英语笑话儿童

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。 英语笑话（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 英语笑话（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。” 英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。 英语笑话（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?" 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。 英语笑话（七）Advice for "Kid" A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid." 忠告“年轻者” 这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话， 千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。” 英语笑话（八）Which woman? One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield." My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?" 哪一位女人？ 一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。” 我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？” 英语笑话（九）The doctor lives downstairs "Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs." 医生住在楼下 “医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。 “我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。” 他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。” 英语笑话（十）One Engine Left A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult." Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late." At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!" 只剩一个引擎 一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。

1、爆笑英语小笑话1：Who are stupid？谁蠢？

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid stand up!”

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said “Do you think you’re stupid Johnny?”

“No ma’am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。

小约翰尼站了起来。

“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。

“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

2、爆笑英语小笑话2：A great man一名伟人

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a greatman if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？

学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

3、爆笑英语小笑话3：Two Cute dogs

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper “Does

your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says “No my dog does not bite.”

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch” he says “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”

The shopkeeper replies “That is not my dog.”

一个男人走进了一家商店，看到了一个可爱的小狗，于是他问店主：“你的狗咬人吗？”

店主说：“不，我的狗不咬人。”

这个男人就试图抚摸狗，然后狗咬了他。“哎呀”他说：“我还以为你说你的狗不咬人呢！”

店主和他说：“那不是我的狗。”

4、爆笑英语小笑话4：Four gold teeth四颗金牙

6.Policeman: Why didn’t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth they’d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？

男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

5、爆笑英语小笑话5：Barking dogs don’t bite吠狗不咬人

The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

“It’s all right” said a gentleman “don’t be afraid. Don’t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don’t bite?”

“Ah yes” answered the little girl. “I know the proverb but does the dog know the proverb too?”

一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”

英语小笑话小学

笑话会给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点，那大家知道有哪些笑话呢？本文是我为大家收集整理的英语小笑话小学，欢迎参考借鉴。

英语小笑话小学一

Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

Tom: Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go Slow" .

老师：汤姆，你为什么每天上学迟到？

汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着：“学校——慢行”。

英语小笑话小学二

A man goes to church and starts talking to God.

He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", than the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" .

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话。他问："主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答："一便士"，男子又问："那一百万年呢?"上帝说："一秒钟"，最后男子请求道："上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答："过一秒钟"。

英语小笑话小学三

Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.

When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”

“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”

妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的'火柴。

汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”

“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”

英语小笑话小学四

Father: Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.

Susie: That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!

父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。

苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。