英语长篇幽默故事

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英语长篇笑话故事（通用7篇）

故事是一种文体，它是通过叙述的方式讲一个带有寓意的事件，那你知道关于讲述“笑话故事”有哪些吗？下面是我为大家整理的英语长篇笑话故事，仅供参考，欢迎大家阅读。

A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?

一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗?

A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?"

The oldest son replied: "Father, Ill eat it all!"

The father then said: "Tomorrow Im going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?"

The same son answered: "Father,Ill eat it all!"

The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?"

The oldest son answered again: "Its always me, always me. Now its someone elses turn to volunteer!"

总是我

一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢?”

大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”

父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一口猪，谁要吃呢?”

又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”

父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢?”

大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其他人来做吧。”

Good news: Two boys went out climbing trees.好消息：两名男童出去爬树。

Bad news: wone of them fell out.坏消息：其中有一人摔下来了。

Good news: There was a hammockbeneathhim.好消息：他下面有一个吊床。

Bad news: There was a rakebeside the hammock.坏消息：吊床旁边有一个耙子。

Good news: He missed the rake.好消息：他和耙子擦肩而过。

Bad news: He missed the hammock too !坏消息：他也和吊床擦肩而过！

The squad（班，小队） were having "visual training". One smart recruit（新兵，招募） was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field. The party was so faraway（遥远的，恍惚的） that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly（迅速地） the recruit replied：

"Sixteen men and a sergeant（中士，军士） , sir."

"Right, but how do you know there's a sergeant there?"

"He's not doing any digging, sir."

班里正在进行“视力训练”。一个聪明伶俐的新兵被班长叫出来数远处旷野上采掘队的人数。采掘队在很远的地方，那些人看起来只是一些小点儿。但是这个新兵毫不犹豫地回答。

“十六个兵外加一个中士，长官。”

“正确，可是你怎么知道那儿有一个中士？”

“他不干活，长官。”

不必再看眼科医生了

It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.

我己经很多年没做眼睛检查了。我妻子总是催我去挂个号。她越是督我，我越是耽搁不去。最后，她替我挂了个号。

The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,

在我去见医生的前一天，我的.情绪特别好。我对妻于又是亲又是抱，还说她是我眼里最漂亮的女人.

"That does it,”she said.“I'm canceling your appointment."

她说:“这回眼睛没问题了，那我现在就去把号退了。”

After my husband，John，and I moved to Michigan from Nebraska，our new friends，proud of their beautiful tree一lined roads，teased us about the Mid-west's dull，flat，treeless land. When my parents，Nebraska farmers，visited us，I asked them about their trip.

我和丈夫约翰从内布拉斯加搬到密西根后，我们新认识的朋友们总为他们美丽的林荫大过引以为荣.他们嘲讽我们的中西部平原荒凉、贫瘩，连株枯树都没有。后来我父母从内布拉斯加的老家来看我们，我问他们对旅途的感受。

What a boring drive，"my father replied."Once you get to Michigan, there's nothing to see but trees."

我父亲抱怨着:“枯澡，乏味，一进入密西根，除了树什么都没有。”

The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a story. From time to time, she would take her eyes’ off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.

小女孩坐在祖父的膝上读故事。她时不时的从书上转移视线抬起头来碰到他褶皱的脸。随后她摸摸自己的脸颊又回去摸摸祖父的。

Finally she spoke, "Granddaddy, did God make you?"

最后她问：“爷爷，是上帝创造的你吗？”

"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

“是啊，甜心。”他回答道：“上帝很久前创造出了我。”

"Oh" she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?"

“喔。”她回答。接着又问道：“爷爷，上帝也创造了我吗？”

"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."

“是啊，当然了宝贝。”他向她保证：“上帝只是不久前创造的你。”

"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"

“喔。”她回答。又分别感受了两人的脸颊，边观察边说：“上帝的技术越来越好了，是不？”

下面是我整理的15则经典英语幽默 故事 ，欢迎大家阅读!

英语幽默故事1.

A: Madam, do you have something in common with your husband?

B: Oh, we have only one point in common—we got married on the same day, in the same month and in the same year.

英语幽默故事2.

After spending all day watching football, Harry fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the night in the chair. In the morning, his wife woke him up. “ Get up, dear,” she said, “ It’s 20 to seven.”

He awoke with a start. “ In whose favor?”

英语幽默故事3.

The miserly millionaire called a family conference, “ I’m placing a box of money in the attic,” he said.” When I die, I intend to grab it on my way up to heaven. See to it that no one touches it until it’s my time too go.”

The family respected his wishes. After his death, the millionaire’s wife looked in the attic. The box was still there. “ THE FOOL!” she said. ”I told him he should have put it in the basement.”

英语幽默故事4.

On the way home from my university, I was going to drop off a friend at her home, when I realized I was lost. I asked her for directions. She said she was not sure of the route. Hoping to jog her memory, I asked, “ what route does your father take when drives you to school?” She didn’t know. I thought it might simplify things if I rephrased the question.” When you go home, which way does he go?”

“ Oh, that’s easy,” she replied. “ He goes back the same way he came.”

英语幽默故事5.

During my second year at university I was having trouble deciding on my major. In a agonizing discussion with my adviser, I decided to double major in astrophysics and theater. Getting up to leave, I said, “ Thanks for your help. But what am I going to do once I graduate?”

My adviser shrugged,“ You could be a star,” he said.

英语幽默故事6.

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest’s plate.

The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said, “ You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?”

“ In the rat trap, sir,” replied the boy.

英语幽默故事7.

One professor solemnly addressed the class the day after a big assignment had been due. “ Many of you know me,” he intoned. “And many of you have met my dog, Gus. Obviously, one of you has not.”

“ I apologize to whoever slipped a term paper under my office door,” he continued. “ My dog ate your homework.”

英语幽默故事8.

Just before graduation from university, my son and several friends were discussing the role their families had played in their career plans. My son, who had been accepted by a college of optometry, had been quiet during most of the talk.

“ How about you, Dale?” one of his buddies asked. “ Was you pushy?

“ No, he replied. “ I had complete freedom of choice. I could be any kind of doctor I wanted to be.”

英语幽默故事9.

During my first year at Naval Postgraduate School, I sat chatting one day with some classmates about the program’s difficulties. A professor overheard us and tried to allay our fears. “Don’t worry too much about grades,” he explained. “ When you think you know everything, they give you a Bachelor’s degree. Then when you realize that you don’t know anything, they give you a Master’s, and when you find out that you don’t know anything, but neither does anyone else” he continued,” they give you a doctorate.”

英语幽默故事10.

Recently engaged, I asked my aunt, who has been married to Uncle Bob for 34 years, what she thought was the key to the success of their long union. She said, “ Try not to argue, and we respect each other’s privacy.”

At this point Uncle Bob interrupted. “ She works days and I work nights,” he said.

英语幽默故事11.

About two weeks before our fifth anniversary of marriage, my husband asked what I would like for a gift. I told him I wanted something impractical and romantic.

On our anniversary night, he presented me with a lovely gold bracelet. “ A little four-letter word made me get this for you,” he said softly.

“Oh, how sweet,” I whispered. “L-O-V-E?’

“No,’ he replied. “S-A-l-E.”

英语幽默故事12.

A: Oh, how nice your bookshelf is! But it’s a pity that it is empty without any books in it.

B: I had no bookshelf in the past. In order to buy the bookshelf, I have sold all my books. Don’t you know?

英语幽默故事13.

M: Do you love your bride?

Bridegroom: Yes, of course. I love her very much.

M: Are you willing to accompany with your husband forever?

Bride (with head shaking repeatedly): Of course not. He is a postman, how can I accompany with him all the whole day?

英语幽默故事14.

“Joe is the man for me,” said a starry-eyed young lady to her mother, “ He’s nice. He’s handsome. He’s smart. He’s hardworking. He’s strong. He’s kind…..”

“He’s married” interrupted her mother.

“ So nobody is perfect.”

英语幽默故事15.

A tobacco-company executive traveled the country looking for long-time smoker in good health. He found one man who admitted to smoking for 70 years. “ If you do a commercial for us,” the executive explained. “ We’ll pay you $10,000.”

“It’s a deal,” said the smoker. “When do I start?”

“How about 10 A.M. Tomorrow?”

“Can’t do it then, son—I never quit coughing till noon.”