二人英语对话搞笑

下面是我整理的2人幽默英语对话，希望对大家有帮助。

2人幽默英语对话1：

男: This seat empty?(这个座位是空的吧?)

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.(是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。)【我立马走人】

男：Haven''t I seen you some place before?(我好像以前在什么地方见过你?)

女：Yes. That''s why I don''t go there anymore.(是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。)【我不想和你有任何交集】

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?(这个星期六你想跟我出去吗?)

女：Sorry. I''m having a headache this weekend.(抱歉。这个周末我头疼)【^_^头疼也是可以预约的】

男：Can I have your name?(我能知道你的名字吗?)

女：Why? Don''t you already have one? (为什么?你不是已经有一个了吗?)

男：I''m a photographer. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)

女：I''m a plastic surgeon. I''ve been looking for a face like yours.(我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。)【长的真丑】

男：I think I could make you very happy.(我想我能让你非常快乐。)

女：Why? Are you leaving?(是吗?你是说你要离开?)【你能离开就是对我的仁慈】

2人幽默英语对话2：

男:Hello, I’m Ben. May I ask you some questions?

女:Sure.

男:What is your father’s name?

女:Happy!

男:Then, What is your mother’s name?

女:Smile!

男:Are you joking?

女:No! That’s my sister! I am Kidding. By the way, are you a census staff?

男:Of course not.

女:Go ahead.

男:OK. Your name is Kidding. Kidding, I'm going to start a

band. Will you join us?

女:Sure, Ben. I'd love to be in a band

男:OK, good. Which instrument do you play? I heard that you can play piano very well.

女:Piano? I don't play an instrument actually.

男:What are you good at?

女:I sing. I like music with great lyrics.

男: So do I. Who else do you think can join us?

女:Well, Dave is supposed to be a good one.

男:Really? What does he like?

女:He prefers quiet music.

男:Good. How about Harry? He plays the guitar, doesn’t he?

女:Yes, but Harry loves loud music such as disco .

男:That's OK. I often go to disco with my friends.

女:You mean we can play both loud music and quiet music?

男:Why not?

女:What kind of music style do you prefer, Ben?

男:Oh, I like music that I can dance to.

But we have one problem with our band

女:what is it?

男:I'm not a musician and I can't sing.

女:Are you joking?

男:No, that’s your sister’s name. Just now I was kidding.

女:Well, that makes sense?!

2人幽默英语对话3：

前台小姐：“you have what thing?”

你有什么事

老外：“can you speak english?” 你能说英语吗

前台小姐：“if i not speak english, i am speaking what?”如果我没在说英语，那我在说什么?

老外：“can anybody else speak english? ”有没有其他人会说

前台小姐：“you yourself look. all people are playing,no people have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go.”你自己看看，所有的人都在玩，没有人有时间，你可以等，你等，你不等，随你。

老外：“good heavens. anybody here can speak english?”上帝，这有人会说英语吗

前台小姐：“ shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing.”叫什么叫，安静一点，你在这里有什么事

老外：“i want to speak to your head.”我想要跟你的上司讲。

前台小姐：“head not zai.you tomorrow come.”头不在，你明天来。

与人进行具有幽默色彩的英语对话，这样的练习让我们更加有兴趣不是吗？大家不要忘了哦。下面我为大家带来双人英语对话，希望能博君一笑。

A:I want some envelopes,please.

B:Do you want the large size or the small size?

A:The large size,please.

Do you have any writing paper?

B:Yes,we do. I don't have any small pads.

I only have large ones.

Do you want a pad?

A:Yes,please.

And I want some glue

.B:A bottle of glue.

A:And I want a large box of chalk,too.

B:I only have small boxes.

Do want one?

A:No,thank you.

B:Is that all?

A:That's all,thank you.

B:What else do you want?

A:I want my change.

A:Tell me a little bit about yourself.

请介绍一下你自己.

B:My name is David and I live in Shanghai,I was born in 1980.My major was electrical engineering.

我叫David,住在上海,出身于1980年.我的专业是电子工程.

A:What kind of personality do you think you have?

你认为你有怎样的性格?

B:Well,I approach things very enthusiastically,I think,and I don't like to leave things half-done.I'm very organized and extremely capable.

嗯,我做事非常热心,我不喜欢把事情做一半.我非常有组织能力,也很能干.

A:What would you say are your weaknesses and strengths?

你的弱点和优点是什么?

B:Well,I'm afraid I'm a poor speaker,however I'm fully aware of this,so I've been studying how to speak in public.I suppose my strengths are I'm persistent and a fast-learner.

嗯,我不太擅长说话,我已经意识到这点,因此正在学习如何在公众场所说话.我想我的优点是很执着,而且学东西很快.

A:Do you have any licenses or certificates?

你有执照或资格证书吗?

B:I have a driver's license,and I am a CPA (Certified Public Accountant).

我有驾驶执照,我是注册会计师.

A:How do you relate to others?你和别人相处如何?

B:I'm very co-operative and have good teamwork spirit.

我能与人合作,富有团队精神

A:Hi B,any plans this Sunday?

B:Hi A,I need to do volunteer work at the hospital this Sunday.

A:That sounds interesting.What exactly is a volunteer?And what type of skills would you need?

B:A volunteer is simply a person who is willing to give some time to help.As far as skills,I don't think you really need any.Just a willingness to help.

A:But don't you need medical skills to volunteer at a hospital?

B:No.The volunteers at the hospital do not actually provide medical service.We do simple tasks such as bring meals to the patients' rooms,assist the hospital staff move a patient from one room to another room,or walk a patient out when he/she is being discharged.

A:I see.But I thought the hospital already has staff to do all that type of work?

B:Well,not all hospitals have the budget to hire so many staff.Therefore they rely on volunteers,such as myself,to come in during weekends to give a hand.

A:That sounds like a great thing to do.I would be interested in becoming a volunteer too!

B:That's easy.Just come with me this Sunday.I'll give you a call around 9am and we can meet at the bus stop.

A:OK!See you then.

A:Nowadays,it seems that everything is changing rapidly.

B:Sure,even the love.What do you think of love?

A:Usually,love refers to the passion between male and female.But generally speaking,it refers to the inner warm feeling between children and parents,wife and husband,even teachers and students.

B:Have you found that such kind of general love is changing?

A:Needless to say,it is also changing.Some of the love cannot be called love any longer.The relation between people is changing with the development of the society and the modern science as well.

B:An example?

A:Well,let's say love between a man and a lady.More and more young people are talking about houses,cars and income before their marriages.

B:I t sounds terrible.No pure love at all.

你选选吧经典对话一：男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。)经典对话二：男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）女：Why? Don’t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）经典对话三：男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）经典对话四：男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）经典对话五：男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）女：Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）经典对话六：男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）经典对话七： 男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）

一哥们去网吧上网，突然着急上厕所。厕所有人，这哥们就在门外等着，5分钟过去了，10分钟过去了，15分钟过去了……实在忍不住了，敲门:里面的哥们你能不能快点啊!里面的来了句：我擦，终于有人来了，哥们有没有纸?

今天我正在看碟，老妈又捧了本书进来，说道：给我讲讲这几句话什么意思 老妈：这个“i don’t know.“是什么意思？ 我说：“我不知道” 老妈：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！ 我说：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！ 老妈：还嘴硬！！！！$@％!#$^&％#$％@$％@#$％!^％^!^％$^#&..(一顿爆揍) 老妈：你在给我说说这个。“i know.“是什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。 我说：是“我知道“ 老妈：知道就快说。 我说：就是“我知道“ 老妈：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？ 我说：就是我知道呀！ 老妈：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂！&*$％^@$#!％$@^％#*$^^^##$％(又一顿爆揍) 老妈：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我在收拾你，你给我翻译一下“i know but i don’t want to tell you.“是什么意思？ 我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之时，我问老妈：这下你满意吧 这不她老人家又来问我了:“儿啊,i`m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me .是什么意思啊~“ 我:“我很烦,别烦我“ 老妈:“找打,跟你妈这么说话“(于是被扁) 老妈又问;“i hear nothing,repeat. 是what意思啊“ 我说:“我没听清,再说一次“ 老妈又说了一遍:i hear nothing,repeat“ “我没听清,再说一次“ 结果被扁 老妈再问:“what do you say “又怎么解释呢“ 我说:“你说什么“(再次被扁) 老妈再问:“look up in the dictionary“是何意啊’ 我说:“查字典“ “查字典我还问你做甚“(被扁) 老妈又问:you had better ask some body.怎么翻呢“ 我说:“你最好问别人“ “你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打.“ “啊!god save me !“ “上帝救救我吧!” “耍你老妈玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁) 我再问你:“use you head,then think it over,又是什么意思啊!“ 我说:“动动脑子,再仔细想想.“ “臭小子,还敢耍我“接着又要动手 我连忙说:“是世上只有妈妈好的意思” “嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”

One day, a village idiot won the first prize in the lottery(彩票). “How did you guess the lucky number?” asked his neighbor. “Well, three times, I dream of seven; so I figure it out that three times seven are twenty-four, and I bought the ticket with number 24 then I won the first prize.” “Why, you blamed fool (你这个傻瓜！). Three times seven is twenty-one not twenty-four.” “Is that so?” said the village idiot, Well, twenty-four won, anyway.”参考资料： 经典对话一： 男：Can I buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？） 女：Actually I’d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱。) 经典对话二： 男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？） 女：Why? Don’t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？） 经典对话三： 男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。） 女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。） 经典对话四： 男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？） 女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。） 经典对话五： 男：Haven’t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？） 女：Yes. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。） 经典对话六： 男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？） 女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。） 经典对话七： 男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。） 女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon... Demon: Why so glum?chum? Guy:?What do you think??I'm in hell. Demon:?Hell's not so bad.?We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man? Guy:?Sure,?I love to drink.?Love the drinks. Demon:?Well you're gonna love Mondays then.?On?Mondays that's all we do is drink.?Whiskey,?tequila,?Guinness,?wine coolers,?diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! Guy:?Gee炉hat sounds great. Demon:?You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it!?Love the smoking. Demon:?Alright!?You're gonna love Tuesdays.?We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out.?If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember? Guy:?Wow...that's...awesome! Demon:?I bet you like to gamble. Guy:?Why?yes?as a matter of fact?I do.?Love the gambling. Demon:?Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want.?Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever...?If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow. Demon:牋 You into drugs? Guy:?Are you kidding??Love drugs! You don't mean... Demon:?That's right!?Thursday is drug day.?Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack.?Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want烬nd if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares!?O.D.!! Guy:?Yowza!?I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!! Demon: You gay? Guy:?Uh?no. Demon:?Ooooh?(grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.