修改前后对比英文

BEFORE改善前 AFTER改善后

对不起大家，因为字数超过限制，所以我又换个号过来加字数第二篇 是雅思考官帮我修改后的文章Should children be given pocket money?Over recent years parents have given their children an increasing amount of pocket money. According to the China Daily newspaper, the majority of people surveyed agreed that children should be given pocket money. Before presenting my view, I will explore both sides of this issue.Some parents believe that their children can benefit from being given pocket money. First of all, having some money can help children foster good habits of saving. If children are disciplined and can budget their money, they can plan how best to spend their money through making a list. Secondly, parents provide more freedom to their children by giving them money, which may help cultivate independence and develop a sense of responsibility. Last but not the least, because of pocket money, children can set goals and work towards achieving their goals, teaching them important life lessons.On the other hand, there are people contending that children should not be given an allowance. Firstly, a child who is focused on school work should not have allowance, for the reason that money may distract the child from their studies. For example, if a child has money, they might decide to spend it on computer games, going out with their friends or going shopping. Secondly, children are not mature, and may be vulnerable to some social evils and could easily go astray. They are not able to distinguish right from wrong. Their pocket money could be used in playing games, gambling or even drug-taking. Thirdly, children might compare their allowance in school with others, which may cause social and psychological problems.From above discussion, if I am asked to make a choice I would not hesitate to side with the first argument that children should be given an allowance. However, the parents should teach their children that money is hard-earned, and then set examples in order to give them guidance of how to use their money correctly.谢谢大家了

before improve,after improve

altered photo例句：这就意味着：你不能更改版权信息、修改照片，不能在logo（你拥有logo版权）中使用照片、不能转售照片。This means you cannot remove the copyright information, alter the photo, use it as part of a logo that you own a copyright, or resale the image as your own.摄影技术出现至今，为了宣传目的而修改照片的做法就一直伴随着我们；The alteration of photos for propaganda purposes has been with us as long as photography itself.

Should children be given pocket money?Recent years has（have改为has）witnessed that increasing numbers of parents tend to give their children a handsome sum of allowance. In accordance with China Daily, the majority of surveyed people illustrated that children should be given pocket money。（原句 Before presenting。。。破坏了上下文的连贯性，省去）They believe that their children can reap a lot of benefits from （being provided在此看起来累赘，省去）the pocket money. First of all, having some money can help children foster good habits of saving。If children are disciplined and budget the money accordingly, they will plan the method they want to spend through making a list. Secondly, parents provide more freedom for（to改为for） their children by giving money, which may help cultivate their（加上their）independence and（cultivate 也可修饰 responsibilities，故省去develop sense of使句子更紧凑） responsibilities. Last but not （the省去） least, with the help of（because of改为with the help of更贴切）the pocket money, children can set up （加上up）theirs goals and struggle for them（此处with those指代不明，改为 for them，意即“为目标而奋斗”）,and（加上连词and使句子完整） having more allowance can decrease the number of obstacles in life.On the other hand, there are（此处漏了are）still some people contending that children should not be given allowance. Firstly, someone who is focused on school work may not have allowance, for the reason that incorrectly spending ways is simply taking away too much time from study（studying改为study）, namely, it can cut into their studies. Secondly, children are not mature enough to be （有了enough，不用so that they are）vulnerable to some social evils and may easily go astray. They can not distinguish the right or the（加上the） wrong, so （加上so使句子完整）the money may be used in playing games, gambling and（or改为and）even drug-taking. Thirdly, it is easy to see students’（加上’） comparing their allowance in school with others, which may cause psychological problems.From above discussion, if I am asked to make a choice， I will （would改为will） not hesitate to support the first view（side with the former one改为support the first view）. However, the parents should tell（teach改为tell） their children the money is hard-earned, and then set examples for them。（in order to give them moral guidance of how to spend money correctly.显得重复累赘，省去）