英语谐音的笑话

恩，不知道这个算不算。《best time 》theater:when is the best time to pick the fruit from the trees?student:when the watchman is not here.翻译：《最佳时间》老师：从树上摘水果的最佳时间是什么时候？学生：当看守人不在的时候。

Two Lines In HeavenEverybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines.One line for the men that dominated their women on earthand the other line for the men that were whipped by their women.Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."Said and done, and there are two lines. The line of the menthat were whipped was 100 miles long,and the line of men that dominated women, there was only one man.God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves.I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates.Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud.Learn from him! Tell them, my son,how did you manage to be the only one on that line?"The man said, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."世上的每一个人都上了天堂 神说 :" 要男人分成两队 , 一是在世上控制女人的男人 ,另一是被女人鞭打的男人 .另外女子自成一队 , 跟着圣彼德去 ."队伍列好后 , 一是被女人鞭打的 ,有 100 英里长 , 一是在世上控制女人的 ,仅有一人 .神生气的说 :" 你们男人应该感到羞耻 ,我按照自己的形象创造了你们 ,而你们被女子鞭打 . 看看 , 我唯一的儿子 ,站着使我骄傲 . 你们应该向他学习 .告诉他们 , 儿子 ,你如何成为唯一站在这一队上的 ?"这男子回说 :" 我不知道 , 我太太叫我站在这的 !" Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top. " What's in your box?" asked the friend. "A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them." "But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend. "So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown. 猫和老鼠 布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。Did You Know Him?At a dinner party in the home of friends, our host mentioned his highschool alma mater. One of the guests asked him if he had been a student there at the same time as a particular vice principal. "I sure was!" answered the host. "He's the biggest jerk I've ever met. Did you know him too?" "Sort of," replied the guest. "My mother married him last Saturday."你认识他吗？在朋友家的一次宴会上，主人提起一位高中时的校友。一位客人问他读书期间，某位副校长是否也在职。 “当然了，”主人答道。“他是我见过的最大的混蛋。你也认识他吗？” “有点认识，”客人回答。“我妈妈上周六嫁给了他。”

一家陕西人在纽约唐人街开了家餐馆，儿子当服务生，老妈管收钱，老爸做大厨。某一天，店里来了个老外，点了个套餐，吃到一半， " 咣当 " ，把汤碗打了。 儿子跑过去看了一下，说： " 碗打了！ " 老外想： " one dollar,... ..." 老妈听见声音，也过来看，见地上有个破碗，问： " 谁打的？ " 老外想： " three dollar?... ..." 儿子说： " 他打的！ " 老外想： " ten dollar?! ... ..." 老妈又说： " 还得打一碗！ " 老外想： " hundred and one?!?! ... ..." 老爸正在厨房切菜，听见外面的声音，赶忙跑出来看怎么回事。忙乱中，忘了把菜刀放下。 五大三粗的老爸，手持菜刀站在餐厅里，老外一看，心跳加速，血压急升，但更让他心碎加崩溃的是老爸的一番话。 老爸对着正在加热炉上舀汤的儿子说： " 烫，少盛点儿！ " 老外： " ten thousand?!!

谐音英语笑话大全笑破你的肚子

同学们都闹出过怎样的笑话?不妨道来大家听听我为您整理的英语笑话。

You don’t have to pay for lightning

Teacher：Who can tell me the difference between lightning and electricity?

Student：You don’ t have to pay for lightning.

闪电不用付钱

老师：谁能告诉我闪电与电的区别?

学生：闪电不用付钱。

H o n e s t y

A man who is driving a car stopped by a police officer.The following exchange takes place...

Man：What's the problem，officer?

Officer：You were going at least 75in a 55zone.

Man：No，sir，I was going 65.

Wife：Oh，Harry.You were going 80.(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Officer：I' m also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight.

Man：Broken taillight?I didn't know about a broken taillight。

Wife：Oh Harry，you've known about that tail for weeks.(Man gives his wife another dirty look.)

Officer：I' m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man：Oh，I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife：Oh，Harry，you never wear your seat belt.

Man：Shut your dang mouth。

Officer：(Turns to the woman)：Ma ' am，does your husband talk to you this way all the time?

Wife：No，only when he's drunk.

诚 实

警官让一位驾车的男士停下车。随后出现如下的对话：

男士：警官，有什么问题?

警官：你在限速55英里的地段开到至少75英里。

男士：不，长官，是65英里。

妻子：啊，哈里，你刚才开到80英里。(男士瞪了妻子一眼。)

警官：我还要给你张罚单，你的.尾灯碎了。

男士：尾灯碎了?你不说，我还真不知道尾灯碎了。

妻子：哦，哈里，几个星期以前你就知道了。(男士又恶狠狠地瞪了她一眼。)

警官：我还要给你张传票，你没系安全带。

男士：噢，你朝我车走过来的时候我才解开的。

妻子：啊，哈里，你从来都不系安全带。

男士：闭上你的臭嘴。

警官：(转向女士)夫人，你丈夫总是这样跟你说话吗?

妻子：不，只有当他醉了的时候。

He must have a computer

A mother was teaching her 5-year-old son about God. “Do you know, ”she said to him one day, “that God knows where everybody is all the time, and exactly what they are doing. ”The little boy looked at his mother wide-eyed and said, “Wow. He must have a computer.”

他一定有台电脑

一位母亲给她5岁的儿子讲上帝。“你知道吗, ”有一天她对他说, “无论一个人在哪里, 在干什么事情, 上帝都知道。”小男孩睁大了眼睛看着他妈妈说, “哇。那他一定有一台电脑。”

Nice Try

My wife and I were stopped by a state policeman. He started to write up a speeding ticket. My wife, who’s a hair stylist, said, “If you let us off with a warning, I’ll give you a free haircut for a year. ”

The policeman removed his hat--and he was completely bald.

by Peter Orphanos

尝 试

我和妻子被警察拦住了，他给我们开一个超速的罚款单。我的妻子是一个发型设计师，于是她就对警察说，“如果你让我们免于警告，我就为你免费理发一年。”

警察脱下他的帽子——他是一个光头。

Who is Disgusting

First：“My neighbor is very disgusting，who moved here recently，he rang the bell of my house with a rush late at night.”

Second：“It is disgusting in faith，do you call the police?”

First：“No.I just take him as a madman，and continue to play my piano.”

谁可恶

甲：“我家新搬来的邻居好可恶，竟然深更半夜跑来猛按我家的门铃。”

乙：“的确可恶。你有没有报警?”

甲：“没有。我当他是疯子，继续弹我的琴。”

hou are you ? 怎么是你how old are you ?怎么老是你

蓝色的刀和蓝色的枪——刀枪不入（刀枪blue）

一位中国人到外国，然后有一天他开车看见了一起交通事故，接着警察来了。警察用英语问这起事故的情形。他就回答说："one carcome ，one car go.Two cars bump bump."

为什么蜘蛛侠是白人?因为spider man,“是白的人”.他也是一个失败的人,为什么?因为spider “失败的” man “人”.