
搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》演员表:西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿旁白道具:牛奶两袋,匕首一把,戒子一枚,纸屑若干。第一幕:决战紫荆城之颠旁白:A quiet village is covered with white snow .Birds are dancing in the cold .A man is walking along the street ,step by step .Wind is coming in silence.Another mysterious man approaches .Y与X相遇.X:oH ,I am sorry to knock you !Y:, Never mind baby.X:Excuse me, who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?X:Iamximenchuixue.Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!Y抱腿:Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!X:No, I must kill you !Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?Y突然站起冷冷的说:Don’t force me!X:Pardon!(Y拿出一袋牛奶)X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?Y:please drink it!X喝完牛奶:Thanks,Y:Do you still want to kill me ?X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?X:I’m sure I won’t!Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!X捂着肚子,蹲下(做痛苦状):Oach,Oach !Y大笑:HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit (一人路过,x起身跑过去)X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!X:Thanks,byebye.Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气,转头,看见 花满楼)Y:Who are you?H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !Y:You are right !H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my king,he will give what you want.Y:Yes,It’s very good.H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!第二幕:无间道H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! (指Y) this is yegucheng.K:sit down plese, yegucheng.Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?King:yes,I will.Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……Y:of course.美女出场M:hello,帅锅..K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.H走到Y前,《婚礼进行曲》起,H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?Y: Yes,I do.K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!(音乐停)X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!X:Forgive you? Why ?Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”!Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Y又拿出一袋牛奶)X:milk?I love you.K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(X上去抓住K)K:Fuck you. I must kill you!X:How can you kill me? haha……Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子,蹲下)M: oh,what happened?(看着X,做惊吓状)are you ok?(跑到西门吹雪身边)Y :do you want to go to wc?X:Yes,I……I…… do.Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away ! K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue.K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Xwill die.M扑倒在X的身边:X,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and tomorrow is a good beginning !K:what a moving story ! I was impressed !Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏,K吓跑.音乐《再见,警察》起)Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死,音乐停)(X咳,H扑到身边,电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起)M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .X:go home ! ?M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.M I promise . I will never let go(X死) ,M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !—来自于网络
“哦——!”怎么回事?为什么五(1)班教师这么热闹?原来,老师布置给了大家一个作业,让大家在周末拍一张照片,谁的最新奇,谁的就最好!同学们个个摩拳擦掌,兴奋不已。星期六,小番茄同学拿着他的相机,在大街上走着。边走边想:老师说要新奇,那么我就拍一张……一张滑稽的照片吧!可是……哪里有机会拍呢……“嘿嘿,小猴,翻跟斗!翻跟斗!……”不远处的一个院子里,有许多人在看小猴的表演,这时,小番茄眼前一亮:“耍猴不是很滑稽吗?说不定还有一些意外的收获呢!”于是,他一蹦一跳地跑了过去,正巧这时大家被小猴逗得哈哈大笑,而小猴也兴致正高,走钢丝走完了,又翻起了跟斗,这会儿又在转手帕……小番茄也跟着大家一起鼓掌。小猴也许太得意了,在骑独轮车时一不小心从车上摔了下来,上演了“猴啃泥”这出好戏。大家又一次笑了。这时,小猴急了,向主人扑去,希望得到一点“庇护”。主人不肯,打着小猴,叫小猴继续去演,小猴又不情愿,直叫唤。主人上去就是两鞭子,小猴和主人“打”了起来。小番茄立马把这“人猴大战”的场景拍了下来,兴致勃勃地回家了。星期一,在评讲课上,老师拿出了小番茄的照片,大家都笑得前仰后合,原来,小番茄一时激动,手抖了抖,只拍到了猴子的主人。不过,被老师表扬还是很开心的,他笑了。被我封为搞笑大王的小石,梳着短头发,当然是个男生,戴着一副眼镜,大大圆圆的眼睛总是全神贯注地盯着前方,眼睛比水晶葡萄还大,鼻梁高高的,额头也同样是高高的,仿佛刻满了智慧,嘴巴红得像熟透的樱桃,薄薄的两瓣。真不敢相信他那些搞笑的语言是出自他的口。那便是我的后桌——小石。有人对我的想法提出异议,他们说我们班的小智最爱搞笑,搞笑大王的王冠应该是他的。但从我的眼光看,我觉得“搞笑”对于小智并不适合,他只是淘气而已。当小石刚调到我后桌时,他遭到了很多白眼。因为他抢小玄的笔袋和口袋。所以,我们一直觉得他很坏,欺负女生。而每次他都用搞笑的语言还击我们。叮铃铃,上课了,同学们都已坐好,但是小石还在说话,后来他看别人不理他才默不作声。那节是心健课,老师讲课比矿泉水还平淡,我心里想:要是心健课像音乐课那样如雪碧一样符合我们的口味就好了。可能是因为太无聊,小石突然打了一个响响的嗝!!!我和小玄都皱着眉不约而同地看他,他却以为我们要夸奖他,于是用那种比小丑还滑稽的调子得意说了一句:“不要迷恋哥,哥只是个传说。”边说还边做了几个夸张的手势。“哦!My god!” 我把手放在额头上长吐一口气,眼睛往上一翻,舌头一伸,倒在椅子上。做了一个“标准”的休克姿态。
甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie
4人话剧 演员: P: Pirate-Grandson. M: Mother. F: Father. K: King -Grandpa. 旁白: There are 4 members in a family, Pirate, a 7-year-old naughty boy. His mummy is a beautiful white-collar worker. His dad, Andy Lau is a famous singer, and his dear grandpa, King is a kindly old man. Pirate loves his grandpa most, because King is very spoiling him. He hates his parents. Frankly speaking, he is afraid of them, Because they are very strict with him. . 正剧:(P,K出场) P: Old King, Open the TV, I want to see Tom and Jerry. I love that mouse. Quick! No time! I can’t wait another second. K: Oh dear! I nearly forget it. Don’t worry, I open it right now. (作开电视状) P: Ha Ha! It’s really funny! Tom is so good! (作高兴状) Oh no! “The End!” Where is Tom? I hate the end! (摔电视机,作极度气愤状) Old King!? (对K吼) K:Oh, what a pity dog! (作左顾右盼状) Your parents are not here ,and we can change another one ,our brave Pirate, just tell me. I’m sure your demand will be satisfied. (作充满自信状) P:Really! OK! Now, let’s watch Caribbean Pirates! K: Humm, No, it’s unfit for you…… (作犹豫状) P: I just like this film, Old King, you tell lies. You don’t keep your promise.(作气愤欲泣状) K; Oh yes, I play it for you. (作为难状) But please be quite, I’m afraid your parents wound not like us doing these. P: Don’t tell so much! I have been an adult man of 7 years old. I promise it to you. (作自豪自信状) K:OK. (作舒心,安慰状) P: Fight him, kill him. Throw these bad guys into the sea…… (高声喊) K: Xu …….. (作禁声状). Remember your promise, young adult man. P: Oh? What promise? I have forgotten it. (作天经地义状) K: Oh?! You are right(作理解状,因为Pirate一贯如此,出尔反尔) P: Old King. I give you an honorable mission. (作自豪状) Be my horse, and I will ride on your back , let’s help these people in dangerous situation, just like a brave knight.(作勇敢状) K: What! Ride on my back! Be your horse!!(作惊异状) P: Yes, your hearing is very good, any question? (作若无其事状) K: No, No, sound a good idea! Very good! You are a brave Pirate. Now come on my back. (作无奈状) P: (作高兴状,作跃上马背状) Hei! Let’s go! Kill all those bad men. Quick! Run quick! ....... (意气风发状) (M,F携手进场): P: Oh, my god! Mummy, Daddy! (A,D作慌忙状,挡在电视机前) M: Dad, what are you doing!? Naughty Pirate, isn’t your trick!? (作气愤状) P:(作阳痿状) Mummy, it’s not my fault. Old king let me massage his back. Hei Hei (作心虚状,以掩饰内心的恐惧) M: I don’t believe it. (作严肃状) Dad, isn’t really that? (询问K) K: Yes, of course, I can’t image a child only 5 year old, can massage so good. Oh……. (释然状,因为圆了我的谎) M: Really. I don’t believe the litter pirate can massage, who taught him. (作怀疑状) Dear, isn’t you ? F: No, I haven’t, but I decide to enjoy his massage another day, Do you think so, dear? M: Yes, really a good suggestion. (P,D作惊恐状。A:发抖,D:挥汗) (P挡着电视怕被M、F发现,K也为P作掩饰) P: Mummy, Do you feel a little cold? K: Yes, I can feel it. (边挥汗边说冷) M: No, it’s summer. Really hot, do you catch cold? P: No, No, just my feeling. (更加发抖,一不小心被B看到了电视) M: Pirate, what’s behind you? (疑问状) P: Oh, nothing, nothing! (作惊恐状) M: Move away .little Pirate! (作气愤状) P: Oh no! The storm will come. (捂脸作害怕状) M: Caribbean Pirate! What’s a bad film! Little Pirate!? (气愤状) P: Mummy, I surrender. (作投降状) M: Daddy ,this film is unfit for him , it is full of killing,force and negative passion, and it will let him become bad ! K: I know that, but I meat to let him watch Tom and Jerry and he like it very much. Yes? Pirate? (想转移话题与Pirate站在同一战线) P: Yes, a very clever mouse and a stupid cat. (作博学状) M: Dad, don’t let him watch so much TV, it wastes a lot of time, and it is bad for his eyesight. He may become short-sighted. (诚恳状)希望采纳