学英语闹出的笑话

有关英语的笑话大全

你知道学些笑话的好处么?当第一次见面的时候，总是有不知道该说什么的尴尬，这时候你就需要一些笑话，来缓解一下气氛呢，这里我为你收集整理了有关英语的笑话大全，希望能对你有所帮助哈!

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.

She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"

妻子睡了一小会儿后觉得自己好多了。而时间尚早，她也换了装去到舞会。她想到自己的丈夫并不知道自己换了什么装扮，于是打算偷偷观察一下丈夫在自己不在身边时的表现。

到了舞会，妻子看到丈夫在舞池中和不同的姑娘热舞。她跟着也加入其中，她的丈夫也和她跳起舞来。跟着他们离开舞池，再跟着%*#@!#%￥(少儿不宜，省略数百字)，而在期间，他们两人都没有摘下面具。

之后妻子就先回家了。她坐下来读书、有点幸灾乐祸地等丈夫回来，看他要如何解释。

跟着她的丈夫也回来了。她问：“今晚过的怎么样啊?”

丈夫答道：“啊~ 还是老一套，你知道的，你不在我怎么会开心呢?”

妻子又问：“你是不是跳了很多舞啊?”

他答：“我一支曲子都没跳，我到了那儿就遇到彼得、布朗和其他几个兄弟，接着我们就去休息室打扑克打了一晚上。不过我听说……借走我面具和服装的那个家伙今天晚上倒玩得挺开心的!”

Two Soldiers

Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"

Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.

Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.

Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"

Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.

George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.

"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.

George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"

两个士兵

军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”

比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。

乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的.笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。

这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”

比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。

乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。

“你还要什么?”比尔问。

乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”

A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”

The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”

“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met a lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

医生在里维埃拉度假时遇到他的一位律师朋友，医生问他怎么会到这里来。

The lawyer replied, " I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything. What are you doing here?"

律师回答：“我到这里是因为我的房子被火烧了，保险公司赔偿了我所有的损失。”

"That's quite a coincidence," said the doctor "I'm here because my house were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

“真巧，”医生说，“我是因为房子被洪水冲垮了，保险公司也赔偿了我所有的损失。”

The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"

律师看起来有些困惑，他问“哎呀!你是怎么引起洪水的?”

1、爆笑英语小笑话1：Who are stupid？谁蠢？

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid stand up!”

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said “Do you think you’re stupid Johnny?”

“No ma’am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。

小约翰尼站了起来。

“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。

“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

2、爆笑英语小笑话2：A great man一名伟人

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a greatman if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？

学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

3、爆笑英语小笑话3：Two Cute dogs

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper “Does

your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says “No my dog does not bite.”

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch” he says “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”

The shopkeeper replies “That is not my dog.”

一个男人走进了一家商店，看到了一个可爱的小狗，于是他问店主：“你的狗咬人吗？”

店主说：“不，我的狗不咬人。”

这个男人就试图抚摸狗，然后狗咬了他。“哎呀”他说：“我还以为你说你的狗不咬人呢！”

店主和他说：“那不是我的狗。”

4、爆笑英语小笑话4：Four gold teeth四颗金牙

6.Policeman: Why didn’t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth they’d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？

男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

5、爆笑英语小笑话5：Barking dogs don’t bite吠狗不咬人

The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

“It’s all right” said a gentleman “don’t be afraid. Don’t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don’t bite?”

“Ah yes” answered the little girl. “I know the proverb but does the dog know the proverb too?”

一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”