制作的皮大衣，是用她们的皮制成的。

⑤Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists 。

香港牙科诊所：由最新的卫理公会教徒给您拔牙。

⑥Drop your trousers here for best results。

泰国的干洗店：在这里脱掉您的裤子，等待最好的结果。

⑦Specialist in women and other diseases。

意大利妇科诊所：我们是women和其他疾病的专家。

⑧Welcome to the cemetery where famous Russian artists are buried daily except Thursday。

俄国公墓：欢迎访问这个公墓，许多著名的俄国艺术家每天埋在这里，但星期四不埋。

⑨We take your bags and send them in all directions。

丹麦机场：我们将拿走您的行李，送往四面八方。

⑩The manager has personally passed all water served here。

墨西哥旅馆：旅馆经理将亲自为您撒尿。

经典英语笑话三：送出去还有的东西

What can Santa give away and still keep?

Answer: a cold.

什么东西圣诞老人可以分送出去，自己却也还留着?

答案：感冒。

经典英语笑话四：圣诞老人的 爱好

What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?

Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么?

答案：锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意，ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)

铅笔

What do you do if one of Santa’s reindeer swallows your pencil?

Answer: use a pen.

若圣诞老人的驯鹿吃掉你的铅笔该怎么办?

答案：用原子笔

经典英语笑话五：1000元的脑筋急转弯

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.

Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?

圣诞节 前夕，圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯，门还未开前，三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票，猜猜谁会将它捡起?

Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!

答案：当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么?因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。

经典英语笑话六：Cry

"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

"But has he finished his own cake?"

"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

“汤姆，你弟弟怎么了?” 妈妈在厨房里问。“他在哭。”

“没事儿，妈妈，”汤姆答道。“我在吃我的 蛋糕 。他哭是因为我不给他吃。”

“他已经吃完自己的了么?”

“是的。”“我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。”

经典英语笑话七：可怜的男人

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

Bartender: "That should make you happy."

The man: "No, the month is up today!"

一个男人坐在酒吧里，伤心至极。

酒吧招待：“你怎么了?跟老婆闹矛盾了?”

男人：“我们吵了一架，她说一个月都不跟我说话。”

酒吧招待：“那你应该高兴才是啊!”

男人：“不，今天是这个月的最后一天。”

经典英文笑话大全

经典英文笑话大全一：

A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.

一位法官问我们这群修补陪审员是否有人应当免权。一个人举起了手。"I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge.

“我的左耳听不见。”那人告诉法官。"Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head.

“你的右边耳朵听得见吗?”法官问道。那人点了点头。"You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time."

“你将被允许加入陪审团，”法官宣布。“我们每次只听一面之辞。”

经典英文笑话大全二：

The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.

一个形迹可疑的人开车来到边境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在检查汽车行李箱时，惊奇地发现了六个接缝处鼓得紧绷绷的大口袋。

"What's in here?" he asked.

“里面装的是什么?”他问道。

"Dirt," the driver replied.

“土。”司机回答。

"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."

“把袋子拿出来”，哨兵命令道：“我要检查。”

Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.

那人顺从地把口袋搬了出来。确实，口袋里除了土以外，别无他特。哨兵很不情愿地让他通过了。

A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.

一周后，那人又来了，哨兵再次检查汽车上的行李箱。

"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.

“这次袋子里装的'是什么?”他问道。

"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.

“土，又运了一些土。”那人回答。

Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.

哨兵不相信，对那些袋子又进行了检查，结果发现，除了土以外，仍旧一无所获。

The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender.

同样的事情每周重演一次，一共持续了六个月。最后，哨兵被弄得灰心丧气，干脆辞职去当了酒吧侍者。

Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."

有天夜里，那个形迹可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧，下车喝酒。那位从前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说，“我说，老兄，你要是能帮我一个忙，今晚的酒就归我请客。你能不能告诉我，那段时间你到底在走私什么东西?”

Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars."

那人俯身过来，凑近侍者的耳朵，裂开嘴笑嘻嘻地说：“汽车。”

经典英文笑话大全三：

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.

那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉?”他问。

"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。

"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?"

“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早?”

"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。