There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That‟s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That‟s why he‟s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don‟t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him „The Boss.‟”
Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.
Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?
Student:In the cake,Sir.
鸡蛋在哪里?
老师:你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗?
学生:可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。
老师:“鸡蛋”在哪?
学生:在蛋糕里,先生
Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket. But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here,but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”
After Keaop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it." “孩子,你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了吗?”
“没有,老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进,一个耳朵里出,所以我要把它堵在里面。”
“I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
“Twenty d ollars! Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
“Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
“对不起,夫人,为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”
“20美元!为什么?不是说好只要4美元。”
“是的,但是你的孩子大喊大叫,把另外四个病人吓跑了。” TWO: Teacher:We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now,can anyone give me a good example?
John:Well ,in the summer the days are long,and in the winter the days are short.
老师:我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在,谁给我举个例子?
约翰:嗯,在夏天天都长,在冬天天都短。
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"
"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust. He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river." He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the
apples, and he was gladto take them out of the dust and eat them. Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.
² “I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”
【“对不起,夫人,为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”】
“Twenty d ollars! Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”
【“20美元!为什么?不是说好只要4美元。”】
“Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”
【“是的,但是你的孩子大喊大叫,把另外四个病人吓跑了。”】
² Teacher:We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now,can anyone give me a good example?
【老师:我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在,谁给我举个例子?】
² John:Well ,in the summer the days are long,and in the winter the days are short.
【约翰:嗯,在夏天天都长,在冬天天都短。】
² One day,a little m is playing by the well.
【一天,有只小猴子在井边玩儿。】
He looks in the well and shouts :
【它往井里一瞧,高喊道:】
“Oh!My god!The moon has fallen into the well!”
【“噢!我的天!月亮掉到井里头啦!”】
An older ms runs over, takes a look,and says,
【一只大猴子跑来一看,说,】
“Goodness me!The moon is really in the water!”
简单的英语小故事
A bird was confined in a cage outside a window. She often sang at night when all other birds were asleep.
One night a bat came. He asked the bird why she was silent by day and sang only at night.
The bird answered, “Last year when I was singing in the daytime, a bird catcher heard my voice and caught me in his net.Since then I have never sung by day.”
The bat replied, "But it is useless to do this now that you have become a prisoner." Then he flew away.
A poor pig Danny is a little pig . He is unhappy because he wants to leave home to see the world . It’s a sunny day . Danny goes away when his parents are sleeping . on his way he meets an elephant , a peacock and a rabbit . At last , he gets to a lake . He looks at his reflection in the water and says, “I wish I have an elephant’s nose , a peacock’s tail and a rabbit’s ears .” after a while , Danny’s wish comes true . He runs back excitedly . But his parents can’t recognize Danny , “Go away , you’re not our son .” Danny goes to the lake again . “ I just want to be a pig .” He says sadly .Danny waits and waits . He becomes a pig again . Danny runs back quickly . His parents hug and say , “ This is our lovely baby .” 可怜的小猪 丹尼是只小猪,为此他很不开心,他希望自己能够拥有大象的鼻子、孔雀的尾巴、小兔的耳朵。可是,当他的愿望实现的时候,爸爸妈妈却不认他了。可怜的小猪决定,还是变回自己原来的样子吧。
Weather PredictA film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm."This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."英文幽默故事五译文:天气预报一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴."印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."